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04-08-2004, 11:28 PM
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Ball So Hard University
Posts: 8,450
 
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SmackDown! - Captions (04/08/04)
 It took a cowboy hat and one hell of a promo to convince the WWE that Bradshaw was not... theweakestlink!  Vince: ...so then, I told him it was the Golden Box of Buried Gimmicks. You think he'll fall for it?  Scotty was having a great time in the ring, until he spotted someone in the crowd with a sign... "I Still Know What Rikishi Did Last SummerSlam."  SmackDown! aired into the USA for the first time from Japan, and the translation was a failure. --A.D. 2004 SMACKDOWN WAS BEGINNING.-- Rikishi: What happen! Scotty: Someone set up us the powerbomb. Rikishi: We get signal. Scotty: What!! Rikishi: Main TitanTron turn on. It's you. D'Von: How are you gentlemen. All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. Scotty: What you say!! Bubba: You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha Ha Ha Ha . . ! D'Von: Table and then them the wood!  Angle had copied Charlie's whopper for the last time.  Just when Jr. had the Illegal Immigrant Title secure, Cheech Marin came down and explained why he was late for the match. Ref: So I'm walking down the street, right, minding my own business... And then... I swear to God. And then there was this burning building. So I went inside, and I rescued a burning baby. And so I got burning baby all over my clothes, and that's what happened to my clothes.  Teddy Long wasn't happy with his new role as the Jobber nanny.  To add insult to injury, after Cena had the match won, he sent a cellular text message to his opponent: "u cant c me."  Cena: Haven't I been here before? Lt. Dan: God damnit Cena! Leave me! I'm supposed to die, with honor! Cena: You're not Lt. Dan... Lt. Dan: Yes I am, Lt. Dan Basham, and I demand you leave me behind with my men? Cena:   After a couple years of disgust, Big Show made a stand and took it upon himself to elevate RVD to where he belonged.  WWE used RVD to practice a new screwjob technique, in which after RVD got chokeslammed, the ref wouldn't ring the bell. Instead, he would hit an elbow drop on RVD.  Bush: Haha, I got it. I hacked into the votes. My competition won't stand a chance... Now let's see... (Stupified look, starts typing)  When Kurt asked Eddie if he wanted to be a contender for the All American trophy, Eddie just rolled his eyes and left. Very funny Kurt.  Teddy was going to take a stand. He was sick of all the retarded people in the WWE being white men.  Michael Jackson's first "Hug a Little Boy" foundation meeting was a success.  "All Dudley Dogs Go to Heaven" was a success.  The ref couldn't believe it, when all the sudden during the match, some Chihuahua from the crowd ran into the ring to hump Stamboli's leg!  Teddy: That's right, cracka. Frank and beans, mother ****er.  The WWE's playwrite of "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" was met with a bit of uncertainty.  Steve Berman: Alright, Eminem just died in a paintball gun war with ICP in Detroit. Which one of you wants to replace him?  Kurt: Does my breast feel lumpy to you? Come on, touch it! Bradshaw: Hmmm... Kurt: Do you feel anything? Bradshaw: Well yeah, I fe, erm, no... Cena: ... Bradshaw: John! Cena: IT WAS ALL JUST A BUNCH OF LINES WASN'T IT!  John Cena: Old Spice is where it is, you can apply it and it won't feel like sticky jizz. It glides on clear man it's extra smoothe, you won't smell funky like them other dudes. So go right now and get yourself a stick, and if you don't like it you can suck my-- Crowd: Fuck! Cena: ...  Goro finally fulfilled his childhood dream when he met a real NBA Basketball player.  Eddie would not comment when he was caught inside Trish's bra cup.  Eddie was the new lucky pick for MTV's "Pimp My Ride," hosted by Xzibit.  Eddie: What the hell!? I am the President of the United States!? (Somewhere in D.C.) Bush: God... Damnit! What is WRONG with this thing!? (Still typing)  Kurt and Bradshaw were done pretending, because everyone knew Steph McMahon's titties were homos.  Eddie Guerrero buried Eugene once and for all when he accepted the WWE "Special" Talent award.  Angle: Come on Eddie, what's in your pocket. Eddie: Oh, nothing, heh... Angle: Come on Eddie, quit playing around, I know you stole something of mine. Eddie: Oh, all right. (Pulls some bone spurs out of his pocket)  Eddie Guerrero had all sorts of things in his pocket to use as an illegal object, including the mummified penis of John Bobbit.  Eddie Guerrero as a Final Fantasy 1 character was a big success, with equipment such as S. Chair, WWE Belt. But if only the thief chose the right pillar to prove his courage, he could become a ninja.  (A few weeks earlier) Vince: All right everyone. To address the issue that we have lost so much talent, the WWE has decided to step up and push someone we felt needed a push all along. A person whose talent is unsurpassed in the WWE, who shows promising charisma, great technical skills, and is young and fresh enough to pioneer the WWE into the next generation. Ladies and gentlemen, I pick... Bradshaw! Bradshaw: 
   Last edited by Rock Bottom; 04-08-2004 at 11:59 PM. Reason: I cannot spell. |
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04-09-2004, 12:48 AM
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#2 |
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Cactus died for your sins
Posts: 1,002
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That FF1 caption is beautiful.
