The Thread in Which I Review Games...

[Swiss Ultimate]

that you have probably already played.

Because, you know, I just got them.

1. Portal 5/5 Magnum Condoms. Gameplay that is completely out of the box, moments of genuine tension and puzzles that I actually feel compelled (and subsequently satisfied) to complete. Oh shit, that computer chick is so fucking funny too. Also enjoyed "Still Alive".

My son and daughter actually sat down and watched me play this thing through. Took three separate sittings to do so.

Most common phrase: "Shoot the robot, daddy!" -Graham

[G]

I'd like to hear your thoughts on Pong?

[RoXer]

Oh yeah daddy! Shoot the robot! Shoot it! Shoot it! uhhhhhhhhhyeaaahhhhhh

[RoXer]

"Did you shoot the robot" has got to be the new "did you tax it"

[Swiss Ultimate]

I'd like to hear your thoughts on Pong?

Not a fan of this at all. It's basically a low-graphics version of Wii's table tennis. Also the controls aren't great and it is slow as fuck.

[OssMan]

Secret of Mana

[Swiss Ultimate]

Secret of Mana

I never played that, though I remember playing Legends of Legaia in 2000. Really liked it.

Next review is Gears of War.

[Swiss Ultimate]

2. Gears of War 1 and 2: 4 and 4.5 Magnum Condoms respectively.

Okay, played both of these with the wife so I'm focusing completely on the co-op gameplay. Let's focus on what differences between the two games that I can remember. Seems like the second game allows me to run without accidentally getting stopped by pillars so that's a happy improvement. Also the graphics seems a lot more detailed and the game seems a little easier. Boomers died a lot harder for us in the first game and a few well-aimed shots work wonders in the sequel.

Really like the story, seems like they're ripping off Star Wars slightly. First game ended, what felt to us, pretty abruptly. We were expecting a little more game after that boss battle but whatever. Definitely got the "death star" feel afterward. What the fuck is up with the past-tense narration? "This is where the humans totally screw themselves" does not motivate me to finish the game dammit.

Second game has a much more satisfying ending and me and my wife are totally calling the fact that sinking humanity's last fortified city was a bad idea. Also think that duder's dad is banging the Queen locust. Deal with it, bro.

Chainsaw guns seem like a pretty bad idea....are they gas powered???

[Fignuts]

They are powered by the magic of love.

[Swiss Ultimate]

They are powered by the magic of love.

That makes sense.

Up next, Half Life 2, Episode 1 and 2.

[Swiss Ultimate]

X-com for the 360. 5 out of 5 magnum condoms.

Game is a lot like crack. I still crave it and still go back and play it fairly often. After I beat it I was somewhat disappointed that I could continue playing from that point, but I have been playing off my save before the last mission and trying to get as many squaddies to colonel as possible. It's seemingly designed to my mild OCD personality and I love it.

[DAMN iNATOR]

I'd like to hear your thoughts on Pong?

Not a fan of this at all. It's basically a low-graphics version of Wii's table tennis. Also the controls aren't great and it is slow as fuck.

Now that that’s out of the way, please discuss the 1952 classic, OXO...:shifty:

[Swiss Ultimate]

I'm looking forward to the movie. Big fan.