Ravings of a Homeless Wrestling Fan

[Afterlife]

My uncle recently moved in with my family after spending the last 8 years living on the streets and beaches of Miami, Florida. He doesn't seem mentally unstable, or anything, I think he just has no work ethic. THe thing is, he's a wrestling fan, but he seems a little delirious. These are the three things he claims and/or believes that really stuck out:

1: Kane and Undertaker are really brothers. I can see how a casual viewer or serious mark might believe this, as they do look about as similar as their respective characters could.

2: The Big Show is the son of -- that's right! Andre the Giant. Again, someone who doesn't know what he's talking about might look at him and make that assumption whilst passing by an appliance store with WWE on the display tv. But to be a fan and think that? I dunno.

3: The original Ultimate Warrior is dead, and the last incarnation of the Ultimate Warrior was actually his brother. I remember hearing this for a time when I was in grade school, but I passed it off as both garbage and "who cares" back then. ANd here's a guy who thinks it's true to this day.

I really have no reason to post this -- I just can't tell him he's wrong because he's stubborn as shit and won't listen if you try to correct him on anything -- and he wonders why he was homeless. Anyway, if there are any explanations as to why or how that Warrior rumor got started, I'd love to hear it. Any logical reasoning I can use to shut him up would be much appreciated. He may not accept it, but I'll feel better.

[Indifferent Clox]

Just show him wikipedia facts like print them off disproving all of it.

[El Fangel]

Umm. You say your uncle isn't crazy?

Ok, sure.

[Afterlife]

Nah, not crazy. Just poorly influenced.


Kinda like Wikipedia. :p

[El Fangel]

Does he still put teeth under his pillow?

[Dave Youell]

The Giant thing, that could be because he watched WCW when they were actually claiming that, then he stopped watching?

[Destor]

Well it's not like the IWC doesn't beleive it's fair share of myths too so it's hard to look down on someone who doesn't have all the facts.

[Afterlife]

The Giant thing, that could be because he watched WCW when they were actually claiming that, then he stopped watching?

That could be. I didn't know there was even a kayfabe base to this idea.

[Afterlife]

Does he still put teeth under his pillow?

Homeless for 8 years, minimum. He can't afford to lose any more teeth.

[Afterlife]

Well it's not like the IWC doesn't beleive it's fair share of myths too so it's hard to look down on someone who doesn't have all the facts.

It's not that I look down on him. Just curious where that Warrior thing got started.

[Destor]

Been around for ages. No idea where it came from.

[Destor]

Lot sof people beleive it though.

[Dave Youell]

Think the Warrior thing first started when he re-re-returned in a singlet with a muscle design. So people thought that it must be a different guy as he must of lost his body.

[Nowhere Man]

The way I'd heard it was that when Warrior came back at Mania 8, he hadn't been "conditioning" in a while, so his muscles were sorta deflated. That, and he got a haircut. So he looked just different enough that people could mistake him for another guy. Couple that with the fact that he returned right around the same time Kerry Von Erich left, and the rumor began that Warrior was actually a painted-up Von Erich.

All that stuff with that 'Renegade' guy in WCW probably didn't help, either.

[Jeritron]

To me, the worst of all is the popular claim among nonwrestling, or extremely casual wrestling fans that The Undertaker is a different guy now than it originally was and has been played by a bunch of guys.

Of course, trying to explain this to them is absurd, and they think you're wrong and stupid. And you just have to keep it to yourself that you know the guys real name, former gimmicks, career history and just about everythin he's ever done. Not to mention it's clearly him facially.
But there's no convincing them, and it's not worth arguing or busting out an unhealthy knowledge of wrestling.

This obviously all came from the impostor Undertaker storyline with Chainz or whoever played him

[Tommy Gunn]

WWE Wrestling Fan In YOUR House.

[Afterlife]

To me, the worst of all is the popular claim among nonwrestling, or extremely casual wrestling fans that The Undertaker is a different guy now than it originally was and has been played by a bunch of guys.

Of course, trying to explain this to them is absurd, and they think you're wrong and stupid. And you just have to keep it to yourself that you know the guys real name, former gimmicks, career history and just about everythin he's ever done. Not to mention it's clearly him facially.
But there's no convincing them, and it's not worth arguing or busting out an unhealthy knowledge of wrestling.

This obviously all came from the impostor Undertaker storyline with Chainz or whoever played him

My director friend told me in 2002 that the Undertaker had been played by three different people. I showed him mu poster (I think stricken from a WWE magazine issue) that had a photo from every major wardrobe shift in Taker's history. I made him stare at it until he admitted defeat.