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04-09-2004, 02:09 AM
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#3 |
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Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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Bradshaw couldn't believe there was a wrestling fan who could count all the way to 100. D-Von was not impressed by Rikishi's Jim Carrey impression. There is no spoon Hass: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I LOOK LIKE CHRIS CATAN??? George Jefferson offers the ref 1,000,000 dollars to kiss Chavo. Spike: Hey man, that's no way to treat a lady. Shannon: Uhhh, Spike? Cena put on his invisible glove and unleashed his new finisher, the "5-Finger prostate check." John Cena was so confident in his proctology skills that he could do it behind his back. The ref stood there confused. Did pins against the glass ceiling count? ...And Sharpton still doesn't even place. Kurt: To the winer of this award, this lovely trophy. Runner up gets this shiny title belt, as modelled by Eddie Guerrero. Second Runner Up gets Eddie... Eddie: You didn't say nothing about that, Esse. Kurt: Shut up, or I'll call INS. There Cena stood, naked, only one man away from winning... Angle: Simon Says, raise your left hand. Doctor Bradshaw congratulated Kurt on the good news--His vestigial "W" was not cancerous. Eddie's lifelong dream had come true. Finally, he was Miss America! Eddie: I could pull a better trophy out of my ass, holmes! Kurt: Prove it! *several seconds later* Kurt:... Well, I'll be... Bradshaw, doing his impression of Neo from the Matrix... Ten minutes later... An hour after the TV equipment has been packed up... |
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04-09-2004, 02:13 AM
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#4 |
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Ball So Hard University
Posts: 8,450
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Inspired by KK:
Bradshaw: ...I know Kung-Fu! |
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04-09-2004, 02:16 AM
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#5 |
Posts: 18,357
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ROFLMAO at the KK's Matrix trio!!!
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04-09-2004, 02:42 AM
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#6 |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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Bradshaw: "And ah will be making an imp-... impa-... aw, damn, it's all smeared... Impasse? Imprint? Oh the hell with it, ah hate Mexicans!" Like the mighty baboon, Rikishi often frightened off his enemies by flashing his vibrant buttocks. Scotty's mime gimmick stalled when he couldn't find a way out of his invisible box. D-Von felt a whole lot more confident knowing that Flair was out in the crowd, giving them "Wooo!" When Charlie suddenly grew to be seven feet tall, Kurt realized that Charlie wasn't kidding when he said that he wouldn't like him if he was angry. Eddie: "A far off cry for help! Time to turn into... Latino Superman!" Lex Luthor: "I'm standing right behind you, you know." Say what you want about Theodore Long, but the man could freestyle like a motherf***er. Jindrak was horribly confused when Dave Chapelle jumped into his arms. Kurt: "Bachelor number one! If you were a vegetable, which one would you be?" Bradshaw: "A rutabaga, because... um.... because... er... ah hate Mexicans!" Kurt: "Oh my God! Ladies and gentlemen... Marky Mark and Garth Brooks!" Sure, everyone made fun of Eddie's portrait, but no one was laughing when it pulled out two lightsabers. The battle between Eddie and the two Johnny Fives suddenly got hardcore. The show ended on a high note as the Bradshawbot blew a fuse. |
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04-09-2004, 02:47 AM
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#7 | |
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Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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Quote:
I was trying to find a good way to work that into a mime joke, but fell flat on my face. This is gold man. |
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04-09-2004, 02:51 AM
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#8 |
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Posts: 18,357
