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Old 03-17-2004, 10:14 AM   #1
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RAW Captions Thread (3/17/04)




























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Old 03-17-2004, 12:52 PM   #2
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Austin: What's that Fifi? Timmy's stuck down a well?



Ref: Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued!
Spike: You lucky Christian's holdin' me back!



In an attempt to further differentiate himself from the Canadians around him, Shawn Michaels has embraced his Native American Heritage.
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Old 03-17-2004, 04:13 PM   #3
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Wow, some good pics to work with. Just looking at the RVD/Bubba-Von picture has me laughing. His expression is classic.


Benoit: "Dammit, Hunter! The least you could have done was clean the damn belt before you jobbed to me! Look! Skin here, and here, and here, and here..."


Apparently, Angle getting injured as just a ruse to allow him to slip over to RAW and join the women's division...


Yes, Victoria could be pretty cruel and relentless once she'd singled out a "You're a homo" target.


It was bad enough that Molly had lost her hair. Giant Victoria didn't have to swoop down from behind her and peck at her noggin.


Lita: "Geez, if one teaspoon of Evolution Koolaid lets me pin a bitch..."


Referee Earl Hebner knew it was a bad idea to have Jericho wrestle Ichabod Crane.


Jericho: "I was just going for a neck wrench! Honest! I didn't know it... wasn't connected..."


Egotistical as he was, even Austin was a little concerned when they brought in the new dog for Triple H's new impending feud with Chris Jericho.

OR

Austin: "Steph? Is that you? Wow, you've changed!"


Grenier's French lessons were not going so well with Austin.
Sylvian: "Bonjourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!"


Val knew Austin would be pissed, but as long as he got to see Debra's puppies, it'd be worth it.


That was the last time Kane used the tanning booth in Midcard Hell.


Jackie was exasperated. How come Stacy got to hog up all the time on the middle rope vibrator?


Not to be outdone by Molly, Stacy unveils her "Make you eat my shoes" gimmick.


Here, Jackie botches the Heimlich Maneuver and accidentally kills Stacy.

Meanwhile, Hebner tries to impress the ladies with his Brando impression.


"And to prove that 'it all begins again' I will now eat this microphone... again..."


Bubba's plot to cheat and win was foiled when he openly shook on the deal with Richards right in front of everyone.


RVD's reaction when Bubba told him marijuana was actually illegal in most states.

OR

And suddenly, Rob came out of his delirium and realized his position in the WWE.

OR

RVD was evidentally not to pleased with Bubba's crooning as he proceeded to braid his hair.


D-Von could be pretty vicious when you didn't completely get the splits.


RVD takes a moment to take a dump before continuing on with the match.


The Karate Ref was lethal, as poor Spike Dudley found out.


Trish started having second thoughts about siding with Christian after he revealed to her his occassional tendencies to sprout little Dudley's from his stomach.


Christian: "That's right, Trish has gotten so plastic she's actually become a doll now."

OR

Ken was furious when he found out the real reason Barbie had broken up with him.
(I think Loopy did this one before... sorry...)


Vince: (thinking) Wow! This Fountain of Youth DOES work!


A little known fact about Austin: He's really, REALLY addicted to Crystal Pepsi.


Things got a little interesting when Chavo showed on in the front row on RAW.


Flair: "WAIT A MINUTE!!! HOW THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT???"


No one ever said it was easy giving birth to new Benoits, but when they come out feet first... that's REALLY painful.


Hebner: "I'm supposed to do what?"
Batista: "Rin... der.... beh..."
Hebner: "Dammit! THAT'S what I forgot to do yesterday!!!"


The celebration would have been complete had not Sean O'Haire decided to go sniper happy on another member of the kliq again.
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Old 03-17-2004, 04:13 PM   #4
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CHRIS (mocking): Look! It DOES come off!
HHH: That's so not funny...



MOLLY: Wow! Rogaine really DOES work for women!



VICKY: No! YOU'RE a lesbo!



Victoria's new Harpy Scream finisher was found to have an unusual effect on her opponents.



LITA: See? I do SO know how to pin someone without injuring them or myself!
JAZZ: Oh, my knee...



