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Old 03-04-2023, 12:59 PM   #1
Vastardikai
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Laughing Where Vastardikai discusses Revolution 2023
So AEW has another haphazardly booked show this Sunday. Let me run this down as only I can...

Lucha Bros and Mark Briscoe vs Varsity Athletes and Daivari:

There are 3 things that are a certainty: 1. Buying stock in Defense Contractors will turn you a profit. 2. The only way I am going to partake in Steak and Blowjob day is if I take a prostitute to Longhorn. 3. Lucha Brothers are gonna turn on Mark Briscoe. I would bet my avatar on this, but I don't have the best record when it comes to ROH shit.

Winner: it doesn't matter. Probably Briscoe & Luchas.

Elite vs House of Black for Trios Title:
I seriously doubt that Mr. Rhea Rhipley, Downtown Hipster, and Macaroon Black will win this. They are gonna do everything, nothing is gonna stick, and it's gonna kill the crowd faster than having the same match 7 times.

Winner: hint, it ain't call All House of Black Wrestling.
Loser: the fans.

Christian Cage vs. Jack Perry:

The story demands Jack gets his revenge. Also, Jack stays up all night with Tony, while Christian allegedly bangs the girl Tony simps for.

Winner: "Jungle" Jack Perry

Chris Jericho vs Ricky Starks:

Chris Jericho said he will never get his win back against Action Andretti. Why would he? Andretti has slightly less personality than Daniel Garcia. Ricky Starks, on the other hand, has potential and people like him. So he's screwed.

Winner: Chris Jericho
Most likely counting the days until he makes his NXT debut: Ricky Starks

Tag Title Clusterfuck:
Acclaimed got over on their own, but they aren't the Bucks, so fuck 'em. The Gunn's have a big money nickname in the Ass Boys, so they are called the Gunn's. Jarrett & Lethal are there to get pinned. Tony likes Orange Cassidy, and Danhausen is a meme who would be great if he never set foot in the ring. Ass Boys should win, but I don't have faith in Tony not being a dumbass.

Winners: The Gunn's or Orangehausen
Who takes the fall: Jay Lethal.

Ruby Soho vs Saraya vs Jamie Hayter for the Britt Baker Division Title:
Britt is a master politician. Almost as good as Jericho. How else do you have the Champion be your lackey. Also, how is the Champion only slightly more important than Toni Storm in an angle than involves Ruby Soho? Speaking of, Ruby finally joins the new Women's order, because she was too chicken shit to do this against Britt, via booking. Saraya wins, so Britt can get her win and belt back.

Winner: Saraya
Real Winner: Thunder Rosa, because she is no longer the worst booking of a Britt Baker Division Champion.

Samoa Joe vs Wardlow:

Spoiler: Wardlow is on the reality show. Joe is not. Not that Wardlow winning isn't the right decision. Though this run was deflated because Darby "I like Turtles" Allin just had to have a belt going into Great Muta's last multiman match, for some reason.

Winner: Wardlow
Next guy to cooled off: Wardlow (again.)

Moxley vs Page:

Moxley forehead is gonna bleed. Hopefully it is off something hilarious, like an arm wringer. Moxley needs to go on a vacation and/or back to rehab. He looks like he'll. Page wins, because he will be the next challenger for MJF.

Winner: Hangman
Amount of Blood Shed: 3 quarts.

MJF vs Danielson for the World Title:
Hour long Iron Man match. Hopefully, Danielson doesn't get a concussion in the first 5 minutes. Because the mat h will continue, even if he thinks he is in the city of Pistachio Walnut Ice Cream, and his name is Dick Gazing, rather than his hobby. No one buys Bryan winning the big match. He never has in AEW. This doesn't change.

Winner: MJF.
Next Challenger: Adam Page
MJF's reaction: Your hometown sports team sucks.


=

"KARA-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Question Mark.
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Old 03-04-2023, 01:42 PM   #2
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Old 03-05-2023, 05:22 PM   #3
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The card looks horrible.

* Mark Briscoe & Lucha Bros win because Tony likes exploiting the dead.

* House of Black over Elite because The Elite are certainly not selfish. No way. Not a chance.

* Christian Cage over Jungle Boy because this feud must continue.

* Chris Jericho over Ricky Starks because only the Jericho Appreciation Society is banned from ringside. Here comes the Inner Circle, because Jericho is so clever.

* Wardlow over Joe and we’ll all pretend that AEW’s booking hasn’t buried him.

* The Gunns to retain the belts because they just won them and the tag division doesn’t matter.

* Jamie Hayter to retain the women’s belt because Saraya doesn’t have to get pinned.

* Adam Page will beat Mox because Tony will continue to reward him for his unprofessionalism.

* MJF to retain the title because who cares?
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