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Old 12-13-2004, 01:53 PM   #1361
loopydate
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VINCE: Okay, okay. I've got it! Paul?

LONDON: Yes, sir?

VINCE: Your new gimmick is...Bobby London!

LONDON: Uh...

VINCE: You'll wear a round little helmet and carry a baton, and you'll have Benny Hill music, and it'll be great!

LONDON: Uh...

VINCE: Because your name's London! Get it?

LONDON: Uh...

VINCE: Say something, or you'll be back to getting dropped on your head on Velocity.

LONDON: It's bloody brilliant! [Under his breath] Wanker.

VINCE: I didn't catch that last part.

LONDON: Uh... I said "thank you."
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Old 12-13-2004, 01:56 PM   #1362
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Old 12-13-2004, 02:02 PM   #1363
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Jericho: You wanted to see me Mr. McMahon?

Vince: Hmmm... You're perfect! We'll give you the ULTIMATE gimmick! First we'll have you marry Stephanie! Then, have you take over RAW by making everyone lose to you in humiliating ways! Then, THEN comes the good part! You'll bounce the World title around to every main eventer on RAW, only to win it back within the month and crush all their credibility!

Jericho: Wow! That sounds great!

Vince: Then... THEN...

(Triple H whispers to Vince.)

Vince: Oh really... REALLY!? Oh, sorry Chris, never mind. (To Triple H) I thought that sounded familiar.
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Old 12-13-2004, 02:45 PM   #1364
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Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
WWE Booking Team: (fall '01) Hey Vince, I think we've struck gold with this RVD fella. The fans love him! I say we take advantage of that and give him the Title!

Vince: ....... Ohhhh ho ho ho ho, that's a riot. Seriously, though, I told you to come up with a program for RVD, not joke around.
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Old 12-13-2004, 03:48 PM   #1365
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(Paul Heyman appears in the rafters at a taping of SmackDOWN! with dynamite strapped to his chest and a mic)

HEYMAN: ALL RIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, LISTEN UP! There's a wrestler who is about to come out here right now and attempt to ENTERTAIN YOU! He will probably FAIL TO DO SO, but you will all ACT LIKE YOU LOVE HIM, or I WILL BLOW THIS PLACE TO SMITHEREENS!

CROWD:

HEYMAN: All right, here he comes to ready you some poetry right now....he is....HEIDENREICH!
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Old 12-13-2004, 04:05 PM   #1366
juanker
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Writer: Let's push Steven Richards
Vince: No
Writer: Let's push Val Venis
Vince: No
Writer: Let's push William Regal
Vince: No
Writer: Let Triple H demolish everyone & destroy their credibility
Vince: I LOVE IT, IT'S NEW & HAS NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE, LET'S GO WITH IT

*Paul Heyman hangs himself with his tie because of shock*
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Old 12-13-2004, 05:53 PM   #1367
Gone Mad
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**After Undertaker "dies" again...**

Cole: What going on over by the Titantron..? Is that... an egg???
Tazz: Um.. I'm just gonna leave.. now.. **jumps through floor and digs his way out**
Cole: My God.. something's coming out....
**bells toll... lights turn off.. then on with a figure stand out of the egg..**
Cole: My GOD! THE UNDERTAKER IS BACK!! AND HE'S EXACTLY THE SAME AS BEFORE!...
**Taker looking around at stunned, silenced crowd... **
Taker: ... .... **does the Charleston**..... **runs out of arena crying**...
Cole: Wow.. this just in, folks. This company is now bankrupt and the arena will now be demolished..
***WRECKING BALL THROUGH THE WALL **
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Old 12-16-2004, 07:31 PM   #1368
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What REALLY happened to Cena in that night club.
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Old 12-16-2004, 07:33 PM   #1369
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Cena: Oww. Owww.
Micheal Cole: Ohh sorry. That was your ear wasn't it.
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Old 12-16-2004, 07:57 PM   #1370
loopydate
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Post number 3,900, baby!
AHMED JOHNSON: Yeah, so I was Intercontinental Champion. I was actually the first "People's Champion." Rocky Maivia stole that from me.

CENA: Uh, yeah... That's great, Ahmed. Listen, I'm going to go get another dr--

FAAROOQ ASAD CIRCA 1995: Time to finish what I started!

[Stab]

AHMED: Ha ha! You missed!

CENA: Ow.
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Old 12-16-2004, 07:58 PM   #1371
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Cena: Hmm... There's a steak knife here... I wonder... *Stabs self in the stomach* OW! Oh shit! THAT'S what I've been doing to people!? Damn! I belong in prison!
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Old 12-17-2004, 09:02 AM   #1372
PorkSoda
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PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)
Everyone in bar: HAHAHAHA! LOOK AT HIM! HAHAHAHA!

