AntiTradition's Very Own Wrestling Thread!

[TNARICK,,,]

THE GUY WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST TNA INDUCTEE INTO THE HALL OF FAME,,,, HIM AND S.E.X,,,, THEY SAVED TNA IN THE EARLY YEARS WHEN IT USE TO BE WEEKLY PPVS AND GOT PEOPLE WATCHING,,,,

[CSL]

oh goodie, another one of "those"

[FourFifty]

I hereby declare that this thread is now about tacos.

[Schlomey]

mmm crunch gorditas.

[FourFifty]

I think I'll go to Del Taco and get 3-4 tacos. When it comes to fast food tacos, I'd rather go for soft shell than hard shells. For some reason the hard shell tacos from fast food places kinda suck. Homemade tacos, on the other hand, hard shell all the way.

[Schlomey]

taco bell gives me the shits but it's like crack. You know what it does to you but......

[TNARICK,,,]

[CSL]

poor effort, that's a BAD mutie

[whiteyford]

No need to shout, inside voices will do just fine.

[tjmidnight420]

Originally Posted by whiteyford No need to shout, inside voices will do just fine.

Originally Posted by CSL POOR EFFORT, THAT'S A BAD MUTIE

[tjmidnight420]

Besides, Vince Russo? Really? REALLY?

[Skippord]

oh TNARICK you never give up, you plucky pudgy little guy

[Rollermacka]

Originally Posted by FourFifty I think I'll go to Del Taco and get 3-4 tacos. When it comes to fast food tacos, I'd rather go for soft shell than hard shells. For some reason the hard shell tacos from fast food places kinda suck. Homemade tacos, on the other hand, hard shell all the way.

Originally Posted by Schlomey taco bell gives me the shits but it's like crack. You know what it does to you but......

Actually, I prefer Taco Bell to Del Taco.. the only thing I really liked from Del Taco were the Bean Burritos with the green sauce. Now that Taco Bell has a similar sauce though


Side note, the Quad Steak Burritos Taco Bell had were awesome.

[Ermaximus]

I was just thinking that it's been ages since TNARick posted here just the other day.

[whiteyford]

So its your fault?

[Ermaximus]

No....

[Schlomey]

never heard of Del Taco...but we do have a Hardees/Red Burrito combo. too scared to try it.

[TNARICK,,,]

I am back now,,,,, i have been lurking wrestling forums for the last 2 years watching,,,, seeing the dark minds take over,, from behind the curtain,,, lurking from the light above,,, there was a message,,,deep,, the pains been deeper,,, but now the cryptic messages have been in front of you the whole time,,, tnarick is back to save wrestling,,, i will not stop until every message board is saved,,, and we are coming to get you meltzer,,,,

[Schlomey]

lol what? ,,,,,,?

[CSL]

Meltzer doesn't post here so you can not be a bender or go away now

[Corporate CockSnogger]

Originally Posted by AntiTradition I am back now,,,,, i have been lurking wrestling forums for the last 2 years watching,,,, seeing the dark minds take over,, from behind the curtain,,, lurking from the light above,,, there was a message,,,deep,, the pains been deeper,,, but now the cryptic messages have been in front of you the whole time,,, tnarick is back to save wrestling,,, i will not stop until every message board is saved,,, and we are coming to get you meltzer,,,,

Are you overweight?

[Schlomey]

o O o I hope so

[TNARICK,,,]

Originally Posted by CSL Meltzer doesn't post here so you can not be a bender or go away now

Meltzer is inside of all you,,,, every dirt sheet he writes he brainwashes the internet into believing his views,,,, he sets up other sites to paste his news,,, everyone has been brainwashed besides the radicalz4 division,,, people forget the way wrestling use to be,,, the great storylines,, unpredictable,, title switches,,, turns,, gimmick matches,,, it has now been a long lost art since the rise,,,,,,,, of CORNETTE AND MELTZER,,,, we must stop them,,,, I AM YOUR SAVIOR ,,,,,,, FOLLOW ME

[Schlomey]

we don't forget them...In fact most of us spend our time on here writing/posting vids and obsessing over them.

[TNARICK,,,]

TNARICK: This is my proudest fantasy show series to date and it is thanks to my old partner Siakalypse that made this all possible. It is about a 3 year reunion here since we last worked together on a fantasy show. We started a couple weeks ago and would continue to bounce ideas off of each other and each time adding onto each others ideas to just make them better and better like we did before until we finally had the ultimate product. I was worried the show wouldn't get produced when his AOL messed up and I had not heard from him but now it is ready and I want you all to read it and give us your honest opinions of what you like and dislike about the show. Marty2Hotty once said "TNARICK's shows edited by someone a little more serious would make fantastic television." This is my present to Marty2Hotty and anyone who actually wants to know what a good wrestling show would be like. Again I cannot thank Siakalypse enough.. Ralph Macchio you are the man. Enjoy the read!


TNA 9 HOUR SPECIAL
COMMERCIAL FREE!

Jim Cornette comes out and introduces the new NWA Champion, Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett cuts an old-school promo, talking about how he has been around for 20 years and he has beat everybody. Jarrett starts saying he is a traditional man who represents traditional wrestling, and it's about time that a traditional company had a traditional champion. Samoa Joe comes out and says he's traditional too, and he's gonna give Jeff Jarrett a traditional ass-kicking. Vince Russo comes out to the ring and says he's got a letter from Dixie Carter that says Cornette is now fired, and that Russo is the new DOA. Russo says that Joe can have a title shot if he wants, he doesn't really care. Lance Hoyt comes out and says he wants a title shot. Russo says they can fight for it.

#1 CONTENDERS MATCH
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
LANCE HOYT VS SAMOA JOE
Hoyt and Joe battle in the ring and go through the crowd, with Joe just beating the @#%$ out of Hoyt. They battle through the crowd and into the backstage area with Joe still beating Hoyt. Out of nowhere, a car driven by Kurt Angle smashes into Christian, who is walking through the parking lot, and then smashes into Samoa Joe. Kurt Angle stumbles out drunk. He keels over and starts to puke on Samoa Joe as Hoyt regains himself. Hoyt rolls over and pins Joe to win the title shot!

WINNER: LANCE HOYT (2:00)

Hoyt walks through the backstage area and goes to the ring and picks up a mic. He says that he wants his title shot right now. He says that he wants to dedicate the match to the memory of his best friend, Mike Awesome. Jarrett comes out and says since he is traditional, he will defend his title.

NWA HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
JEFF JARRETT © VS LANCE HOYT
Hoyt rolls up Jarrett as soon as he enters the ring to win the title.

WINNER AND NEW NWA CHAMPION: LANCE HOYT (0:04)

Hoyt grabs the mic and says that over the years, guys like Eddie Guererro and Chris Benoit have been winning titles, holding big men like Hoyt and Mike Awesome down. He says that technical skill and athleticism aren't all that matters. In fact, they don't matter at all. He says to all the doubters, look where Chris Benoit is now and look where Lance Hoyt is now. One's in hell and the other is the NWA Champion! Hoyt walks to the back

Erik Watts is in the back trying to talk to Russo. Russo doesnt want to talk to him. Watts begs Russo for a job, and Russo says ok. Watts begs Russo for a title match and Russo tells him to get out. Russo slams the door in Watts' face and Watts says hes gonna show everyone..

Kevin Nash is shown in the back with Sonjay Dutt, Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley, and the rest of the X-Division. Nash says that they're all here because they want the results of the test. Nash says that this business is not a business where you can take shortcuts, and the X-Division is no exception. Nash opens up an envelope and pulls out a piece of paper. He says it's from the lab and that every single member of the X-Division tested positive for anabolic steroids. Nash opens up another envelope from Russo and says that the X-Division are hereby fired from TNA. Except Shark Boy. Nash shakes Shark Boy's hand and tells him he's been instructed by Russo to have Shark Boy get to the ring because hes earned his title shot against an opponent that Russo will choose. Shark Boy gets excited and leaves.

Shark Boy is in the ring ready for his match, when Russo's music hits. Out comes Russo from the back with a mic in his hand. He says that Lance Hoyt was inspiring, because just as Hoyt has been held down by guys like Chris Benoit and Eddie Guererro, Russo has been held back by the politics in the back for too long. Russo talks about how it happened in WCW, it happened in TNA, and it happened in WWF. Russo says that he's sick of being held down, and that's why it's gonna be SHARK BOY vs VINCE RUSSO for the X-title.. in a STEEL CAGE MATCH!

STEEL CAGE MATCH
X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
SHARK BOY VS VINCE RUSSO

The cage comes down and Russo and Shark Boy square off in the ring. Shark Boy and Russo lock up, wrasslin' style, and Shark Boy gives Russo a hiptoss. All of the sudden, Jeff Jarrett comes down! Jeff Jarrett walks around the outside of the cage with the guitar, pacing around. Tenay and West wonder what he's doing. Kevin Nash runs down from the back and starts brawling with Jarrett on the outside. Russo and Shark Boy are brawling in the ring. VKM hit the ring, followed by LAX, they start brawling. One by one the entire roster comes down to the ring. Tenay and West have no idea what's going on. LAX fights off VKM and starts shaking the cage, trying to rip the cage down. Russo and Shark Boy still going at it in the ring. Hoyt runs down with the NWA title and starts getting in on the brawl, hitting people left and right with his NWA title. Kurt stumbles down to the ringside drunk and pukes on Hoyt's NWA title! Everybody on the roster is either brawling or trying to take down the cage! Russo is in the ring taking it to Shark Boy. Erik Watts is shown up on the top of the scaffold at the Impact Zone! He has a mic in his hand and says "goodbye cruel world!" and pulls out a noose that is attached to a light. Watts jumps and tries to hang himself, but the rope breaks and Watts 20 feet to the floor below! Watts is on the floor as people start stomping him down. Tenay and West start freaking out as a light has broken from the ceiling and the roof of the impact zone is catching on fire! Russo and Sharkboy are in the ring brawling. Abyss joins trying to take down the cage and the cage starts to shake. The cage begins to fall! The four sides of the cage break apart and fall to the outside onto many of the brawling wrestlers! The rest of the wrestlers hit the ring and start brawling in the ring as the Impact Zone roof continues to burn. Two fat fireman come out from the back with a long hose and start spraying the roof and the ring. Everyone gets soaking wet as the fireman spray water all over the fire to put it out. The fireman start to walk away, but then they stop. The fireman walk down towards the ring and take off their helmets and uniforms to reveal PHI DELTA SLAM. Phi Delta gets in the ring and joins the brawl, giving Shark Boy the SAMURAI SPLASH. Shark Boy is laid out. The ref is knocked out from the brawl, and PDS starts to throw people out of the ring onto the collapsed cage. Bodies are everywhere on the outside of the ring as PDS is taken out by VKM. VKM and PDS brawl on the outside of the ring and its just Russo and Sharkboy inside the ring. Russo goes to pin Sharkboy 1...2.. Sharkboy kicks out! Tenay and West are freaking out. Shark Boy and Russo both get to their feet. Jarrett hits the ring with the guitar and LEVELS Sharkboy in the head with the guitar! Russo covers 1...2...3! Russo is the new X-Division Champ!

WINNER AND NEW X-DIVISION CHAMP: VINCE RUSSO

Russo tells everyone to head out to the back 'cause he's had enough. He says now that he's the X-Champion and the DOA, things are about to change. He says that if everyone doesnt leave to the back now, they're fired from TNA. Everyone leaves to the back, except for Erik Watts, who is knocked out by falling from the top of the building. He says you can't go around sinning, and arguing, and fighting like that. He says Vince Russo is DEAD. Things are about to get real. Russo says from now on, he'll go by his Christian name, RealVince. He says Vince Russo was a sinner. RealVince is gonna make everybody be nice, or else they will be fired. RealVince walks to the back with his X-title, stepping on Erik Watts along the way.

Kurt Angle is in the back with Jeremy Borash. Borash asks Kurt about what happened earlier with Joe. Angle is too drunk to talk and starts mumbling incoherently. Kurt turns to Borash and pukes on him and stumbles off.

Now is time for the TNA womens title match. Gail Kim comes out to the ring followed by Tracy Brooks.

TNA WOMENS TITLE
GAIL KIM VS TRACEY BROOKS

Gail Kim and Tracy Brooks face off in the ring. A couple of people in the crowd start yelling stuff at them like "show us your tits!" and "get back in the kitchen!" They start throwing trash in the ring and chanting "you suck!" at the women. The women stop wrestling and wonder whats going on. Then they start crying and run to the back.

