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Old 11-23-2004, 03:10 PM   #1321
big_bluto
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HHH v Eugene in a falls count anywhere match, live on RAW.

HHH and Eugene are punching the crap out of each other backstage, and the camera man is running to keep up.
The camera leads the 2 fighting into Bischoff's office where he is ' entertaining himself ' if you know what I mean.
The camera man quickly backs out, and get's bumped by HHH's big nose, and spins around, losing his balance, accidentally showing Vince, Stephanie, Shane and Linda McMahon sitting in the background eating a McDonalds.
The camera man quickly spins around and hits HHH on the back of the head with the camera, and he is out cold. As he falls he hits Eugene a right sore one, and an unconscious Eugene lands on top of him.
The ref has no choice but to count him 1.......2......3

Incidentally the no-one cuts the live feed, and the last thing seen is Eric Bischoff walking towards the McMahons telling them he could only find a little mayo for them.
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Old 11-23-2004, 03:42 PM   #1322
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HHH v. HBK vol. 2,435,700

**HHH places HBK in Pedigree**
JR: BAWGAWD! INVERTED CHOKESLAM BY AUSTIN! NEARLYTOREIMINHALF!
King: ...... ..oh, yeah,um, "PUPPIES!"... HEY, WHO'S THAT?!
JR: BAWGAWD! IS THE ONLY WORD I KNOW.. OH, IT'S JEFF HARDY!!!
**Jeff, facepaint and all, runs to the ring... stops.. **
HHH: HEY! Did you job to me, already!?
Jeff: ... **looks at Raw banner** ..oops! ...
**runs to back.. comes back with a table and ladder and jumps through it and leaves **
HHH/HBK: ......... ** they leave the ring and company to become Amish **

END.
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Old 11-24-2004, 01:32 PM   #1323
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Batista and Flair walk backwards to the ring while HHH is getting beaten down in the middle of a match.

JR: "Thank god they're leaving."
King: "Huh?"
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Old 11-25-2004, 03:11 AM   #1324
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Okay, how about 1000 pts for that?

If pro sports behaved like wrestling.
(yeah, it's sort of a rehash of an old one, but given recent events, I think we'll bring it back)
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Old 11-25-2004, 09:39 AM   #1325
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Red Sox catcher Sandy Martinez tags out a player at home.
"Martinez 3:16 says I just tagged your ass!"
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Old 11-25-2004, 09:58 AM   #1326
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*A brawl erupts in the 2004 WS between the Yankees and Cardinals*

Joe Buck: This is chaotic!
Al Leiter: Hey wait, who is that long haired Yankee that just came in through the crowd? And why is he beating up his own teammates?
Joe Buck: No way, it can't be.....
Al Leiter: IT IS! IT'S JOHNNY DAMON GETTING REVENGE FOR THE RED SOX!
Joe Buck: BAH GAWD JKO TO JETER!!!
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Old 11-25-2004, 08:39 PM   #1327
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Lakers vs Heat game

Announcer: "Oh, and there's a hard foul by Kobe on Shaq... and oh no! Looks like they're about to go at it! Kobe's right in Shaq's face and... wait a moment, why are they smiling?? BAW GAWD Shaq just turned and LEVELED Dwayne Wade!!!! That sonofabitch! And Kobe with a clothesline to Odom, Butler, and Grant! It was a setup all along!!! Shaq with a chokeslam to Wade!!! Kobe with the SODOMIZER FROM HELL!!!! I can't believe my eyes!!!!!! Not this way! Not this way! And Shaq and Kobe raising each other's hands in the air! Look at this carnage!!!!
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Old 11-25-2004, 08:40 PM   #1328
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PA Announcer: "And starting at center... standing seven feet six inches tall... SHAWWWWWWN BRADLEY!!!!!!"
*Bradley runs down the lane then falls down*
Bradley: "AH MY QUAD!!"
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Old 11-26-2004, 12:36 AM   #1329
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Artest (after just getting hit with cup of beer): Oh, you wanna fight with me, Mr. Blue Shirt! It's on for the title and in the steel cage.. TONIGHT, TONIGHT.. TO-NIGHT!!
**Ron jumps out of the court to beat up a random group of boy scouts**
Blue Shirt: Um, I threw the cu--
Friend next to him: Shh!
MARV ALBERT: HE'S ATTEMPTING PUNCHES AND MISSING ALL OF THEM! THOSE KIDS KNOW HOW TO SELL THAT ROCK BOTTOM. YYYYES!.. BAWGAWDSLOBBERKNOCKERNEARLYTORNINHALF!
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Old 11-26-2004, 08:46 AM   #1330
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Corky, you can't double post

Announcer: Well, after a year out of gamesight, Nomar Garciapara finally returns to bat for the Red Sox. He looks like he is ready. Here comes the opening pitch and Nomar sends a high fligher to the outfield...he runs to first base...wait a minute....oh my god! What just happened? Oh no, Nomar caught it too, Nomar caught the Kevin Nash syndrome!
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Old 11-26-2004, 12:20 PM   #1331
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[Knock knock knock]

TORRE: Come in!

