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Old 09-06-2012, 07:27 AM   #201
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Good game from the Cowboys showing up on opening night, Giants didn't.
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Old 09-06-2012, 08:43 AM   #202
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The O-Lines performance last night made me realize just how spoiled we were to have Diehl-Seubert-O'Hara-Snee-McKenzie for about 5 years.
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Old 09-06-2012, 09:11 AM   #203
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I don't get why they kept trying the left side when the best two linemen are Diehl and Snee
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Old 09-06-2012, 09:15 AM   #204
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I feel like I say this every year but the Gianta really ought to think of O-Line as a top priority in their next draft instead of just going with these 4th/5th round development projects.

Wait...Osi and Kiwi are free agents after this year. Defensive end = confirmed
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Old 09-06-2012, 10:16 AM   #205
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Tony Romo sucks by the way
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Old 09-06-2012, 11:25 AM   #206
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Welp, Art Modell's dead.

K Bye.
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Old 09-06-2012, 11:29 AM   #207
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Gotta go to Mo's.
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Old 09-06-2012, 12:08 PM   #208
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanso View Post
Tony Romo sucks by the way
He certainly seems done after last night. Just... just terrible.
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Old 09-06-2012, 12:13 PM   #209
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Quote:
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Shut up Collinsworth, I'd almost guarantee you the center knew Eli Manning's hands weren't on his butt.
I bet you want Jim Ross to start calling NFL game, you inbred hillbilly..
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Old 09-06-2012, 12:16 PM   #210
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Quote:
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I bet you want Jim Ross to start calling NFL game, you inbred hillbilly..
He probably wouldn't be bad, but Jim Ross tries to turn everything into a football analogy (read his blog). I bet you want Dana White to fuck you in the ass while Joe Rogan screams how much of a technical wonder Dana is in the utter destruction of your asshole. Then, right as Dana White explodes gallons of his semen into your gaping orifice, Mike Goldberg will exclaim "IT'S ALL OVER!". Then, Dana will let you clean his boom mic.
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Old 09-06-2012, 12:42 PM   #211
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Never realized that Modell is part of the same Modell's sporting goods family til just now.
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Old 09-06-2012, 01:25 PM   #212
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Modell probably has a good chance of making the Hall of Fame now considering almost nobody wanted to include him while he was alive in the several times he was on the ballot as punishment for the move.

I think the Ravens winning the title a few years after the move might have been worse for Cleveland than the actual move itself.
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Old 09-06-2012, 01:33 PM   #213
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I for one would love to see JR do NFL commentary. Even though he's liable to have an orgasm anytime an Oklahoma alum does something.
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Old 09-06-2012, 01:44 PM   #214
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A Jim Ross orgasm if the most disgusting thing I can ever think of..
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Old 09-06-2012, 02:04 PM   #215
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BAH GAWD BOOMER SOONER
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Old 09-06-2012, 05:43 PM   #216
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Old 09-06-2012, 06:03 PM   #217
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Dallas' o-line was pretty fucking underwhelming for the money spent last night. Romo and Murray aren't gonna be able to make plays despite them all season. They need to hurry up and mesh. The only guy I really have faith in is Tyron Smith. A couple false starts but that tackle, even with the horsecollar which cost the team one measly yard but saved four points was fucking clutch. Also, he was certainly "down with JPP". Or "not down with JPP". Whichever is appropriate for the situation.
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Old 09-06-2012, 09:00 PM   #218
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Yep. The O-line is a mess. Last year it was the secondary this year it's this. But every team has somekinda weakness and they win superbowls despite..Romo will have to be superman this year.
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Old 09-07-2012, 02:02 AM   #219
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That John Clayton video is hilarious.
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Old 09-07-2012, 02:03 AM   #220
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Originally Posted by Kris P Lettus View Post
A Jim Ross orgasm if the most disgusting thing I can ever think of..
Look outside and you'll probably find something more disgusting.
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:20 PM   #221
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:22 PM   #222
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:04 PM   #223
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This is my favorite time of the year. The weather forecast goes from "It's going to be hotter than Satan's gooch" to "There will be a nice crisp chill in the air and mostly sunny all day today," school starts back up and there's 24/7 NFL coverage to make studying/work go by faster. I'm so happy right now.
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:06 PM   #224
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I can't fucking wait for that crispness.
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:08 PM   #225
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Saints players win appeal and can play week 1..

wooooooooooooo
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:09 PM   #226
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:10 PM   #227
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Quote:
Suspensions for four players connected to the New Orleans Saints' bounty scandal have been overturned by a three-man arbitration panel, sources tell ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.

The ruling should clear Jonathan Vilma, Will Smith, Scott Fujita and Anthony Hargrove to start the season.

"Victory is mine!!!! -stewie griffin," Vilma tweeted Friday afternoon.

The panel's decision affects the players only, not suspended coaches Gregg Williams, Sean Payton and Joe Vitt.

