The Official "Triple H is still a better heel than your alcoholic father." MONDAY NIGHT RAW Thread for 4/28/14

[ron the dial]

this is absolutely the worst thing going on raw these days.

[Droford]

Weelc better be little chairs and little ladders

[Innovator]

3MB WON A MATCH!!!??!?!??!?!!

[ClockShot]

Ooof.

[Cool King]

3MB wins!

[Dark One]

Brace for impact. Heath Slater won on Raw.

[Lock Jaw]

3MB won a match on RAW!!! Gertner going banana!

[ron the dial]

"heath slater's first win since obama's first term."

sounds about right.

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

MULKEYMANIA IS RUNNING WILD! 3MB WINS!

[Mercenary]

midget went splat!

[Poit]

Damnit. Who took the fall there?

[ron the dial]

glad to see the crowd so dead for this.

[Cool King]

According to the announce team, if anyone moves their ass in any way, it's them "twerking".

[Lock Jaw]

FEAR THE BULL!!!

THE LEGEND LIVES!!!!

WE GOT US A FLYING BULL, MAGGLE!!

[Poit]

"heath slater's first win since obama's first term."

sounds about right.

No, he got a win during the UK tour a few months ago.

[KIRA]

I hope its not step ladders table trays stools

[road doggy dogg]

was slaying daemons while watching, what is with that stupid minotaur shit

[Emperor Smeat]

:| weeLC match

Gertner's going to be ecstatic over Slater's win.

[Lock Jaw]

He got a win on Superstars against Kofi Kingston at the beginning of the month

[ron the dial]

you guys.

i don't pay attention to heath slater. he sucks.

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

Damnit. Who took the fall there?

The fatter one. Primo. I think.

[Cool King]

Damnit. Who took the fall there?

I think it was Fernando.

Not entirely sure though as I'm only going by the voice of whoever was splitting up Hornswoggle and El Torito. It sounded like it was Diego.

[road doggy dogg]

always see Gertner posting positively about Heath Slater. why? is it like ironic hipster thing or does he legit like him

[Tom Guycott]

I hope its not step ladders table trays stools

Of course it will be. Until its time for a big high spot... then they'll bust out with the normal sized ladder like Jeff Hardy when he pulls out the extra large one.

[KIRA]

you guys.

i don't pay attention to heath slater. he sucks.

But he's so good at it plus I admit Gertners got me buying into the hype a bit.

It's weird considering how much I hated Slater

[road doggy dogg]

love dem titties

[Lock Jaw]

Owns one of the the Principals of the WWE

[Innovator]

Sup Brie

[ClockShot]

Nice neck brace.

[ron the dial]

always see Gertner posting positively about Heath Slater. why? is it like ironic hipster thing or does he legit like him
he legit likes him. gertner's a weird dude.

[Cool King]

So is Brie going to follow Daniel Bryan everywhere now that they're married?

[road doggy dogg]

i wish I had a banging hot wife that wore a hoodie that said YES on the back so I could have doggy style intercourse with her in closed captioning

[Tom Guycott]

Hey, its the new age Mach and Liz

[Poit]

Hey, it's Brock Lesnar Fan.

[Droford]

Hmm..I guess lugging around two heavy belts is too much for his injury

[KIRA]

Kudos to DB considering it's been nuts for him lately.

[road doggy dogg]

lol what's all this "MY WIFE MY WIFE MY WIFE" stuff, ugh I hate DBry right now

[KIRA]

Is she meta apoligizing

[Corndad]

Fifty bucks says the necklace Steph has on now was made by her kids.

[Poit]

His mask is locked in my office! He couldn't possibly do anything.

[Savio]

Kane can't fight anyone with out his mask I guess.

[ron the dial]

brie about to do the job to paige. hoorah!

[ClockShot]

Doubt they're gonna drop the title off Paige that quick.

Something amiss.

[Corndad]

Something tells me Brie is getting a chokeslam.

[Savio]

Oh no its gone!

[Fenix122]

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN.....

[Poit]

SHENANIGANS!

[ron the dial]

BYGAWD THE MASK IS GONE!!!!

[ClockShot]

The mask disappeared.

TA DA!

[Innovator]

Paige and Kane are in cahoots. CAHOOTS I TELL YOU

[Mercenary]

Mask is gone........OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[KIRA]

So the security cam looks away for a few matches and BAM the mask is gone

[Cool King]

brie about to do the job to paige. hoorah!

There's been a whole lot of jobbing tonight.