WINNER: NONE.

It's BUCK QUARTERMAINE and LEX LOVETTE. Quartermaine gets on the mic and asks who wants to see women wrestle? He says that this is what TNA has become? Quartermaine says theres nothing more boring than womens wrestling, and that TNA has become a shell of its former self. Lovette gets on the mic and says that they're here to take over. Lovette says that during the glory days of TNA, they wouldnt let b**ches do @#%$ except suck their dicks. Team 3D come out and say that they're gonna defend the honor of Gail and Tracy.

TEAM 3D VS LEX LOVETTE & BUCK QUARTERMAINE

Team 3D runs down to the ring and starts to brawl with Lovette and Quartermain. Team 3D beats up on Lovette and tosses Quartermaine out of the ring. Team 3D waits for Lovette to get on his feet and they hit the 3D! 3D on Quartermaine! Bubba covers 1... Lovette kicks out on one and gets to his feet. Quartermaine back in the ring and they fight off Team 3D, throwing them out of the ring. ABYSS and STING come down to the ring and start brawling with Quartermaine and Lovette. Quartermaine fights off Sting and Lovette fights off Abyss. Lovette takes Abyss to the outside of the ring and smashes him on the ring steps. Lovette rips the ring steps out and throws them down on Abyss, knocking him out cold. In the ring, Quartermaine locks Sting in the SCORPION DEATHLOCK. Sting taps out! Sting taps out to the scorpion deathlock. Team 3D get back in the ring. Quartermaine ducks a clothesline and rolls up Bubba 1...2...3!

WINNERS: QUARTERMAINE & LOVETTE

Quartermaine and Lovette continue to beat down all 4 men, and RealVince comes out and tells security to get Quartermaine and Lovette out of the ring. Security comes down and grabs Lovette and Quartermaine. Security is about to take Lovette and Quartermaine out and they suddenly stop. The security turns to Sting, Abyss and Team 3D and starts beating them down! The security guards take off their black uniforms to reveal RED SHIRTS. RED SHIRT SECURITY and Lovette/Quartermaine beat down Team 3D, Sting, and Abyss! Quartermaine and Lovette take off their shirts to reveal shirts that say FSNWO.

Lovette grabs a mic and says that the FOX SPORTS NET WRESTLING OUTCASTS are gonna take over TNA once and for all. RealVince tells them to get out. FSNWO says theres nothing RealVince can do. RealVince shakes his head and walks to the back. Quartermaine says that they need to go take care of some business as FSNWO heads out through the crowd.

Samoa Joe is in the hospital with Christian. The nurse comes in and asks them if they would like to go on a hospital trip to go fishing? Joe and Christian get excited.

Lance Hoyt is in the back watching on the monitor. RealVince comes in and tells Hoyt that he needs to get out to the ring because he's got a huge announcement.

Hoyt heads out to the ring followed by RealVince. RealVince tells Hoyt that if he can't be nice and stop arguing, he's gonna make him be nice. RealVince says that he's got a major announcement, a mystery opponent that has never set foot in TNA before. RealVince says that Hoyt is gonna have to defend his title against the mystery opponent right now. The mystery opponent is.. ROB VAN DAM! RVD comes out to the ring

NWA CHAMPIONSHIP
LANCE HOYT © VS ROB VAN DAM

RVD runs into the ring and Hoyt hits him with a clothesline. Hoyt covers 1....2.....3!

WINNER: LANCE HOYT (0:05)

Hoyt grabs a mic and says that he couldnt have done it without his best friend's help, and says "I did it for you, Mikey!" Hoyt says that Hoytamania is runnin' wild and starts a Hoytamania chant. RVD is laying down in the ring and Hoyt tells RVD that he has earned his respect for giving him the toughest match of his career. Hoyt extends his hand to RVD and Hoyt shakes it and raises his hand in the air. QUARTERMAINE, LOVETTE, and THE RED SHIRTS hit the ring and Hoyt turns to RVD and gives him a BIG BOOT. The FSNWO starts stomping down on RVD and throws him out of the ring. Hoyt grabs an FSNWO shirt and puts it on. Hoyt gets on the mic and says that he's no longer gonna be known as Lance Hoyt. He says he's now gonna go by his Christian name... HOYT BENOIT. Benoit grabs his NWA title and spraypaints "FSNWO" on it. All the sudden, Jarrett hits the ring and tells Hoyt Benoit and the FSNWO that they need to get out of his ring. MATT BENTLEY hits the ring and squares off against the FSNWO. Then, he turns and hits Jarrett! MATT BENTLEY has joined the FSNWO! Chris Harris and James Storm run out to help Jarrett, but are beaten down by the FSNWO. Security hits the ring to try and clear the ring, but the security guards are TAKEN AWAY BY RED SHIRT SECURITY. Tenay and West freak out as the FSNWO clears the ring.

Erik Watts is in the parking lot sitting in his car with the ignition on and the windows rolled down. Borash runs over and asks him what he's doing. Watts says he doesnt want to live anymore. Borash tells Watts that only works if he's inside a garage or an enclosed area. Watts gets pissed and challenges Borash to a match in the ring.

Video shown earlier today of Truth and Pacman at the airport. Pacman walks through the metal detector and it sounds. Pacman is searched and a GUN is found. Pacman is arrested.

Pacman is in jail. He keeps yelling for someone to get him out. BLACK REIGN shows up and hands the bail bondsman a check and tells Pacman that he and Truth have to help him. Pacman asks with what and Reign says that they need to help him fight the man in TNA, and teach those southern hillbillies that they can't keep the black man down.

Abyss and Sting are shown sitting in a cemetary, acting creepy. Raven shows up and asks why they're sad. Sting says that he's sad because the FSNWO kicked their asses. Raven says he understands. He's sad cause he used to fight for the NWA title and now he's fat. They all act creepy together.

Samoa Joe and Christian are in the back of a van being driven by the nurse with fishing rods in the backseat with them. Joe says he needs to go to the bathroom. The nurse says there's a McDonalds up the road so they will go there. Joe says he needs to go now. The nurse says that she will help Joe in a minute when they can find a bathroom. Christian and the nurse start sniffing the air and they look to Joe. Christian complains that something smells. The nurse asks Joe what happened? Joe says he had an accident. Christian starts freaking out and the nurse says it looks like they have to go to CVS to buy some diapers for Joe.

RealVince is in the back talking with Hoyt Benoit and the FSNWO. He says that they need to cut out their antics or else he's gonna ban them. RealVince says that he's sick of all the arguing and immature fighting in TNA. Benoit says he is on Russo's side, and that during the FSN days, there was no violence or nudity or language. RealVince says that he needs the FSNWO to do him a favor.

Erik Watts comes down to the ring, followed by a scared looking Jeremy Borash.

ERIK WATTS VS JEREMY BORASH

Watts goes for a clothesline and Borash ducks and slides out of the ring to regain himself. BILL WATTS appears at the top of the ramp with a walker and Tenay and West freak out big time. "OH MY GOD, BILL WATTS, THE LIVING LEGEND IS HERE TO HELP HIS SON ERIK!" Watts inches his way down to the ramp. Borash gets scared and slides into the ring. Erik goes for another clothesline on Borash but Borash ducks and kicks Erik in the balls. He puts his foot on Erik's chest and the ref counts 1.....2......3! Borash wins!

WINNER: JEREMY BORASH (0:45)

Bill Watts is only 1/3 of the way down the ramp! Borash kicks Erik in the stomach while hes clutching his balls on the ground and heads up the ramp. Borash takes Bill Watts' walker and smashes him in the balls with the legs, knocking him down. Borash heads to the back as Bill & Erik both lay clutching their balls.

Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles are shown in the back. Daniels is telling Styles that he's too big for wrestling. Daniels says that Styles could be the next Rock and be an actor. Daniels says that he wants to take him to audition for a movie role that some of his old friends are directing. Styles reluctantly agrees.

Black Reign is hanging out with Pacman backstage and Truth comes in. Reign says it's about time that the white man learns from his mistakes. Reign asks if Pacman and Truth have his back. They say they do. Reign says he's gonna kick Hoyt Benoit's ass. Reign tells Pacman and Truth that hes gonna give Benoit a negro style asskicking. Pacman and Truth look kinda pissed but just shrug and walk off.

Rick Steiner and Scott Steiner are walking up to a building. Rick tells Scott he thinks that he's gonna like it and that it will be a nice vacation. Scott sees the sign that says "RETIREMENT HOME" and flips out on Rick, giving him a belly suplex onto the sidewalk and locking him into the steiner recliner before the security guards come out, taze him, and take him into the retirement home.

RealVince is in the back when JERRY LYNN comes in. Jerry Lynn says he respects RealVince's morals and values but he wants a shot at his X Division-title. RealVince tells him no, and that he's fired from TNA.

TRYTAN promo: HE IS COMING (FOR MORE THAN A WEEK THIS TIME)

Daniels welcomes Styles to XXX's porn studio. Styles says that he doesnt wanna be in porn, cause he is a Christian. Daniels tells Styles that this is his only chance to be a real actor. This will be his big break. Elix asks why he cant star in a vid for once? Low-Ki says that he knows why. Elix asks if this is about his small dick? Daniels says that people wanna see a black man in porn for one reason and Elix doesn't have it. Elix gets pissed and walks out. Styles says he'll do it. Daniels turns off the lights and says they're gonna go get ready.

Back in the cemetary, where Abyss, Raven, and Sting are hanging out and acting creepy. Jim Mitchell shows up and asks if he can join them, since RealVince fired him for being too satanic. They say okay. Havok is creeping around and they invite Havok to join them cause he's creepy. Havok comes and hangs out with them.

TRYTAN promo: HE IS COMING (FOR THE 9TH TIME)

Erik Watts is walking around in the back with a bottle of pills in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. Watts says "goodbye cruel world" and puts the pills in his mouth. He opens up the bottle of vodka and goes to put it in his mouth, but Kurt Angle runs up and steals it. Kurt Angle dumps the whole bottle in his mouth and all over his chest and head and turns and pukes in Erik Watts' face. Kurt passes out, knocking Watts over and landing with his head in Watts' crotch. Watts spits out the pills and starts to cry.

Tenay and West inform us that DIXIE CARTER will have a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT at the end of the night!

TRYTAN promo: HE IS COMING (AGAIN)

Joe and Christian are wheeling themselves around CVS while the nurse is walking. The nurse asks Joe what size diaper he wears, and Joe doesnt answer, he just sits in his wheelchair with his arms crossed, pouting. The nurse asks a clerk what the biggest size diaper they have is, and the clerk hands the nurse a bag. The nurse asks if they have a changing station in the bathroom and the clerk points to the bathroom. Joe says he has to go again, and the nurse hurries him into the bathroom while Christian waits outside with a sick smile on his face.

Black Reign, Truth, and Pacman hit the ring. Black Reign says that negroes have been held down in TNA by Southern whitebred hillbillies for the longest time, and it's time for a black man to step up to the plate. Reign calls out Hoyt Benoit and tells him he's gonna stick his jungle fever to Hoyt's Texas ass. Benoit comes out with the FSNWO and says that he's not getting a shot at his title. Reign says that Mike Awesome was a b**ch, and that Black Reign did his wife after the funeral. Benoit gets really pissed and starts grabbing his head like he's being possessed. Benoit says that he has been taken over by the spirit of Mike Awesome, and that Mike Awesome/Hoyt Benoit is gonna give Reign the Jim Crow treatment. Benoit says he didnt mean that, but he's still gonna kick Reign's ass.

NWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
HOYT BENOIT © VS BLACK REIGN

Hoyt Benoit and Black Reign start brawling, with Quartermaine/Lovette and Red Shirt Security taking out Killings/Pacman. Twenty seconds in, PRIME TIME runs down to the ring and hits Hoyt Benoit with a bottle of EXTENDS, the penis growing herb!! Black Reign covers Hoyt Benoit 1....2.....3! BLACK REIGN IS THE NEW NWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION

WINNER AND NEW NWA CHAMPION: BLACK REIGN

After the match, Black Reign celebrates as the FSNWO/Skipper, Truth, Pacman brawl around the outside of the ring. THE ARENA GOES COMPLETELY BLACK.

