SmackDOWN! Captions [5-13-2003]

[Corkscrewed]

[Corkscrewed]

D-Von had seen something like this on National Geographic. When the long necked people removed their rings, the sudden lack of support could make their necks collapse and suffocate them, so he had to act fast!!!


RVD was so disgusted with Bubba's horrible rendition of the Y-M-C-A that D-Von had to restrain him.


At this moment, D-Von thanked his lucky stars for TPWW and their ever-useful invisible crucifix gags.


His pit odor had already knocked Van Dam out, but it was so bad even D-Von had to cringe.


I know they're heels and all, but holding a poor, defenseless headless guy to be attacked is just plain low.


Rey indicates how many people are actually currently in SmackDOWN!'s main event scene.


"That's right, that's the person who stole my watch. He's also a homo."


Chavo tried to go ET on Jacqueline's ass but was stopped by the black void of the edge of the picture.


It was a sad day when the Cruiserweight Title was defended by a woman who'd hardly been on TV the past year against a random drunken hobo in the middle of a field were people practiced Falon Gong.


Presenting... the Ambiguously Gay Hobos!!! I mean Homos!!!! I mean Hobos!!!


Charles Robinson's aria didn't wow the pants off of Chavo Classic, so Jacqueline had to step in and do it manually.


Eddie was pissed.
"HOW COULD YOU USE THAT KRYPTONITE ON MY GOOD FRIEND CLARK KENT???"


Rather than help, Booker just stood there and patted Steven Richards on the neck as he stood there strangling poor Stamboli.


"Ammo supply...CHECK! Fuel supply.. CHECK! Air supply... *The One that You Love starts playing on the speakers*
Here I am
The one that you love
Askin' for another day
Understand the one that you love..."


All hell broke loose when Rita Repulsa enlisted the services of Van Helsing for her evil deeds and then made her new monster grow.


Booker was just as shocked as everyone else to find out it wasn't really butter.


The posing was cool, it was turning into a werewolf to battle vampires that was a bitch...


Eddie's new Double J gimmick wasn't working out too well.


Eddie knew he should be selling this more seriously, but how could you keep a straight face when you were being arrested by William Hung?


But then Bradshaw made William sound like Andrea Bocelli when he belted out his rendition of "Unchained Melody," and... well... lets just say Eddie really despised bad singers...


Holly was equally confused as to why he'd been crazy glued to Eugene.


It was pretty bad when Cena had to resort to putting notes on his hands to remember what to do next in his matches.


Cena was confused as to why Srgt Dan was Japanese this week, but whatever.


Cena and the Frost Giant share a touching moment when John gives the big guy his favorite candy bar to munch on.


As the thought bubbles showed, Bradshaw couldn't never get his mind off of profitting on Wall Street, even during a match.


For whatever reason, Bradshaw wasn't as successful as Renee Dupree in convincing people his penis was so long it had to wear pants.


Bradshaw re-enacts his high school bullying days by carrying a hapless victim back to the showerroom...


He might have been a bully, but Bradshaw ALWAYS came up with new and interesting positions to sodomize people.


Fans celebrated when the invisible crucifix finally chose a good victim to crucify.

[Vastardikai]

D-Von looks the other way as RVD's fists start their vicious attack.



Bubba is shocked when RVD shits out D-Von.



RVD: Ok, the Rock does this little fancy arm thing... Then what?



RVD escaped by biting D-Von's nipple.



When he fired the missle from his chest, we knew that D-Von was the prototype for Sektor.



Rey shows us how many different masks he's going to wear tonight.



Jackie: You're a goofball!



Chavo: Not only have you been gone so long that you don't know all the running jokes, but you're also a Homo!



Chavo Classic: I took my Viagra, today!



Jackie was devastated when she learned that YMCA was a running gag, too!



The Ref just found a skid in Classic's speedos...



Kurt: Dammit man, get a breathmint...



Nick Patrick was amazed that Booker T made his entire hand disappear...



Booker: And I can make it reappear, too!



Booker: Kane did this Monday, get some new material, sucka!



Booker was shocked at seeing the Rico/Rikishi HGA match; He didn't know that Rikishi could MOVE like that!



Van Helsing gets word that the Bigger Brood has started to Terrorize Raw...



Insert "Shatter Window with his 'heat.'" joke here...



Eddie is happy: It's not everyday you get to be arrested by William Hung



JR Ewing: He's the one who shot me... I think.



Ref: Bob, calm down. He's actually paid his dues.



John Cena takes the weirdest Eye Exams known to man.



It seems pinching the nipple is just as good an escape as biting it...



John Cena: Champion Dart Player, failed to get over with the fans.