[RVDmark]

i wish I had a banging hot wife that wore a hoodie that said YES on the back so I could have doggy style intercourse with her in closed captioning

Closed captioning :rofl:

[Lock Jaw]

KORPORATE PAIGE

[Cool King]

Ah, Paige.

this is absolutely the worst thing going on raw these days.

[KIRA]

When Kane runs into a nearby phonebooth he becomes....KANE

[Savio]

perfect plex

[road doggy dogg]

Stephanie announces Brie getting title match: *decent sized pop*

Brie's title match: *crowd goes mild*

[Cool King]

Paige really needs to get some wrestling boots.

Doc Martens just ain't cutting it.

[ron the dial]

Ah, Paige.
how dare you use my quote to knock paige. bullshit.

a) she's awesome
b) there's no way she could ever be considered worse than something that's leading to a weeLC match. almost nothing is that bad.

[KIRA]

brie runs like a dork

[Cool King]

I really hope Paige won't be doing that screaming all the time.

I had enough of that shit from Melina in the past.

[Lock Jaw]

Paige's screaming is weird. Screaming is typically done by chick doing "crazy" gimmicks. Paige seems sane (to everyone but Cool King!)

[road doggy dogg]

ROFL kane's so rapey

[ron the dial]

lol kane through the ring

[ClockShot]

Mmmmmmmmm. Been a long time since we had the come up through the ring routine.

[Lock Jaw]

Kane gonna rape Daniel Bryan's new wife. Def heel heat.

[Dark One]

Brie's gonna have a demon baby.

Snitsky's coming back!

[KIRA]

RAPE!

[Savio]

Kanes getting Rapey now

[Lock Jaw]

They're going to need to enlist the services of Gene Snitsky soon

[ron the dial]

A MONKEY WRENCH

[ClockShot]

Mr. Bryan, in the ring, with the wrench.

[Droford]

Wrench! Wrench! Wrench!

[road doggy dogg]

chokeslam him through the void you just appeared from

[Lock Jaw]

Yes, Brie, slide BACK into the ring

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

KNIFE WRENCH FOR KIDS!

[Lock Jaw]

WrenchMonster Daniel Bryan

[road doggy dogg]

dammit he almost got her to his rape cave

[Savio]

Brie is soo dumbbbbbbbb lol

[Emperor Smeat]

:lol: what?

Brie just suddenly went right back into the ring for no reason

[dronepool]

Rapist Kane.

[Cool King]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that got the "Rapey Vibe" from what Kane was doing.

[KIRA]

Kane: Don't fight this shit just let it happen!

I feel gross just typing that

[Savio]

Brie was acting like Natalya in GoldenEye 64

[road doggy dogg]

did I just see a commercial where a guy said "I'd fuck me" ? damn, way to push boundaries

[el bobbo]

Kane almost brought Brie down to his lair to play Game of Thrones with her.

[Lock Jaw]

He's tried to rape a few divas over the years.... only had success with Lita and Katie Vick

[Lock Jaw]

Kane should have been wearing this shirt

http://demandware.edgesuite.net/aaiw_prd/on/demandware.static/Sites-wwe-Site/Sites-main/default/v1398732701227/images/prod_detail/W06888.jpg

[Lock Jaw]

What happened to Paige? Did she get pulled down the hole?

[road doggy dogg]

that doctor looks legit

[dronepool]

BITCH!

[road doggy dogg]

whoa yes do you see that SMH side/underboob

[Dark One]

#BrieMode

[Droford]

Kane vs Bryan should be an inferno match so his beard can catch fire

[Lock Jaw]

Like the fifth time they have showed this Bray Wyatt thing....

[KIRA]

Lol They really liked this segment

[Droford]

What happened to Paige? Did she get pulled down the hole?
She was smart enough to get the hell out of Dodge

[Cool King]

What happened to Paige? Did she get pulled down the hole?

She ran away leaving Brie to get raped, like the good person that she is.

[slik]

I would watch a DVD entirely about Kane's love life.

From Tombstone Tori to AJ Lee.

[Corndad]

This segment was tremendous but do they really need to show it again?

[road doggy dogg]

why haven't i seen ric flair yet tonight

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

Steph has bigger arms than DB.

[Lock Jaw]

Yo, cameraman unzoom it

[ron the dial]

renee is still one of my favorite parts of raw every week no matter what else is going on.

[road doggy dogg]

why haven't i seen ric flair yet tonight

if Ryan Clark lied to me............................................

[Savio]

please everyone chant boring to Cena.

[road doggy dogg]

Cena channeling some vintage Rock here imo

[ron the dial]

if Ryan Clark lied to me............................................
we haven't seen evolution yet. THERE IS STILL HOPE.