Chris Jericho's new gimmick where he'd beat the crap out of his opponents, sit and rock in corners and scream, and call himself Humanity seemed...a little familiar.



HUMANITY: Enjoy yourself today!



RENE: No, seriously, Steve! This dog will lead you to beer!
ROB (under his breath): No way he'll believe that...
GRENIER (under his breath): He's not that stupid...
STEVE: Well? What're you waitin' for, ya beady-eyed little bastard?



RENE: Sacre bleu, you have stunned Fifi!
GRENIER: PETA will hear of this...after I finish eating this drywall.



Backstage, Lance Storm wept. His shot at the Tag Team Titles was gone, now that Val Venis had been set up with a new partner, Patty Pagina.



Kane would do anything to keep from being buried, including going to Hulk Hogan's spray-on tanner.



Well, no WONDER Jackie Gayda botches moves so badly! Her left shoulder is an elf!



Earl can only look on in amazement as Stacy's high kick launches Jackie from the ring and into the 85th row.



JACKIE: Hold still. You're making this too hard!
STACY: *Gack!*
EARL: You don't braid people's hair often, do you, Jackie?
JACKIE: Why do you ask?
STACY: *Cough*



Yep. Vince has officially lost his mind. This was proven when he spent the remainder of the show standing in the middle of the ring repeating the phrase "I'm Vince McMahon, dammit! I'm Vince McMahon, dammit! I'm Vince McMahon, dammit!"



Booker T was shocked! How could he possibly have expected Steven Richards to ally himself with the Dudleyz?



Here we see RVD's reaction after Bubba says "Pink Floyd sucks."



Laughing in the crowd
Playing games with the wrestlers
She said the man in the tie-dyed singlet was a spy
I said "Be careful his right boot is really a camera"

(Rep {if I can} to s/he who gets the reference)



ROB: Hey...why can't I stand up straight? It's like there's some kind of gla--



Once again, the picture is taken just a split-second too soon. If they'd waited a bit longer, we'd see the ref executing a beautiful spinning heel kick to Spike's jaw.



TRISH: How's this?
XTIAN: Something tells me this position won't quite work...
TRISH: I know what you mean. The bed's too small...



The crowd was stunned by Trish's heel turn, but nothing could top their amazement at her duet with Christian on "Endless Love."



Aw, crap. Somebody smashed that perfectly good vase.



I think he's full.



RIC: Okay, give it to me, Champ.
CHRIS: It's okay. You can stand up, Ric. Triple H doesn't have the belt anymore.
RIC: Oh, thank God...



RVD (backstage): Well, why isn't he being stopped by the glass ce--



DAVE: Hey...that guy on the TV looks like me...



EARL: *Whew* I finally got to the point where I can watch one of these without calling for the bell.

*Batista taps out*

CHRIS: Ring the bell!
EARL: What do you people want from me?!?



CHRIS: Hey, how was Prom?
SHAWN: Oh, not too hot...
CHRIS: You broke up with Carrie, eh?
SHAWN: How did you know?
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Old 03-17-2004, 04:15 PM   #5
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Damn! Corky posted while I was writing mine, and now it looks like I ripped him off a whole lot... Rabblerabblerabble...
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Old 03-17-2004, 04:18 PM   #6
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LOL! He's back!
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Old 03-17-2004, 04:19 PM   #7
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Well... great minds think alike?
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Old 03-17-2004, 04:19 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corkscrewed
Well... great minds think alike?
But of course, mon petit fromage.

Wait, did I just call you "My little cheese?"
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Old 03-17-2004, 04:22 PM   #9
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Bubba: Oh these split ends are just the worst!
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Old 03-17-2004, 04:24 PM   #10
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*gets freaked out trying to figure out why Loopy just called me his little cheese*
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Old 03-17-2004, 04:34 PM   #11
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Ok, this is my first try at doing more than one, so if some of these suck or repeat, apologies.