JBL, having recently changed his name to Gold, is glad to be appreciated by his fans.



JBL didn't know he was there, but Solid Snake Misterio Jr. Was spotted by the Referee!



JBL: I'm gonna take you to the showers...

Rey: NOOOOO!



Knowing that he's as over as a Lead Balloon, JBL does an impression of another overpushed "Never Was."



Gimme a T!

[Corkscrewed]

Wow, it's amazing how many of our captions ended up being the same thing.

But I got the William Hung one first.

[Vastardikai]

Dammit, me and Corky worked on the captions at the same time, and we had many of the same ideas. (I changed the second Crucifixion joke, but William Hung is just too funny to leave)

[Corkscrewed]

I noticed. It's cool... great minds thing alike?

[Vastardikai]

Eddie:If you're such a psychic, what am I thinking NOW, Esse?

Professor X: My God, Rikishi vs. A-Train in a Bra and Panties Match? What's wrong with you, man?

[PorkSoda]

Dave Williams decides to give up his singing career, everywhere he goes he is stalked by a huge, froggy, jumpy individual, which the rest of Drowning Pool has to hold him back everytime.



Rey: This is how many people are going to order Judgement Day on Sunday to watch on Pay Per View



Jackie: Yo! Humbug you and Humbug you! And you sir, humbug you! *Smiles*
Mike Cole: Just the fact you are making words up does not mean you are an artist.



Ref: JACKIE! Put your fist on mine and we can finally transform into The Power Rangers!



Chavo Jr. and Chavo Classic: Eeeeey Ese! Was up Holllms Yewww lookin for a fight, holmes, ahhh? Eseee Eseee Meseee Eseee *Throws up arms*

Ref: (Throws up arms) WOBBLY BOBBLY CACA POO POO!



Booker T: World War 2 grenade! I wonder how I start this thing *Bites off trigger* OK...wheres the directions? Damnit, what is that clicking noise.....it is getting louder....



Booker T's expression after he gets his X-Ray back and they found a toy car in his ass.



JBL: There he is! Lock him up inside his chambored door where the wolves go when they revive their roar! Put him high above the kitchen floor, where the baby stays for a midnight glore. Lock him away above the chambored door, make him squeel like nothing more, and lock him with Stephanie, that baby whore! Quote Bradshaw, nevermore.



JBL: Do your homework, go to school! Go get high and die, fly like a grasshopper, WEEE!

*Stands in honor*

[big_bluto]

Only time for a few so here they are........



Bubba: I'm Grandmaster Sexay Dudley!
RVD: Sshhhhh!!
D'von: Yeah, shut up! You'll get fired!

Bubba: Do the WORM, D'von!
D'von: What?
Bubba: Dude, you're good, but you ain't Stone Cold!


RVD's dyslexia was getting worse.
Bubba was upset, after Rob's RVD hand-signals accidentally spelled F-A-T



I'M THE REAL BOOKER T!


Cole: Okay Champ. Who farted?
Jacqueline: Him!

Chavo: No! Cole, I never floated the air biscuit, essay! It was Jacqueline!
Get her Dad!

While Chavo, Snr tackled Jacqueline to the ground, Cole asked the Ref who he thought had dropped one.
Ref: One of them!

Jacqueline: See! Chavo Snr did it!
Ref: Oh My God! She's right! He's wearing the red underpants of the guilty!


Kurt: Eddie, what's with your left arm? It's huge!
Eddie: YOU TRY GETTING A TITLE FROM VINCE WHEN YOU'RE CRAP AT BLOWJOBS!


JBL botched getting out of the limo, so Eddie had to get him out and carry him to the ring.
Perfect rehearsal for Judgement Day.


Rico's wigs were getting worse!
Not only was this one a mess, and bad for his image, but it had a piece of dead-weight holding him down.


One last time, these are small, but the ones out there are far away!
John:
(rep for ref)


In an effort to convince the fans that he is a main-event competitor, JBL bought an old Hulk Hogan muscle suit from e-bay, scrubbed off all the Red & Yellow paint and the fake tan, shrunk it in the washing machine, put it on, and managed to look fairly muscular. Despite all this effort, he was still met with chants of 'You're shit, You're shit, You're shit you are, you're shit......you're shit.....

[Azriel]

D-Von tries for an RVD field goal.

