Kung Pow quotes

[loopydate]

Inspired by an MVP post on another thread, I started thinking about some of my favorite lines from "Kung Pow: Enter the Fist." Not exactly a great movie, but entertaining as hell. Feel free to post your own...

"Hmmm. I'll kill him. I'll kill him dead. Like with, with a, rock or something. Like a, like a stone."

"I have been called bad before. Many have said I do things that are not correct to do. I don't believe in talk such as this. I am nice man, with happy feelings. All of the time. First, a joke. What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee chord? My ass. Nyah, haha, haha, haha, ENOUGH!"

"Hmmm, yes, a tiny net is a death sentence. It's a net, and it's tiny!"

The Chosen One: I'll take a pound of nuts.
Shop Keeper: That's a lot of nuts!

"I am a great magician: now your clothes are red!"

"Killing is wrong. And bad. There should be a new, stronger word for killing. Like badwrong, or badong. Yes, killing is badong. From this moment, I will stand for the opposite of killing: gnodab."

Wimp Lo: Take a close look. 'Cause I rule, baby!
The Chosen One: And who do you rule, the large-dark-nipple people?

Master Doe: I have a mortal wound!
Master Tang: Where? Where does it hurt?
Master Doe: Oh, pretty much around the big bloody spot.

"Crap man! You don't see that every day. I mean that doesn't seem possible with all those body organs and cartilage and bones. I mean I'm no doctor but that was like one clean chunk!"

"At that moment, the Chosen One learned a valuable lesson about iron claws... THEY HURT LIKE CRAP MAN!"

"We are both ventriloquists, ventriloquists, ventriloquists, we are both ventriloquists and we practice every day!"

"Pay no attention to Wimp Lo, we purposely trained him wrong... you know, as a joke."

Wimp Lo: He's an outsider. Have you ever seen him before?
Ling: Hmn-hmn. Well, twice.

"It is EVIL, it is so EVIL. It is a bad, bad plan, which will hurt many... people... who are good. I think it's great that it's so bad!"

Master Tang: I remember a long time ago, when a friend told me there would be a chosen one.
[Flashback to a younger Tang talking to Master Doe.]
Master Doe: There will be a chosen one.
Master Tang: He then told me of the significance.
[Flashback]
Master Doe: It will be significant.
Master Tang: And then he killed the dog.
[Flashback, Master Doe closes his eyes, we hear a fart then a dog whimper]
Chosen One: I now officially know too much.