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Old 07-26-2005, 10:59 AM   #1761
Champion of Europa
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Champion of Europa puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Champion of Europa puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Champion of Europa puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Champion of Europa puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Champion of Europa puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Champion of Europa puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Champion of Europa puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Champion of Europa puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Champion of Europa puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)
Tonight on..JUVI'S KITCHEN

Juvi: Tonight we will make burritos. DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE JUICE IS COOKIN'?
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Old 07-26-2005, 04:23 PM   #1762
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Peter Griffin: WWE Wrestler
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Old 07-26-2005, 11:43 PM   #1763
Skippord
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Peter:hello my name is Peter he then goes on to be a tag partner of Eugene

cause he is Petarded
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Old 07-27-2005, 10:57 AM   #1764
PorkSoda
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PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)PorkSoda puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)
Peter Griffin: Hey Josh Mathews, guess what I'm doing to prepare for my match against JBL tonight?

Peter runs head first into a wall of bricks, bounces off, falls down two flights of stairs, gets run over by the Mexicools Juan Deere and gets stomped on by the bWo. Brian is seen reading the newspaper a couple feet next to him.

Brian: I hope you learned your lesson, Peter.
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Old 07-27-2005, 11:25 AM   #1765
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Peter: This is more confusing than the time I tried to wrestle Triple H...

(Flashback to Peter standing in the ring and Triple H standing on the glass ceiling.)

Peter: I don't see how this is going to work...
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Old 07-27-2005, 12:39 PM   #1766
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That was perfect!

ONE BILLION POINTS to Xero Limit. I think you're the points leader in this...



Now that they can't be on TV anymore, what's next for Hassan and Daivari.

(take this wherever you want.... wrestling related or maybe have them as car salesmen)
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Old 07-27-2005, 12:48 PM   #1767
Crashnburn
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Hassan: "...and here's your change, sir. Thank you for shopping at seven eleven."

Daivari: standing next to Hassan behind the counter, "Thankyou, pleasecomeagain!"

(Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, I'm going to hell.)

(Wish I had seen the one for Peter Griffin. As soon as I saw it I had a scenario pop into mind. Oh, well.)
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Old 07-27-2005, 10:36 PM   #1768
loopydate
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UFC ANNOUNCER: And Liddell fires back with a straight right! And "Tiger" is down! Chuck Liddell has done it aga--

NYAAIALEYALE...
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:46 AM   #1769
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... One year later...

And the best porn scene goes to...

Hassan and Daivari!!
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Old 07-29-2005, 12:15 PM   #1770
loopydate
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HASSAN: Would you like fries wi--

MANAGER: Uh, Mohammed, could I speak with you for a moment?

HASSAN: Sure thing, sir.

MANAGER: Listen, I don't know if you heard, but there was an explosion in Brussels this morning, and...well...people are complaining that we have an Arab working the counter so close to such an act of terrorism. So, we're going to have to let you go.

HASSAN: But I'm an Arab-American!

MANAGER: Hey, you can still go and work at Burger King. Go to hell!
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Old 07-29-2005, 12:22 PM   #1771
Skippord
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*Sorry for this post its terrible but I cant help it*

SUICIDE BOMB in the UPN offices
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Old 07-29-2005, 12:38 PM   #1772
Xero
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(Hassan goes into Vince McMahon's office.)

Vince: What do you want, you dirty Arab?

Hassan: Someone said you have something for me?

Vince: I don't have anything for any dirty Arabs! Get out of my office!

Hassan: BUT I'M NOT ARAB! I'M NOT EVEN ARAB-AMERICAN! I'M ITALIAN!

Vince: Damn liar! I've seen you on TV!

Hassan: WHAT!? YOU WROTE ME INTO THAT!

