Favorite Family Guy and Simpsons Quotes

[Mike the Metal Ed]

Originally Posted by mitchanthropic Just bought Season 5 of the Simpsons yesterday, it made me remember tons of brilliant quotes that I'd forgotten about. Mr. Burns:Smithers, I've designed a new airplane. I call it the "Spruce Moose", and it will carry two hundred passengers from New York's Idyllwild Airport to the Belgian Congo in seventeen minutes! Smithers: That's quite a nice model, sir. Burns: Model? *Later* Burns: To the plant. And the Spruce Moose will take us there. Hop in, Smithers. Smithers: But sir, that's just... Burns: *pulls out a gun* I said, "hop in". Jasper: *gets zapped by house-laser* Oh... my cataracts are gone. I can see again! All the beauty of natu- *gets zapped again* Ugh. I'm blind... Oh well, easy come, easy go. Flanders: Who should lead the [vigilante] group? Man in crowd: YOU! Crowd: YAY! FLANDERS! FLANDERS! FLANDERS! Flanders: I don't really have very much experience, but I'll be- Moe: SOMEONE ELSE! Crowd: YAY! SOMEONE ELSE! SOMEONE ELSE! SOMEONE ELSE! Lionel Hutz: Well, I didn't win. Here's your pizza. Marge: But we did win. Lionel Hutz: That's okay, the box is empty! Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your papers? Lionel Hutz: Heh, you see kids, from now on, Lionel Hutz doesn't exist. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez! Lawyer: Well, what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, "Die, Bart, Die"? Sideshow Bob: Haha, oh no, that's German for, "The Bart, The". Parole Judge: No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Granted! Skinner: Any sign of the burglar yet? Homer: He'll show. Skinner: How's that? Homer: It's his job. Skinner: How's that? Homer: He's a professional burglar. *Dragnet theme and much nodding* Dr. Hibbert: Well, only one in two million people has what we call the "evil gene". Hitler had it, Walt Disney had it, and... Freddy Quimby has it. Lionel Hutz: Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. I rest my case. Judge: You rest your case? Lionel Hutz: What? Oh no, I thought that was just a figure of speech. Case closed. Homer:What does "sequestered" mean? Skinner: If the jury is deadlocked they're put up in a hotel together so they can't communicate with the outside world. Homer: What does "deadlocked" mean? Skinner: It's when the jury can't agree on a verdict. Homer: Uh huh. And "if"? Skinner: A conjunction meaning "in the event that" or "on condition that". Homer: So if we don't all vote the same way, we'll be deadlocked and have to be sequestered in the Springfield Palace Hotel-- Patty: That's not going to happen. Jasper: Let's vote. My liver is failing. Homer: --where we'll get a free room, free food, free swimming pool, free HBO... ooh! Free Willy! Skinner: Simpson, justice has little, if anything, to do with a disobedient whale.

I NEED that DVD.