[Derek Jeter enters.]

TORRE: Oh, hi, Derek. What can I do for you?

JETER: Well, skip, I want to talk to you about Gary Sheffield for a minute.

TORRE: Shoot.

JETER: It's come to my attention that he's been getting really good reactions at home games lately. Some fans are even cheering louder for him than for me.

TORRE: Okay...

JETER: And he was an MVP finalist, and I wasn't! Everybody knows I'm the franchise here!

TORRE: Uh-huh...

JETER: So, we're set? He's batting ninth for the Double-A club next season? Thanks, Joe. You're the best.
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Old 11-27-2004, 04:06 AM   #1332
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If [insert WWE wrestler here] was Santa Claus
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Old 11-27-2004, 04:08 AM   #1333
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Flair: "Hello, little boy! What's your name and what do you want for Christmas?"
Boy: "My name is Mark and..."
Flair: "@#(*&_^#@%*@^#^&#(@*% insider terminology using !#@(%&)#@(&%(@*#&%!!!!!"
*collapses*
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Old 11-27-2004, 07:52 AM   #1334
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Santa Claus: Roodalph, thats the last time I let you carry MY balls to their house! YOUUUUURRRRRRRRRRR FFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDD!
Blitzen: My god he just fired Roodaplh! Damn that Santa, damn him straight to hell!
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Old 11-27-2004, 12:01 PM   #1335
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Hunter Claus: And what would you like for Christmas little boy?
Boy: I'm always game for a little -
Hunter: YOU'RE NOT THE GAME! I AM! GET OFF MY LAP YOU LITTLE BITCH! *BOOT* NEXT!
(Jericho's son walks up.)
Hunter: And what's your name little boy?
Kid: Chris Jericho J -
(Hunter throws him off his lap and stands on him with one foot.)
Jericho: God damn it Hunter! Can't you be nice to my kid for once and not hold him down!?
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Old 11-27-2004, 12:53 PM   #1336
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(Holly Claus sits at his work station, checking his "NAUGHTY" and "NICE" lists. However, the words naughty and nice have been scratched out and replaced with the words "HAVE PAID DUES" and "HAS NOT PAID DUES". Oddly enough, the only name on the "HAVE PAID DUES" list is a certain Thurman "Sparky" Plugg. The "HAVE NOT PAID DUES" list consists of the rest of the world.)

HOLLY CLAUS: Damn, Christmas should be easy this year. I think I'll get myself a program with JBL.

(Enter a French Elf, who looks a little embarrassed.)

FRENCH ELF: Holly Claus, I'm really sorry, but I got a ticket in your sleigh. I'll pay it off if you w--

(Holly Claus flips his desk over on French Elf and begins to pummel him.)
Last edited by Anybody Thrilla; 11-29-2004 at 12:28 AM.
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Old 11-27-2004, 06:55 PM   #1337
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^^HAHA AT DUPREE
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Old 11-28-2004, 11:22 AM   #1338
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Gene Snitsky: Hello little boy, what would you like for Christmas
Boy: Well last year I asked for a bike but you never brought it and...
Snitsky: IT WASN'T MY FAULT

Punts little boy in to nearby carol singers
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Old 11-29-2004, 03:19 PM   #1339
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Santa: (On phone with Mrs. Claus) WHADDYA MEAN I SENT THE PRESENTS TO THE WRONG HOUSE?
*Throws a hissy fit*
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Old 11-29-2004, 06:26 PM   #1340
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**Parents waiting with kids in line for Santa**
Mom 1: Where is he?
** PEEPULATION UNITE! HERE'S CAPT. CHARISMA CLAUS! **
Xtian: Hey, kids! What you want for Xmas.. cuz you better tell someone that cares! **pounds chest ** What about you, kid?
Edge: You think you know what I want? You think you know?
Xtian: **writing in list** Right.. "talent and some personality".. gotcha!
Edge: ..You do know me..
end.
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Old 11-29-2004, 06:30 PM   #1341
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*Kid sits in Santa's lap*
Kid: Hi Santa!
Santa: BAHGAWDI'MSANTAWHATDOYOUWANT!?
Kid: What?
Santa: BAHGAWDWHATYOUWANTI'MSANTA! SONOFABITCH!
Kid: Wha?
Santa: BAHGAWD! BAHGAWD! BAHGAWD!
*The kid runs off.*
Kid: WAAA! SANTA'S SCARY MOMMY!
Santa: BAHGAWDWHAT'SWITHHIM!?
Elf: I think he wanted some PUPPIES!
Last edited by Xero; 11-30-2004 at 07:13 AM.
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Old 11-29-2004, 06:39 PM   #1342
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santa santa i want a pet dog for christmas,