John Cena: (Laughing and pointing at Sid) HAHAHAHAHA!

Sid exits the bar and comes back a few minutes later with a squegee. Cena is shortly seen after taken onto a stretcher
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Old 12-17-2004, 09:43 AM   #1373
Xero
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Cena: So, Jim, how are things at the old announcing booth?

JR: BAHGAWDBAHGAWDBAHGAWDBAHGAWD...

Cena: Fascinating...

JR: BAHGAWDBAHGAWD...

(Five hours later...)

JR: BAHGAWDSONOFABITCHMAHTOEISINFECTEDBAHGAWD!

Cena: Somebody stab me... *STAB* OW!
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Old 12-17-2004, 10:49 AM   #1374
El Santo
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Cena and Carlito are at a bar.

Cena orders a Jack Daniels.

Carlito: Is that good?

Cena: I love Jack Daniels. I could drink it all night.

Carlito: Wouldn't it be ironic if you lost your kidneys because of the very thing you loved?

Cena: Yes. Yes it would.

Suddenly the CEO of Jack Daniels appears from under the table and stabs Cena in the kidney.

Carlito: I don't think that was quite as ironic.

Cena: Oh damn.... this is worse than that time in Tijuana. Wait a minute.... [checks scar on the other side of his abdomen] I'm screwed.
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Old 12-17-2004, 01:07 PM   #1375
loopydate
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CARLITO: Hey, Cena! Check out my knife. Isn't dat cool?
CENA: You call that a knife? This is a knife!
CARLITO: Das a spoon.
CENA: I see you've played knifey-spoony before.
JESUS: STOP QUOTING SIMPSONS!
[Stab]
CENA: What was that for?
JESUS: I don't get mad. I get stabby. DAMMIT, NOW I'M DOING IT!
[Stab]
CENA: D'oh!
JESUS: BAHHHHHHH!
[Stab]
JESUS: Why you little...! AH!
[Stab]
CARLITO: Das not cool...
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Old 12-17-2004, 04:30 PM   #1376
Jorgha
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Cena: I wonder exactally how much damage you can do to yourself with a spork?
(proceeds to find out) Shit! These things should be outlawed.
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Old 12-17-2004, 06:04 PM   #1377
Xero
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Cena: So, what's up?

Guy: Nothin'...

Cena: So, you like strudel?

Guy: Yeah! I love it! It's so hot and gooey!

Cena: Really? *Cena leans into the guy.*

(5 minutes later, Cena is being taken out on a stretcher.)

Cena: YOU TOLD ME THIS WAS A GAY BAR!

Michael Cole: No, I said PAY bar! One where you pay each time for a drink!

Cena: ... I hate you... OW!
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Old 12-17-2004, 06:10 PM   #1378
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John Cena: This glass ceiling follows me everywhere.

*Throws rock at glass ceiling shattering it.*

John Cena: Shit!
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Old 12-17-2004, 07:56 PM   #1379
Cool King
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Cena and Jesus are drunk at a bar

Cena:O.K Aaron let's *HICCUP* let's play er...let's play a game

Jesus:What game?

Cena: SssssssiMON Sayshssssss.

Jesus:Okely *HICCUP* Dokely!

Cena: Simon Ssssssssssays kiss Michael *Cena falls of his stool*

Jesus: *KISS*

Michael Cole:

Jesus: O.K John,Stab yourselfffffff in the KIDNEY!

*STAB*

Cena: OW SONOVABITCH %@#%#$@

Jesus:

Michael Cole: (Still looking at Jesus)
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Old 12-17-2004, 08:56 PM   #1380
Drakul
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Can I recommend that the next subject is "Funny/Weird PPV commercials"?
I think it'd be cool to see what the guys come up with for it. (inspired by the RR commercial)
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Old 12-18-2004, 07:29 PM   #1381
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Cena: "It's fun to stay at the Y...M...C Arrgg my kidney"

Micheal Cole runs away laughing like a gay...erm mad man
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Old 12-18-2004, 07:48 PM   #1382
Xero
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*Cena walks up to Brock Lesnar.*

Cena: So, Brock, how's everything going?

Brock: Great! Rena is great, and I have a great career in the NFL ahead of me!

Cena: *Snicker* Really?

Brock: Yeah... What's so funny?

Cena: *Snicker* Oh, nothing. I just heard about that little "initiation" the players gave you.

Brock: Haha, yeah, that was pretty funny. Where did you hear that, anyway?

