A Fan Letter to a Game Company

[.44 Magdalene]

To the folks at [GAME COMPANY], let me first say I’ve [-ED VERB] all your previous games. For years, I’ve pre-ordered every new [ORIGINAL GAME CO.] title from [GAME SHOP], and I’ve appreciated the accompanying swag, particularly the [-ED VERB] edition [GAME CHARACTER] key chain. Unfortunately, the recent changes you’ve made to the [GAME] franchise have lost you a [NOUN].

I know, I know, [THOUGHT TERMINATING CLICHÉ]. But how can you provide us with so many brilliantly localized [NATIONALITY] [GENRE] games, titles with plenty of [ADJECTIVE] Menus and [ADJECTIVE] Inventory Systems, then 180 your lineup for a [CONSOLE] title featuring an adorable [ANIMAL] protagonist` and [NUMBER] mini-games?

[INTERJECTION], I understand that [ORIGINAL GAME CO.]’s CEO, [CELEBTRITY GAME EXEC] hopes to [VERB] the casual market, but what about the [NOUN]-gamer? Why must you suddenly ape [MAINSTREAM GAME], when your fans demand more titles like my favorite RPG [MEDIVAL TORTUER DEVICE] Dungeon [NUMBER], or even the much demanded sequel to [COMIC] Vs. [OBSCURE FIGHTER]?

[EXCLAMATION]!

I hope everyone who works for you [-S VERB]. I hope your parents, your friends and your [HYPOCRISTIC] hate you forever. You’re all [PLURAL PEJORATIVE].

Pull your [BODY PART] out of your [BODY PART]. [VERB] you, you [-ING VERB] [VERB]. May you rot in [PLACE]

[SNOWCLONE].
[SCREENNAME]

P.S. I’ve enclosed [CHEMICAL]. Die twice.














Credit Kotaku.