[Xero]

Is your uncle Blade Braxton?

[Afterlife]

He is not.

[Xero]

Well that sucks.

[Afterlife]

I suppose that's debatable.

[NeanderCarl]

It's not that I look down on him. Just curious where that Warrior thing got started.

Probably when Gorilla 'The Truth' Monsoon claimed on All American that the Ultimate Warrior was eaten by a shark, during one of his "estranged" periods. True. Baffling, but true.

[Afterlife]

Holy crap. That's incredible.

[NeanderCarl]

I loved the Gorilla, he was awesome, but 90% of the things he would say on commentary or on hosting duties were absolute, off the cuff bullshit. Entertaining bullshit, though.

The trick with Monsoon was you could always tell when he was lying: his lips would move.

[Afterlife]

Update:

Kurt "Mr. Perfect" Angle. That's right; Kurt Angle won his Gold Medal in the 70s and then came to pro wrestling under the name "Mr. Perfect".

[Theo Dious]

It's not that I look down on him. Just curious where that Warrior thing got started.

What I wonder is how rumors like that went worldwide with no intrawebs.

[Afterlife]

Magic carpets.

[Mr. Nerfect]

Update:

Kurt "Mr. Perfect" Angle. That's right; Kurt Angle won his Gold Medal in the 70s and then came to pro wrestling under the name "Mr. Perfect".

Show him the 2002 Royal Rumble and his reality will be blown out of the water completely. Of course, then he might also become paranoid that there are conspiracies everywhere by shattering the comfort zone of his beliefs.

Try and get some more out of him. They are fairly entertaining. Some of the best I can recall off the top of my head:

My friend came up to me once and revealed to me that The Rock's real birth name was "Rocky Maivia," and that he had read it in a magazine. This same friend confused Big Show and "The Big Valbowski" (back when Venis was using that as his ring name in 2002).

My nephew honestly believed that Santino Marella was a fan. He's not as marky as you may believe. He hates Cena (without any influence from me), and he knows that everything is staged and all that. He was still outraged when he heard from Joey Styles that Santino had been training in Canada.

A lot of people actually think everything is completely fake, and that there is absolute no risk of injury. I can understand why, as the adjective "fake" can throw a whole lot into question, but there is a massive wall disconnecting professional wrestling from a good majority of people.

[Afterlife]

That's why I find it irresponsible to use the word "fake" when describing WWE. Nobody calls ER "fake surgery".

[Afterlife]

Update: WWF was forced to change their name to WWE by the FCC. That's right, the FCC, which is only supposed to stop television from being to realistic, decided that it would go into general law. Apparently, it confronted the WWF about having "fake wrestling", and thusly was not a legitimate federation. Therefore, to avoid a false advertisement suit, the company decided to change their name to better represent their product. I shit you not.

[FourFifty]

What does your crazy uncle think about Randy Orton's new theme?

[FourFifty]

And Crossrine?

[thedamndest]

I would like to hear how the uncle explains how Ted DiBiase went back in time and put a younger version of himself on Raw.

[FourFifty]

Damn it Thed!!! Use your goddamn brain! TIME MACHINE, DUH!!!
:roll:


:shifty:




:lol:

[thedamndest]

I think he bought a Million Dollar Youth Elixir.

[Indifferent Clox]

My friend also thinks undertaker is fake or whatever. untill I showed him a youtube of him back in the day, he still isn't 100% sure but he's like.. they do look alike.

[Afterlife]

Actually, Dibiase SR. is a homosexual who was kicked out of WWF for hitting on other wrestlers, and thusly became an alcoholic. This "Ted Junior" must be a nephew, or something, that Vince wanted to sign really bad, but could only get him if he rehired the Million Dollar Man.

[Indifferent Clox]

:wtf:

[NoRoolz]

The amount of people over the years who I've had to inform that OWEN Hart was the wrestler who died, and not BRET Hart is unbelievable.

Seriously, like 9 times out of 10 when I'm with some people and Bret Hart's name gets mentioned for one reason or another, at least one person will be like 'Oh shit he's that wrestler who died ain't he?'

[Nowhere Man]

That's slightly better than the number of people I've had to tell that Bret Hart isn't Crow-era Sting without his makeup on.

"But they use the same finisher and everything!"

Simply, just.....wow.

[NoRoolz]

Hahah never had that one.

Although a lot of non-wrestling fans in the U.K would have no idea of Sting the wrestler, and if anything, only know of Sting the musician :-\