Corkscrewed's Contemplations: The Next Great Announcer

[Corkscrewed]

The best color commentators thread the other day had me thinking about announcers and truly great ones. Take Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, who I regard as the greatest ever. One quote really stood out in my mind:

Originally Posted by My Final Heaven Gorilla Monsoon: "Roberts with a kick to the lower occipital proturbance!" Heenan: "Why do you always use those scientific terms during the match?" Goriila: "You should try it sometime! You might like it!" *Roberts hits a punch to the gut* Heenan: "A PUNCH TO THE UTERUS!"

Stuff like that is just plain ingenius. I don't think Monsoon, Heenan, and Roberts would all collaborate just to get that little verbal segment done, so basically, that had to be a spur of the moment thing. Really, how many people period can you think of could have come up with a line like that? Practically nobody.

It got me thinking... WWE announcers these days just aren't good. JR and Lawler used to be a good tandem until JR started botching just about everything and King turned into a horny pedophile. Cole and Tazz aren't horrible, but they're by no means great. Heyman made for a pretty good announcer, but he wasn't given enough time, and I doubt he'll be announcing anytime soon.

So when will we see the next great announcer or announcing team? We don't often think about it, but a great announcing team can really enhance WWE programming a lot! They add unique tastes to the match and can put over a wrestler better than the guy's opponent sometimes! Those truly great guys make matches memorable, either through a tremendous call or through those witty punchlines that make you burst out loud laughing.

Sadly, I cannot forsee any one claiming that title anytime soon. JR and Lawler have been on the decline for quite a while, and Tazz and Cole agree too much to be much fun. Cole, personally, is pretty dull and is a whipping boy, while Tazz just isn't at the level that a great announcer should be. Possible future successors, like perhaps Josh Matthews or maybe Al Snow don't show much promise either... Matthews being Michael Cole II and Snow not really having anyone to play off of.

I suppose a current wrestler might make for a good announcer one day... so I guess you can discuss that. My main point was just the lamentation of the downturn in quality in this field of wrestling and a cry for the good ol' days... with people like Heenan, Ventura, Monsoon... heck, even an early Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler (his Jake Roberts jokes still have me off the seat when I read them).

As it is... we'll probably have to wait a decade at least before the next verbal master comes our way, if even that.