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Afflicted with Hardcore Holly syndrome, Bradshaw found himself unable to light a match, but if anyone could help him, it was... EL CHUY!!!! Unfortunately, Rikishi and D-Von missed that memo about the XFL being a complete and utter failure. OR Here in the wild, we see a Devoneous Dudleyus preparing to help birth a Rikishius Fatueus. Those Rikishiuses are powerful shooters though, so we best stay back. It was quite obvious from this picture: Scotty did NOT know Kung Fu. Now the Invisible Crucifix can be yours for only $99.99! It even comes with instructions printed on impossible-to-miss lime green paper! Haas: "WHO DOES NUMBER 2 WORK FOR??? WHO DOES NUMBER 2 WORK FOR????" Angle: "Um, Haas, that's already been done." OR "I could have saved HOW much by switching to Geico???" Chavo Sr. gave Brian Hebner a public humiliation when he caught the ref "playing" with the Chavo Junior mannequin. Spike was thrilled to be a part of the Playa's Club, until he learned that it was basically a fancy way of saying he was Mark Henry's next snack. Cenancle: "Yoo stay down now, yoo undastan?" Danny Chan: "Yess, I undastand." Cenancle: "And ONE MORE THING..." *TWACK!* "Don evan theenk about no SELLing!!!" Having seen this scene many times before, referee Charles Robinson decided to busy himself and practice patting his head while rubbing his tummy. Big Show hated it when colorful angels' wings fell off and he had to reattach them... "Now do they go on this way... or this way?" Angle: "See? WWE polls are fair! They are NOT fixed!" Cena: "Yeah... not fixed..."  Eddie Guerrero was torn between emotions. On one hand, he couldn't possibly help destroy Superman, but on the other hand, that LexCorp reward trophy looked soooooo awesome. Tired of all the WWE logo jokes, Teddy decides to seize the logo and destroy it before it could do more harm. Stamboli never did pass that Heimlich Manuveur test. Stamboli's luck with attaching angel wings wasn't so good either. Hebner: "Dammit, stupid flies getting in the ring!" *SWAT!" Urkel! You did it! You did it!! You won the boxing match!!! Haas, Cena, and Bradshaw all presented great cases for the award, but no one was going to beat the mind control powers of Darth Maul, standing at the left. On the other hand, John Cena did have the... DOUBLE Touch of Death!!! Wheeerrrrrrrrererererrrrrr!!!!! Bradshaw never could hold a microphone and dribble a basketball at the same time. Cena was in a prone position. Bradshaw was behind him for back up. Now was the perfect opportunity for Kurt Angle, aka evil supervillain THE TICKLER to strike! Angle and Bradshaw's rendition of "Unchained Melody" didn't go well with the fans. "Here we gather today to say goodbye to Eddie Guerrero. A hardworking man, he was simply too popular for his own good. And so, one night, he went out drinking with Mr. McMahon near the backwaters of New Orleans, and 'had a little accident in the bogs,' and he was never seen again. May he rest..." All hell broke loose when the Classic Muscle Car came down to the ring and demanded ownership of the Great American Award. Eddie made a dramatic heel turn when he stole the trophy, put some nuclear secrets in it, and sold it to the Chinese. Angle: "Dammit Big Show and Stamboli! You're supposed to put the angel wings back on angels! Not this druken Al Gore look-a-like zombie hick!!!" In a touching moment, George Lopez accepts the WWE Lifetime Achievement Award for Comedy. Suddenly, Eddie's craving for chocolate award memorabilia strikes again. The real reason Booker T was angry at Eddie Guerrero and SmackDOWN! Tension mounted as the stipulations of the Eddie Guerrero/Kurt Angle Trophy match for the WWE Title were suddenly changed to Hardcore Rules. Bradshaw does his best Goldberg in a spelling bee impression. OR Bradshaw does his best George W. Bush impression. OR Bradshaw couldn't believe the Tigers were 4-0 either. OR Vince: "Hey Bradshaw, I want you to learn some new moves!" |
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04-09-2004, 02:54 AM
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#9 | |
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Posts: 18,357
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04-09-2004, 03:08 AM
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#10 |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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Wait a minute.... Tigers are 4-0?
