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#281 |
Taller than Adam Cole
Posts: 10,876
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Me: I got a great idea!
HHH: Tell me about it in an email. 2 days later... CEO: That was a great idea, Hunter, but tell me, what is that Vastardikai guy doing, I don't see him doing ANYTHING productive... HHH: Me either, that's why I demoted him to Janitor. CEO: I smell a raise for you! |
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#282 |
Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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NM: Ummm, Mr. Helmsley, sir, the quarterly reports just came in. Profits are way down, are stocks are plummeting, and buyers just don't care anymore. Most of them are just tired of seeing your face as the main focus of our consulting firm.
HHH: Those buyers are just a bunch of twelve-year-olds on their parents' computers! They've never worked for a consulting firm before, so they have no idea what they want to buy! Anyways, tell Randy the new mail boy that he's being promoted to partner, and the dedicated middle-managers who've been busting their asses for years are all fired. Also, fire anyone whose working habits are different from mine, and GOD DAMMIT, WHERE'S MY COFFEE?!?! |
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#283 |
Posts: 22,695
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You: Hiya boss
Triple H: I am-uuuuuuh your-uuuuuuuuuh boss-uuuuuuuuuuh You: I know, thats why I said 'Hiya Boss' Triple H: Oh-uuuuuuuuh. You-aaaaah got those-uuuuuuh reports-aah Johnston-aaaah? Johnston: No, because I am tired of doing jobs for you! I QUIT! Triple H: I'll-aaaah make sure-uuuuuuuuh that you-aaaaaah never work-uuuuuuh in this business-aaaaaaah again-uuuuuuuuh! |
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#284 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Me: Erm, Mr Helmsley, we have just received reports that Mr Benjamin's company has beaten us in profits consecutively for 2 months... And our water bill has gone up considerably since you installed a fountain in your office and went through 50 bottles of mineral water daily...
HHH: GODDAMNIT GIMME A LINE TO VINCE NOW! *Vinnie Mac answers* HHH: Hey daddy, my belt's too tight, and it's losing its shine. Any recommendations? Vince: Take it off once in a while, Hunter. You can't wear that giant belt without getting a sore waist. HHH: Fine daddy. Bye! *Turns to me* HHH: Ok get Rhyno to get some popcorn for me. Gimme a line to Benjamin's office. Benjamin: What is it? HHH: So, you have beaten me twice. You can't play the Game without being burnt, son. I am the Game, you can't beat me. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Benjamin: Crazy parents, can't keep control of their kids. Sean? Get out of that cage and tell me how those crazy prankster kids got my private number... *fade-out* |
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#285 |
Triple A's a bitch
Posts: 1,039
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Bluto *on phone*: Mr HHH, we've got a problem here. Can we have a meeting to get this sorted out?
HHH: We gotta problem? You got a problem! Bluto: Ummm.....okay then. Can we have a meeting to sort this out? HHH: When? Bluto: Last thing on Monday? HHH: That's the main event! Bluto: Ummm.....okay then. When? HHH: You think you're worth a shot at the title? I'm coming over... 5 minutes pass, in walks HHH, 2 goons and an old man. HHH: I am the game! Bluto: Hello, Mr HHH, thanks for coming over. HHH: Get him! Goons and old guy rush forward and smash you up a bit. HHH then kneels on you and punches you in the head until you bleed. Bluto: Oowww! FU>CK OFF YA FAT HEIFER! That hurts! HHH: Pay *punch* Your *punch* Dues *punch*..... Cleaning lady runs into office, picks up a swivel-computer chair and hits goons and old guy on the head, HHH and co leave the office, walking backwards up the corridor, pointing and mouthing silently...... |
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#286 |
#1 Senior Elite Member
Posts: 7,886
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*jobs*
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#287 |
FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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CO-WORKER: Have you taken the report to Mr. Leveque?
ME: No. He hasn't left the watercooler all afternoon. He's just been standing there, filling up a cup, drinking half of it, pouring the other half all over himself, then spitting into the air. CO-WORKER: Yeah. He wants tech to come up and install a strobe light next to it. |
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#288 |
One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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El Santo: It's all over the news, sir. A rival company is planning a hostile takeover.