The lights come back on and TRYTAN is in the ring with Black Reign. Trytan EXTENDS HIS ARM to Reign as Reign trembles in fear. Trytan T-3s Reign and covers him. REALVINCE runs down to the ring and counts 1.....2......3! TRYTAN WINS.

WINNER AND NEW NWA CHAMPION: TRYTAN

Trytan runs to the outside and starts T-3ing EVERYBODY, even accidentally T-3ing Buck Quartermaine before he realized it was his own guy. RealVince joins in on the beatdown of Reign and his crew, and gets on the mic. RealVince says that what Black Reign did here tonight was just flat out impolite, immature, and mean. RealVince says that if people won't be nice around here, he's going to make them be nice. RealVince takes off his Yankees jersey to reveal an FSNWO shirt! Russo explains himself, saying that on FSN, there was no sex, no violence, no profanity. He says that on FSN, he was the DOA and things were calm and nice. RealVince says that he's sending a MESSAGE to TNA. If you are not nice, YOU WILL BE FIRED.

RealVince, the new NWA Champion Trytan, Hoyt Benoit and the rest of the FSNWO head to the back as Black Reign's crew is laid out at ringside.

Erik Watts is in the back. RealVince walks through the curtain and asks Watts what the hell he's been doing tonight? Watts says that he doesnt want to live anymore. Russo tells him that the bible says that suicide is a sin. RealVince says he doesn't want any sinners in TNA. RealVince tells Erik Watts that he's FIRED.

AJ Styles walks into a room with camera equipment set up. Low-Ki is sitting in a director's chair and he asks if AJ's ready. AJ pauses and asks Low-Ki if this will really make him a big star? Low-Ki says it will, and asks if he's ready. AJ says "yes". Low-Ki lays out the scene and says it will start with the lights off. He says that his partner is one of the best, and that they're laying under the covers. Ki tells AJ that he will put their legs on his shoulders and put it in the butt. AJ sighs and reluctantly agrees. Ki shouts "ACTION" as Styles crawls onto the bed. Styles takes off his pants and puts the legs onto his shoulders. Under the covers AJ is shown in uncomfortable pain. AJ starts humping as Ki turns the lights on. AJ is shocked as he pulls off a blonde wig to reveal CHRISTOPHER DANIELS. Daniels is smiling as AJ freaks out and runs away.

Hoyt Benoit is in the back with Borash. He says he let Mike Awesome down. Benoit says that he and Mikey are gonna get the title back once and for all. He says he's gonna need some help from his friends Eddie, Chris, and Mike. He says he's got a plan.

TRYTAN comes back out to the ring with RealVince. RealVince said that Black Reign had a rematch clause in his contract, so he's legally obligated to give Black Reign a title shot, and Reign wants his title shot now. RealVince says the only catch is that HE is the special guest referee. Reign, Skipper, Truth, and Pacman come out from the back.

NWA CHAMPIONSHIP
TRYTAN © VS BLACK REIGN
SPECIAL REF: REALVINCE

Trytan faces off against Black Reign. Trytan EXTENDS HIS ARM. Trytan charges at Reign, and they start to brawl. Bentley, Quartermaine and Lovette run out from the back and start triple teaming Reign before Skipper, Pacman, and Truth hit the ring and start to brawl. Kevin Northcutt comes out at the top of the ramp and starts looking around for his partner Ryan Wilson. Trytan and Reign continue to brawl as the Reign/FSNWO groups brawl on the outside of the ring. Reign kicks Trytan in the balls before RealVince hits the ring with a baseball bat. RealVince goes to hit Reign, but hits TRYTAN. RealVince knocks Trytan out and Reign covers Trytan 1.....2......3!

WINNER AND NEW NWA CHAMPION: BLACK REIGN

RealVince runs to the back as the FSNWO chases after him. Northcutt is still looking for Ryan Wilson until HOYT BENOIT's music hits. Hoyt Benoit comes out at the top of the ramp with a mic and tells Black Reign that he respects him, but he wants to regain his title in honor of Mike Awesome. Benoit says that he brought some friends with him. He introduces the ghosts of Eddie Guererro, Mike Awesome, and Chris Candido come out on top of the ramp. It's actually just guys with white sheets and hoods over their head with "Eddy", "Chris", and "Mike" written on the chests. Black Reign, Truth, Elix, and Pacman cant believe what they're seeing and Benoit says he's gonna win the title for his best friend.

NWA CHAMPIONSHIP
BLACK REIGN © VS HOYT BENOIT

Hoyt and Reign brawl in the ring. The "ghosts" are on the outside, cheering for Benoit and encouraging him. Truth, Pacman, and Elix run over and start pushing the guys in hoods around, though the guys in hoods have no idea why they're mad. Truth, Pacman, and Elix start slapping around the guys until an all out brawl erupts. Benoit looks puzzled at the brawl and says that they are disrespecting the dead. Reign rolls up Benoit 1...2....3!

WINNER AND STILL NWA CHAMPION: BLACK REIGN

Benoit starts flipping out and throwing a tantrum. He gets the mic and blames the ghosts for costing him the title. He says that he wanted to make Mike proud, but Mike let HIM down! The ghosts get in the ring and take off their hoods to reveal the X-DIVISION WRESTLERS. Sabin, Shelley, and Dutt are under the masks and Dutt tells Hoyt it was just a mistake. Benoit says he knew this would happen. Benoit says Mike Awesome was always jealous of his abilities, Eddie Guererro was always jealous, and Chris Benoit was always jealous. Hoyt says that they're just trying to get back at him by putting a CURSE OF THE DEAD on him. Hoyt slides out of the ring and sprints to the back as Sabin, Dutt, and Shelley stand in the ring.

Sabin, Dutt, and Shelley take off the hoods and start doing cartwheels and backflips in the ring, pretending they're actually wrestling. RealVince comes out and says that they're fired, and they don't need any juiced up roidheads on their show. RealVince tells them to go to WWE, and says that they're sinners, so they're FIRED. The FSNWO comes out behind RealVince. RealVince sees them and runs away. The FSNWO chases him from one side of the Impact Zone to the other, with Quartermaine and Lovette staying in the ring.

Quartermaine gets on the mic and says that they're sick of the political bulls**t. Quartermaine says that they've been held down every since they got here 5 hours ago. Quartermaine says that they want a shot at the Tag Team titles. Lovette gets on the mic and calls LAX wetbacks. LAX come out.

NWA TAG TEAM TITLES
LAX © VS THE FSNWO (LOVETTE/QUARTERMAINE)

Homicide squares off against Lovette, but before they tie up, RED SHIRT SECURITY hits the ring. Kevin Northcutt grabs a mic and says that they are here with Red Shirt Border Patrol, and they've been instructed by the President to DEPORT LAX. Ryan Nelson EXTE... doesn't extend his arm, and they handcuff Homicide and Hernandez and take them away. The ref declares Lovette and Quartermaine the NEW Tag Team Champions!

WINNERS AND NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: LOVETTE/QUARTERMAINE

Quartermaine gets on the mic and says that they've been held down for 5 hours, and they don't want to hold anybody down. He calls out Phi Delta Slam. Phi Delta Slam come out to the ring and they stare down Quartermaine/Lovette. Quartermaine says that Phi Delta Slam are much more deserving of the tag titles than they are, and says Phi Delta Slam the tag titles. He tells the ref to raise their arms and the ref raises Phi Delta Slam's arms.

NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: PHI DELTA SLAM

AJ Styles is in the back crying. Daniels creeps up behind him and starts rubbing his chest from behind. Daniels said that he loved it when AJ put his penis in his ass. Styles tells him to get away. Daniels tells Styles he loves him. Styles acts disgusted and says that he thought Daniels was his friend. Daniels says that Styles is his friend, but he wants to @#%$ him. Styles punches Daniels in the face and they start to brawl. The closet door opens and RealVince steps out and says that homosexuality is a sin, and so Daniels will be punished. Daniels vs Styles in the ring now. RealVince says he's gotta hide from the FSNWO and gets back in the closet.

Watts is in the back kicking a can and he sees the X-Division wrestlers hanging out behind the arena in dirty coats asking for change. Watts asks what happened to them. They say that RealVince fired them. Watts says that he was fired too. Watts says that it's time for a change. Watts announces that he is running for DOA! Sabin asks him if he's got any change. Watts says he needs change for his campaign. Watts and the homeless X-Division continue to beg for change.

Daniels comes out, followed by AJ.

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS VS AJ STYLES

Daniels and AJ tie up and Daniels takes him down with a suplex thing. Daniels rolls on top of AJ and starts licking him. AJ gets freaked out and runs away. Daniels wins!

WINNER: CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (0:06)

Christian and Joe are shown sitting at a McDonalds with the nurse on the way to their fishing trip. Christian steals one of Joe's nuggets and Joe gets pissed. Christian steals another nugget and Joe challenges him to a match right on the spot. Christian asks if Joe is serious. Joe says he will pin him right now. Joe tries to lunge at Christian but falls out of his wheelchair. The nurse helps him up into the chair and Joe craps in his diaper again.

The creepers are still hanging out in the cemetary. Sting is telling a story about how he used to be WCW Champion. Raven, Jim Mitchell, and Havok are building a campfire. They start hearing "oooohhhhh oooooohhhhh" and they all get creeped out. Raven says he's scared. More "oooooooohhhhs". Sting wonders where it's coming from. "oooooohhhhhhh" Mitchell says it's coming from a tombstone and tells everyone to run. Sting, Abyss, Raven, Havok, and Mitchell run away screaming. VKM pop out from behind the tombstone. BG says "Looks like we've just creeped the creepers, Kip!" and gives Kip a high five.

Phi Delta Slam are walking around with their tag team titles. PDS say they've finally reached the top. They're finally stars. Big Tilly tells Bruno that this is the greatest moment in his entire life. Out of nowhere, Sabin and Shelley AMBUSH Phi Delta Slam and STEAL the TAG TITLES.

The FSNWO are walking around the back, looking for RealVince. Daniels comes up and asks if they've seen AJ Styles? Buck says they haven't. Buck asks Daniels if he's seen RealVince? Daniels says he was hiding in a closet. The FSNWO walk off to find RealVince and open up one of the doors to find Black Reign, Truth, Pacman, and Elix smoking weed. They open up another closet to find Kurt Angle passed out. They go to open up the third closet, finding RYAN WILSON. Northcutt asks Wilson why he keeps disappearing? Wilson says he doesn't know and says he's got something to do and walks off. Bentley tells Northcutt he thinks Wilson is up to something..

Christian and Joe are driving with the nurse

Scott Steiner is in the retirement center, playing chess with an old guy. Steiner gets checkmated, and flips out. He grabs the old guy and starts choking him before a nurse tries to peel him off. Steiner feels the nurse's tits and grabs her ass and says he's going to find some valium.

Chris Harris and James Storm are walking around outside. Borash asks what they're doing and they say that they're guarding the border from any potential aliens that come in. Kevin Northcutt comes up to them and says that that's Red Shirt Border Patrol's job. Harris asks where his partner is, cause he heard that his partner is working with RealVince? Northcutt tells them they are liars. Harris is saying that's just what he heard. Storm says he's got another bone to pick and walks off to the ring.

James Storm comes out to the ring with a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. Storm grabs the mic and stumbles around a little bit and says that he has a bone to pick with Kurt Angle. Storm says just cause Kurt gets a DUI, mows down a couple of top stars, pukes all the time, and passes out in a closet, he thinks hes the big drunk in town. Storm says that nobody is drunker than him, and he wants to end the speculation once and for all. Storm challenges Angle to a FIRST MAN STANDING match, where the first man to pass out wins. Angle stumbles out to the ring, being held up by Karen. Storm chugs his bottle of Jack Daniels and Harris runs out with another bottle and hands it to Storm. Storm chugs the other bottle and the bell is rung.

FIRST MAN STANDING MATCH
KURT ANGLE VS JAMES STORM

Kurt grabs a bottle of vodka from Karen and starts to chug it. James Storm opens up his third bottle and starts to chug it. Angle starts stumbling around, and Storm starts puking in the ring. Storm starts stumbling around before Harris slides into the ring and dumps more Jack down Storm's throat. Karen tries to get more vodka down Kurt's throat, but Kurt pukes all over her dress/boobs and falls back onto the ringpost. Harris pours more Jack down Storm's throat and Storm falls to the mat. Kurt falls from the corner onto the mat a second later. It is unclear who won. Harris says Storm won, Karen says Kurt won. Harris asks Tenay to show an instant replay. Instant replay slow motion shows James Storm hitting the mat just before Angle. JAMES STORM WINS.