Chris: B-E-N-O-I-T. Come on Trips, what does it spell?
Triple H: Benoit
Chris: WRONG! It spells...oh wait


Miss Madness is back



Victoria did try to warn Molly about the Giant Victoria behind her, but Molly just couldn't hear her


Molly was getting tired of this match, so when the opitunity came up, she made the three count


Austin: *sniffs Did you eat my taco's?


Austin: *sniffs* Or was it you?


RVD is trying to trace whose smoking the pot by following the smoke to pin point their position


RVD: WRONG HOLE, WRONG HOLE
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Old 03-17-2004, 04:58 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corkscrewed
*gets freaked out trying to figure out why Loopy just called me his little cheese*
*Realizes I never took French. Tries to remember a suitable Spanish phrase to make the situation less awkward. Realizes it's been four years since I took a Spanish class. Decides to go do Wrestlemania captions.*
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Old 03-17-2004, 05:00 PM   #13
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Benoit: Hunter, I have a friend here who says he misses you almost as much as you miss him!
Hunter: That's not funny Chris..



Molly's still depressed about not switching to Geico when she had the chance..



You'd point and scream too if you saw Mark Henry returning to action.



Victoria screams in terror once more, as pyscho Sinnead O'Conner walks aimlessly around the building.



Lita: Is that Richards in the audience?



Earl: Chris, Chris, get AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
Chris: *grabs arm*
Earl: Smart ass...



Chris: MATT! MATT SPEAK TOO ME!
Earl: It was YOU who shot them people!
Chris: No, I swear, I'll prove it! Matt, speak to me!
Matt: ...



Austin: But how do you smack the thing when it doesn't cook you dinner?
Rene: Not THAT kind of bitch Steve..



Austin: I remember back in the day...I used to be like you...
Rene: You were French?!



Sable looks a lot younger in that picture.



Unlike most people, Kane's evil half of his conscience always seemed to want to watch Spike TV.



Those rumours about Steven Richards must be true, that's a look normally only seen in pornos!



Earl: Whoa man...I lov this job..



Earl: I'm through talking negotations. You either LIKE these shadow puppets, or you DON'T! Which is it, missy?
Stacy: *gag*



Vince does his best Howard Dean impression.



Time once again, for Ortron's Telepathetic Cap of Mind Readingness™!

Ref: IamagoodrefIamagoodref...
Booker: I must be getting Rock Syndrome, too many crackas in the ring I don't remember the names too...
Bubba: I wonder if they'll like my "Rock Impression." Only, I'm better at being the Rock, because I know the people in the ring, like Mark Henry in front of me...
RVD: Where's the smoke coming from?! No one had better have gotten into my stash again...



RVD's reaction to Bubba's "SnipSnip" joke.



The ref and D-Von were determined not to let RVD eat the last Skittle.



RVD: Whoa...getting light-headed...



Christian set-up Spike for the ref, which was promptly turned down, as the ref stated "I don't swing that way."



Trish: Christian! You cheating BASTARD!
Christian: Ohh..this..um..I did it for the Rock?



Christian: Who wants to see ME drop a nickle down Trish's shirt?!



Shannon Moore's face turn was too literal for my tastes.



Worst. Shower. Ever.



Chris: Your miming won't stop me Fla--Ow..what the...Glass Wall?!



Shawn: *thud* WHAT THE HELL?! Where'd this Glass Angled Ceiling come from?!
Flair: Success!



Dave: What the...hey, there's a World Title Push in here!
Chris: GET OUT OF MY ASS!



Earl: C'mon Dave, just one more sit-up!
Chris: EARL, BELL, RING!
Earl: Chris, does Dave looks Canadian too you?
Chris: ...err..YES!
Earl: WHAT?! *rings bell*



Worst. nWo. Ever.
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Old 03-17-2004, 05:02 PM   #14
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Benoit: Uh, Hunter, your name tag seems to be permanetely stuck on this belt. How do you take it off?

Triple H: You held it long enough. Now give it back.
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Old 03-17-2004, 05:02 PM   #15
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LOL @ Penner and Disturbed. Awesome caption(s).
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Old 03-17-2004, 05:17 PM   #16
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@ Fryza's and the others
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Old 03-17-2004, 05:36 PM   #17
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WARNING: One of these captions is both gross and disturbing, but I couldn't resist. It's the Austin one. You were warned.