Yessssssss!!!!!!!!! |
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04-09-2004, 05:09 AM
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#11 |
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TPWW's HHH Mark Since '04
Posts: 29,886
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The fan was scared when it was 1 AM and Bradshaw was taking a page out of Ric Flair's playbook.... Bradshaw(Drunk Voice): Whoooooooooooooo!....is it just me or is it cold in here *belch**Hiccup* D-Von had to stop the match when he had a flashback of how he met his half brother Bubba Ray.... *Wavy Fade Out* Bubba: Hey black dude... I am only in here for smashing mailboxes...so just get it over with.... D-Von: Scotty's Giant Handpuppet show did not go over so well once people realized it was actually "A Spike Lee Joint: Swan Lake" D-Von: I wonder if they know that we suck yet? Charlie: I am ready...just let me have my push back!! Kurt: Ummm...I am not Vince McMahon OR Triple H... Charlie: Damn it... Kurt: But while your here.... Charlie: Chavo Sr.: Damn it ref...you are botching the YMCA like Bradshaw on a clothesline! Chavo Jr.: I am tired of working with these damn idiots... Ref (to Chavo Sr.): It's not my fault i got the bad Evolution Kool-Aid! Spike: Teddy...i am so going to score tonight! Shannon: I am a boy damn it! Orlando: Well...either way Spike has one nice ass for a cracka' Shannon: .... John Cena had Danny Basham beat until he spontaniously broke out into a complete rendition of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" Basham and Cena knew they would finally stop Steven Richards with their Double-Team move the Leather F-U-etish. Even Big Show knew that the only way to beat RVD was to put him into the giant Mecha-Fly Swatter 5000x! Worst. Rock Bottom. Ever. Al Gore created the internet, but Kurt Angle created the Botched Internet Poll! Kurt: What's wrong Eddie? Eddie: The Belt talks to me... Kurt: Have you been hanging out with RVD again? Belty: Kill the infidel...squash him eddie...you know you want to... Eddie: Hey Kurt...what are you doing next year at WrestleMania? Belty: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Teddy tried to hold back his emotions as WWE logo asked him to marry it after his boxing match against Bart Gunn. The ref was not sure if the Double-Diarrhea Press was illegal so he asked Spike if he knew.... Johnny The Bull was very appreciative of Spike Dudley willing to help him with step aerobics. Johnny: Spike...that is not my leg your hooking... Spike: Oh...i thought you were Shannon Ref (to himself): This would be the perfect time to slap their ass and run away screaming...just like when Michael Ja....  WWE was truly a trendsetter when they aired the first Interracial Gay Marriage On National Television. Kurt: Today...we are going to play "What Doesn't Belong?!" 2 of these have something in common...one does not. What doesn't Belong?!?" Bradshaw: ME BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE ANY TALENT....hey wait.... John Cena had won the "Crunkest Belt Buckle" Contest. Charlie Haas was disappointed...but Bradshaw did not care because he had spent the day with ROB...VAN...DAM! And he was right...nobody does get higher that RVD! Bradshaw: Wait...Wait...Wait... I actually have to learn how to wrestle to keep my push? Kurt: Or go to Vince's Office... Bradshaw: Damn...decisions decisions... Kurt: Don't Squeeze the charmin... Bradshaw: Ah Darn pa...just once... Cena: How did you find out my nickname for my manly nipples? They stared into each others eyes as Mini-Cole and Mini-Tazz played violin. SmackDown!'s budget was blown for just one match with Triple H...so the Eddie's Passover party was cancelled for a Gawk-At-The-Illegal-Immigrant Party instead! The Great American Award showed its true colors when it debuted its new manager... giant exclamation point. Everyone was shocked by Eddie's mystery tag partner. Kurt: Bradshaw...look there is some talent. Bradshaw: So that's what it looks like... Eddie had to carry his tag partner on the mic, but at least the award could do one kick-ass 450 Shooting Star Press! The Miami Vice themed SmackDown! episode was a huge hit with the Latino focus groups! The things that Eagle would do for a push... Eddie's E-Bay addiction was starting to get the best of him. Bradsaw was not quite so sure if wanted to go to Vince McMahon's office when he had to go to "Pre-Push Prep Classes". Last edited by James Steele; 04-09-2004 at 11:04 PM. |
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04-09-2004, 05:38 AM
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#12 |
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Posts: 18,357
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Very nice at the end!
Now, if you could stop acting like an overexcited n00b, I could start to like you.  Oh yeah, and why the heck do you share the name of my architecture history teacher? 