WINNER AND DRUNKEST MAN IN TNA: JAMES STORM

Erik Watts is in the back with the X-Division wrestlers asking for change. Sabin and Shelley run up with the tag team titles and say they're gonna go to a pawn shop and sell them. Watts asks if he can have some for his campaign, and they agree. They all head down to the pawn shop.

Trytan is walking around in the back. Quartermaine/Lovette/Bentley/Northcutt ask where he's been? Northcutt says he thinks that they have a rat in the ranks. Quartermaine asks who, and Northcutt says it's Ryan Wilson. Trytan EXTENDS HIS ARM and shakes his head "no". Northcutt says he's been acting weird all night and disappearing and hiding in a closet. Something is up. Trytan looks worried.

Tenay hypes up the fact that TNA President DIXIE CARTER will be here at the end of the show for a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT.

RealVince is in the back outside of his closet. Black Reign and his crew come up. RealVince says that he needs protection from the FSNWO since he helped Reign win the title earlier. Reign says that he ain't helpin' no cracker. Russo says that Reign better get to the ring because hes gonna defend the title against PACMAN. Pacman looks confused and Reign looks angry as Reign refuses. RealVince says he's fired then. Reign says he can't be fired, he's the NWA Champion. RealVince says he's stripped of the title and he's fired. RealVince asks Pacman if he wants to be fired, Pacman says no. RealVince says Pacman can be champion then.

NEW NWA CHAMPION: PACMAN

Pacman celebrates as Black Reign gets angry and tells him he sold out his heritage for a piece of gold. Truth and Elix follow Reign out the door. RealVince says he takes it back, Pacman is fired and takes his NWA title.

Hoyt Benoit is walking around the cemetary looking for Sting, Havok, Raven, Abyss, and Mitchell. VKM are hanging out and Benoit asks them if they know where the Creepers are. VKM say they scared them off. Hoyt says there's no way that he can get the curse of the dead removed now. Kip says that Benoit is in the right place, 'cause they are the VOODOO kin mafia. BG says that he is an expert at ancient curses, and pulls out "the ancient book of the dead" and reads a passage. Kip puts his hand on Hoyt's head and BG asks if Kip will remove the spirits. Kip says he will. BG asks Hoyt if he will let the spirits exit his body. Hoyt says he will. BG says "I now pronounce you MAN AND WIFE." Tenay freaks out "HOYT BENOIT AND KIP JAMES ARE MARRIED." Christopher Daniels drops down mysteriously and tells Kip he doesn't know what he's missing out on. Daniels says he never loved AJ, he always loved Kip. Kip says that it's too late. Hoyt doesn't know what's going on.

Sabin, Shelley, Dutt, and Erik Watts are at the pawn shop. Sabin puts the titles up and says they're real gold. The clerk says he will give them $7.00 for it. The X-wrestlers get excited and high five each other, while Watts looks sad.

Christian, the nurse, and Joe arrive at the lake. Joe says theres two things he loves in life, wearing a diaper and fishing, and it's a good day when you get to do both. The nurse wheels Christian and Joe out onto the boat.

Ryan Wilson is in the back, when the FSNWO confronts him. Bentley asks him what he's been up to all night? Wilson says he doesn't know what he's talking about. Bentley says to prove his loyalty to the FSNWO, Wilson needs to get to the ring and kick Eric Young's ass.

Eric Young is in the ring waiting for his match, when Ryan Wilson comes down with the FSNWO at ringside.

RYAN WILSON VS ERIC YOUNG

Wilson and Young tie up and Young throws Wilson down. Wilson gets mad and charges at Young. Young moves out of the way and throws Wilson into the corner. Young rolls up Wilson 1.....2......3!

WINNER: ERIC YOUNG

The FSNWO look on angerly as Wilson runs over to a fan at ringside and grabs their sunglasses. The FSNWO go crazy when Wilson puts on THE SUNGLASSES, EXTENDS HIS ARM, AND GIVES ERIC YOUNG THE T-3. Tenay starts going nuts: "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, DON. RYAN WILSON IS TRYTAN!!" The FSNWO celebrate and bow down to Trytan as Trytan EXTENDS HIS ARM.

RealVince is in the back with Borash and says this has gotta end once and for all. RealVince says he is heading out to the ring now to finally end this.

The X-Division are shown splitting up the $7.00. Sabin calls Watts over and says he thinks Shelley and Dutt are working together to steal the money. Watts says "no, it can't be." Shelley says that they need to make sure that doesn't happen. Watts says that he could run his whole campaign on $3.50. Sabin says it could buy a quarter pounder with cheese. Sabin and Watts move in to take the money before Sabin TURNS AND HITS Watts. Dutt turns and starts beating down Shelley before Sabin and Dutt take the $7.00. Sabin grabs a coffee can that he was using to beg for change with and HITS DUTT in the head. Sabin grabs the $7.00 and runs off.

RealVince hits the ring with a mic in his hand. He says that he's had enough of this. He came in here to try and make everybody be nice, but that's not gonna happen, so he's gonna have to do things his way. He says all night, everybody's been arguing, fighting, and being rude. He says the FSNWO are out of control, and he's gonna bring in the troops to take over. RealVince rips off his shirt to reveal a ROG: RING OF GLORY shirt. He calls out his ROG troops. Nobody comes out. He calls out his ROG troops again, but again nobody comes out. The FSNWO come out and surround RealVince, until DIXIE CARTER comes out. Dixie walks out onto the ramp with a mic in her hand and says she's got a major announcement that will shake the foundations of wrestling forever.

Erik Watts comes out to the ring and asks Dixie if she will hear him out. Watts says he wants to be DOA. Watts says he has some great ideas and would be a great DOA. Dixie agrees and Watts says he will bring back the tag team titles, and work to push the X-Division back to its original level. He says he will bring in exciting new faces like RVD and Sabu and give Abyss a well earned World Title Shot. He says Samoa Joe will return to being a badass. He says he's concerned about Kurt Angle, so he will send Kurt away to rehab for a few months. Maybe a comedy tag team with Eric Young and Sharkboy. Watts says you can't blow your load all at once, you need to have a build. Watts says that he won't do anything his first week, but his second week, he will introduce a gradual build and swerves in the future, because Watts believes in the long term. TNA needs to make themselves different from the WWE, a healthy mix of wrestling and entertainment. Watts says that TNA is as good as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but if he were in charge, they'd be as good as Drake and Josh. Watts says that TNA could have a wide fanbase, not just John Goodman look alikes and their jabba-the-hut looking wives. Watts tells Dixie he's ready. Dixie thinks about it and asks the fans what they think. Dixie turns to Watts and tells him to get the hell out, he's FIRED. Dixie then goes on to her major announcement, which is that starting next week, TNA will be broadcast WORLDWIDE on FOX SPORTS NET on FRIDAYS AT 3:00 PM! Tenay and West go bezerk, with West screaming "THIS IS WHAT WE'VE WORKED FOR FOR FIVE YEARS, MIKE! FIVE YEARS!" The FSNWO is shown dismantling the TNA banners and spraypainting FSN on everything at ringside.

Samoa Joe, Christian, and the nurse are on the boat fishing. Joe casts his line and says he thinks hes got a catch. Joe starts tugging on the rod and his wheelchair starts to roll toward the edge of the boat. The nurse tries to grab him but Joe's wheelchair rolls into the water. Joe screams for help and his diaper comes off and floats to the surface. Joe says he doesn't know how to swim! Suddenly, Joe is grabbed by two men swimming across the lake! It's THE LAX. The LAX pull Joe to the edge of the boat and push him over into the boat. Unfortunately, Joe is so fat that he collapses a hole in the side of the boat. The boat starts sinking. The nurse is screaming for help and LAX are trying to figure out what to do while swimming in the water. Suddenly the BOAT RISES UP OUT OF THE WATER AND MAKES ITS WAY TOWARDS SHORE. LAX are swimming along side the boat as the boat makes its way towards shore. The boat finally lands on shore followed by LAX. SHARK BOY comes out from under the boat. Joe thanks Shark Boy for saving him. Out of nowhere, Chris Harris and James Storm appear to arrest LAX. RED SHIRTS. The Red Shirts show up and say that THEY'RE gonna arrest LAX.
RED SHIRTS and AMW battle it out on the shore as LAX starts sneaking away. AMW and RED SHIRTS are brawling and it seems like LAX is on a clean break until PHI DELTA SLAM stops them. PDS pulls out handcuffs and says they have been appointed by Dixie Carter and President George W. Bush as the OFFICIAL BORDER PATROL GUARDS. LAX is arrested and Samoa Joe, Christian, and the nurse wave goodbye to Shark Boy as he swims away in the ocean.

Back in the ring, TOMKO's music hits. Tomko comes down to the ring and sees the FSNWO spraypaint everywhere, Kurt Angle's puke, Hoytamania flyers, white sheets, and empty beer bottles, pills, water and the collapsed cage fragments from earlier. He starts looking around, confused.. He grabs a mic. "What happened? My flight got delayed. Did I miss my match? I was supposed to face Chris Harris. " Tomko just looks around. "I AM THE NEW NWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION"

NEW NWA CHAMPION: TOMKO.


THE END

[Schlomey]

what am I feeding this troll for? I am out of touch...It's been far too long since I've posted on here.

[Schlomey]

taco in a bag at a ballgame. Tops.

[TNARICK,,,]

Tomko is shown arriving at the Impact zone in a stretch limo. There are crowds of people around screaming for Tomko. Tomko gets out of the limo and the crowd goes crazy, taking pictures and asking for autographs. A little kid asks Tomko if it was hard winning the NWA title. Tomko says "It wasn't that hard." and signs an autograph. Erik Watts comes up to him and tells him he's a disgrace to the title. Watts says that the title is about prestige and honor. Tomko tells Watts to go jerk it to Buffy and walks away, accidentally dropping the title on the ground in a puddle before picking it up.

TNA IMPACT ON FSN!

The FSNWO are in the ring with champaigne and cigars. They're spraying the champaigne all over. Buck Quartermaine gets on the mic and says "We finally did it." Buck says that he has a huge announcement to make about the FSNWO.. He says.. Suddenly, the FSNWO celebration is PRE-EMPTED for a TENNIS MATCH.

In the tennis court, Jeff Jarrett is warming up to face Kevin Nash.

TENNIS MATCH
JEFF JARRETT VS KEVIN NASH

Nash serves it to Jarrett and Jarrett lobs it back to Nash. Nash hits it back to Jarrett and Jarrett misses. 15-0 Nash. Jarrett serves it to Nash and Nash misses. 15-15 tie. Nash serves it to Jarrett, Jarrett hits it back, Nash dives and misses. 30-15 Jeff. Jeff goes for the game point but Nash hits a fast volley back to Jarrett. Jarrett swings and misses. 30-30 tie. Game point. Nash serves it to Jarrett until suddenly HAVOK comes up out of the ground! HAVOK blocks the ball! RAVEN climbs out from a dumpster and runs over and starts to beat on Jarrett. Havok and Raven double team Jarrett. Nash runs over to try to help Jarrett but is cut off by STING, who emerges from a POP MACHINE. Sting and Nash brawl while Jarrett is double teamed by Havok and Raven. ABYSS busts out of the PORTO-POTTY. ABYSS and STING double team Nash while HAVOK and RAVEN double team Jarrett. Suddenly, the camera pans over to reveal a sign.. RETIREMENT HOME TENNIS COURT. Steiner runs out and starts giving EVERYBODY belly suplexes onto the tennis court. Steiner locks Sting in the steiner recliner and grabs a tennis racket. Steiner starts beating down everybody with the tennis racket and grabs the net. Steiner RIPS DOWN THE NET and ties it around Jarrett, Nash, and the creepers. Steiner grabs a mic and says that it's a HOSTAGE SITUATION and nobody's going anywhere until Steiner gets out.