Vince: I WOULD NEVER WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT INTO MY SHOWS! SECURITY! GET THIS DIRTY ARAB OUT OF MY FACE!
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Old 07-29-2005, 01:18 PM   #1773
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TODAY ON BARNEY AND FRIENDS:

Barney: Hey boys and girls, today we're gonna talk about in--

AYAYAYLLAIAIEAHAHAAHEELLIAIAH

Hassan: You people ! You put me down as un-American! I have been set aside by all those in the media as a terrorist and all of you out there think that I am su--

Barney: HEY! ...Get it straight. The guy that's usually in your spot is sick today so you better not get his fuckin' ass kicked off the show. Now, are you gonna play Baby Bop or am I gonna have to kick your carnivorous ass all the way to the unemployment line ?!

Hassan: ... yes'im.

Barney: .................HEY HEY!!! **goofy laughter!**
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Old 07-29-2005, 02:26 PM   #1774
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Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Nowhere Man got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
Hassan's Thugs: The Jets are gonna have their dayyyy, toniiiiight....the Jets are gonna have their wayyyyy, toniiiiight....

Hassan: The American media grumbles, "fair fight!" But if they start a rumble, we'll rumble 'em riiiiiiiiight, TONIGHT!

*snap, snap, snap, snap*

Director: CUT! Okay, I don't think "Middle East Side Story" is going to work.
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Old 07-29-2005, 02:41 PM   #1775
Champion of Europa
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Passenger: *looks at license* Uh, Muhammad, take me to Michigan Avenue.

Hassan: Oh, I see how you are. Just because I'm Arab American you think the only job I can get is as a cab driver? I happen to be a cab driver because of my impeccable sense of direction and astounding memory skills. But no, you don't bother to ask about that. I'm just your Arab cab driver. Do you want me to put on a turban and play the sitar? Uh, cause I'll do that. We kind of need the cash.

Daivari: Please help us. We are very hungry.
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Old 08-02-2005, 02:29 PM   #1776
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1000 pts to Nowhere Man.


[WWE Superstar] and the Chocolate Factory
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Old 08-02-2005, 03:17 PM   #1777
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Taller than Adam Cole
 
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Veruca: The raspberries taste like Raspberries

Violet: The Strawberries taste like Strawberries

Gene Snitsky: And the Feet taste like Feet!

Willie Wonka: And the Schnozzberries taste like Schnozzberries... Wait a minute, where are the feet on the wallpaper? Gene, that's the foot of an Oomfa Loomfa

(Screen pans to Tazz)

Tazz: Eh, it's a living...
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Old 08-02-2005, 07:37 PM   #1778
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roflmao
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Old 08-03-2005, 12:05 AM   #1779
loopydate
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VIOLET'S MOTHER: Violet! You're turning violet!

VIOLET: Yeah, but he's turning orange!

HULK HOGAN: [Poses]
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Old 08-03-2005, 03:14 AM   #1780
Gone Mad
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Wonka: And now here is the fizzie lifting drink room. I gotta tell you to watch where you're going or else y--

** Mike TV is next to a floored Eddie Guerrero, and the kid has bottle in his hands.**

Chavo (out of nowhere and out of the stupid gimmick): HEY, LAWSUIT!

Wonka: Oh, no. I'm sorry, sirs, I'll fix-- **STEELCHAIR TO THE HEAD BY EDDIE!!**

Eddie: Um... if you don't tell anyone we're dumping him into the Gobstopper machine, we'll give you all the -- SHIT, OOMPA LOOMPAHS! RUN!!

**Eddie and Chavo run into a low rider away from the orange guys**

END.
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Old 08-03-2005, 06:56 AM   #1781
Skippord
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Big Show Walks in Squish

Show:I think I broke one of your little men
Wonka:Oh well they are anoying as hell anyway
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Old 08-03-2005, 10:55 AM   #1782
Just John
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[Eugene runs into a chocolate tree and falls over crying]



(J.R): Bahgawd! that tree aint made outta chocolate


(King): actually J.R it is
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Old 08-03-2005, 01:56 PM   #1783
Xero
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Undertaker: Hey Wonka, give me one of those everlasting gobstopers...

Wonka: Okay...

Taker: Thanks!

(A minute later, Taker comes back.)

Taker: Can I have another?

Wonka: Well, okay...

