RAW Captions Thread (12/29/03)

**loopydate** · 12-30-2003, 09:14 PM

LILIAN: That's right, folks, Ortonbot V2.0 is the perfect addition to ANY New Year's party! His bent right arm is perfect for cradling dip.

Steiner and RVD show how Peter Jackson did that whole "forced perspective" thing for the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy.

The look on Steiner's face says it all. This diving headbutt was not going to end well.

With Coach backing him up on the human beatbox, Vince busted out some phat rhymes. Somewhere, John Cena wept.

BUBBA: Did you break out of prison?
RIC: No, no, no. Look at the stripes. Horizontal means prisoner, vertical means referee!
BUBBA: Whoops, then sorry I called the cops on you.

With the heat on, Flair managed a pretty speedy escape for an old guy.

BATISTA: No! Throw the grapes in his MOUTH, ya freakin' moron!

Terri reacts to Trish's beautiful man-voice.

REF: Watch yourself, Shaniqua. You may have escaped from SmackDown, but Triple H will NEVER let you go over his boy.

Randy Orton: Master of 1,000 Impressions strikes again. His Jack Nicholson was always a hit.

Booker T shows the ill effects of having had his lip disced.

Kane had impeccable aim. When he spiked people, they ALWAYS hit the WWE logo.

Linda's a cappella operatic aria was met with slightly less enthusiasm.

Y2J: Okay, here's the clears throat special present.
TRISH: Ooh! Does this one vibrate?
Y2J: Shhhhhhh!

Molly had made her decision. To become the most popular diva on RAW, she'd have to hit the others where it hurts. She begins by devouring Stacy's legs.

Victoria thinks it's gross, but Jackie gets a sick pleasure out of it. Of course, she also hangs out with Rico, so...

Lita looks up in embarassment. When did that crowd show up?

Molly next tried to move on to Trish's breasts, but they just overpowered her.

Take a guess where those white stains on Trish's clothes came from...

Shawn looked up just in time to see a familiar transparent object starting to lower itself from the ceiling.

He tried everything to hold it up.

But only one could rise above it.

When the glass ceiling mysteriously raised itself back up, Triple H knew that he would have to take out Michaels the old-fashioned way. If Steve Blackman was, in fact, back, he would have to take out the threat at hand first.

That Triple H is so nice. He takes time out of his matches to help old men cross the ring.

EARL: That's right. Now, Hunter, I want you to turn to the camera and lick your lips. Got it? Beautiful.

To round out WWE Authority Figures Open Mic Night, Eric Bischoff stuns the crowd with a pitch-perfect rendition of "Let's Hear It For The Boy."

BISCHOFF: So, wait, let me see if I got this straight. The black sheep had THREE bags?
MICHAELS: That's right.
BISCHOFF: What the hell did the little boy who lives down the lane do to deserve a bag of wool?

If you play this replay backwards, you get a subliminal message. On an unrelated topic, I just enlisted in the Army.

Once again, sitting at home, loopydate begs Kane to come out and set off his pyro.

AUSTIN: Where's DX? I got something to drop on their bus!
JR: Bah Gawd!
KING: It's not 2000 anymore...

**Innovator** · 12-30-2003, 11:00 PM

RVD lays still, Steiner can only see people if they move

Having enough of Austin and his shenanegins, the WWE logo and his partner WWE microphone lay a beating on Stone Cold

**Corkscrewed** · 12-31-2003, 08:55 PM

The failure of the Ortonbot 2000 reduced it from complex interactive robot to world's most expensive paperweight ($5999 at wwweshopzone.com).

RVD, after drifting asea from an island where he was constantly being buried, emerged on a new island as... a GIANT!
(a good rep to anyone who possibly gets that allusion)

Steiner was about to do another push up when suddenly, his muscles snapped, rendering him unable to go down.

Coach (in Aussie accent): "Wow! This here's a real Vincentaurus McMahonasaurus! Check out its confused gaze as I touch it!"

Flair: "I won't tell anyone you look like a bumble bee if you don't tell anyone I look like a zebra!"
Bubba: "DEAL!"

Offstage: "Now, Ric, piroette... Good! Good! Congratulations! You're our new swan princess for next year's Christmas opera!"

Batista: "YOU WILL RESPECT THE SWAN PRINCESS!!!"
Flair: "Woooooooooo!!!"

At that moment, Terri realized she was a washed up old former diva who DEFINITELY couldn't cut it with the new crowd.