Hoyt Benoit and Kip James are shown at the local adoption agency. They are waiting nervously. The social worker comes in, wearing a RED SHIRT. "The Social Worker" RYAN WILSON sits down across the desk and tells them that all the paper work is in order, and he just needs them to sign the paper. Benoit and Kip sign the paper. Wilson congratulates them on their new ADOPTED son. James start's tearing up, looking at the new son, off-camera "He's so beautiful, even if he is a little big for his age"

Jeremy Borash is in the back with the new NWA Champion, Tomko. Borash asks Tomko if he's gonna defend his title tonight. Tomko says he doesn't really want to defend the title. He says he worked hard to earn it, and now he just wants to relax a bit.

Cut to a liquor store. An ambulance creeps up in front of it. A nurse gets out and lets out CHRISTIAN and JOE out of their wheelchairs. Christian and Joe wheel up to the doorway and hide on each side. Kurt Angle stumbles out the door and Christian yells "HEY KURT". Kurt tries to turn around to look at them and trips. Kurt runs around the building, but trips and falls again. Joe says it's time for payback. Kurt says "I'm so sorry" and starts to tear up before pulling out a bottle of vodka and SMASHING it over Christian's head. He takes another bottle and smashes it over Joe's head! Kurt falls to his knees and starts licking up the spilled liquor from around Joe and Christian, who are knocked out. Kurt starts licking Joe's forehead until SIRENS are heard. Kurt tries to run away but passes out in the middle of running as a cop car pulls up.



Truth, Elix, and Pacman are sitting around a table. Jay Lethal comes in and tells them that he needs to tell them something. All of the sudden, Black Reign comes in with chicken, watermelon, and kool aid. Lethal says he'll tell them some other time. Pacman, Truth, and Reign dig into the food and kool aid and ask Elix if he wants some. Elix slams his fist on the table and says that he's got something important to take care of..

RealVince is in the back with Sabin, Dutt, and Shelley. Dutt and Shelley are mad at Sabin. RealVince says that he's gonna give them the opportunity of a lifetime tonight. RealVince says that Sabin, Dutt, and Shelley are gonna be in an Ultimate-X six man tag match against Erik Young, Kaz, and Shark Boy. If they win, they can get their jobs back and will each earn the right to fight for his X-Division title. The X-wrestlers are excited and go to get ready.

Back at the retirement home, Rick Steiner is in the middle of the tennis court with a mic in his hand. Rick is telling Steiner that he doesn't need to do anything stupid. Suddenly, a SWAT hummer drives up and a SWAT team gets out. A RED helecopter circles around before landing in the tennis court. On the side it says "RED SHIRT SWAT" Ryan Wilson grabs a mic and says that he is here to negotiate. Steiner says he ain't negotiating s**t, and if they don't give into his demands and let him out, he's gonna STEINER RECLINER one hostage every 5 minutes. Wilson tells him to calm down. Steiner asks if they dont believe him and unties the helpless STING. Steiner gives Sting a belly suplex onto the tennis court and gives him a steiner recliner as Wilson tells him he's proved his point. Northcutt tells Rick, who is crying, not to worry, because Wilson is the best negotiator in the world.

Kaz, Eric Young, and Sharkboy all come down to the ring followed by Sabin, Shelley, and Dutt.

ULTIMATE X SIX MAN TAG MATCH
KAZ, ERIC YOUNG, SHARKBOY VS SABIN, SHELLEY, DUTT

Kaz and Sabin start it off in the ring. Kaz ties up with Sabin and Sabin hits an armdrag. Sabin locks in a reverse armbar as we CUT TO COMMERCIAL of the BEST DAMN SPORTS SHOW PERIOD ONLY ON FOX SPORTS NET. We come back into the ring. Sabin, Shelley, and Dutt are standing over the lifeless bodies of Kaz, Sharkboy, and Young when all of the sudden, the FOX BOX pops up. 0:02. 0:01. :00. RealVince comes out and says that due to time limits on FSN, all matches have a 2 minute time limit. If there's no pinfall before the FOX BOX counts down to 0, RealVince will decide the winner. RealVince says that although Sabin, Shelley, and Dutt put up a good fight, the winners are Kaz, Eric Young, and Sharkboy. RealVince tells the X-Division to get out cause they're still FIRED.

WINNERS: KAZ, ERIC YOUNG, SHARKBOY.

Kaz, Young, and Sharkboy start to celebrate in the ring. RealVince tells Kaz and Eric Young to enjoy their celebration, 'cause they're also FIRED. Shark Boy can stay though.

Erik Watts comes out and says that he can't believe what he's seeing. Watts gives the X-match a 1 star rating and says that the X-division needs more time to showcase their talents. Watts says that if he were DOA, he'd bring back the X-division to its original heights, bring back the original ECW to get revenge, and make TNA darker. Watts says that this is not how a wrestling program should be. Watts says he'd push all the X-Division wrestlers.. except for Sabin. Watts says "Sabin, you son of a b**ch. You got something of mine that I want, and you know it. Now let me kick your ass." Watts goes to fight Sabin, but RealVince punches him in the balls and starts whipping him with the X-division title. Part of the "X" on the belt breaks off. BRUNO SASSI comes out from behind RealVince, and BIG TILLY jumps out from the crowd. They corner RealVince on top of the ramp, moving in on him. RealVince holds up his broken belt in defense, but PDS corner him. RealVince backs up as PDS move in closer before TILLY gives WATTS a TSUNAMI SPLASH. RealVince smiles and gives Tilly a bro-grab as Bruno Sassi kicks Watts. Tilly gets a mic and says they have a surprise for RealVince. The camera follows Tilly, RealVince, and Bruno to the parking lot where DUSTY'S RED TRUCK is sitting. Tilly says that they got RealVince a new office. RealVince chokes up and says PDS are like the sons he never had. RealVince says that Tilly has earned the right to fight for this X.. He looks at his broken belt.. Y Division title. Tenay and West freak out about the huge main event for tonight.

Kurt Angle is shown sitting in a jail cell passed out with the LAX. Homicide is etching tally marks into the wall, signifying that they've been in jail for 5 days. All of the sudden, the LAX's heads turn as they notice HECTOR GARZA in the corner. Homicide asks Garza what he's doing here. Garza reminds the LAX that in 2004 he tried to bring steroids into the country. Garza is smoking a cigarette and, teardrop tattoos under his eye and a "f*** the police" tattoo on his chest. Garza says that if they want to survive, they gotta stick with him.

RealVince is in the back with Borash. RealVince says he has a MAJOR surprise next week for all the viewers at home.

Elix is shown on the phone pacing around the lockerroom.

Buck Quartermaine and Lex Lovette come out to the ring and call out Chris Harris and James Storm. They come out from the back. Quartermaine asks Harris if he remembers what it was like back in the old days, when AMW would pin them every week 'cause of the politics. Quartermaine says things are different now. Quartermaine says that the past is the past, he's looking to the future. Buck challenges Harris and Storm to a PRINCE OF DARKNESS match. Tenay and West freak out. Harris/Storm accept. "Don't you think you'll be needing THESE?" BLACK REIGN wearing a ref shirt comes out on top of the ramp carrying blindfolds. Buck and Lex stare in awe as Reign gets into the ring. Reign puts the blindfolds on Harris and Storm and walks over to Buck/Lex.. Reign whispers in Buck's ear and RINGS THE BELL.

PRINCE OF DARKNESS MATCH
THE FSNWO (BUCK/LEX) VS HARRIS/STORM
SPECIAL REFEREE: BLACK REIGN

AMW make their way around the ring blindfolded as the un-blindfolded Buck and Lex move towards them. Buck slaps Harris in the face and Harris swings at the air. Lex kicks James Storm in the leg and pushes him into Harris. Storm swings and hits Harris, knocking him on the ground. Buck grabs Storm and puts him on his knee as the blindfolded Harris goes over to the top rope. Buck and Lex are laughing as Harris jumps off the top rope and unknowingly gives the DEATH SENTENCE to Storm. Buck lays down on Storm and pins him 1......2.......3!

WINNERS: THE FSNWO (BUCK/LEX)

Hoyt Benoit and Kip James are pushing their newly adopted son in a huge stroller through a grocery store. The camera follows them from behind as they go through picking out milk and cereal. AJ Styles is buying packets of Kraft cheese. Hoyt and Kip whisper before asking AJ if their son can take a picture with him, as he is a huge fan. AJ says he would be happy to. All of a sudden, a hand comes out of the stroller and TOUCHES AJ'S DICK. The adopted son is revealed to be none other than CHRISTOPHER DANIELS. Daniels is laying in the stroller, dressed in tiny little kids clothes and holding a rattle. Styles gets freaked out and runs away as Hoyt scowls at Kip. Hoyt says that this is Kip's fault. Hoyt starts yelling at Kip and Kip asks if Hoyt's been taking steroids again. Hoyt grabs Baby Daniels' rattle and starts beating Kip with it and flipping into a steroid rage. Hoyt starts beating Baby Daniels with it and saying he's gonna kill them both. Kip slaps Hoyt in the face and takes off with the stroller. Hoyt CHASES after Kip and Baby Daniels and traps them in the canned foods asile. Hoyt moves in on them until he is HIT IN THE BACK with a SHOPPING CART. BG James, who is stocking the shelves, pushes the cart into Hoyt again, as Kip/Baby Daniels make their escape.



Back at the tennis court, "The Negotiator" Ryan Wilson is negotiating with Steiner. Steiner has steiner reclinered all but one of the hostages, HAVOK. Rick is crying, and tells Wilson he is a terrible negotiator. Wilson says he's never actually negotiated before, only watched the Samuel L Jackson movie FOUR TIMES. Havok cries out for someone to help him before Steiner grabs him, belly suplexes him and locks him in the recliner. The SWAT team storms in and Steiner battles them all off, giving all of them belly suplexes. Steiner lays out all of the SWAT members and moves towards Northcutt and Wilson. Wilson tells Northcutt to get in the helecoptor. "The Pilot" Kevin Northcutt runs over to the helecopter and starts it up. Wilson goes face to face with Steiner and dares Steiner to hit him. Steiner gives him a belly suplex and heads for the helecopter. Steiner GETS IN THE HELECOPTER and tells Northcutt to fly him out or else he will get him in the recliner. Northcutt yells out for the fallen Wilson to help him. Wilson crawls over to one of the knocked out SWAT men and GRABS HIS SUNGLASSES. The HELECOPTER STARTS TO TAKE OFF as Wilson puts on the sunglasses, rises to his feet, and EXTENDS HIS ARM. Steiner is so afraid of the extended arm that he FALLS OUT OF THE HELECOPTER and ONTO TRYTAN. TRYTAN T-3S STEINER ONTO THE TENNIS COURT FLOOR as Northcutt circles the helecopter around. Northcutt lands the helecopter and Retirement home security runs out and repremands Steiner. Trytan gets into the helecopter, looks down at Steiner and says "Game, set, match." as the helecopter takes off.

The FSNWO are pumping up Big Tilly in the lockerroom.

The LAX are lifting weights in jail with Hector Garza. Garza says that this is a real gang, not a fake TV gang. Garza says you gotta be tough to survive. A big neo-nazi walks over and whispers in Garza's ear. Garza nods. Homicide asks what he said? Garza says he just sold Homicide to the big neo-nazi for a pack of cigarettes. Homicide can't believe it as the neo-nazi walks back over to Homicide, blowing him kisses. Garza introduces Homicide to his new cell mate.. Don Harris!

Big Tilly and the FSNWO come down to the ring followed by RealVince. RealVince shakes Tilly's hand and says that he loves him like a son. Camera shot of Bruno, who looks jealous. RealVince tells the ref to ring the bell.

Y-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
REALVINCE © VS BIG TILLY

RealVince and Big Tilly tie up and Big Tilly throws RealVince to the mat. Tilly goes for the TSUNAMI SPLASH but RealVince rolls out of the way. Tilly gets up and goes for another TSUNAMI SPLASH but RealVince rolls out of the way again. Suddenly, a man runs out from the crowd and gets into the ring. IT'S DAVID YOUNG. David Young gives Big Tilly the SPINEBUSTER and gives REALVINCE the spinebuster. Bentley goes to interfere but Bruno holds him back, saying "he's one of us!" DAVID YOUNG gets on the mic and says that he is the REAL Fox Sports Outcast, and that the real takeover starts next week, when he will be bringing in an OLD FRIEND.