Cena: Internet...

Brock: ........ *STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB*
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Old 12-19-2004, 02:07 AM   #1383
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Funny PPV commercials
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Old 12-19-2004, 07:01 AM   #1384
juanker
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Random opera singer singing in to a snowball (You know one of those things with an image inside & when you shake it it looks like it is snowing)

She drops it & smashes

Inside: WWE No Way Out Only On PPV
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Old 12-19-2004, 09:16 PM   #1385
Xero
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Scene opens in a graveyard. The camera pans around the plots getting to the "children" section. A small hand pops up out of the ground. A baby pops out.

Baby: GEEENNNNE! Oh GEEEEENNNE!

The baby picks up a knife.

Announcer: WWE No Mercy - Payback's a BITCH!
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Old 12-20-2004, 11:15 PM   #1386
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BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Okay, that's a winner.

1,000,000 points for that!


Brock's Welcome Back Party
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Old 12-21-2004, 12:10 PM   #1387
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*THE SCENE*

Medium Sized Banner Saying "Welcome Back Brock"

1 Balloon

A Coupon For 1 Night Of "Pat Patterson Love" To Be Broadcast On The Internet
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Old 12-21-2004, 12:26 PM   #1388
What Would Kevin Do?
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The scene opens up in a large room, with nearly every WWE superstar their. Many are a tad pissy though, since Vince has demanded them not only to welcome back the man that walked out on them, but to give him gifts...

So far Brock has received everything from strippers, from a copy of "Making the Game." Finally, Batista gives Brock a gift... Brock opens it up and stares blankly..

Brock: What is it?"

Batista: It's w laptop with wireless internet connection.

Brock: Internet?!?!?!

Batista: Yeah, it's always connected, you're on the internet right now...

Brock: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Brock Lesnar then procedes to rip off his own head. Batista and Vince laugh, and somewhere, the phrase Hara-kiri is spoken.
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Old 12-21-2004, 01:31 PM   #1389
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Vince: (Last March): There are over 70 wrestlers in this company, and you're the only one who has to make trouble.
Brock: I'm the only one getting dumped on!
Vince: You're the only one acting up. Now job to Goldberg.
Brock: I already did job to Goldberg, dummy!
Vince: I mean do it again...
Brock: Everybody in this company hates me!
Vince: THen maybe you should ask Wrestlemania for a new company.
Brock: I don't want a new company. Wrestling sucks!
Vince: THen persue football. I don't want to see you again until the football season is over.
Brock: I don't want to see you again for the rest of my life! And I don't want to see anyone else either!
Vince: I hope you don't mean that. You'd be pretty sad if you came back in December and nobody was around
Brock: No I wouldn't.
Vince: Then say it again.
Brock: I hope I never see any of you WWE wrestlers ever again!

*Fast forward to December.*

Brock (Entering WWE Headquarters): Hello? Hello!!!!!! Where is everyone?
*walks into empty room*

"Steve? Steve Austin? ...Goldberg? Where is everyone?"

*walks into another room*

"Rico? Scott Steiner? Guys?"

*another room*

"Test? Pat Patterson? Guys, is this a joke? Where is everyone?"
"*Gasps* I made the company dissappear!.... *sly grin* I made the company dissappear!!!!"

*Eugene, Gene Snitsky, and Simon Dean all walk past a nearby window.*

Brock: "This is my company! I have to protect it!" *Grabs a couple paint cans, slaps his hands on his cheeks and screams "AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"*
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Old 12-21-2004, 03:06 PM   #1390
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LOF'NL!

That may be the best post in the history of Scenes From a Hat!
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Old 12-21-2004, 06:57 PM   #1391
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**Brock is led to the cafeteria to his welcome back party**

Brock: So everyone is scheduled to be there?
UnderTaker: Yup.
Brock: Just for me?
Taker: Just go in there, damnit!
**Brock enters, no one is there**

Brock: Guh?
Taker: Ooh... sorry, I was told they would be here but turns out.. they are a bunch of BACKSTABBERS. You give them a PUSH, and then they LEAVE YOU HIGH AND DRY. You ever get that feeling, Brock??
Brock: What .. are you hinting at? Homo internet smarks? What? Sable wants me for my money? What, damnit, what?!
Taker: Um, nothing.. ** all the crew comes from behind Brock and rolling him in a carpet and beats him while pouring water on him **

**The next day..**
Vince: Hee, with all that Hooter's wing sauce and cowboy hats on him while at that "festival" of internet wrestling fans and gays, he is going to be ready to.. feel the pain?? HAHA!!
*** a faint "HOOOOMOOOOOS!!!" call can be heard ***
HHH: HAHA! Good one, dad. Hold on. **grabs bloody Orton and sucks his blood** OOOORRRTTTTTONNN!!!
Vince: Hee..ew! You've got a problem. You still have that Hooter's sauce on you..
Taker (to himself): ..damn, almost got him ..
end.
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Old 12-21-2004, 07:52 PM   #1392
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Brock walks in the locker room and says hi to everyone

Brock: Hi everyone,hi Kurt,hi Paul(Big Show) hi Mark(The Undertaker)

So Brock goes around everyone until he reaches Daniel Puder

Brock:Who the hell is this guy?