Booker T found his new Ortonbot 2000 v.2 just as glitchy and freeze-prone as his original.

More concerning was its tendency to attack and choke people while proclaiming in its stoic, robotic voice, "Hunter will be king."

Offstage: "Hey Booker! Show your O face!"
Booker: "O... O... O..."
(pat yourself on the back if you get that one... it's easy)

Kane was damned if he was gonna let Booker T be elevated above him!

Coach: "The Lindamarion McMahonasaurus is known to be quite confused and stretch its neck in dismay as well!"

Y2J: "Hey Trish, for Christmas, I got you some of my ring ability and skill."
Trish: "Oh thanks! It's-- hey, what's that supposed to mean???"

Stacy felt rather cold down there.

Victoria: "I can't believe Stacy just posed for GGW!!!"
Jackie: "Yeah, but you get $5000 per public nudity exposure."
Victoria: "Really....?"

Lita: "Yeah, and $10,000 for public acts of sexual exhibitionism!"

Trish was pleasantly shocked. No cleavage shots in over two months and suddenly two in on night! This was amazing!"

The girls were ecstatic with relief, having won the first ever "loser has to sleep with Triple H" match.

Mid-match, Shawn looked up in the sky to see a flaming object hurtle towards the ground. Wait, was that his push?

Michaels certainly had a way of being detailed with his prostate exams.

Right about now, Triple H could sure go for some of Edge's Japanese hair shampoo.

At the prospect of Triple H locked in an extended feud with his friend Shawn Michaels, the system glitched, Hunter's left arm morphed into Michael's face, and the first Matrix crashed.

Triple H uses Michaels as leverage when an old man tries to pull him down into the lulls of decrepid midcard hell.

Just one more push and HBK's birth of a fully grown Triple H was a healthy success.

When Bischoff started singing the Barney "I Love You" song, Shawn Michaels got the heck out of there, lest he be like Triple H, who was already knocked out.

It was a hard decision for Shawn to make, pull the finger and get a push, or DON'T pull the figure and face the consequences...

On really hot and passionate nights, both men would end up exhausted after hours of heated love.

Suddenly, Rikishi crashed through the top of the Titantron, aimed straight at Stone Cold as part of the WWE writer's attempt to repeat history and garner higher ratings.

Austin: "Wait, 'kish... so you did it for... The Brock???"

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12-30-2003, 09:14 PM	#1
loopydate FIT Challenge Slag People Posts: 13,816	LILIAN: That's right, folks, Ortonbot V2.0 is the perfect addition to ANY New Year's party! His bent right arm is perfect for cradling dip. Steiner and RVD show how Peter Jackson did that whole "forced perspective" thing for the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. The look on Steiner's face says it all. This diving headbutt was not going to end well. With Coach backing him up on the human beatbox, Vince busted out some phat rhymes. Somewhere, John Cena wept. BUBBA: Did you break out of prison? RIC: No, no, no. Look at the stripes. Horizontal means prisoner, vertical means referee! BUBBA: Whoops, then sorry I called the cops on you. With the heat on, Flair managed a pretty speedy escape for an old guy. BATISTA: No! Throw the grapes in his MOUTH, ya freakin' moron! Terri reacts to Trish's beautiful man-voice. REF: Watch yourself, Shaniqua. You may have escaped from SmackDown, but Triple H will NEVER let you go over his boy. Randy Orton: Master of 1,000 Impressions strikes again. His Jack Nicholson was always a hit. Booker T shows the ill effects of having had his lip disced. Kane had impeccable aim. When he spiked people, they ALWAYS hit the WWE logo. Linda's a cappella operatic aria was met with slightly less enthusiasm. Y2J: Okay, here's the clears throat special present. TRISH: Ooh! Does this one vibrate? Y2J: Shhhhhhh! Molly had made her decision. To become the most popular diva on RAW, she'd have to hit the others where it hurts. She begins by devouring Stacy's legs. Victoria thinks it's gross, but Jackie gets a sick pleasure out of it. Of course, she also hangs out with Rico, so... Lita looks up in embarassment. When did that crowd show up? Molly next tried to move on to Trish's breasts, but they just overpowered her. Take a guess where those white stains on Trish's clothes came from... Shawn looked up just in time to see a familiar transparent object starting to lower itself from the ceiling. He tried everything to hold it up. But only one could rise above it. When the glass ceiling mysteriously raised itself back up, Triple H knew that he would have to take out Michaels the old-fashioned way. If Steve Blackman was, in fact, back, he would have to take out the threat at hand first. That Triple H is so nice. He takes time out of his matches to help old men cross the ring. EARL: That's right. Now, Hunter, I want you to turn to the camera and lick your lips. Got it? Beautiful. To round out WWE Authority Figures Open Mic Night, Eric Bischoff stuns the crowd with a pitch-perfect rendition of "Let's Hear It For The Boy." BISCHOFF: So, wait, let me see if I got this straight. The black sheep had THREE bags? MICHAELS: That's right. BISCHOFF: What the hell did the little boy who lives down the lane do to deserve a bag of wool? If you play this replay backwards, you get a subliminal message. On an unrelated topic, I just enlisted in the Army. Once again, sitting at home, loopydate begs Kane to come out and set off his pyro. AUSTIN: Where's DX? I got something to drop on their bus! JR: Bah Gawd! KING: It's not 2000 anymore...