HHH: And what-uhhhh company-uhhh would this be-uuuhhhh?!?! El Santo: Hellwig Incorporated. HHH: *raises arms in the sky, a la Shawshank Redemption* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! |
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#289 |
Posts: 18,357
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1000 points to Loopy! Great stuff!
Wrestlers' worst nightmares. |
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#290 |
So long, Eddie! miss you.
Posts: 1,910
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"i just had a dream that I was a crusierweight in the wwe"
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#291 |
Taller than Adam Cole
Posts: 10,876
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*Shawn Gasps. He dreamed that the focus of Raw wasn't on him anymore*
Hunter: Shawn, go back to sleep... |
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#292 |
Diabetes Coming To Getcha
Posts: 6,826
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Triple H losing the title for 3 months.
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#293 |
PSN: SirHankScorpio
Posts: 1,363
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the WWE Writing team
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#294 |
Triple A's a bitch
Posts: 1,039
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Good news, Stephanie is in charge of your push!
You'll have a string of matches against Shane McMahon where he'll put you over, and then HHH has hinted that he'll job to you cleanly for the WWE Title. |
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#295 |
Triple A's a bitch
Posts: 1,039
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Brock Lesnar wants to see you about posting stuff on the internet!
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#296 |
Triple A's a bitch
Posts: 1,039
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Big Show has fainted in the shower and shat himself.
Give me a hand picking him up or your in a string of matches with Bob Holly! |
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#297 |
The Caption Crippler
Posts: 8,855
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HHH jobs to Eugene
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#298 |
Posts: 18,357
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-10000000 points to Big Bluto for totally ignoring the rules about double/triple posting. That and your three replies were side splittingly hilarious.
![]() If JR ran for President of the United States... |
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#299 |
Posts: 18,357
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I'd also like to remind people that you're encouraged to "act out" the scenes, not just list an example, since that's just boring.
Be funny! ![]() |
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#300 |
The Classic Dylan Staples
Posts: 51,464
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JR: The answer to America's debt is.................Barbeque Sauce!
Reporter: But Jim, how would barbeque sauce pay off America's debt? JR: Well the current president, Thomas E. Christopher has led America into debt, and BAH GAWD the American debt is overwhelming, through hellfire and brimstone! The debt of America is in the multi trillions, and business is sure picking up! If you elect me for president, i will LITERALLY BREAK THE DEBT IN HALF! |
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#301 |
Posts: 18,357
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^ ROFLMAO!!! That's what I'm talking about!!!
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#302 |
Has an evil monkey...
Posts: 7,299
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Reporter: JR, what's your policies on terrorism?
JR: BAH GAWD! Terrorism, TERRORISM, Stop the match, STOPTHEGODAMNEDMATCH. The countries literally broken in half, BAH GAWD! Train wreck. STUNNER on bin Laden, STUNNER! STUNNER!! I'll whip him like a government mule BAH GAWD! |
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#303 |
Diabetes Coming To Getcha
Posts: 6,826
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Reporter: So Jim...what do you think of Saddam Huissen being captured by the USA?
Jim Ross: Damn that Saddam Hussein, damn him straight to hell! I think USA should stomp him like a government mule and then later on he can go out and walk in front of a damned truck! I'll tell you, USA will put an Ankle lock on Hussein, and hopefully they will break the damn ankle, and you can tell, when Saddam was captured, 18 million fans were chanting "Smelly! Smelly" and when you heard that, buisness was about to pick up, and it damn sure did! Suddenly, "Stone Cold Crazy" plays over the PA as the current president of the USA walks out on the podium, and gives the reporter a stone cold stunner. Jim Ross: STUNNER! MY GOD LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HE WAS BROKEN IN HALF! Bush picks up the reporter and sets up a table, suddenly 5 more reporters come and try to knock off Bush, but Bush powerbombs one threw a table, and Stuns all of them. Jim Ross: MY GOD, ALL HELL AS BROKEN LOOSE! |
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#304 |
Posts: 22,695
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Reporter: What do you think of your opposing candidate, Bill Clinton?