The NFL Players Association and the four players had claimed in consolidated lawsuits that Goodell abused his authority and followed improper procedures in disciplining the players for a program that, according to NFL investigators, paid improper cash bonuses for tackles that injured opponents. The lawsuits sought to have the punishment handed down by Goodell thrown out. The arbitration ruling renders the lawsuits moot at this point.

A team source previously told ESPN's Ed Werder that Vilma planned to attend Sunday's season opener against the Washington Redskins, but believed he was at least a week or two from being ready to play because of a knee injury.

Information from ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter, ESPN's Ed Werder and The Associated Press was used in this report.
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:13 PM   #228
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I can't fucking wait for that crispness.
Same here. Although I do dread getting the leaves out of the yard.
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:15 PM   #229
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So I guess we now have 2 active probowl MLB's??

woooo
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:27 PM   #230
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:38 PM   #231
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Saints fans sent in twice as much hatemail to the guy who wrote the write ups than any other team.
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:44 PM   #232
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We our team..
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:50 PM   #233
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I hope there isn't a Broncos one. I don't want to shatter the illusion that we are perfect in every way.
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:59 PM   #234
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Quote:
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I hope there isn't a Broncos one. I don't want to shatter the illusion that we are perfect in every way.
Quote:
Why Your Team Sucks 2012: Denver Broncos
Drew Magary
Some people are fans of the Denver Broncos. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Denver Broncos. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here.

1. John Elway Sideline Horseface. Last season marked one of the very few times that a sideline shot of a team executive was actually warranted, because nothing was more enjoyable than watching Tim Tebow pull game after game out of his ass and then see John Elway over on the sidelines, looking like a foiled supervillain. But now that Elway has masterfully run Godboy out of town, we're still gonna get 50 sideline shots of his big horsey mouth every game. Seriously, his teeth are huge and terrifying. He could bite an eggplant in half with that big disgusting horsemouth of his. Remember when Dikembe Mutombo was playing for the Nuggets, and they had Elway come out on the court and scream, "LET'S GET READY TO MUTOMBO!!!!!" and he did so like a roided-up nutcase? That was awful.

I don't need to watch John Elway clapping every time Peyton Manning hits a receiver on a 10-yard out. That will grow very old, very quickly. Elway and Manning are two of the most annoying players in NFL history, and I already know EXACTLY what Jon Gruden is gonna say about these two men joining forces: "Now THESE GUYS know a little something about playing the quarterback position." I've already heard plenty about how Peyton was drawn to Elway because they both have the heart of the champion, or some other horrible bullshit like that. I don't want a full season of it.

2. Let's talk about Fetushead's fetusneck. The worst-case scenario for Peyton Manning is that he spends all preseason telling everyone he's never felt better and reporters believe it (this will happen), and then he'll go re-injure his neck in Week 3 and never play football again. Actually, that's not the worst-case scenario. The worst-case scenario is that he gets kidnapped by drug lords and has his penis severed. But the SECOND worst-case scenario is that his neck gets re-fucked. Take it from someone who knows from spinal injuries: All it takes is one false move for Manning's fused neck to collapse again. It doesn't even have to be a big hit. He could slip another disk just by turning that big fat head of his. I strongly advise all Broncos haters to scream, "HEY ASSHOLE" at Peyton any time he walks down the street, so that he does a double-take and risks ending his career.

3. It won't be long until you remember why you hated Manning to begin with. Like you, I've had warm feelings toward Manning lately because he helped Elway troll Tebow. But soon he'll take the field again, and I'll remember why I rooted against him every time he played for the Colts. All that needless jittering in the pocket. All the violent overpraising from the analysts. All the goofy sulking he does after tossing a pick that he believes wasn't his fault. Peyton Manning the person is immensely likeable. Peyton Manning the football player is abhorrent. If we're lucky, he'll revert to 2010 form and once again be just great enough to lose at home in the divisional round. BOOSH! I hope you Broncos fans enjoy two to three years of going 11-5 before having to start all over again.

4. Who's Manning gonna throw to? Because Demaryius Thomas only knows how to run in a straight line. I'm sure Manning will transform Eric Decker into his patented "gritty white receiver everyone hates," the guy who catches passes exclusively on third and long and makes you wanna put your fist through a puppy's forehead. But the other wideouts are brutal, and new TE Joel Dreessen specializes in hoarding E's and S's and having big games ONLY when he resides on the fantasy football waiver wire. The second you pick him up, he puts a fucking bagel on the board. Fuck Joel Dreessssssseen. Fuck him hard. Oh, and they have Jacob Tamme. Fucking Jacob Tamme.

5. If you cut off Elvis Dumervil, he will threaten to shoot you.
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Old 09-07-2012, 05:04 PM   #235
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Inno, post the Jags one for me. I'll read the shame to myself.
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Old 09-07-2012, 06:14 PM   #236
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“They Won’t Magically Turn You Into A Lustful Cockmonster”: Chris Kluwe Explains Gay Marriage To The Politician Who Is Offended By An NFL Player Supporting It

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage. Yahoo has published a letter that Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote last week to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to "inhibit such expressions from your employee." This is Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe's response to Burns.