[Cool King]

This segment was tremendous but do they really need to show it again?

There was loads of kids there. It must have cost them a bit.

They're getting the most out of their money.

[road doggy dogg]

renee is still one of my favorite parts of raw every week no matter what else is going on.

Canada #1

[ClockShot]

I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS!

[Dark One]

We went from pseudo-edgy Cena to classic Cena in two hours. Character development!

[ron the dial]

Canada #1
i think that i actually believe this

[Cool King]

Unfortunate placement of that podium, Wade.

You look naked.

[Lock Jaw]

The podium made it look like a naked Barrett was rising up on the pedestal.

[road doggy dogg]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Barrett nice burn

[Savio]

Barrett wore diapers in 2008?

[Corndad]

B N B

[road doggy dogg]

B

[ron the dial]

B N B

[slik]

Diaper Fetish Talk on RAW

[KIRA]

yes! I love Barrett who just gave an indicator of just how young he really is

[Cool King]

Ew, Barrett was still wearing nappies when he was 26.

[slik]

if Ryan Clark lied to me............................................


HHH confirmed Flair on twitter

[Lock Jaw]

Bad News Barret wins or we riot

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

He should only be on that podium when he has a full suit so he can wear a harness or something underneath.

[Droford]

Barrett was wearing a diaper in 2005?

[ClockShot]

http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/723/497/5df.gif (http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/723/497/5df.gif)

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Leave it to Cena to go from being utterly depressed and shaken in the opening segment to simply laughing it off a couple hours later. If he's not happy go lucky, he's not really Cena.</font>

[slik]

Bad News Barret wins or we riot

STD confirmed to me earlier that if Barrett loses he will post a tout of himself wearing a diaper and saying "I've got some bad newz"

He is very confident.

[Lock Jaw]

http://i.imgur.com/bAIBhyy.gif (http://wrestlingwithtext.com/my-brief-and-uninsightful-recap/wwt-live-short-wwe-raw-2014-4-28)

[road doggy dogg]

i loved that cena promo, fuck you guys

[Corndad]

Unfortunate placement of that podium, Wade.

You look naked.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>I guess I'm used to him delivering Bad News in a suit... <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23wwe&amp;src=hash">#wwe</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23raw&amp;src=hash">#raw</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23hallgood&amp;src=hash">#hallgood</a> <a href="http://t.co/RhIEy7lz2J">pic.twitter.com/RhIEy7lz2J</a></p>&mdash; Wrestling Memes (@Wrestling_Memes) <a href="https://twitter.com/Wrestling_Memes/statuses/460969572242186241">April 29, 2014</a></blockquote>
<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

[road doggy dogg]

ONEOFAKIND

[RVDmark]

<font color=goldenrod>Leave it to Cena to go from being utterly depressed and shaken in the opening segment to simply laughing it off a couple hours later. If he's not happy go lucky, he's not really Cena.</font>

Slow burn, have patience its only been 3 years.

[ron the dial]

i loved that cena promo, fuck you guys
most of the douches here hate on cena's shit even if it's good. fuck em.

[Cool King]

<font color=goldenrod>Leave it to Cena to go from being utterly depressed and shaken in the opening segment to simply laughing it off a couple hours later. If he's not happy go lucky, he's not really Cena.</font>

It's classic Cena.

Remember when he was like this?

http://oi44.tinypic.com/2v3hb1u.jpg

I'm sure he was his usual happy self not long after doing that.

[road doggy dogg]

still one of my fav themes

[KIRA]

<font color=goldenrod>Leave it to Cena to go from being utterly depressed and shaken in the opening segment to simply laughing it off a couple hours later. If he's not happy go lucky, he's not really Cena.</font>
In his defense he's not really brushing it off he is appropriately pissed.

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

still one of my fav themes

Still miss Walk.

[road doggy dogg]

something about Renee Young and Big E on youtube...........he would tear her in half (and I would watch)

[road doggy dogg]

Still miss Walk.

oh defs, untouchable. but it's a good WWE theme

[Droford]

Lord Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does THIS happen in the move?
Col. Sandurz: NOW. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.
Lord Dark Helmet: Go back to then!
Col. Sandurz: What?
Lord Dark Helmet: THEN!
Col. Sandurz: I can't!
Lord Dark Helmet: Why not?
Col. Sandurz: We passed it!
Lord Dark Helmet: When?
Col. Sandurz: Just now!
Lord Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
Col. Sandurz: SOON!

[Cool King]

In the world of WWE, one must watch televisions from the side. