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#1 | |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Batista Unleashed *BDCA*
I know everyone else here is reading A Lion's Tale or Bret Hart's book. But not me, I got Batista's because it is going to be pure awesome in its shittyness. I'm only up to page 12, and it is already awesomely bad. First off it reads like someone telling you what they did over the weekend. Plus, he or his ghost writer Jeremy Roberts assumes you are a retard. But here is the first juicy quote I have to share with everyone:
Quote:
Last edited by BigDaddyCool; 10-27-2007 at 10:35 AM. |
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#2 |
the heartbreak king
Posts: 48,457
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lol real 1907s
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#3 |
the heartbreak king
Posts: 48,457
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The company picnic
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#4 |
Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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Batista fans probably have no idea who KISS are. Be fair.
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#5 |
Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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I hear his mom is a Queen fan.
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#6 | |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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#7 | |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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#8 | |
As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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#9 | |
Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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#10 | |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Quote:
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#11 |
Posts: 18,357
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lmao
Keep those quotes rolling when you find more. ![]() |
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#12 |
Yasser "wheredat" Arabat
Posts: 3,381
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#13 |
He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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Ironically, in
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#14 |
Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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Mostly because in 10 weeks, he'll die.
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#15 | |
Just Some Guy
Posts: 14,679
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#16 | |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Here is another case of thinking we are retardedL
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#17 |
Yasser "wheredat" Arabat
Posts: 3,381
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I'm pretty sure he is confusing his target demographic between:
a) kids that have the stupid bomb sign every damn time on Smackdown b) himself |
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#18 |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Because I for the most part think indy wrestling is crap, he now thinks I'm a mark. So he asked me if I thought the wrestlers were really hitting each other. I answered, sometimes.
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#19 |
He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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How long would the book be without the padding, 5 pages?
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#20 | |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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#21 | |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Another great quote comes from an explaintion on why he messed up his dads house as a teenage:
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#22 | |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Oh, and another even greater quote is him talking to a kid that later turns out to be a best friend of his, but this is their first encounter while he (Dave) is a life guard at a pool.
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#23 |
EATER OF HOT POCKETS
Posts: 14,340
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Who is he, Dave Chappelle now?
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#24 |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Also, I have come to learn he never graduated from high school because he cut class all the time, or as they said back in the day, he ditched. That is right, he explains what ditching is in the book, because no one knows what that is.
Last edited by BigDaddyCool; 10-29-2007 at 12:29 PM. |
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#25 |
Posts: 18,357
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PRICELESS
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#26 |
1/2 Optimist 1/2 Amazing
Posts: 12,427
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Man, sounds like Batista had some crazy nights
crazy crazy nights.... ![]() I'll get my coat.... |
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#27 |
He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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Around 2001 I was in an arcade and saw a Dance Dance Revolution video game. I played it and became hooked.
An arcade is a place where they used to have video games set up and you'd have to pay to play them anywhere from 25 cents to $2. My favorite, before DDR - which is a dancing game where you try to match the beats - was Pacman. You see, you were this little yellow guy who looked like a pizza with a slice missing and he ate pellets and ghosts, and sometimes cherries. Cherries, of course, are red fruit which grow on trees and are frequently used to garnish sundaes. A garnish makes shit look nice. |
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#28 |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Xero limit gots it, only with more curse for no real reason.
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#29 |
YesYesYes!
Posts: 4,163
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I actually just got this book too cus it sounded interesting. I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I was skipping around at some bits and pieces. And one of the best things I read was about Flair being a senile driver.
"Ric insisted on driving. One time, we were going to Norfolk to do a show. Ric was at the wheel and we were lost, of course. We were completely on the wrong side of town. Ric tried to convince me and Hunter that they had moved the highway from one side of Norfolk to the other, and that's why we were lost, not because he had taken the wrong turn or anything. "I'm telling you, I've been coming here for thirty years" he said. "They moved the freaking highway." He was serious. And Hunter started giving him shit, and Ric started getting hot, trying to convince us they moved the highway from one side of the city to the other side. He just insisted he was right. It wasn't uncommon for Ric to go up a one-way street the wrong way, or to go ninety miles in the wrong direction. But we were always so entertained by him that we didn't learn our lesson and kept letting him drive. " |
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#30 | |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Here is a letter I just sent Bats:
Quote:
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#31 | |
Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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#32 |
He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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Funnily enough, that's the only thing he doesn't understand.
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#33 | |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Quote:
I've just gotten past the part where he is no longer Deacon Batista but right before Evolution. Appearently WWE put a ton of time and effort into getting him decent. They even sent him over to Fit Finlay for a while. Finlay, Benoit, and Dave Taylor streched Bats until he started learning how to string a passable match together (They could have made a sit com about it, "3 Daves and a Murder"). Also from reading the book, Bats knows how a match should be wrestled and what would make it a five star match, which is a huge step above all the indy works of the world. Problem is he doesn't seem to be able to express that knowledge in the ring. Also, I have focused on a lot of the neagtive things he has said, he also say a lot of positive things too. I'm starting to respect Dancin' Dave, still don't like him and he really should be a heel. Last thing, interesting side note. According to Bats, D-Von's drink of choice is White Zinfandel. And when Bats drinks, it is malibu. |
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#34 |
As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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For some rasin I'd like to hear Bats explain what Fraggle Rock is....
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#35 | |
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Quote:
(This has been a *BDCA* proof reading) |
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#36 |
Father of Hinduship
Posts: 21,083
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To be honest, I'm actually fairly intrigued by Batista' new book. From what I heard, he makes a lot of controversial comments towards other wrestlers. Like it or not, that's smart business on Batista's part. Controversy creates cash.
![]() Similarily, Bret's book will also be controversial since half of it will "most likely" be devoted to Shawn Michaels, Vince McMahon, and the 1997 Montreal Screw Job. Jericho's book doesn't have much interest for me (although to be fair, I'm not sure what topics he'll discuss). I get the feeling that he'll just talk about his early career, Chris Benoit, and Fozzy. Batista talking shit in his book = ratings. |
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#37 | |||
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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Here are some more quotes:
Dave on Shane Helms: Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Last edited by BigDaddyCool; 11-03-2007 at 12:03 PM. |
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#38 |
Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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OMG. That was awesome.
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#39 | |||
Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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There is a road story in there call Chicago, Bound for Omaha. I'm not going to print all of it, but it is fucking hilarious. It involves Lashley saying "Don't mess with me, man. I beat people up of a living." A clerk with an airline searching for a boarding pass machine in wrestler's luggage. And all sorts of tom-foolery.
Batista's thoughts on people that don't want to be champion: Quote:
Batista on Christian: Quote:
Quote:
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#40 |
Part time poster
Posts: 22,963
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I thought this thread was gonna be soooo fucking awful but this is comic gold.
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