"This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis? "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!" Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)"

http://deadspin.com/5941348/they-won...-supporting-it

lol. Chris Kluwe is awesome.
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Old 09-07-2012, 10:05 PM   #237
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ermaximus View Post
Inno, post the Jags one for me. I'll read the shame to myself.
Quote:
Why Your Team Sucks 2012: Jacksonville Jaguars
Drew Magary
Some people are fans of the Jacksonville Jaguars. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Jacksonville Jaguars. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here.

1. YOOOOOOOOOOO GABBERT GABBERT!!!! One of the great running jokes of this preseason is just how awful Blaine Gabbert has looked in training camp. Poor Jags beat writer Vito Stellino has been on hand all summer to watch Gabbert go one-for-12 playing against air. Stellino has taken great care to phrase Gabbert's abysmal play and the team's outright putridity as delicately as possible. He's a professional, after all.

Vito Stellino ‏@vitostellino

Another small crowd at practice . Jags fans don't seem to be all in.

The fact that Stellino knows he needs to sugarcoat the apathy only makes it more glaring. No word on if Gabbert has yet to perfect closing his eyes while throwing the ball, but I think after watching him play during his rookie season, we all know he's on his way. But don't worry, Jags fan. By Week 3, you'll have CHAD HENNE as your starting QB! That's right, Chad Henne: The Quarterback You Use When You Have No Quarterbacks. Would you like me to kill you now? I think you would. Don't worry, I'll make sure it's painless. Breathe easy.

2. Mike Mularkey is the Chan Gailey of Mike Mularkeys. It's hard to overstate how deflating it is to see your team hire a thoroughly useless retread like Mike Mularkey. Hiring a brand new coach is the ONE TIME a beaten down NFL fan gets to feel optimistic about the future. An unknown assistant or famous college coach may not guarantee success, but at least there's the PROMISE of something good. At least you can daydream that your team happened upon its own Mike Tomlin. But you don't even get to enjoy that momentary self-delusion when your team goes out and hires Mike fucking Mularkey. There's no upside to that. There's no hope to be wrung from such a rote, passionless hire. You may as well hire no one. You may as well gain 500 lbs. and delete your eHarmony profile because you clearly don't give a shit anymore.

Nothing about this hire makes sense. This is a team that has a new owner (Shahid "The Iron Hedgehog" Khan) and a rapidly dissolving fanbase. They could have hired Wolfman Rob Ryan! At least when you go 3-13 five years straight with Rob Ryan, you do it in style. There would be random stains ALL OVER the locker room if you had Rob Ryan as coach. This team needed to do something... ANYTHING... to prevent themselves from being an NFL nonentity. Ninety percent of all discussions involving the Jaguars feature at least one person asking, "Christ, why haven't they moved to L.A. already?" The team is stuck in Florida's asshole for the next two decades for no good reason. An optimized NFL is one in which the Jaguars are banished from the face of the fucking Earth.

3. Let's make fun of the receivers. There are three new wideouts in Jacksonville. The first is Justin Blackmon, who can get fantastic separation when he's driving 150 mph after chugging a gallon of paint thinner. Then there's Laurent Robinson, who is now free to go back to being Laurent Robinson after the Jags overpaid him for one nice season in Dallas. And then we have... LEE EVANS?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Holy shit, Lee Evans is awful. I wouldn't trust Lee Evans to hold a sleeping baby. Lee Evans is the Mike Mularkey of journeyman wideouts.

4. Remember how everyone thought the wheels would fall off MJD last season? Turns out we were just one season too early. If and when his holdout ever ends, Pocket Hercules will be summarily run into the ground by Mularkey. I don't wanna see that happen. It would break my heart. I'd much prefer it if he held out forever and was far away from Jacksonville when the rising ocean tides come to claim the city for good, flooding all the buildings and Fred Durst's recording studio and dragging it all back out to sea. The town will settle at the bottom of the ocean and future anthropologists will discover it while scouring the ocean floor in a submersible. They'll come across the bones of 500-lb. Jacksonville citizens and name the wreckage FATLANTIS.

5. Hear it from an ex-Jags fan! I asked Dan Shanoff to contribute to this preview. This was his response:

Why do you ask? Oh wow, because of my thing about being a Jaguars fan from six years ago? That expired the night of the '10 draft when Tebow went to the Broncos. Your revised question: "Anything Jets-related you'd like to toss into the Deadspin preview?"
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Old 09-07-2012, 10:43 PM   #238
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I guess my fears are absolved, because while Elway and Manning are apparently ghastly monsters, Broncos fans are still perfect angels.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:50 AM   #239
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Hahahaha Lee Evans is the Mike Mularkey of journeymen receivers.

I suppose that review could have been worse, but I'm sure that honor went to the Browns.
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Old 09-09-2012, 11:32 AM   #240
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John Clayton has no hops. Love that video though.
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