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Old 04-01-2004, 11:30 AM   #1
blake639raw
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Undertaker heading to NBA?
http://www.pwtorch.com/artman/publis...cle_7731.shtml

The New Jersey Nets today announced the signing of World Wrestling Entertainment competitor Mark "Undertaker" Calloway for the remainder of the season. Calloway, 6'10" and 328 pounds, last played organized basketball for Texas Wesleyan University in 1982. The Nets were in the market for a big man after releasing Dikembe Mutombo in October and unexpectedly losing Alonzo Mourning to retirement in November. New Jersey needed to upgrade its roster for the playoffs after failing to counter the low-post power of Shaquille O'Neal and Tim Duncan in the last two NBA Finals.

Calloway reportedly was inspired by the effort of WWE wrestler Brock Lesnar who decided to try out for the Minnesota Vikings despite not having played football since high school. Calloway also was disgruntled that WWE failed to give him main event status at the recent "Wrestlemania XX" event. Calloway's wife Sara told a Dallas reporter, "Mark's Wrestlemania record is a perfect 13 and 0. Why are they putting these midgets in the feature spots?"

Nets Vice President Rod Thorn announced at a news conference that Calloway signed for the veteran's minimum. Calloway said, "Shaq is a dead man if he thinks he can bring the diesel into my yard. I'll take him to old school with some of these soupbones," apparently referring to his forearms. Sources indicate that Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, also looking for an effective post presence, made efforts to sign Calloway and bring him back to his hometown. However, Calloway balked when Cuban suggested that Calloway emerge from a coffin during pregame introductions.

Reached for comment, NBA analyst Bill Walton pointed out that Calloway needs to prove that he can handle dominant big men. In 1993, Calloway was almost killed with a chloroform rag in Las Vegas by Jorge Gonzalez, the 7'6" former center for the Argentine national team. In October 2002, a confrontation with former Wichita State center Paul Wight led to career-threatening injuries. Fortunately, given the bumps and bruises that he will receive from the likes of Ben Wallace and Mutombo in the postseason, scouts say that Calloway has unnaturally rapid healing ability.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenny
The letters HHH are to wrestling what the letters HIV are to life
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Old 04-01-2004, 11:32 AM   #2
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Sara needs to shut her trap, whether this is an april fools or not
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Old 04-01-2004, 11:48 AM   #3
SuperSlim
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Sara- how dare she say that

but This obviously is April Fools
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Old 04-01-2004, 12:04 PM   #4
KaliKot
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DEAMNNNNNNNN
undertaker would tombstone tim duncan to death!
Off with his head!
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Old 04-01-2004, 12:20 PM   #5
Joe Kerr
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i was about to read it then I realised i have quality drinking time that would be taken away...obvoius April fools joke.
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Old 04-01-2004, 12:30 PM   #6
Lamuella
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*yawn* the april fools thing is played out.
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Old 04-01-2004, 12:32 PM   #7
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This sounds like the story I made up a couple of weeks ago when I said Austin was leaving WWE to be a Professional Hunter. At least I got people to believe it though.
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Old 04-01-2004, 01:51 PM   #8
Kane Knight
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This story was originally posted at www.beatingthejoketodeath.com/news/headlines/thisisntfunnyanymore.htm
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Old 04-01-2004, 01:53 PM   #9
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Undertaker in NBA
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Old 04-01-2004, 02:36 PM   #10
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The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Naitch got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
*posting up*

Shaq (to Taker): C'mon Sara, let's go Sara, shoot...

Taker: *chokeslame to Shaq*

foul!
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Old 04-01-2004, 04:06 PM   #11
Anybody Thrilla
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I thought it was pretty funny. Especially the Giant Gonzalez part.
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Old 04-01-2004, 08:37 PM   #12
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Hey, it was a funny article. It's only because there have been 99320029 of these that it's not.
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Old 04-01-2004, 09:27 PM   #13
Sensei Of Mattitude
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I'd like to see Hulk Hogan ask the crowd if he could bodyslam Shaq. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that would be good stuff.
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