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04-09-2004, 06:08 AM
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#13 |
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Cactus died for your sins
Posts: 1,002
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It's late, so I'm only doing a few...
Bradshaw was impressed. That was a helluva one-minute manicure. Haas: Why didn't you tell me those green shorts were ridiculous!? Charles Robinson was disappointed. He was going to have to call the Queer Eye guys in. Cena heard something about a flamer, so he naturally went into fireman mode. RVD got higher than ever with the help of this fatty. Big Show was pissed. RVD had sold him parsley as a joke. Eddie knew it. Kurt really knew it. But, when seconds later, the Eagle dropped dead, it was apparent to everyone what beans did to Eddie. Jindrak was puzzled, when, looking into the monitor, he saw Mick Foley in the stands. |
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04-09-2004, 03:43 PM
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#14 | |
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Posts: 18,357
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04-09-2004, 05:48 PM
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#15 |
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WOOOOOOOOO!
Posts: 12,237
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WWE was fast running out of ideas so they made a stable of your "typical whiteboys": The Yuppie, The Cowboy, and The Wigga Or Angle: So....Bradshaw....where are the rest of the Villiage people? |
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04-09-2004, 09:36 PM
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#16 |
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The Classic Dylan Staples
Posts: 51,452
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Eddie was so proud of his new supersize Burger King cup, he had to take it everywhere. (if you look closely next to Eddie's leg there is someting that resembles a cup/waterbottle.) |
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04-09-2004, 10:12 PM
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#17 |
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04-09-2004, 10:39 PM
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#18 |
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Bucky F'N Barnes
Posts: 599
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JBL: Now, I want you to watch very closely. There is nothing up my sleeve, correct? Well, voila! (pulls a main-event push out of nowhere) Audience Member: Rikishi just couldn’t keep a straight face whenever D’Von started quoting Richard Pryor Scotty explains the difference between the old and new versions of Dawn of the Dead Scotty: Now, in the old movie, the zombies were all slow an’ stuff, but in the new one, they’re really fast, like this: “Raaargh! Brains!” Jindrak: And I’ll hug him, and pet him, and name him George… It may have been an odd way to end the show, and a strange break from character, but no one could deny the power of Bradshaw's deeply moving rendition of "Ol' Man River" Last edited by Face Heely; 04-09-2004 at 11:13 PM. |
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04-10-2004, 12:14 AM
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#19 |
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Posts: 18,357
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Bush was growing increasingly desperate in questioning people on the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden. |
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04-10-2004, 12:15 AM
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#20 |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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Haas...what the hell are you doing? |
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04-10-2004, 12:40 AM
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#21 | |
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Sexy
Posts: 5,443
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Quote:
*looks through thread* Hey, where are the rest of yours?  
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04-10-2004, 12:43 AM
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#22 | |
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Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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Quote:
Msut...See...If I can...Rep... |
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04-10-2004, 12:45 AM
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#23 | |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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Quote:
But I forgot RAW's this week, so I did one for SD!. |
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04-10-2004, 12:48 AM
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Sexy
Posts: 5,443
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04-10-2004, 12:48 AM
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#25 |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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This just screams it..