santa lawler - did you say puppies?
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Old 12-01-2004, 05:23 PM   #1343
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'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Rattlesnake soon would be there
The workers were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of title shots danced in their heads
And Linda in her kerchief, and I in my cap
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter
I sprung from the bed to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash
The moon on the breast ( breast) of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a huge monster truck and eight tiny lite beers
With a big ol' bald driver, so drunken and peeved
I knew in a moment it must be St. Steve
More rapid than eagles his curses they came
And he whistled and shouted and sullied their names
"[Bleep] Hunter [Bleep] Michaels, that injury-faker
[Bleep] Angle [Bleep] Rocky, [Bleep] The Undertaker
[Drunken, incoherent rambling]
[Drunken, incoherent rambling]"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
So up to the house-top the Bigfoot it flew
With the sleigh full of beers and St. Rattlesnake too
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The pancing and pawing of size-13 hoofs
As I drew in my hand and was turning around
Down the chimney St. Rattlesnake came with a bound
He was dressed in camo, from his head to his foot
And his clothes were all tarnished with beer stains and soot
A thirty-pound keg he had slung on his back
And he looked just like I did when I fired Rodney Mack
His eyes -- they were beady! His breath was quite scary
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry
His droll little mouth was as pointed as a crow's
And the beard on his chin was as brown as Jean's nose
The lid of his can he held tight in his teeth
And the beer left a stain that looked quite like a wreath
He had a long face, and his boots were so smelly
They made my grapefruits shake like a bowl full of jelly

Uh... I'm going to quit now before it gets worse. Ah, hell, I'll just skip to the end.

But I heard him exclaim, as he Stunnered my jaw
"Happy Christmas to all, don't break the damned law!"
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Old 12-01-2004, 05:24 PM   #1344
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Right then. Nothing will top that.
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Old 12-01-2004, 05:27 PM   #1345
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ok...can't top that
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Old 12-01-2004, 05:31 PM   #1346
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You must spread some reputation around before giving it to looppydate again.
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Old 12-01-2004, 05:44 PM   #1347
BigDaddyCool
Pelvic Sorcerer
 
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Hmmm, I can find it, but I was going to post a picture of Bigshow from Jingle all the way.
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Old 12-01-2004, 05:54 PM   #1348
El Santo
One Man Horror Show
 
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Dammmmmnnnn.

Good one, Loopy.
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Old 12-02-2004, 03:45 AM   #1349
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You must spread some reputation around before giving it 10,000,000 pts to loopydate again.
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Old 12-02-2004, 03:48 AM   #1350
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WWE Christmas Cards
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Old 12-02-2004, 08:15 AM   #1351
Doink
 
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YOUR FIRED!

happy christmas

send the family my love

Vinnie mac
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Old 12-02-2004, 09:29 AM   #1352
Gone Mad
EL MERO MERO!
 
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A Xmas HAIKU.. By Snitsky and Heidenreich
(picture on the card is Snit and Heiden standing close,punting a plastic baby Jesus doll)

Useless hosses, unnecessary pushes many
baby punting and gay poetry
thank the lord Vinnie Mac
still have job and not JOBBING
just ask Jericho,
receives HHH's title again in 2007.
Needs a title like Lita needs acting school.
poems are useless, just like talent
remember, JBL's champ til Levasque Jr.!
15 minutes almost up,
so happy christmas to all and to all...
SNI-HEIDEN-RICHSKY !
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Old 12-02-2004, 09:32 AM   #1353
juanker
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Front of Card: Mae Young Naked
Inside: Merry Christmas Y2J
love the McMahon family
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Old 12-02-2004, 09:56 AM   #1354
Xero
He's Here
 
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Dear Hunter,

I know you hate me
I know you loathe me
But when you fuck with my push
You will not be happy

Have a merry Christmas,
Chris Jericho

PS: I have your's and Steph's sex tape, and TNA has agreed to show it on air at their next PPV. Merry Christmas!
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Old 12-02-2004, 04:05 PM   #1355
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*walks to a card stand and picks up a card*

"Here's wishing you one merry night in Chyna."



*faints*
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Old 12-02-2004, 05:44 PM   #1356
loopydate
FIT Challenge Slag People
 
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From Vince
To Kane

Front Cover

I Still Remember

Inside
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Old 12-03-2004, 06:59 AM   #1357
Transplant
...and a Batman symbol
 
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Front Cover: So I Bought You A Birthday Card Instead....

Inside: Well, ITS NOT MY FAULT!!!!
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Old 12-13-2004, 01:42 PM   #1358
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6500 pts for Christmas Kane!

Not sure if we've done this before... I think we might, but it's worth doing again.
Rejected ways of pushing wrestlers.
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Old 12-13-2004, 01:45 PM   #1359
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I'll get the obvious one out of the way.


Writer 1: "I got it! We'll build the guy into a credible main event fighter by having him pick up several strong and clean wins and culminate with him beating the champion in a long, hard-fought two out of three falls match!!!"
Writer 2: "But he's Canadian."
Writer 1: "Oh, nevermind."
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Old 12-13-2004, 01:50 PM   #1360
Xero
He's Here
 
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Vince: Who should we push next? We've pushed every talented wrestler on the roster.

JR: I know, who else is left?

Paul Heyman: I have an idea...

Vince: GET OUT!

Paul: But I just thought that Rob Va...

Vince: GET OUT!

Paul: But can I just...

JR and Vince: GET OUT!!!!
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