Benoit: I'm so proud of my title win!
Triple H: (Mumbling) ...Yeah, I am happy you got the belt...
Benoit: (Points to Triple H's nose) LIAR!


Molly was almost too embarassed to go to the ring, but it was nothing A-Train couldn't help her out with by giving her his old used razors.


Shoot this homo in the ass!


Not even the phenominal Powder could defeat a woman who could morph into Chyna.


Lita: I'm pinning someone! I'M PINNING SOMEONE!
Ref: Are you sure this is part of the script?
Lita: !? Who said that!


Worst. Headlock. Ever.


Jericho: I warned you Matt, only Christian can handle this game...


Austin's sheriff role in the WWE sunk to a new low when he starred on Animal Planet's "Animal Police."


Austin: You two ever have any, what's that word, "manage the twat?"


Val: Wow, your breasts are as big as Lance Storm's balls, impressive...


To overstate the obvious, Kane was much bigger than Spike. Afterall, Spike was but a milimeter tall, and needed a sign over his head to point him out.


Stacy: And this is how you execute a fart...
Jackie: Okay Stacy, very funny. First you teach me how to never stop breathing, but then you go and do a thing like that.


Hebner: Holy mother of God. I've seen wrestlers do the Y, but never with no arms!


Stacy: (Tries her hardest to breathe)
Jackie: (notices Stacie is having trouble breathing) When we last met I was the learner, but now, I am the master.


Vince: So then he says to me, 'No Vince, I didn't bang your daughter, but I ate her out and it made my teeth rot out of my mouth.' So I gave him the title.


RVD thought he was being slick by turning around to hit the blunt, but the large smoke clouds kind of gave him away.


RVD: Holy SHIT dude... WOW... Whoaaaaa...
Bubba: (Whispers) Ah hell, my bad Rob, didn't mean to get stiff on the hair.
RVD: No dude... Steven Richards just gave me... The biggest shotgun of my life...


When RVD was caught with the substance, he quickly swallowed the evidence.


RVD would be the first to tell you that bee farming was a profession that required time and patience.


When the ref confronted Christian, Christian cowardly pulled a nine year old boy into his arms to shield himself!

or

When the ref yelled at Christian, he sicced his chiahuahua.


To add more to their heel turn, Christian and Trish revealed the footage of the child midget stump porn that went on while she was dating Jericho.


Since their kiss was horrible, Christian and Trish had to take private kissing lessons from Steven Richards.


Christian: Hm. Garden salad with 1000 Isle Dressing, diet sugar free sweetened ice tea, and is that a salty hint of Vince?
Trish:


Austin shows us exactly how much of Vince's cum you have to guzzle to remain a top face even after you're not wrestling.


While Ric "Mr. Fantastic" Flair distracted Benoit with fingerpuppets, he reached allllllllllllll the way over to the ropes to slingshot them into Benoit.


Flair: Wow, look at you up there! Jesus Christ! You're a superstar!
Shawn: WTF is that supposed to mean!?


Batista: Let's see what we got in here...
(Rummages around, thinking, "Man, I really need to get some rubber gloves.")
*Pulls out Triple H's credibility* Hm, nope.
*Yanks out a toaster* Nope.
*Reaches in deeper and pulls out a tag that reads, "WARNING: Removing this tag is a Federal Offense and will strip you of your title."*

Got it, whew.


Benoit showed Batista exactly what he thought of his moveset when, instead of a spinerbuster, he gave Batista an "ass blaster" and took a dump on him in the middle of the match.


Shawn Michaels had bladed far too much, and this caused for drastic measures, as a triple blood-transfusion was called. Hebner and Benoit were reported to have been woozy, but in stable condition.
Last edited by Rock Bottom; 03-17-2004 at 05:47 PM.
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Old 03-17-2004, 05:56 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loopydate
RIC: Okay, give it to me, Champ.
CHRIS: It's okay. You can stand up, Ric. Triple H doesn't have the belt anymore.
RIC: Oh, thank God...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, out of my fucking chair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-17-2004, 08:08 PM   #19
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Ric: why am I always on my knees and you're standing up?
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Old 03-17-2004, 10:34 PM   #20
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Hunter had to admit it that Benoit was right: there WAS a "Magic Eye" 3-D image imprinted on the World Heavyweight belt, and, yes, it WAS weird he hadn't noticed until now.