[Ferocious]

Rey: Hey Rhyno I'll take two of those hotdogs


Eddie: I don't care if your not a doctor get me my anti-inflamentary pills Dammit


Booker: Look Look I caught a Ladybug



Booker: OMG that is the biggest shit I've ever seen
Guy in Crowd: No Booker thats Hardcore Holly



JBL: Thats Him officer He blows Goats I Have proof

(rep for reference)


Cena's Eric Bristow impression failed to get him over




Jackie: I'm going to go out back and perform my womanly duties and wash these for you

[Ferocious]

I Know this is my first attempt at captions but I didnt expect to kill the thread

[big_bluto]

Originally Posted by Ferocious I Know this is my first attempt at captions but I didnt expect to kill the thread

Don't worry about it.....that happens with captions. Nothing goes in for ages then loads go in at once.

Besides, it's my job to kill threads!

[Ferocious]

lol is my first attempt decent for a first attempt?

[Azriel]

Very decent Ferocious. I laughed at most of them.

[Blue Demon]

*note: I didn't read anyone else's captions when I did these so sorry if I "stole" anyones joke(s)*


Bubba: i swear I didn't steal your pot.


Guy In Crowd: Why did all the dinosaurs die?
Chavo: Because you touch yourself at night!!

[Corkscrewed]

Nice Family reference, Sascha!

[Lamuella]

After accidentally decapitating RVD, D-Von tries to convince the ref that everything's A-OK



When the dudleys taped RVD's head back on and played a lively game of catch with his corpes, the audience knew that Russo had returned.



RVD's reanimated corpse was posessed by the spirit of Chris Jericho's old entrance video.



Not since Andre had there been a wrestler more adept at using body odor as a submission move.



Abandoning RVD's lifeless corpse, the spirit of the entrance video tried to take over D-Von.



As the gates to the afterlife open wide, we see more and more wrestlers possessed by the dead. This picture was taken moments before Rey Jr grabbed a massive cigar and insisted that people call him "Mr Churchill"



In a rare crossover between WWE and the Maury show, Jacqueline accuses a man in the crowd of being her baby daddy.



"There's no WAY I could have fathered your child! We used the rhythm method, homes!"



As the brawl erupted, wizard in training Charles Robinson cast a Stun spell on both combatants. Unfortunately, he only got a 3 on his D10 roll, so the spell failed.



Pissed off at the Chavos disobeying his rules yet again, Charled Robinson strung both men up by their thumbs.



The Chippendales 50th Anniversary Tour was hardly an artistic success.



Kurt Angle watched in horror as Eddy Guererro's left arm swelled to massive size.



Booker T's lessons with Darth Vader were paying off. He's mastered this "force choke" thing.



Winning a free Nestle Tollhouse Cookie Bar wasn't a big deal for everyone, but it was the highlight of Booker's night.



Calling in a favour, Undertaker trapped Booker in Edge's Smackdown Playset.



Booker regretted asking to see Sable without her makeup.



Getting arrested was a downer, but MAN did eddy love Asian boys in uniform!



Eddy's triumphant return to the pages of Prison Bitch magazine was celebrated with a cover photo shoot in front of a live audience. The photographer was none other than JBL, who confessed to have had his share of "Jailhouse lovin'"



"I now pronounce you man and wife"



Cena realised that beating up a Yakuza member was a mistake, so tried the unconventional tactic of hiding behind his own hand.



When it became obvious that the hand disguise wasn't working, Cena spent the rest of the match pretending to be Buggs Bunny



Always one to please his fans, Cena signed the giant metallic lady's naked back.



After years of denying it, JBL decided to carpe diem and come out as wrestling's first gay cowboy since Bob Orton



Gay Cowboy Bradshaw didn't know which felt better, Rey's head on his genitals, or the flying midget humping his shoulder.



The fifth annual WWE Jiving Contest was underway



It wasn't so much the amazing array of flips and swings that JBL and Rey did that was so impressive as the fact that they sang showunes in harmony as they did them.



The titanTron captured the tragic events as JBL's right eye suddenly started to expand.

[Lamuella]

"he blows goats, I have proof" is Wayne's World

[Blue Demon]

JBL attempts to find another way to try and piss off the net fans

[El Santo]

RVD: "Oh, yes, that's much better... Something's not right, because now I can't see. Oh, oh, yes, that's much better. Wait... wait. Oh, my! What have you done? I'm BACKWARDS! You flea-bitten furball! Only an overgrown mop-head like you would be stupid enough to ..."



D-Von: "Holy God... is that Bubba... or Rikishi? Rob, go over there check it out."
RVD: "Just as he's about to do the Stinkface? Hell no."



RVD: "I'm walking on SUUUNSHIIINEEE!!"



The WWE tango lessons were just not going well.



Punished for talking out of turn, D-Von is forced to stand in the middle of the ring while holding two invisible buckets of water.



Rey: "The arena ceiling ... collapsing! Must ... save ... people!!! EEEEE-NUCK-CHUCK!"



Chavo: "You don't deserve to hold the title, you horrible, ugly woman!"