Elix is on the phone in the back, waiting impatiently on hold. Elix finally gets to talk to somebody and says that he has been using their product for two months and he still hasn't noticed ANY improvement. Elix says he's had enough and he's not gonna take it anymore. Elix wants to talk to the president of the company. Elix is patched through, when a voice on the other end says "Thank you for calling the Extendz company, I am the President and CEO, RYAN WILSON." Elix looks shocked as the show fades off the air.

[TNARICK,,,]

A beat up Toyota is shown pulling up to a building. The driver, who is a homeless man, gets out and opens up the back driver side door. None other than Elix Skipper gets out. The camera pans over to the building. The sign reads: EXTENDZ.

TNA iMPACT on FSN!



We cut into the impact zone, where RealVince is in the ring. RealVince says that last week, he promised a suprise, and tonight, he's here to deliver. Six nuns walk out from the back to the ring. RealVince says it's time for the WET NUN contest. RealVince grabs a hose from ringside and turns the pump to start spraying the nuns with water. RealVince says that the ratings are going up by the second and keeps spraying the nuns. Out of nowhere, BIG TILLY runs out to the ring and slides into the ring. TILLY covers up one of the nuns and carries her off to the back. RealVince looks angry and confused as he storms off to the back.

In jail, Homicide is sitting in his cell. Garza busts in the door and slips him a bag of coke. Garza says that if Homicide doesn't sell that @#%$, he's gonna cut his throat and sell him to Don Harris, just like Hernandez. Garza yells to the next cell if Hernandez likes his new roommate. The camera pans over to the next cell. Don Harris is cuddling with Hernandez on the bed, smiling while Hernandez sobs.

RealVince is in the back with Big Tilly and the nun. RealVince asks Tilly what he was doing. He tells Tilly that he just ruined the highest rated segment on the whole damn show. Tilly, the nun, and RealVince gasp as RealVince drops to his knees and apologizes for swearing. Tilly drops a bombshell when he reveals that the nun is TILLY'S MOTHER.

Hoyt Benoit is walking through the woods. He says that now that he and Kip are divorced, he's going to his one true love today on Impact. Hoyt stops and says he thinks he heard something. Hoyt stops and looks over his shoulder. He says he hears something again and runs into a cabin. The camera follows Hoyt Benoit into the cabin. Hoyt says he is scared. A shadowy figure CREEPS in the background and comes up behind Hoyt. Hoyt turns around and BIG BOOTS the shadowy figure. Benoit lights a candle. It's ABYSS. Abyss is laid out on the floor as Hoyt Benoit leaves the cabin. As Hoyt Benoit is leaving the cabin, he sees STING swinging from a vine. Sting is laughing like a little kid and says "IT'S SHOWTIME" before Hoyt BIG BOOTS Sting off of the vine! Hoyt keeps walking through the woods saying he is seriously creeped. scratch, scratch, scratch. Hoyt stops. scratch scratch scratch. Hoyt looks around and doesn't see anything. scratch scra.. HOYT BIG BOOTS THE AIR. Hoyt holds the candle up. It's RAVEN. Raven was CARVING HIS NAME INTO A TREE. Hoyt keeps walking before stopping and smelling the air. He turns around and sees Havok sitting on a log with leaves in his hand. Hoyt BIG BOOTS Havok off of the log but slips so his boot lands in HAVOK'S @#%$. Hoyt acts disgusted and keeps walking to his true love.

The FSNWO are looking for David Young backstage.

Elix is at Extendz, waiting outside of the office of the Extendz CEO Ryan Wilson. He is reading a Newspaper and looks up at a door across the hall that says "EXTENDZ PROTOTYPE: DO NOT ENTER" Elix looks around and walks into the door.

Kip James is in the back with Baby Daniels in a stroller. Kip James talks about how Hoyt Benoit was a bad husband. Baby Daniels starts talking from the stroller about how Hoyt Benoit was a bad father who was never there for him and never paid child support. Baby Daniels says all he wanted to do was play catch and all Hoyt Benoit wanted to do was take steroids. Baby Daniels and Kip start to cry as Baby Daniels tells Hoyt that he hates him

RealVince is at the office truck. Shark Boy comes up. RealVince tells Shark Boy that he plays a good shark character and he is gonna help them get a 1.0 rating. RealVince hands Shark Boy the X-Division title and tells him he can have it.

NEW X-DIVISION CHAMPION: SHARK BOY

RealVince says that the only catch is that Shark Boy has to defend his title against AJ Styles tonight 'cause Dixie Carter said there needed to be a match in the ring. RealVince tells Shark Boy not to worry because AJ Styles "isn't that good".

Christian and Samoa Joe are at the hospital. Christian and Joe are arguing about who gets to take a bath. Joe gets pissed and challenges Christian to a match. Winner gets to take a bath.

WHEELCHAIR MATCH
WINNER TAKES A BATH
SAMOA JOE VS CHRISTIAN

Joe rolls his wheelchair into Christian. Christian rolls back and rolls into Joe. Christian knocks Joe back with his wheelchair and clutches his arms on the handle of the chair. CHRISTIAN STARTS TO STAND UP. Christian shakily stands up out of his chair and slowly TAKES A STEP. Chris Harris and James Storm run in and Harris clotheslines Christian. Storm pushes Joe out the door down a flight of stairs and Joe rolls out the door onto the beach. Harris jumps up onto the bed and Storm lays the crippled Christian out over his knee. Harris jumps off the hospital bed and hits the DEATH SENTENCE. Storm gets in the camera's face and says that next week, Harris and Storm wants to face the Black Reign and any Negro of his choosing in a PRINCE OF DARKNESS REVENGE MATCH. The nurse comes in and Storm starts making out with her. Harris makes out with her too.

The FSNWO are still looking for David Young. Bentley, Lovette, and Quartermaine are looking in the locker room. Bentley says he hears something and running water is heard. FSNWO go back into the shower area and pull back the curtain to reveal DAVID YOUNG. The FSNWO start to beat him down. Bentley beats down David Young with the shampoo bottle, and Lovette and Quartermaine turn the water to scolding hot. All of the sudden, two HOODED men run in and start beating on the FSNWO. Their jackets read MR. WRESTLING VIII and MR. WRESTLING IX. The Mr. Wrestlings take out the FSNWO and hand David Young a towel.

Elix is wandering around the mysterious DO NOT ENTER room and he comes across a golden pill in a glass case. Elix looks at it and holds it in his hand. Elix looks around and throws the pill in his mouth and swallows it. Ryan Wilson bursts in the door and asks Elix if he has any idea what he has just done. Elix looks down at his pants as a bulge starts to form and grow larger and larger. Wilson tells the camera man to get out. Wilson and the camera man dive out the door as an EXPLOSION is heard.

Text comes on the screen: "Relaxin' With Tomko." Tomko is shown laying on the beach in Florida with his NWA title belt, just laying in the sun getting a tan and reading a Goosebumps book. A little kid comes up to Tomko and tells him he is the best champ ever and asks him if he can hold his belt. Tomko says he doesn't care and the kid holds the belt. Suddenly the kid gets bit by a crab and drops the belt. The NWA title is swept into the ocean by the TIDE. Tomko gets angry and turns on the kid. Tomko dunks the kid's head into the water and tells him to go get it. Tomko kicks the kid into the ocean.



Hoyt Benoit is running through the woods and says that he is about to reveal his true love to the world. Hoyt comes to a cemetery and starts walking through the cemetery until he stops at the grave of THE FABULOUS MOOLAH. Hoyt says that at last he is reunited with his true love. Hoyt turns away from the camera and begins to URINATE on her grave. Hoyt then realizes he still has Havok's @#%$ on his shoe and wipes it on Moolah's tombstone. The creepers are hiding behind another tombstone laughing.

RealVince is in his office truck. Nun Tilly comes up to RealVince and thanks him for letting her get wet earlier. RealVince says he is a good christian. RealVince says he is such a good christian that he wants to take Nun Tilly out for dinner next week. RealVince asks Nun Tilly if she's free next Friday.. at 3pm. Nun Tilly says she would love to. RealVince says he's got reservations and a coupon at Long John Silvers. RealVince he loves anything that smells like fish. Nun Tilly laughs and says she will call him. Bruno comes up to RealVince and tells him that Nun Tilly is no good. RealVince says he needs to get laid. Bruno says that when he was at the frat house, she used to bake chocolate cookies for all the frat boys. Bruno says he never got any, cause he was ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE.

Back in jail, Steiner, Kurt, Garza, and Homicide are sitting down to eat. Homicide says that the neo-nazis are hogging all of the green Jello. Steiner gets pissed and runs over to the cafeteria line and belly suplexes all of the neo-nazis and gets one locked in the steiner recliner before the guards try to pull him off. Steiner fights back and has to be TAZED. Steiner is tazed by the guards and pepper sprayed before being carried away.

AJ Styles comes down to the ring, followed by the NEW X-Division champion, Shark Boy.

X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
SHARK BOY © VS AJ STYLES

Shark Boy and AJ Styles square off in the ring. AJ offers his hand to Shark Boy but low-blows him. Baby Daniels jumps out from the crowd and stares at AJ from ringside. AJ looks flustered as Baby Daniels stands, grinning. Shark Boy starts to get up, and Baby Daniels reaches into his diaper and tosses AJ a foreign object. AJ turns and hits Shark Boy with it. AJ looks at it only to realize that is a DILDO. Tenay and West freak out as AJ looks down at Daniels. AJ sniffs and holds the dildo up to his nose, smelling it, before dropping it on the ground and freaking out. AJ looks disgusted, but covers Shark Boy for the pin 1....2.....3!

WINNER AND NEW X-DIVISION CHAMPION: AJ STYLES

Baby Daniels is rubbing his hands together and licking his lips as AJ runs to the back to wash his hands.

Elix is laying on the floor with a towel over his genital area. "The Medic" Ryan Wilson carries him out the front door to a RED AMBULANCE. KEVIN NORTHCUTT emerges from the front of the vehicle and asks what happened? Wilson says Elix took the SUPEREXTENDZ prototype. Northcutt gasps and says they need to get him to the hospital quick. RED SHIRT MEDICS load Elix into the back of the ambulance and turn on the siren as they drive away.

Back on the beach, Tomko is pacing around waiting for the little kid to get his belt. Out of nowhere, a FISHING BOAT pulls up to shore. SAMOA JOE IS IN THE FISHING BOAT. Joe says that "big, ugly gold thing" caught his reel. He throws the rusty title belt back to Tomko and invites Tomko to go fishing with him. Tomko says "THAT SOUNDS RELAXING" and gets on the boat as it makes its way out to sea. The little kid is seen flailing around and yelling for help in the distance.

Erik Watts comes out to the ring and grabs a mic. Erik Watts says that this was the absolute worst wrestling program he has ever seen. Watts says that there were wet nuns, Hoyt Benoit totally disrespecting the memory of The Fabulous Moolah, jail fights, dildos, wheelchair fights, tazers, the belt getting lost in the ocean, samoa joe fishing, the greatest WCW wrestler ever swinging from a vine, a gay baby, and shampoo beatdowns. Watts says that this is not a wrestling program at all. Watts says that the only way TNA is going to get off the ground is if they put a strong emphasis on clean finishes, ECW invasions, and in-ring wrestling. Watts says that TNA needs to be more MMA based, have six PPVs a year with a good build, and dark characters. Watts says that if he were DOA, he would replace Tenay and West. Watts says that if he were DOA, he would make Jim Cornette DOA! RealVince comes out and gets in the ring face to face with Watts. RealVince cuts Watts' mic and comes out on top of the ramp. RealVince calls Watts a piece of @#%$, apologizes to God for swearing, and says that Watts has no clue what makes a TV program work. RealVince says that Watts doesn't get it, and that if he were DOA, TNA would be dead in a month. DIXIE CARTER comes out on to the ramp, and says that it's time to settle this once and for all. Next week, it will be Erik Watts vs RealVince for the title of DOA. RealVince says he can't next week, 'cause he's got a date at Long John Silvers. Dixie says that in TWO WEEKS then, it will be Erik Watts vs RealVince for the title of DOA. Watts is smiling, until out of nowhere, the LIGHTS go out in the arena, and the FOX BOX APPEARS ON THE SCREEN.

5..
4..
3..
2..
1..

END.

