Random thoughts on Impact (spoilers)

[FourFifty]

So I think I caught most of Impact, and I’d just like to point out a few things.

I didn’t think it was possible, and with the absence of Tovo as of late I think I can say this without getting a red dot by my name…. Billy Gunn is somehow Billy Gunning it up even more. Wow, this guy sucks. I saw him in the ring and all I could think is how I used to mark out over this guy. If I could go into the past I’d pick up smoking right now just to burn myself with a cigarette every time I’ve marked out for Billy Gunn as a singles wrestler. This guy sucks, even more.

I loved watching Harris and Storm in the ring... That is until Harris went for his finisher. Not that great. I love James Storm’s gimmick. It’s the basic beer swilling redneck gimmick that we’ve seen a number of times that very few people can pull off. It’s not new, it’s not original, and as long as he’s in TNA he’s not going anywhere with it… But he has a great look and can pull it off.

The Instant Classic, Christian Cage is the still the man. He should call himself “The New Total Package.”

Seeing Dustin Rhodes in a TNA ring have made it official- The Bash is going to FUCKING SUCK! No hope of Goldust. Ya know, I give up. As much as I’d love to see Goldust come back it’s not going to happen. It’d be more optimistic seeing Shane Douglass step into a WWE ring.

Seeing Kurt run around in his swimming gear was…. Almost funny. The scene in the room with the non-wrestlers just sucked, but when he asked Sharkboy why he was smiling, that was funny. Seriously funny! Kurt may look like a roid monkey, but they should have kept the “Who stole Kurt’s stuff” angle for a few more tapings.

Joe still puts me to sleep. They should call him Soma Joe. I don’t see what everyone sees in this guy. He’s just……… Vanilla. But now I’d like to address to two best things that came from this week’s Impact.

I forgot how much I’d like to bone Christy Hemme, and I love the Impact theme song.

Aside from that, I want an hour of my life back.