RAW Captions [04/12/04]

[CBright7831]

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[OssMan]

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The old "Head" gimmick had come back to haunt Al Snow.

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Eugene: You mean wrestling isn't real? :'(

[tucsonspeed6]

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Benoit: You jellin'?
HBK: Like a fellon!

HHH: HA! You guys beat me up, but I'm fine now!

HBK: He's not jellin'
Benoit: Or sellin'....


(got class in five minutes this is the only one I can do now . All of my captions would have been crappy anyways...)

[Corkscrewed]

Just so you know, I'm using only captions in the other thread for the archives, so don't waste your posts.

http://tpww.net/forums/showthread.php?t=10039

[Rock Bottom]

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Instead of typical silk webbing, the Foley spider would wrap its prey in barbwire before eating it.

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Kane had warned the Blue Meanie to stand back when his pyro went off.

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Sexay pleaded with Kane to let him finish his third lunch before the match continued.

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Kane does his best Slingblade impression.

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Kane desperately tried to save Grandmaster Sexay from being sucked up into the UFO.

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Eugene: I wanna go on that ride, daddy!
Regal: Me too, son. Me too.

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Realizing that the WWE fans were weak-minded, Tajiri used the Jedi Mind Trick to get over.

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Al Snow regretted the Tequila drinking contest with Eddie Guerrero earlier on.

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Tajiri proved once and for all to be the champion of Truth or Dare when he removed A-Train's thong with his teeth.

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Coach: Go back to England! And tell them Scotland is free!

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Only a dumb bitch like Lita could botch grabbing a target as huge as Trish's breasts.

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Lita was wracked in pain. Trish's nipples were hitting the pressure points in her back.

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Trish had become so starved over time from vomitting after every meal, that she began to eat her own body parts.

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Trish: Don't you ever say that my man's penis looks like an Ostrich head ever again, bitch. *SLAP*

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When the ref saw Christian absord Jericho's soul, he knew it was time to take a stance. MORTAL KOMBAT!

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Jericho: Ughhh... Head hurts... Where am I?
Trish: On your back, in the middle of the ring...
Jericho: That's the last time I say, "There's no place like home," when having a nightmare.

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Eugene had baffled La Resistance by explaining the scientific makeup of the fabric of reality by means of idiot savuant.

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Edge was the new Terminator sent by Austin to bury the talent, that would explain why his finger-morphing weapon was done with the middle finger.

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Hurricane had body odor that would make even a Frenchman cower.

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Eugene: Will you pet my teddybear?
(Strange ticking sound coming from the bear)

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Hurricane underwent the tryouts for joining La Resistance.

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Eugene: (Crying) It's ruined!
Regal: Well, Eugene, I'm terribly sorry my dear boy. But you have to admit. That bear was more fluffy and cuddly than Triple H.

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Flair: *FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT*
Triple H: Hah, that's nothing, check THIS out... BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAH.

Crowd: Ho-ly shit! Ho-ly shit! Ho-ly shit!

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Foley: *Sigh* Oh no. Not you too, Chris.

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JR: BAH GAWD! FLAIR IS LITERALLY URINATING ALL OVER CHARLIE HAAS!
King: Woohoo, puppies!

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The ref decided to let this one slide, as Orton was not giving leverage to Triple H for the abdominal stretch. It turned out Triple H was giving leverage to Orton to help him take a shit.

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While Cena saw miniature versions of ECW champions on his shoulder when he had to make a decision, it's apparent that Michaels saw up-and-coming stars before screwing a Canadian in their hometown.

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When Triple H passed out in the ring, Michaels knew exactly what to do to get him back up...