"Godammit, now why do I all of the sudden have the urge to put white-out all over my computer screen and find the recipe for ice?"


Molly took off in a hurry when Victoria told her that the Hive Queen had just arrived backstage!


Molly: "Damn you! There was no Hive Queen! DAMN YOU!!!!"
Victoria: "Nyahahaha!!"


When the ref started with the lame pick-up lines, the girls embarassedly turned away.


Hebner: "Oooh, Chris! Your muscles seem bigger today! Have you been working out?"


Hebner: "Oooh, and these pecs!"
Jericho: "Ummm... I'm flattered, Earl... but STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME."


Steve Austin meets the head of the WWE's writing staff.


Sylvan had missed lunch, so --- while Renee and Steve debated the pros and cons of Jerry Lewis --- he decided to nibble on the edge of Renee's looseleaf.


The WWE's first Chicken Dance Contest was off to a great start.


Glenn Jacobs was such a devoted worker that he even wrestled while stricken with the jaundice.


Shannon Moore was pissed. Brian Kendrick's outfit was so much better!


"Smell my feet!"


Stacy: "I love the Suuuubbbs!"
Jackie: "NOOOOO!!!"


"Blue Spanish eyes... tear drops are falling from your Spanish eye...."


As Bubba stifled a giggle, Booker just KNEW he was going for the old joy-buzzer gag.



Bubba: "Aw, damn. Well, Rob, I DID say I wasn't no brain surgeon."
RVD: "Buh."


D-Von takes the hardcore approach to saying "No" to drugs.

Answer to Loopy's caption: Simon and Garfunkel


The match stopped cold when RVD found a penny.


As Spike prepared to unleash the Sonic Girly Scream, the Ref knew it was time to get the hell out of the arena.


Christian: "Ruff! Ruff ruff!"
Trish: "Mrrrowww!"
Spike: "Um, guys... get a room?"


Christian: "Yes, her boob IS touching me! Thanks for asking!"


Trish: "Mmmm... yes... kiss me, Albert..."
Christian: ".... what?"


Austin auditions for the latest "Fanta Shokata" clip.


Ric: "Hey, Chris, I never knew you were from the South, too! Because, you know, OILERS SUCK!"
Benoit: "Nggg!"


Flair got really nervous when Sasquatch appeared at the top of the turnbuckle.


Batista: "Saaaay... Bugle Boys?"


This was not the right time for Earl to check out his manicure.


Hebner really hated being the Ref for the Right Guard Challenge.
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Old 03-18-2004, 12:14 PM   #21
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I must spread Reputation before giving it to El Santo again.
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Old 03-18-2004, 08:00 PM   #22
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'Salright, Loopy.

After surfing the net awhile, I thought of the following captions:



Batista: "Hey, 'Sports Guy' Bill Simmons on ESPN.com says I'm on loan from Vivid Video. Vivid Video? Where the hell would he get that idea? Huh, Chris? Any ideas?"
Benoit: *sigh*


In the spirit of Election 2004, Vince challenged Howard Dean to a mic-eating contest.
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Old 03-18-2004, 08:41 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fryza


Benoit: Hunter, I have a friend here who says he misses you almost as much as you miss him!
Hunter: That's not funny Chris..

.
LMMFAO
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Old 03-18-2004, 10:04 PM   #24
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El Santo twisted my Dean caption
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Old 03-18-2004, 10:25 PM   #25
El Santo
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D'oh! Sorry about that, Fryza. I just saw that Dean picture, and I guess your caption subliminally popped into my mind.
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Old 03-18-2004, 10:31 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Santo
D'oh! Sorry about that, Fryza. I just saw that Dean picture, and I guess your caption subliminally popped into my mind.
Yeah, I have the effect on people.

...wish I could get the effect to work on me..
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