Scotty: IT'S MORPHING TIME! |
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04-10-2004, 12:53 AM
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#26 |
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Sexy
Posts: 5,443
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04-10-2004, 01:11 AM
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#27 | |
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Ball So Hard University
Posts: 8,450
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04-10-2004, 01:14 AM
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#28 | |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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04-10-2004, 01:16 AM
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#29 | |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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04-10-2004, 01:19 AM
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#30 |
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Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Kurt (thinking): Hmmm, I don't remeber getting a life sized Eddie doll, and more importantly, where is my wallet. |
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04-10-2004, 01:31 AM
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#31 | |
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Ball So Hard University
Posts: 8,450
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04-10-2004, 02:48 AM
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#32 |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Bradshaw seems to have things well under control as he tried to explain in one minute how he could get this poor guy to run around the arena and then do the chicken dance for his own personal enjoyment. Tazz: What's Kishi doing Cole? Cole: I don't know? D-Von: Damn man! Lay off the KFC! Scotty 2 Hotty was feeling fine while attempting another WORM but became imbarrassed when his worm took off and left him behind. D-Von's still engraged after smelling Kishi's farts. He was so enraged that his faced was forever stuck in this expression until surgery could be done. Angle's confusion continues as Hass tries to convince Kurt to go out on a date with him. Angle: What's going on here? Hass: Please Kurt, I struck out with the ladies and everyone else in the locker room.. Angle: Go away. Just as Chavo cheated his way to another win. He noticed the camera guy looking at him and tried to pretend he was tough by doing a pose he learned in prison from a guy named Bubba. Chavo: Hey holms.. You wanna peice? Teddy Long keeps forgetting he's not Malcom X and this isn't the Muslim invasion of America while Spike Dudley tries to bring him up to date on the current times. Long looks extremely angry because of this and chooses to ignore him while two jobbers think their working for him. While pounding a jobber in a US Title defense, John Cena takes a break from the action to support his friend Micheal Jackson with a dance. Finally after his twenty minute routine, Cena disposes this guy and actualy tells him what "FU" means.. Foolishly Underestimated. Show lifts RVD high above to save him from the load he's about to drop in the ring after eating the entire catering table backstage before the match. Confused and frustrated that he shat all over the ring, Show was tired of holding RVD up and decided to drop him in it after all. The Democrates were unhappy with John Kerry and decided to pick someone else to run for them. They picked John Cena due to his extinsive vocabulary.. That's the only reason why Bush won't be re-elected because he studders like Bubba Ray Dudley too much. Eddie was disapointed when Kurt said that he wasn't having a Minority Report Award given out. Eddie then mocked Angle and said he was going to have one any ways even if he had to steal it.. What's up wit dat? I didn't know this was 1989 all over again! It's it me or does Johnny The Bull look constipated? Johnny wanted to see if Spike lived up to his first name by spiking him into the mat. Feeling very uncomfortable right about now, Johnny regrets telling Spike to "get the job done" as Spike takes that back to his man whoring days. Mark Jindrak isn't happy as Teddy Long decided to cry on his should after realizing The Hair Club For Men turned down his application yet again. Kurt: Welcome to Kurt Angle's Variety Talent contest! Behind me stands Vannila Ice, Geroge W Bush, and.. Who's the third guy again? Any ways.. And there's.. Oh yeah! ME! In a delayed reaction all three men respond. Cena: He mentioned my name! Hass: He forgot me already? Bradshaw: Where's Ron Simmons at? Oh yeah I got him fired! Hahaha! DAMN! Bradshaw tried to justify why he's to become the Great American as Angle pretends to be listening, Cena becomes offended. Bradshaw: Now listen here Kurt.. I shoud be your man because.. Cena: Dude! You don't get it do you? I got the belt so I'm the winner! Kurt: What? Cena beleives he's won as Kurt speaks. Kurt: Hey! Cena! Put your arm down ok? You obviously didn't shower after you match and the stench is killing me! Bradshaw: Heheheh! Kurt: You breath stinks to cowboy.. Get a mint! Bradshaw talks his way out of getting a mint by offering to kiss Angle's ass, which he gladly accepts. Eddie's last photo as it was taken inside of a jail cell. Guess why he was smiling.. It's a surprise entrance by.. Marty McFly! Eddie told Kurt he was going to steal an award for his Minority Challenge but he didn't tell him is was going to be his. Eddie: Look what I got man?! This ended up in the trunk of my car somehow essa, and I don't know how! *winks* Kurt becomes enraged and Bradshaw takes the time to play "mirror" and duplicates Kurt's actions just incase the English doesn't register to Eddie. Eddie: I got a belt... I got a trophy.. Holms, I'm looking good while you and Bradshaw are being dos homo locos brotha! Eddie: Seriously now.. I'll give it back if you want it. Kurt: I want my trophy back now! Damn it! That's mine! Eddie: I can see that you really want it back.. But I forgot something.. Kurt: What's that? Eddie: I LIED! Eddie also pulls out something from his pocket.. It appears to be John Cena's ear peice used to remind him of his raps. Eddie's collection of stolen items begins to build.. Bradshaw is like a poor child after seeing Eddie's collection. Bradshaw: He's got more stuff than I've got while investing, and he doesn't even have a book! Bradshaw then later tries to get Eddie to teach him how to steal things too. |
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04-10-2004, 05:47 PM
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#33 |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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Hey hey, everyone!