[TNARICK,,,]

RealVince is shown in the back at his truck looking in the rear view mirror in a suit with a bowtie. He is slicking his hair back and combing his beard in the mirror. He sprays on some cologne and pops his collar. Shark Boy walks in and RealVince tells him that since he's got an important date tonight with Nun Tilly, Shark Boy will be DOA for a night. RealVince points to a blow-up pool next to the truck and says that he even gave Shark Boy his own honorary office. Shark Boy jumps up and down and RealVince says he can go do whatever he wants while RealVince finishes getting ready. RealVince reaches into the glove box and pulls out a condom, which he puts into his wallet.

TNA IMPACT ON FSN!



AJ Styles is in the ring with a mic in his hand. He demands a match with Christopher Daniels to settle it once and for all. AJ says that he has a wife and kids and all he wants is for Daniels to leave him alone. AJ says he will even give Daniels a shot at his X-title if it will make Daniels leave him alone. DOA Shark Boy comes out from the back and gets into the ring. Styles asks DOA Shark Boy if he can have his match? DOA Shark Boy nods his head enthusiastically and SLAPS AJ'S ASS. DOA Shark Boy tries to touch AJ's dick as AJ jumps back, confused. Shark Boy leaves the ring as SHARK BOY appears on top of the ramp. AJ is confused as another Shark Boy stands at the top of the ramp. The Shark Boy at the bottom of the ramp takes off his mask to reveal CHRISTOPHER DANIELS, who blows a kiss at AJ and tries to touch Shark Boy's dick as he walks to the back.

At the jail, Steiner is yelling at Kurt Angle. Angle tries to say something but Steiner smacks him in the head. Homicide is sitting around and Steiner yells at him to get his toothbrush and dig them a hole out! Homicide grabs his toothbrush and gets down on his knees trying to dig a hole, but Steiner just gets pissed and gives him a BELLY SUPLEX before locking him in the STEINER RECLINER.



Footage is shown of what happened last week at Extendz with Elix, and Elix getting rushed to the hospital by Red Shirt Medics. Elix is shown waking up in the hospital bed with Dr. Ryan Wilson standing over him. Wilson has a bloody scalpel in his hand and says that he did everything he could, but he had to "REMOVE IT" Elix is groggy and looks under the covers and screams. Ryan Wilson says that Elix ruined a very expensive project and will be forced to pay. Wilson leaves Elix a bill and says that Elix has TWO WEEKS to pay it, and if he does not, he will see him in court.

RealVince pulls the truck up to a beat up trailer. A man walks out in a suit holding a big object.. it's HOYT BENOIT. RealVince asks if that's his date? Hoyt Benoit holds up the urine stained tombstone that reads "THE FABULOUS MOOLAH: ???? - 2007" and Hoyt says that's the love of his life. RealVince says she is beautiful and tells Hoyt to "just toss her in the bed of the truck". Hoyt gets in and RealVince drives away. As the car pulls away, BRUNO jumps out from behind a mailbox and follows on a Razor scooter!

The FSNWO (Quartermaine, Lovette, Bentley, and Northcutt) are in the back cutting a promo on David Young. Quartermaine challenges David Young and his "Mr Wrestling" tag team to meet the FSNWO in the ring to settle it once and for all. David Young walks up and accepts, and says that tonight.. his REAL mystery man will show up.

Jeff Jarrett and Kevin Nash are in the back. Erik Watts walks in and tells them that they need to join forces. Watts says that they are the only sane ones in TNA. Watts says that if they joined forces, they would be able to take over and restore TNA's dignity. Watts tells Jarrett and Nash that they are legitimate stars who deserve TV time and if he were DOA, he'd have them fighting for the title. Watts says that they would elevate new stars in feuds and put them over. Jarrett looks at Nash and they both shrug. Nash and Jarrett grab their bags and Nash tells Watts that they don't feel like it and they're going home. Nash and Jarrett walk out as Watts looks flustered.

Black Reign and Truth come out to the ring followed by America's Most Wanted.

TAG TEAM MATCH
BLACK REIGN & TRUTH VS AMERICAS MOST WANTED

Harris and Reign start off with a tie-up until a voice saying "WAIT WAIT WAIT" is heard. Lethal comes out on top of the ramp and says "I have a bombshell for you Truth. I have an announcement about Black Reign's deepest, darkest secret that is gonna rock TNA and the face of wrestling to its very foundations. You see--" Lethal is PUSHED OFF the ramp by SAMOA JOE, who is in his wheelchair! Reign is confused and Harris rolls him up 1...2...3!

WINNER: HARRIS/STORM

After the match, Joe rolls down the ramp towards Harris and Storm and leaps out of his chair at them, falling flat on his face and flopping around like a fish. Harris gets in Joe's wheelchair and Storm pushes him off to the back as Reign and Truth argue in the ring before they walk off, ignoring Joe.



Back in jail, Steiner is yelling at Homicide to dig faster. Homicide is crying and digging at the cement with a toothbrush. Homicide starts digging faster until the hot asian female guard yells for them to open up and that it's time for cell search. The doors open and the guard tells them to "GO!" The guard takes off her hat to reveal GAIL KIM. Steiner grabs her, makes out with her, and feels her tits before running out and belly suplexing the other guards. Kim runs to the next cell door and lets out DON HARRIS AND HERNANDEZ, who is wearing a dress. Harris and Hernandez join in the prison riot. Steiner tries to bend the bars on the window, but can't. Gail runs over and dumps a bottle of steroids into Steiner's mouth. Steiner bends the bars and jumps out the window, followed by Hernandez, Don, Garza, and Homicide. Kurt tries to kiss Gail but ends up puking all over her face. Kurt pushes Gail through the bars and escapes through the window just as more guards are approaching. THE INMATES ARE FREE.


X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
AJ STYLES © VS CHRISTOPHER DANIELS

AJ and Daniels tie up in the ring, and Daniels puts his face in Styles' crotch. Styles backs off and Daniels starts grabbing towards his dick. AJ freaks out and walks around the ring. AJ slides back into the ring and Daniels jumps on his back and starts reaching around towards his dick. AJ flips him over. AJ stomps him down and goes up to the top rope and motions for the SPIRAL TAP. AJ jumps off into the air as the match is PREEMPTED by FOX SPORTS NET.



Cut to a golf course, where a large man in a pink polo shirt is teeing off. It's TOMKO. Relaxin'! Tomko tees off into the air and watches his ball to the green. Tomko smiles and says "it's good to relax once and a while." before the Inmates run through. Homicide steals his golf clubs and Steiner belly suplexes him. Kurt tries to drive the golf cart away but passes out at the wheel and drives it right into a tree. Don Harris puts Kurt on his back and runs away while Hernandez grabs Tomko's NWA title.

Cut back, and AJ and Daniels are in the ring. Daniels gives AJ a german suplex and starts licking him. The clock reads 25:39 until the FOX BOX starts COUNTING DOWN REALLY FAST. The clock counts down to 0 in 10 seconds and the bell rings as a draw. AJ and Daniels are both confused, but that doesn't stop Daniels from trying to touch AJ's ass as AJ jumps out of the ring and runs to the back.

RealVince is sitting at a table with Nun Tilly, Hoyt Benoit, and Moolah's tombstone. RealVince says he really enjoyed his meal. Hoyt tells Moolah's tombstone that he had a good time. The waiter comes up and hands them the bill. RealVince motions to Hoyt Benoit and says that they will be in the car. RealVince tells Nun Tilly that she had "better leave a nice tip.. and not be cheap." Benoit grabs the tombstone and runs off. The waiter comes up to Nun Tilly and asks if she wants dessert? The waiter shoves a BROWNIE in Nun Tilly's mouth and takes off his bowtie to reveal BRUNO. Bruno asks Nun Tilly how she likes the chocolate now? Bruno says that Nun Tilly ruined his life, and now he's about to ruin hers. Before Bruno can do anything else, THE CREEPERS show up. Sting asks Bruno where Hoyt Benoit is? Nun Tilly points outside. Nun Tilly and Bruno follow Sting, Raven, Abyss, Havok, and Jim Mitchell to the outside where the truck is seen rocking back and forth and the windows fogged up. The Creepers start attacking the truck. The Door opens and RealVince sprints away in his underwear while Hoyt is guarding the tombstone. Raven tries to rip it from his hands but Hoyt kicks Raven out of the door, starts up the truck, and drives off, PLOWING OVER JIM MITCHELL.

DOA Shark Boy is in the back, lounging in his pool when Erik Watts comes up to him. Watts tells him that he needs to ask him for a favor. DOA Shark Boy nods his head. Watts asks if he can be DOA for the night? Watts says that if he is DOA tonight then TNA will get a 1.0. Watts says that he wants to make TNA more like a horror movie, and that seeing his face on this kind of TNA every week almost makes him ashamed to be on the program. Watts tells Shark Boy that his eight year old cousin can make a better show. Shark Boy shakes his head no. Watts says that he thought he'd say that, but he has something to change DOA Shark Boy's mind. Watts presents Shark Boy with a tray of fish sticks. Shark Boy's eyes light up as Watts holds them up to Shark Boy's nose and Watts asks him if they smell good. Shark Boy nods enthusiastically and Watts says that all Shark Boy has to do is give him control. Shark Boy smells the fish sticks again and turns to Watts and BITES HIS ARM. Watts jumps around screaming as Shark Boy latches on and doesn't let go until the tray of fish sticks hits the ground. Watts runs away holding his arm as Shark Boy holds the fish sticks and throws them in the pool.

In the back, David Young is on the phone with his mystery man. David Young is leaving a voicemail asking where he is. Mr Wrestling VII and Mr Wrestling VIII come in and tell him that their match is next. David Young looks on disappointed as they head toward the ring.

Bentley, Quartermaine, Lovette, and Northcutt come out from the back. The FSNWO pose on all four corners of the ring before David Young and the Mr. Wrestlings come out. Young asks Quartermaine if he can wait five minutes for his mystery man but the FSNWO turn and beat down Young and the Mr. Wrestlings.

EIGHT MAN TAG
THE FSNWO VS YOUNG, THE MR. WRESTLING XV, AND ?????

The FSNWO beat down on Young and the Mr. Wrestlings. David Young rolls out of the ring and leaves the Mr. Wrestlings in the ring as they get 4 on 2 doubleteamed. Young pulls out his cell phone and calls and asks where the mystery man is? David Young shrugs and asks how he got stuck in traffic? Young asks when he's gonna be there? Young is laughing and talking to his mystery man while the FSNWO dismantle the Mr Wrestlings, allowing Lex to pin Mr Wrestling VII.

WINNERS: THE FSNWO

After the match, the FSNWO chase after David Young and David Young runs away.

In the back, the truck is shown pulling up and screeching on its tires. Bruno rolls up behind them on the scooter with Nun Tilly on his back and the Creepers arrive to try to tip over the truck. Hoyt and Moolah's tombstone are in the truck as it is being rocked back and forth by The Creepers. RealVince runs by in his underwear and dives into the bed of the truck before he realizes that they are trying to tip it. RealVince starts praying as the creepers come closer to tipping over the truck. Bruno TURNS ON Nun Tilly, kicking her to the ground and running her over with his scooter. David Young runs out to the back and hides behind the truck. The FSNWO show up and start brawling with the Creepers! Out of nowhere, The Inmates show up and starts BRAWLING with THE CREEPERS AND THE FSNWO. Steiner gives Sting a belly suplex onto the hood of the truck and jumps up onto the hood, locking STING IN THE STEINER RECLINER. The huge brawl erupts around the truck as Hoyt clutches the tombstone in the truck and RealVince prays in his underwear in the bed. TOMKO runs up with his golf club and starts wailing away on everybody. Tomko grabs Garza and throws him into Shark Boy's POOL! Shark Boy gets angry and bites Tomko in the face as Tomko throws him to the ground. Steiner belly suplexes Nun Tilly and Bruno both at once and throws Abyss into the windshield. Steiner turns and BELLY SUPLEXES Kurt Angle, realizes it was his own guy, and doesn't care. Hoyt Benoit opens the door in Steiner's face, knocking him to the ground! Hoyt runs away with the tombstone, leaving a pile of bodies surrounding the truck. RealVince stands up in the bed and runs away in his underwear.

SHOW ENDS.

[TNARICK,,,]

David Young is shown in the back packing around in the parking lot, checking his watch. Borash runs out and asks him who he's waiting for. Young says that tonight is the night that the very foundation of TNA will be rocked to its core when his mystery man finally shows up. Young says that tonight, the FSNWO will be destroyed.

TNA iMPACT on FSN!

