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Old 11-21-2021, 02:29 AM   #1
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Vastardikai books the best (?) Survivor Series Possible.

Note: I am only doing this for the sake of balance, as I have done a few AEW ones. I am, as always, clearly taking the piss.

The first match is the 25 Man Battle Royal. It starts with all competitors in the ring. Before the bell can ring, however, out comes Nick Khan. Nick declares that he's going to change some things up. Since this is Survivor Series, he's going to make everyone fight for Survival. The first 10 eliminated will be wished well in their future endeavors. The bell rings. Sammi eliminates himself, because he longs to hear "Ole!" once more. Dolph Ziggler tries to eliminate himself, but is stopped by Cesaro. Trans Rights-Bar eliminates Ricochet, because Vince already has a flippy acrobat and he is a better talker. Dolph Ziggler tries to eliminate himself, but is stopped by R-Truth. Shanky eliminates the Viking Raiders. The IWC are mad about the elimination of this great team, and can't wait for them to debut in AEW, get squashed by the Young Bucks, and get the FTR treatment. The Hurt Business eliminates Drew Gulak, so he can go to AEW and become Avocado Tomlinson, reuniting with Orange Cassidy. Dolph Ziggler tries to eliminate himself, but Omos catches him, dragging him back into the ring. Commander Azzez, in a shocking turn of events, eliminates Apollo Crews, because the goofy accent has run its course. Dolph tries to eliminate himself again, but is cut off by Jinder Mahall. Big Bob is eliminated by Chad Gable, who is then dumped by Los Lotharios, who are then eliminated by Otis. Dolph throws the world's biggest temper tantrum, then gets eliminated by Shanky. Mansoor eliminates Commander Azzez. Cesaro gives Shanky the Giant Swing. Omos eliminates R-Truth, then Shelton, then Angelo Dawkins. Mansoor eliminates Trans Rights-Bar. Cedric Alexander eliminates Mansoor, and is promptly penciled in to be murdered during the next Saudi Show. Omos and Shanky look at each other, and decide to see who can throw someone farther. Omos sends Cedric into the 2nd row. Shanky sends AJ into the fifth row. Cesaro shocks everyone by winning, throwing Otis all the way up the ramp. Jinder and Cesaro appear to eliminate each other, but Jinder rolls into and back out of the ring. Omos and Shanky has a legendary Hoss War, The likes of which makes Alvarez and Meltzer froth in rage. Vince has a massive boner. They end up eliminating each other, hitting at almost the same time. However, the winner is Jinder.

Up next is Damien Priest vs. Shinsuke Nakamura. Nakamura comes out first, with Rick Boogs playing his entrance theme. Halfway down the aisle, Johnny Ace appears on the Tron and releases Boogs, for budget cuts. Nakamura and Priest have the second best match of the night, but alas Priest wins, as Vince has invested way too much money in this guy to have him lose. Vince really hates those guys who came through NXT. Nakamura, for the millionth time, has been buried. Oddly enough, he wasn't the top guy in New Japan. His run with the IWGP title was kind of a flop. He was, however, hugely successful as the IWGP IC belt. In essence, he's in the exact same spot as he was in New Japan, only with a bigger audience. He has had the best career out of any Japanese Wrestler in WWE history, with Asuka a close second.

Backstage, we see the Rock and Ryan Reynolds, promoting their new movie Red Notice. The Crowd goes absolutely bat shit seeing the Rock. Ryan is playing a Nintendo Switch. The Rock asks where Gal Gadot is, and Ryan says that she left with Paul Heyman. Rock asks why didn't he stop her, Ryan replied, because Paul gave me this Switch, as a gift from the Tribal Chief. Rock knows what is going on, because he used to dole out the Gameboy Colors. He declares that he'll be right back!

RKbro vs the Usos are next. Before the bell rings, Nick Khan comes out. He releases Matt Riddle. He then announces Orton's new tag team partner: Cesaro. RKsaro and the Usos have a very good match, as Cesaro has great chemistry with the brothers, and Orton is the best wrestler in the world. If you'll excuse me, I have to log off twitter so I don't have to hear the angry Bullet Cult members threatening to kill me and dismember my cats. The Usos win, after some interference from Heyman. Orton then RKO's Heyman... OUT OF NOWHERE!

Women's Survivor Series match has all the competitors come out. The bell rings and all the smart marks pull out their stop watches. Carmella is eliminated by Toni Storm. Liv Morgan eliminates Natalya. Morgan and Storm fight to a Double Countout. Johnny Ace comes out and declares that Queen Zelina and Shotzi are both released, for not sending him shit pictures. We are down to Sasha and Shayna vs. Bianca and Rhea. Vince really hates those NXT talents. The foursome proceed to tear the house down. Bianca powers out of the Rear Naked Choke from Bazzler and eliminates her. Rhea, after a hard fought battle, defeats Sasha. The little girls in attendance cheer as their heroes are victorious.