(30 seconds later.)

Wonka: ANOTHER!? THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO LAST FOREVER!

Taker: I no-sold father time.
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Old 08-26-2005, 07:19 PM   #1784
Savio
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29.7 points to Vastard-er-um...Nervous ferret!


WWE meets Sesame Street
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Old 08-26-2005, 07:21 PM   #1785
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*Erine kicks bert out on the street*

Big bird: Why did you do that ernie? he's screwed now!

Erine: I didn't screw bert, bert screwed bert!
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Old 08-26-2005, 08:51 PM   #1786
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loopydate
VIOLET'S MOTHER: Violet! You're turning violet!

VIOLET: Yeah, but he's turning orange!

HULK HOGAN: [Poses]
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Old 08-27-2005, 12:02 AM   #1787
Skippord
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*Elmo is knocked out under a table Bert Ernie and the count stand over him*

JR:Bahgawd they're spray painting HA HA HA on him no the HA has struck again Bahgawd
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Old 08-27-2005, 12:06 AM   #1788
loopydate
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[June, 2005]

VINCE: Wow. That's a lot of names. Hmm... One release! Ah ha ha! Two releases! Ah ha ha! Three releases! Ah ha ha! Four...
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Old 08-28-2005, 07:08 PM   #1789
Xero
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Big Bird: Today's show was brought to you by the letter H. And, by the number 11.

(Repeat for over 3000 shows.)
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Old 08-28-2005, 11:05 PM   #1790
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[Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Masters, and Kurt Angle are standing in a row.]

One of these things is not like the others.
One of these things just doesn't belong.
Can you guess which thing is not like the others
Before I finish my song?
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Old 08-29-2005, 12:53 AM   #1791
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Big Bird: O is for Orange! O-R-A-N-G-E!!! Can you say it, kids?

(Orange appears on the screen spelled O-R-A-N-J-E)

(Snitsky from the projector): IT'S NOT MY FAULT!
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Old 08-29-2005, 01:29 AM   #1792
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loopydate
[June, 2005]

VINCE: Wow. That's a lot of names. Hmm... One release! Ah ha ha! Two releases! Ah ha ha! Three releases! Ah ha ha! Four...


That's a winner.



How Hulk Hogan's real last match will go (like seriously... his LAST match).
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Old 08-29-2005, 01:55 AM   #1793
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Jim Ross: BAH GAWD!! CHRIS JERICHO JR. HAS HOGAN UP!!!
The King: IT'S OVER FOR HULKAMANIA JR!
Jim Ross: NOOO!!! JERICHO JR. CAN'T SUPPORT THE WEIGHT OF THE COFFIN! HE GOES DOWN BAH GAWD! 1!!!2!!!!3!!!!!!
The King: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! POST-MORTUM HULKAMANIA IS RUNNING WILD!!!

* FOllowed by 30 minutes of Hogan's corpse being pulled out of the coffin and posed with via strings like a puppet.*
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Old 08-29-2005, 01:56 AM   #1794
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Hogan is standing in the ring after beating his *last* opponent ever. He begins to pose and the ovation from the crowd is so loud that the rafters themselves begin to shake. The very foundations themselves begin to shake. Then suddenly he gets hit by a car

------------------------

Damn I can't think of anything
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Old 08-29-2005, 02:09 AM   #1795
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JR: BIG BOOT! BIG BOOT! BAHGAWDAUSTIN'SDOWN! Hogan comes off the ropes--

KING: His leg just snapped off at the hip, JR!

JR: Austin rises to his feet. NO! DAMMIT! Don't let it end this way! Not with a severed leg costing Hogan his last match!

[Hogan gets to his foot. Austin throws a punch, but Hogan blocks it. The force of the block sends him teetering to the canvas. He rolls over and points at Austin.]

CROWD: YOOOOOOOOOU!

[He lays on the mat, shaking his hands like an idiot. He gets up and throws a punch, but--]

JR: HIS ARM FELL OFF! BAH GAWD, HULK HOGAN IS LITERALLY BROKEN INTO THREE PIECES!