Erik Watts comes down to the ring and grabs a mic. Watts says that tonight is the night that he finally becomes DOA. Watts says he has been waiting for this moment the entire month. He says that before Fox Sports Net, he wanted to end his life. Watts says that he tried to hang himself, overdose, but nothing worked. He says that tonight, after he becomes DOA, he will finally have something to life for. Watts promises that things will change when he becomes DOA. He promises that Abyss will no longer have secrets. He says that all promos will be incredible, and that internet fans will send emails requesting matches to be booked. Watts says that the most important part is that played out authority figures will no longer be on TV when he is DOA. Watts says he has a match to get ready for and jogs to the back smiling, before tripping on the ramp.



In a courtroom with a big sign that says JUDGE RUDY, Hoyt Benoit and Kip James are sitting in the chairs. Judge Rudy Charles comes in, shuffles his papers, and says that the case of James v. Benoit is now in session, with Kip suing for child support.

RealVince is in the back with Shark Boy, looking angry. RealVince tells Shark Boy that he did a horrible job running the show last week and that he had way too many matches in the ring. RealVince tells Shark Boy he's lucky TNA isn't out of business already. He says that Shark Boy's punishment will be facing Quartermaine and Lex in a handicap match. He tells Shark Boy to leave. AJ walks up, and RealVince yells at him for being boring, and tells him that he's stripped of the X-Division title because it was a FAKE TITLE. RealVince pulls out the broken Y-Title belt from a few weeks back and says that an 8 man tournament will be set up for the real title. Next week, RealVince will announce the participants. AJ asks him why he's so mad? RealVince threatens to hit AJ and AJ runs away and hides behind a garbage can. RealVince looks into the camera and says that he has a message for Erik Watts. RV says that he asked God who he thought was gonna win, and God said RealVince, and RealVince always trusts God, so he knows that he will be fine.

Black Reign is in the ring with a mic. Reign cuts a promo on Tomko and demands that Tomko put the title on the line. RealVince comes out from the back and says that tonight, Reign will face Jay Lethal in a #1 Contender's match, and the winner will face Tomko in a Compton City Brawl Match for the NWA title. Reign looks excited as RealVince walks off.

TOMKO is backstage, laying on a table getting a massage from Gail Kim. He is watching on a monitor and suddenly stands up. "What the..?" Tomko looks sad as he sits on the table. Gail tries to console him but Tomko tells her she's done enough already. Gail leaves crying as Tomko lays down.

David Young is outside in the parking lot, pacing around. He sighs and pulls out his cell phone. He waits a few seconds and begins yelling into the phone for the person to "pick up their goddamn phone!" Young complains about how he keeps getting his voicemail and continues pacing..

Samoa Joe wheels himself out to the bottom of the ramp, followed by Christian Cage. They are each pushed out by nurses. The nurse tries to help Samoa Joe into the ring before CHRIS HARRIS and JAMES STORM run down to the ring and clothesline the nurses. Harris and Storm beat on Christian and Joe before Storm pulls out a rope from under the ring. Harris and Storm tie up Joe and Christian and get into the ring as the ref rings the bell.

CHRIS HARRIS & JAMES STORM VS CHRISTIAN & SAMOA JOE

Harris and Storm stand in the ring high fiving each other as the ref counts to 10.

WINNERS BY COUNT OUT: STORM & HARRIS

JUDGE RUDY's court is in session, and Kip James is on the stand. Kip says that Hoyt Benoit used to hold him at night and tell him he loved him. Kip says that then, he started doing steroids and then he would become violent. Kip says that once he was making dinner for Hoyt and forgot that he didn't like ketchup on his cheeseburger, so Hoyt BIG BOOTED him. Kip starts to cry and the prosecutor says "it's alright." Kip says that Baby Daniels used to want to play catch with him, but Hoyt would just lay around and do steroids all day. Kip says that she suspected that Hoyt was cheating on her with "that slut" Moolah. She says that once they divorced, Hoyt just quit paying child support because he wanted to spend the money on steroids. Hoyt is leaning back in the defendant's chair, laughing and smoking a cigarette as Kip cries on the stand. Kip says "I HATE YOU HOYT BENOIT. I HATE YOU AND I HOPE YOU DIE" as Hoyt flicks his cigarette butt at Kip and laughs.



Elix Skipper is shown on Kenny King live to be interviewed. Kenny King asks him about how he feels about his current role in TNA wrestling. Elix says that the whole show is a mess right now. Kenny asks Elix what happened to Triple X? Elix tells Kenny that Triple X all got caught up in their porn video productions instead of focusing on the belts, now Senshi is barely featured on the shows and Daniels has become a joke. Kenny, being a black man himself, asks how it feels to be the only African-American man to not have an enlarged member? Elix says he never had confidence growing up. Kenny King asks how long Elix has been using Extendz with no results? Elix says that he has been taking it for around six months. Kenny asks how he feels about being sued by President of Extendz, Ryan Wilson. Elix tells him that he shouldn't have to pay that son of a bitch a dime, because the pill has ruined his life. It has ruined any chance of finding a girlfriend he might have had.

Kenny King introduces his special surprise guest: The President of Extendz, RYAN WILSON. Ryan Wilson comes out screaming at Elix and security needs to separate them. Wilson and Elix exchange words, many of which are bleeped. Wilson starts to scream "I WANT MY MONEY." and starts pulling Elix's hair. Wilson yells to Elix that he'd better find a good lawyer. Security takes Elix and Wilson out as Kenny King sits, confused.

RealVince is in the back, sweet talking Nun Tilly. RealVince tells her that he "smells something nasty", and starts to smell down towards her.. TOMKO bursts in the door, flipping out on RealVince for having to defend his title. RealVince tells him to calm down and Tomko says he will take his title and go home if he has to defend it. RealVince again tells him to calm down and whispers something in his ear. Tomko "aah's" and nods at RealVince, smiling. Tomko then lays down on the floor, where a pillow, blanket and teddy bear are and begins to take a nap.

Big Tilly is watching the monitor, shaking his head, with Bruno. Tilly asks Bruno what the hell is going on. Tilly says that RealVince has no business being with his mother. He says that he doesn't even love her, he's just looking to get laid. Bruno tells him not to worry, because he's going to find a way to keep RealVince away from her.

Cut to the ring, where a plane ticket is dangling above the ring. Tenay announces that the following match is a ladder match, with the winner going on to face Tomko in a Compton House Brawl. Reign comes out to the ring with Truth and Pacman. Jay Lethal comes down and tries to talk to Truth and Pacman but Reign keeps blocking him. The ref rings the bell.

PLANE TICKET LADDER MATCH
#1 CONTENDER: COMPTON HOUSE BRAWL
BLACK REIGN VS JAY LETHAL

Jay Lethal tries to talk to Truth & Pacman but Truth & Pacman grab Lethal's arms and take him down. Pacman & Truth hold down Lethal and cover his mouth as Reign walks slowly to the outside of the ring, picks up a ladder, sets up the ladder in the ring, rolls back out, runs around high fiving the fans at ringside, rolls back into the ring, climbs the ladder, waves to everybody, and grabs the plane ticket!

WINNER AND #1 CONTENDER: BLACK REIGN

Truth and Pacman hold down Lethal as Reign starts to beat him down. Truth & Pacman join in, kicking him before throwing him out of the ring.

JUDGE RUDY is in session, and Hoyt Benoit is on the stand, hugging the tombstone of The Fabulous Moolah. Hoyt says that he has never done steroids, and he spent the money on church. Hoyt says that Kip wouldn't give it up, so he had to find someone new: the love of his life, the Fabulous Moolah. Hoyt says that he will try to pay child support if he gets custody of Baby Daniels on the weekends. Judge Rudy says that it's time for the jury to decide. The camera turns to the jury, who are none other than THE CREEPERS!

Buck and Lex come out to the ring, followed by Shark Boy

QUARTERMAINE/LOVETTE VS SHARK BOY

Shark Boy starts beating down both of them until RYAN WILSON comes out from the back and gets into the ring. RYAN WILSON tries to clothesline Shark Boy but Shark Boy ducks and drop kicks him out of the ring. WILSON stumbles over to a fan and grabs his sunglasses. Shark Boy trembles in fear as TRYTAN EXTENDS HIS ARM AT SHARK BOY. TRYTAN extends his arm and Shark Boy sprints out of the ring to the back, causing the ref to count him out.

WINNERS BY COUNT OUT: THE FSNWO



Steiner and The Inmates are sneaking around backstage, where they run into Rick Steiner. They start beating down Rick Steiner as Scott yells at him for putting into the retirement home. Steiner lines up the Inmates against the wall, except Kurt who is keeled over puking. Steiner kicks Angle in the face until he stands up straight. Steiner says he is now in charge, and they are going to follow his every order. Steiner marches down the line like a general and tells them that the first mission is, next week, to FIND OUT WHO THE MR. WRESTLINGS ARE. Steiner then goes down the line and BELLY SUPLEXES all of them.

Mike Tenay is in the ring hyping up the big match. He says that Dixie Carter is at ringside to watch the match. Tenay says that the winner will be the Director of Authority for TNA.

RealVince comes out to the ring with Nun Tilly. RealVince kisses her on the lips and gets into the ring, ready to fight. Watts' music hits and Watts poses at the top of the ramp. Suddenly the bell rings and THE FOX BOX APPEARS ON THE SCREEN. Watts sprints down the ramp but THE FOX BOX COUNTS DOWN TO ZERO.

WINNER AND STILL : REALVINCE

Watts drops to his knees and cries as RealVince walks by, flipping him off and slapping Nun Tilly's ass. Watts starts punching the ground and looking for the Fox Box. Watts looks under the ring and starts tearing apart the announcer's table before running around frantically.



JUDGE RUDY'S COURT is STILL in session. The CREEPER JURY comes out to the stand and Judge Rudy asks for their verdict. Sting says "We, the jury, find the defendant: Hoyt Benoit... GUILTY of not paying child support!" Judge Rudy sentences Hoyt Benoit to one day of house arrest and 3 minutes of community service. Hoyt starts flipping out and jumps the stand before hitting ALL of the CREEPER JURY in the head with Moolah's TOMBSTONE.

A limousine arrives at the arena as David Young starts jumping up and down excitedly. Young says "YES! HE'S FINALLY HERE!" before TRUTH and PACMAN walk out with Black Reign. Truth and Reign pat Young on the back and tell him that they'll see him next week. Reign, Truth, and Pacman get into the limo as it backs out and leaves.

SHOW ENDS.

[Schlomey]

favorite part: Black Reign says that negroes have been held down in TNA by Southern whitebred hillbillies for the longest time

[James Steele]

[tjmidnight420]

Does TNA not have forums??

[CSL]

Originally Posted by AntiTradition Meltzer is inside of all you,,,, every dirt sheet he writes he brainwashes the internet into believing his views,,,, he sets up other sites to paste his news,,, everyone has been brainwashed besides the radicalz4 division,,, people forget the way wrestling use to be,,, the great storylines,, unpredictable,, title switches,,, turns,, gimmick matches,,, it has now been a long lost art since the rise,,,,,,,, of CORNETTE AND MELTZER,,,, we must stop them,,,, I AM YOUR SAVIOR ,,,,,,, FOLLOW ME

yr. a fucking idiot brah

[Triple Naitch]

Let's talk more about Evan Spilchuk being on Vince Russo's program.

[TNARICK,,,]

From the eyes of the coyote,,,,, to the shell of a turtle,,, the wind blows strong,,, and a figure will appear,,,, only those not blinded can see the figure,,, vince russo is our lord,,, we worship the great one,,,, we are not stopped by the evil meltzer and his sheep,,,,,,,,,, i am TNARICK your savior,,,, FOLLOW ME TO RUSSO,,,

[whiteyford]

What are we going to do when we get to Russo exactly? Is this a gay thing?

[Corporate CockSnogger]

Originally Posted by AntiTradition From the eyes of the coyote,,,,, to the shell of a turtle,,, the wind blows strong,,, and a figure will appear,,,, only those not blinded can see the figure,,, vince russo is our lord,,, we worship the great one,,,, we are not stopped by the evil meltzer and his sheep,,,,,,,,,, i am TNARICK your savior,,,, FOLLOW ME TO RUSSO,,,

Are you overweight?

[CSL]

does one breathe heavily from ones mouth,,,,