It's everybody's ninth-favorite captioneer here with his 2000th post. Yeah, big flaming whoop. I know. Anyway, rather than doing a big list talking about everyone, I figured I'd save number 2K for what really matters. Captions. Hope they don't suck. ================================================== KID: Hey, Bradshaw. I have a note for you. JBL (reading): "John. Sorry to get your hopes up, but your push timer is almost up. Better luck next draft lottery. Vince." The scary thing about this picture? A split-second before the shutter opened, D-Von was standing right behind Rikishi... With the rumors of more impending releases, Scotty prepares for a possible fall-back career: Flight attendant. FANS: We want tables! We want tables! CHICK IN PINK: I can see my reflection! HAAS: Oh, my God, Kurt! Your head...it's shrinking! SENIOR: Okay, but the next time I get introduced as Edward James Olmos... Shannon Moore was discouraged. If Spike Dudley was "Little"...what did that make him? No one will ever forget the night that John Cena's left elbow was outed. Taking a cue from "Eugene" Dinsmore on RAW, Charles Robinson hopes that he, too, can become integral to storylines by becoming SmackDown's resident retard. RVD: Whoa, dude, there's like a giant Frost Titan about to hit you! SHOW: Yeah, right, ya stoner. RVD: Whoa, and I can like see God! SmackDown's SO much better than RAW. Big Show was elated. He knew he had voted 20,000 times. His mom's computer was working again! KURT: Put your shirt on and get out. EDDIE: Geez, sorry I asked, ese. LONG: Lemme holla at ya playa. Jus' wanted to warn ya that my momma said "Knock you out." Belee dat. REF: So, Spike, you're telling me that on RAW, the referees didn't have to wear these gay armbands? Spike "Ankle Biter" Dudley took his new gimmick a little too seriously. Johnny "The Stump" Stamboli didn't take too kindly to shoots. VINCE: Mike Sanders and Elix Skipper? JR: Gone before the InVasion. VINCE: Shawn Stasiak? JR: Buried and gone. VINCE: Sean O'Haire? JR: Released into the wild. VINCE: And we just got Stamboli... JR: Who does that leave? VINCE: Thanks, Teddy. Almost forgot that one. KURT: Ladies and gentlemen. It is my pleasure to inform you all that we - the Bears - are the Shufflin' Crew. A gunshot fired in an alley. A scream for help. Prototype awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! BRADSHAW: Muh--muh mouth's blee-- TAZZ: Here we go again. KURT: I'll be damned! You ARE "Sure!" KURT: If it weren't for this rabid weasel that's attached itself to my spine, I'd give you a big hug. COLE (sobbing): If--if only he hadn't bought Brock that laptop. He might still be here! COLE (sobbing): Oh, God! Even the HEARSE is a lowrider! This was the weirdest T-1000 morph EVER. KURT: You're a homo! JBL: Uh... KURT: To the left, John... EDDIE: Now I'm...a gopher! EDDIE: Yeah, so I just got back from the Latino Stereotypes Awards... EDDIE: Uh, yeah... KURT: Then why is my na-- EDDIE: Oh, shoot. KURT: Hey! You broke it! You can tell pro wrestling is in a man's veins when his tumors start to resemble steel folding chairs. EDDIE: And here's a picture I took of Lance Storm. You can see he sleeps in the nude. ================================================== Worst. 2,000th post. Ever. |
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04-11-2004, 04:13 PM
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#34 |
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Posts: 18,357
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Okay, Fryza's Power Rangers caption IS the best caption of this thread. Hands down.
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04-11-2004, 05:36 PM
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#35 |
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TPWW's HHH Mark Since '04
Posts: 29,886
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Indeed... I laugh my ass off every time i see it
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04-11-2004, 10:05 PM
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#36 | |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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Quote:
*jigs* Edit: Just looked through the Best Caption thread, and Corky really needs to update it for SD, unless that was as far as it went. There was hardly ANYTHING for this one there.. |
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04-11-2004, 10:15 PM
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#37 | |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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Quote:
Sort of hard for your Power Rangers caption to be a CotM nominee when it's not on the list. And any of mine. Hint hint. Yeah, I know. Mine were nothing special. |
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04-11-2004, 10:55 PM
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#38 |
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Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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SURPRISE!!!
