lol a contest to see who can write the worst first line in a book

[Iop]

some funny stuff here

http://adamcadre.ac/lyttle.html

- The meteor formed a crater, vampires crawling out of the crater. - Jennifer stood there, quietly ovulating. - “Caw! Caw!” went the birds as the massacres happened (the birds represent sadness). - The intruder attempted to break down the reinforced door with his axe, shouting phrases like “We will get our revenge!”, “Revenge!” and “Blood!” - "A wind was blowing from east to west, as if it were the sun, blowing instead of shining." - "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep . . . Andre creep . . . Andre creep." - James took Mary's hand — not in matrimony just yet, but plain physically — and led her to the altar. - Sadly, Jim retracted his penis; it obviously wasn't welcome here.