Jacqueline: "Hey, I may be horrible, and I may be ugly, but I most DEFINITELY am not a ... what was that last one again?"



WWE standards hit a new low as "Aryan" Charles Robinson prepares to wail on two minority groups at the same time!



Robinson felt awfully happy to have a stuffy nose on the day of the Right Guard Challenge.



It wasn't a pretty job, but SOMEONE had to help Quasimodo get dressed in the mornings.



What Kurt sees: Eddie Guerrero's bloodthirsty eyes. What Kurt doesn't see: Eddie Guerrero stealing his wallet.



Booker: "My God... your hair is so full bodied. How do you do it?"



Booker absolutely loved his new Hello Kitty Paw-Paw mittens!



Undertaker: "Silence! I am the great and mighty Taker! Now, step forward, cowardly lion!"



Police: "Hold it right there, buddy! What's that you got in your hands!"
Booker: "It's ... it's not what it looks like! It's ... medicinal!"



Undertaker knew better, but --- dammit --- NO ONE in the world could resist the Everlasting Gobstopper.



"And THIS is for manufacturing car audio products of questionable quality!"



Eddie was tickled pink to come face to face with the one and only William Hu.... Er, William Hurt. Yeah.



JBL: "For the last time Eddie ... if you don't want to go to jail, then PULL MY GODDAMNED FINGER!!!"



Ref: "Oh my God... is that why they call you 'Hardcore' Holly?"



Cena hoped that this match would be over soon. His contacts were killing him!



John Cena scores a point for Team Hip Hop after he carries Guy LeDouche through the Midget-Carry Big Boulder Rope Maze Challenge.



"Hmmm... why is it called a 'peanut' when it is neither 'pea' nor 'nut', but rather a legume?"


"Mammy!"



Bradshaw lost all attention to the match when the liquid metal T-2000 materialized in mid-air.



Vic Romano: "And next up at the Midget-Carry Big Boulder Rope Maze Challenge for Team Millionaire is John Leyfield, a financial analyst at Fox News and CNBC."
Kenny Blankenship: "Would that stand for 'Consumes Nasty Bull Ca-ca', Vic?"
Vic: "Might as well be, Kenny."



At the mercy of the Stock Broker Monster, Red Ranger had not choice but to call in his Megazord.



In WWE news, thousands of fans tossed their cookies during JBL's striptease to Joe Cocker's "You Can Leave Your Hat On."

[Corkscrewed]

ROFLMAO!! El Santo, you are ON FIRE!!!

[Kane Knight]

Okay, I'ma try my hand at these, though i've been kinda a burnout of late in the captions dept.




Ref: Okay, now apply pressure with your thumbs...
RVDD: I thought referees were supposed to be impartial! That is SO uncool.




Bubba raised the glass ceiling only after RVD whacked his head.



First he started referring to himself in the third person, now, the People's Elbow. Rob's fascination with the Rock was bordering on obsession.





Rey told his fans how many more matches Vince would give him before busting him down to Velocity.




Cole: *Thinking to self* I could get lost down there. NO! Must...not...Dream...About...She-males...Not after that Chyna incident...



Chavo asked if Jackie had the Cajones, but didn't actually expect proof...




Ref: Hey look! It's INS! Naw, Chavo, just playin' with you.




In a heel turn, the Referee showed Jackie what the penalty was when you didn't ask permission in "Hardcore Mother-May-I."






Booker S&M tightens the leash on his newest playtoy.




A woodshop accident gone horribly, horribly wrong left Booker unable to properly Spin-A-Roonie.




Booker was a little nervous with the new Human Resource Director's idea of a "face to face" interview.






Taker was leigitimately pissed. The new underwear Sara bought him was riding up really bad.






Officer: Sir, do you realize you're under arrest?

Eddie: Of course I do, Homes!

Officer: Then what's with the big grin?

Eddie: Cena just made of with your Cruiser, Esse!

Officer: $&#*!




"He's a witch!"



Ref: And do you, Rico, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, 'til Three Count do you part?

Rico: I do.




Demott's Turning Point: John Cena realizes that he's lost his contact lens.



John suddenly realizes just how wrong that stereotype about asians can be.




Cena: Property...Of Rob...Van...Dam...

What the Hell?




JBL celebrates the same-sex marriage ruling in Massachusetts.



...And gets so excited that he cannot wait to get back to the locker room.




WWE Kama Sutra #62447: The rear naked Pretzel.



Karaoke night was a bigg hit in the WWE until Bradshaw did a solo rendition of the YMCA.

[CBright7831]

Originally Posted by Lamuella "he blows goats, I have proof" is Wayne's World

Goddamn you! I was going to get that rep.