Look who's back for one more round! Too bad I'm 4 days too late. Aw, well. Happy Easter and stuff. Eddie couldn't believe that Bradshaw had brought back one of his favorite old-school gimmicks for his tag team partner. He always remembered Mantaur being taller, though. D-Von and Rikishi prepare a symbolic reenactment of Raw's treatment of Smackdown's talent pool. Despite rave reviews by even the harshest of critics, Scotty 2 Hotty, the Musical was a flop on Broadway. No one was quite sure what the strange Sign Guy meant by "They're Indestructable and Use Them The Wood," but if they had just asked him instead of dismissing him as a lunatic, the horrific Super Termite Invasion of 2006 could have been prevented. Haas: Shelton got to go over WHO?!?! Kurt: Hey, I didn't believe it either. Haas: So why am I still jobbing on the B-shows? Kurt: Ever hear of Marty Janetty? Haas: No Kurt: Exactly! Chavo Sr. hated to do this to his own son, but he had to do what was right and get the decision of the match reversed. According to state law, referees' decisions in wrestling matches were completely invalid if said referees were in fact homos. Teddy: Spike! I'm a big fan! You have got to be the best incredibly scrawny no-chance-to-ever-be-pushed jobber on the whole show! Shannon: ....... John Cena was not only WWE's United States Wrestling Champion, but the Undisputed World Champion of Spontaneously Discovering One's Own Left Elbow. The WWE's first attempt at the dangerous Japanese Piggyback Ride Deathmatch would've been great, had they not botched the opening spot. Booker T was a little peeved when WWE installed ring-post signs that indicated where one's career was going. Big Show had to do his best to hold this match together, but it wasn't gonna be easy. I mean, Van Dam COMPLETELY missed his hurricanrana here. Results were in for WWE's first annual "Vote for the next up-and-coming potential megastar for Vince to de-push despite the wishes of his own viewers and loyal fans" contest Eddie was getting pretty tired of Kurt's desperate attempts to one-up the WWE Champion. Yeah, the Olympic Gold Medals were impressive and stuff, but by the time he'd started breaking out his old Pinewood Derby trophies, it was pretty obvious that he was scraping the bottom of the barrel. Teddy Long finds your lack of faith disturbing. Sure, Stamboli's in-ring work might need a little tweaking, but NOBODY does a better Popeye impression than him. Just to mess with the fans, Spike and Stamboli completely reenact the Big Show/Van Dam match from earlier in the show. Y'know, I was skeptical at first when he started doing it, but honestly, Spike's got the best Boss Man Slam I've ever seen. Stamboli was happy he'd gotten a new manager, but he really wished they'd picked someone better than Teddy "King of the Belchers" Long. Angle was proud to announce the competitors for the fourth annual Stupid Clothes for White People competition. Bradshaw couldn't help but laugh. Cena's impression of "a wood shop teacher at a rock concert" always cracked him up. Bradshaw, master of the Dark Arts of McMahonicus, begins to slowly but surely drain the heat and talent from Angle to use it for his own evil purposes. You'd be surprised what you can learn from watching old tapes of Hulk Hogan. Being drained of all his wrestling talents didn't leave Angle completely bereft, though. After all that, he still had the most feared nipple clamp in all of wrestling, as Cena was about to learn the hard way. Angle got one measure of revenge, slapping a "Bury Me" sign on JBL's back without him knowing. After the last buget cut, WWE could only afford to have pictures of their wrestlers appear on TV. Fortunately, no one but the most dedicated fans seemed to notice. Mixing all of the Undertaker's Dead Man and Biker gimmicks was confusing enough, but making him an undead cowboy biker pimp was the last straw. Guerrero's celebration was ruined when "Under-Daddy-Take-Izzle" attacked from behind. Kurt/JBL: Young Man!.....there's no need to feel down, I say, young man!....just 'cause you're new in town, I say.... Tragedy struck when Eddie, in the middle of a promo, ate his own lower jaw. Sure, he was still massively over, but Eddie still couldn't help but feel that his new gimmick as "Vinnie Vegas 2K4" wasn't such a great idea. This picture was going to be great caption material, but some jerk in the stands bumped the photographer just as he was pressing the button on the camera. It was finally certain that Vince had completely and utterly lost his mind when he had the WWE Champion jobbing to inanimate objects. Even Bradshaw was surprised that he was getting a shot at the WWE Title. |
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04-11-2004, 11:29 PM
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#39 | |
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Posts: 18,357
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Quote:
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04-12-2004, 12:15 AM
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#40 |
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Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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....so I take it it's too late for any of mine to make it in the archive?
Meh, just as well. I wasn't particularly happy with that batch anyways. |
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