Puder:Hi I'm Daniel Puder the fans voted for me to win Tough Enough.

Brock:Really,how did they vote,did they write in or something?

Puder:No the voted on the Internet,on a poll and...

Brock:INTERNET!!!!

Brock goes mad and rips of Puders head
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Old 12-21-2004, 08:51 PM   #1393
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Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
Brock: So, the party's right behind this door?

Vince: That's right, Brock. Go on in!

*Brock marches through the door, which Vince closes behind him*

Brock: Ummm....hey Vince? This room looks an awful lot like the outside of the building. In fact...I'm pretty sure this is the outside of the building.

.....Vince? The door's locked. Vince?......Vince???
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Old 12-21-2004, 09:31 PM   #1394
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*Vince leads Brock to a door.*

Vince: Go on in Brock, I've got a present for your big return in there!

Brock: Oh boy! I wonder what it is. I HOPE IT'S NOT A SURPRISE PARTY! *Wink wink*

Vince: Meeeeah... Could be! Now get on in there!

*Brock goes in and Vince closes the door. The only one in there is Bob Holly.*

Holly: Hey Brock, Mr. I've Payed Enough Dues... How's it going?

Brock: Not bad, not bad, how's the neck?

Holly: Shut up you little piece of shit! It's time to go to school!

*Loud crashes and bonks can be heard. Minutes later, Brock walks out unharmed. Hardcore is just laying there with this arms literally tied in a knot.*

Brock: WOW! What a party! Can't wait to get out to that ring!

*Vince just stares at Brock, amazed.*

Vince: Wo... Wow! Nice going Brock!

Brock: No problem...

*Brock walks away and Vince walks over to Holly. He nudges him.*

Vince: I told you to teach him a lesson! AND WHAT DO YOU DO!? YOU GET YOUR ASS KICKED!

Holly: I... I meant to do it! You see, it's all an ILLUUUSION! I really beat HIM up!

Vince: ... Shut up, you're fired, Brock's my new lackey.

Holly: But... Damn it...
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Old 12-22-2004, 01:08 AM   #1395
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Old 12-23-2004, 12:19 PM   #1396
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That Home Alone reference was hilarious

Scene: Everyone in the WWE locker room is standing behind a door. Suddenly, footsteps are heard. They have balloons set up, a huge cake, food stands, drinks, everything. Suddenly, the door opens.

Everyone: SURPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!!!

Everyone notices that Lita is standing in the door, not Lesnar.

Vince: Just ignore her, its only Lita, its only Lita.

Lita: Yeah, only me, only me.

Lita enters the room, forgetting to close the door. Lita suddenly botches walking and falls down, everyone tends to help her up, as soon as this happenes, Lesnar enters. Shane sees Lesnar.

Shane: Oh hey...surprise.

Vince+Linda: SUrprise.

Angle+Big Show+Luther: SUrprise.

Lita: Surprise!

Vince: (In tears to Lita) We wasted the good surprise on yew!

(30 minutes later)

Lesnar: Vince, it was a great surprise, I was totally shocked!
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Old 12-23-2004, 12:35 PM   #1397
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*Brock enters the room with everyone in there

Brock: Hey guys it's me! Brock!

Taker: Yeah hey whatever... so Vince about the PPV.

Brock: Umm Show remember me.

Show: yeah whatever hey Test. So Angle, about our match how you wanna do it. Wiat a minute I thought you were fired Test?

Brock: I'm not Test I'm...

Show: Yeah whatever.

*The Rock shows up

Rock: Finally the Rock has come back home.

*Everyone turns around and pushes Brock out of the way.

Vince; So Rock how's it going.
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Old 12-29-2004, 07:11 PM   #1398
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Old 12-29-2004, 08:30 PM   #1399
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WWE New Year's Resolutions
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Old 12-29-2004, 08:37 PM   #1400
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RVD: I won't take anyomre drugs.

10....9....8....7.....6...5.....4....3....2...1...happy new year!!!!!

RVD: This calls for a special occasion.
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