JR: CLIN-TON CLIN-TON, HE'S THE TOUGHEST S.O.B IN AMERICAN PRESIDENT HISTORY. HE IS THAT DAMN GOOD, IT WILL BE ONE HELL OF A SLOBERKNOCKER! Reporter: Thanks JR |
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#305 |
Posts: 18,357
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1000 points to Assman for starting it off with something hilarious.
What jobs Cruiserweights would be doing if they didn't wrestle. |
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#306 |
The Caption Crippler
Posts: 8,855
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Ultimo as a janitor, although he'd get fired for slipping too many times on the wet floor
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#307 |
Posts: 22,695
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Tajiri would be running a fish and chip shop in britain
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#308 |
Spammy Certified
Posts: 46,115
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Jackie would be a hooker.
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#309 |
Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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"Have you been injured, fired, or sued without insurance or claims? Here at Ultimo Dragon and Associates, we strive to give our clients the rights, the respect and the dignity that they deserve. We've provided legal counsel and representation for nearly twenty years, and have become the most trusted law firm in the company. Remember, at Ultimo Dragon and Associates, we're here for YOU!"
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#310 |
The Classic Dylan Staples
Posts: 51,464
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Need quad surgery? Come see Dr. Kevin Nash!
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#311 |
Posts: 18,357
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Nowhere Man and AssMan are the only ones who get the spirit of this thread.
ACT IT OUT! DON'T JUST LIST AN ANSWER!!! Although last time I checked, Nash isn't a Cruiserweight. ![]() |
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#312 |
Posts: 22,695
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ok then
'Tajiri's traditional Fish & Chips, now with added Green Mist' |
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#313 |
SEX APPEAL
Posts: 13,830
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Kidman: The Insurance Agent.
He's bland enough to fit in.. |
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#314 |
Spammy Certified
Posts: 46,115
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Chavo, shoe salesman.
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#315 |
FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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*A mother and her son are at the circus.*
SON: Mommy, I want to see the elephants! MOM: Okay, honey. I think they're in that tent over there. *They enter, and sure enough, there's an enormous African elephant inhabiting the tent. A well-built, but a bit undersized man with shaggy black hair is sweeping up after it.* SON: Hey, weren't you...? PAUL LONDON: No. |
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#316 |
Instant Credibility
Posts: 2,979
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**Anytown, USA...a frumpy looking housewif wanders through the cavernous aisles of her oocal Home Depot hardware superstore**
"Excuse me, sonny, can you help me?" "Sure." "I need a particular style of molding, but it's way up on that top shelf.." "No problem..." ***climbs ladder to grab molding, but at the last second changes his mind and launches himself off the ladder and into the bay window display** "OH MY GOD???!!! ARE YOU OK!!!???" "Uh..sure. Anything else?" "I need some particle boards" **walks over to a stack of boards, then begins smashing them over his head** "What in God's name are you doing...? Nevermind. I'm doing some painting. I need 'Leaping Fawn' and 'Elegant Ivory.' **walks over to paint mixer, pours in color combinations, than sudenly takes large hadnfuls and wipes them all over his arms and face. Starts running around Plumbing section, whipping orange apron over his head and screaming "w00t!" Horrified housewige screams and runs out door.** Store Manager: Damn it, Hardy, how many times have I warned you...that's it, YOU'RE FIRED!!!" "w00t!" |
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#317 |
One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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*familiar "Good Humor" jingle. Kids run to the street as ice cream truck slows to a stop*
"Here's your chocolate crunch, kid. And here's your strawberry, little girl. And for you, there's... wait a minute, Superman has his own flavor, but Green Lantern doesn't?" *strikes a pose* "Whatsupwithdat?!?!" |
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#318 |
So long, Eddie! miss you.
Posts: 1,910
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Jeff's sturdy ladders
Note - while ladders can be walked up, company advises disembarking from ladders by jumping from top rung as to help in inducing broken necks. Free prescription painkillers and dope with each ladder sold |
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#319 |
Posts: 18,357
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1000 points to Nowhere Man.
![]() Things you shouldn't tell Stone Cold Steve Austin. |
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#320 |
Posts: 18,357
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"Hi there, Steve! I'm your new girlfriend..."
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