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Triple H: One blowjob, one blowjob, hayabayabaybayba Do I hear one blowjob, haybayabblahblahblah.
Michaels: One blowjob!
Triple H: Two blowjobs, two blowjobs! Do I hear two blowjobs! Hybabayababablahblah.
Benoit: Two blowjobs.
Triple H: Haybahaba two blowjobs, do I hear three blowjobs and your soul? Going once... Going twice... Erm, Shawn?
Michaels: ...Sorry, my soul belongs to Jesus.
Triple H: ...Sold... Benoit retains. :-\

[thuganomicalcrippler]

OK, I have NEVER done captions before, so if these turn out to be crap, I'm just going to leave it to the pros.

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Normal people prefer spaghetti, Mick.

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Told you Viagra has side effects.

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Kane: Then what happened, Papa Smurf?

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NEVER interrupt Kane when he's talking to Smurfs.

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Trish: Who's career is doomed forever?

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Tajiri: HA HA! You're an Internet Nerd. HAHAHAHA!
TPWW: You're dead and buried.
Tajiri: :(

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Al Snow(thinking) I NEVER get a match, this is the first time I've been on air since November, I don't even have a gimmick anymore.....
Tajiri:Uh...Al? Don't we have a match?
Al: Shut Up. You're dead and buried.
Tajiri: :(

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Look Mom! I'm on TV!!!
Mom: Shut up! You're dead and buried.
Tajiri: :(

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Coach:Why exactly did I take this job?

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You NEVER steal a candy bar from Edge understand?

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Hurricane: IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL......
Other guy: Uh.....holmes, that only works when you have a mic...

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And the WWE is proud to present its summer collection....

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Flair: Can you see it Shelton?
Shelton: NO! The ights are bright! They're hurting my eyes!
Flair: Keep looking and you'll see.
*Earl Hebner starts counting*
Mick: GET UP! Its a trick you jackass!
Shelton: I can't! Something's holding me down!

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Age was catchin up. Shawn needed frequent rests during matches.

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Really, Shawn, maybe you should get a trainer?

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Triple H: We are gathered here today......

[big_bluto]

My first go at captions too!

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Mick Foley got tired of book advertising and decided it was time to introduce the world to 'The Foley Beard Brush'

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Vince watched the reality hit Kane that he was never going to be pushed as 'Kane - Monster of the Blues'

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Kane: Dude, that last fart almost made me chunder!
GMS: Wait, wait, I've just floated the mother of all air-biscuits!

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GMS: How can you not smell it?? Get closer!

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Trish: Have you seen my thong?
Eugene: No
Trish: Have you seen my thong?
Regal: Trish, my dear. Everyone has seen your thong!


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When Vince told Al Snow to rest up before the next series of Tough Enough, he forgot to mention that he may be required to perform in the occasional match.

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Tajiri: I've got Trish's thong, I've got Trish's thong.

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Coach: Dude, that's not Trish's thong, that's JR's.

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Edge: I am over with the internet! I wrote on it and everything!

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After the challenge was laid down by Grandmaster Sexay for the smelliest farts, Hurricane picked up the challenge........

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And as usual Evolution took it just a step too far.

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WWe thought that Shelton had been taking advice from Al Snow on rest & relaxation, and quickly appointed Ric Flair to motivate Mr Benjamin.
It was shortly discovered that Shelton Benjamin had been standing behind Hurricane when he cracked off 'The Hurra-hurricane'

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Randy Orton was the first to sign up for HBK's 'Walk like The Rock' classes.

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After intensive walking-coaching, both Orton and HBK were exhausted and had to stop for a mutual cuddly-snooze.

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Triple H: Okay, when I count to 3, grip right hands, with your thumbs up.
Benoit: Ok
HBK: yep, alright then.
Triple H: Now remember that the referee's decision is final. you can't move your feet, and you can't start until after I finish saying' 1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war!' That's when you start!
Benoit: Got it.
HBK: Seems clear enough. Who jobs?
Triple H: Can't be my turn again.
HBK: Not me.
Benoit: Not me either.
Triple H: VINCE!!! THEY'RE NOT JOBBING TO ME!!!!!!!!!