Now is a good time to mention how the audience isn't completely full of the key demo. Instead, there are Men, Women, and Children. People of all colors, creeds, and such. It isn't an ocean of dudes with neckbeards, black t-shirts, and BO. CM Punk is reported as saying that the arena is empty, because there are no such thing as casual fans.

The Rock knocks on the door of the Bloodline's locker room. Jey answers the door. Rock wants to know where Roman is. Jey says he'll address him when he wants to. Blake Lively steps from the shower, wearing but a towel. Rock asks her if Gal is in there. She says "Ahyessir!"

Men's Survivor Series match is next. Austin Theory strikes first, eliminating Jeff Hardy. Hardy has been buried again. Vince doesn't know how to build new stars, despite featuring Theory in a high profile match before he even debuted with the company. And giving him the best part of Tyler Breeze's gimmick (with him having the charisma to pull it off). Theory is eliminated by Drew McIntyre. Finn is eliminated by Happy Corbin, burying him. KO eliminates Corbin, burying him. Lashley eliminates King Woods, burying him. Seth Rollins eliminates Sheamus, burying him. The trio gang up on McIntyre, who doesn't go down. He gets a quick roll up on Seth Rollins, eliminating and burying him. KO attempts the Stunner, but Drew pushes him away. KO turns around into a Claymore Kick, eliminating him. Lashley is about to put McIntyre away, but is distracted by Brock Lesnar. McIntyre eliminates him with a Claymore. Fans are buzzing about the possibility of Lashley vs Lesnar.

Becky vs Charlotte is up next. These women really hate each other. They aren't friends. Charlotte is a real life bitch. Security allegedly just let her in the building for this match. No one gets worked anymore. It's a shame. Don't you just hate how Charlotte hogs the spotlight? They have the best match of the night. It ends in a time limit draw. Meltzer knocks 2 stars from the rating of this match. By the way, Luchasaurus has more 5 star matches than Kurt Angle and Bret Hart. Combined.

Roman Reigns comes out for the Main Event, alongside Paul Heyman, wearing a neck brace. Every woman in the arena starts ovulating at the mere presence of this man. He declares himself the Tribal Chief, and that everyone should acknowledge him. The women do just that. As does the entire country of India. He says that he has a special guest. Out comes Gal Gadot, from Red Notice. He asks her who the Tribal Chief is, she says Roman Reigns. He asks her who the biggest star in Sports Entertainment is, she says Roman Reigns. He asks her who she wants in her next movie, she says Roman Reigns. He asks her who would win in a match between himself and the Rock, the fans erupt. She says Roman Reigns, the crowd boos. Reigns declare that this is why the Rock is in Hollywood, and not sharing a ring with him. Because he knows that even he will have to acknowledge him. But he can have Hollywood, for now.

While the thought is fresh on my mind, why did Vince Replace all of the Indy talent in NXT with a bunch of ex-football players? It's not like people want to see a bunch of Mongos running around! What do they know about workrate? They'll never be as big of a star as the Rock (ex-football player, Miami (FL)), Steve Austin (ex-football player, North Texas State), John Cena (ex-football player, Springfield College), Ric Flair (ex-football player, Minnesota), Terry Funk (ex-football player, West Texas State), Ron Simmons (ex-football player, Florida State), Jerry Lawler (FINALLY) or Hulk Hogan (TWO IN A ROW!). It's time for the Main Event, between Big E (ex-football player, Iowa) vs. Roman Reigns (ex-football player, Georgia Tech).

Vince McMahon doesn't know how to make mainstream stars anymore. Big E, just the night before, hyped up a boxer. For the third time. He's been doing major promotion for Survivor Series and WWE as well, and has grown into his role of a top guy. Roman Reigns recently got an award for his work with Make-a-Wish. He appeared on Jimmy Fallon. Women want him. Men want to be him. Reigns hurt E's friends. He hurt E's Pride. E needs to lend a hand. It don't help to hide. The dynamic here is different from usual. This time, it's Men and children cheering for Big E, while the women cheer for Reigns. The match is a war. At a pivotal moment, The Bloodline interferes, only to get cut off by the New Day. Roman slips out of a Big Ending, taking out the ref. He then nails the Superman Punch. He grabs a chair, looking to end this once and for all.

"IF YOU SMELL... WHAT THE ROCK... IS COOKING!" blasts out from the PA system. Reigns drops the chair and watches as the Brahma Bull comes down the aisle with a purpose. Rock and Reigns stare each other down. The crowd is electric. Both nights of Wrestlemania sell out during the stare down. Rock points behind Reigns as he exits the ring. Reigns turns around... BIG ENDING! E with the cover as the ref makes the count... 1...2...3!!! E wins, giving the fans their second big moment, and establishing himself as one of the top guys in the company. Reigns is fuming, humiliated by his rival and embarrassed by the Rock.


"I'd Punch your mother in the face to be here in the NWA!" George South

"Right? No one is going to fuck with a giant ninja swinging a chainsaw! " -Screech
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