12-30-2003, 11:00 PM	#2
Innovator Inno Knows. Posts: 43,710	RVD lays still, Steiner can only see people if they move Having enough of Austin and his shenanegins, the WWE logo and his partner WWE microphone lay a beating on Stone Cold

12-31-2003, 08:55 PM	#3
Corkscrewed Posts: 18,357	The failure of the Ortonbot 2000 reduced it from complex interactive robot to world's most expensive paperweight ($5999 at wwweshopzone.com). RVD, after drifting asea from an island where he was constantly being buried, emerged on a new island as... a GIANT! (a good rep to anyone who possibly gets that allusion) Steiner was about to do another push up when suddenly, his muscles snapped, rendering him unable to go down. Coach (in Aussie accent): "Wow! This here's a real Vincentaurus McMahonasaurus! Check out its confused gaze as I touch it!" Flair: "I won't tell anyone you look like a bumble bee if you don't tell anyone I look like a zebra!" Bubba: "DEAL!" Offstage: "Now, Ric, piroette... Good! Good! Congratulations! You're our new swan princess for next year's Christmas opera!" Batista: "YOU WILL RESPECT THE SWAN PRINCESS!!!" Flair: "Woooooooooo!!!" At that moment, Terri realized she was a washed up old former diva who DEFINITELY couldn't cut it with the new crowd. Booker T found his new Ortonbot 2000 v.2 just as glitchy and freeze-prone as his original. More concerning was its tendency to attack and choke people while proclaiming in its stoic, robotic voice, "Hunter will be king." Offstage: "Hey Booker! Show your O face!" Booker: "O... O... O..." (pat yourself on the back if you get that one... it's easy) Kane was damned if he was gonna let Booker T be elevated above him! Coach: "The Lindamarion McMahonasaurus is known to be quite confused and stretch its neck in dismay as well!" Y2J: "Hey Trish, for Christmas, I got you some of my ring ability and skill." Trish: "Oh thanks! It's-- hey, what's that supposed to mean???" Stacy felt rather cold down there. Victoria: "I can't believe Stacy just posed for GGW!!!" Jackie: "Yeah, but you get $5000 per public nudity exposure." Victoria: "Really....?" Lita: "Yeah, and $10,000 for public acts of sexual exhibitionism!" Trish was pleasantly shocked. No cleavage shots in over two months and suddenly two in on night! This was amazing!" The girls were ecstatic with relief, having won the first ever "loser has to sleep with Triple H" match. Mid-match, Shawn looked up in the sky to see a flaming object hurtle towards the ground. Wait, was that his push? Michaels certainly had a way of being detailed with his prostate exams. Right about now, Triple H could sure go for some of Edge's Japanese hair shampoo. At the prospect of Triple H locked in an extended feud with his friend Shawn Michaels, the system glitched, Hunter's left arm morphed into Michael's face, and the first Matrix crashed. Triple H uses Michaels as leverage when an old man tries to pull him down into the lulls of decrepid midcard hell. Just one more push and HBK's birth of a fully grown Triple H was a healthy success. When Bischoff started singing the Barney "I Love You" song, Shawn Michaels got the heck out of there, lest he be like Triple H, who was already knocked out. It was a hard decision for Shawn to make, pull the finger and get a push, or DON'T pull the figure and face the consequences... On really hot and passionate nights, both men would end up exhausted after hours of heated love. Suddenly, Rikishi crashed through the top of the Titantron, aimed straight at Stone Cold as part of the WWE writer's attempt to repeat history and garner higher ratings. Austin: "Wait, 'kish... so you did it for... The Brock???"