KING: But he's not going to give up that easily!

[As blood continues to gush from Hogan's stumps, he leans against the ropes. He's 97 years old, and his limbs are breaking off. But, damn it, he is not going to sell!]

JR: Hogan rocks forward... And falls to the canvas! BAH GAWD, THE HEART! IT'S SEVENTY TIMES BIGGER THAN HIS BODY!

[Which is half true, since his remote-control pacemaker takes up the first nine rows of the arena.]

JR: BAH GAWD, HULKAMANIA WILL NEVER DIE!

[Austin looks at the referee, whose eyes go wide.]

KING: Uh... Hogan's not moving.

[The referee touches a hand to his earpiece. He whispers something to Austin. Austin frowns. The ref shrugs, and Austin falls down on the mat.]

JR: BAH GAWD...er...AUSTIN...RATTLESNAKE?

[The referee gathers up the parts of Hogan's body and lays them on top of Austin.]

JR: ONE! TWO! THREE! BAH GAWD, HOGAN'S DONE IT!

KING: Yeah, but he's not doing much now...

[EMTs rush to the ring as "Real American" plays. They check Hogan's vitals, then load him into a body bag.]

JR: BAH GAWD, HULK HOGAN HAS LITERALLY DIED IN FRONT OF 8,549,176,320 FANS AT THE SILVERDOME!

KING: ...we're in Tucson.
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Old 08-29-2005, 08:06 PM   #1796
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JR:Hogan going for the leg drop
*gunshot*
JR:Bawgawd a sniper just shot Hulk Hogan in the face
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Old 08-29-2005, 08:35 PM   #1797
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*Hogan's music hits and Hogan stands up, victorious.*

Song: When it comes crashing down and it hur- *RUMBLE* ide! You can't take a- *RUMBLE, CRACK* (Music stops)

JR: What's going... *RUMBLE CRACK CRUNCH* BAHGAWD THE CEILING JUST COLLAPSED ON HOGAN! BAHGAWD HE'S HURT BADLY!

Hogan: FUCK FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHTS OF EVERY MAN! I'M NOT HUMAN DAMN IT!

*Hogan proceeds to blast out of the pile of rubble with his foot rockets and flies out of the arena.*

JR: BAHGAWD HULKAMANIA HAS LEFT THE BUILDING! BAHGAWD WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW EVERYONE!

(The next night on RAW...)

JR: I'm sure you're all wondering where Hulk Hogan went after his match. Well, apparently he wasn't human and he tired to return to his home planet, but a comet struck him down. We send our deepest thoughts to the Hogan family.
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Old 09-06-2005, 04:40 PM   #1798
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1000 pts to Loopy.



If Kayfabe = Real Life and Wrestlers had to be in character 24/7...
Credit goes to the Eugene/Jillian thread.
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Old 09-06-2005, 04:52 PM   #1799
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*Sitting in a hot tub

Guy: Hey there girl. How are you?

Maria: Kinda hot. Why is it so hot in here?

Guy: cause it's a hot tub.

Maria; Then why is the water hot?

Guy: I dunno, but hey you know you got somethnig there on ya.

Maria: Really where I can't see it.

Guy: It's your bikini. It's in the way.

Maria: Really?

Guy: Yeah.

Maria: okay.

*Maria takes it all off.

Guy: Umm there it is.

Maria: Where I still can't see it.

Guy: Fine I'll get it for you.

Maria: okay.

Guy: Oh and um you may want to stand up. It's a little dirty down there too.

Maria: Gosh how did that happen.

*Guy moves in and "touches Maria"

*Random girl walking by.

Girl: Geeze what a pervert.

Maria; What's a pervert?
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Old 09-06-2005, 05:19 PM   #1800
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(Carlito is eating at a restaurant. The waiter comes back with his credit card and receipt.)

Carlito: Than- HEY! Was' dis? You put an extra $5 on for a tip!? Dat's not cool!

(Carlito gets out his apple and spits it on the waiter.)

Carlito: Now dat... Dat's cool. Keep the change.
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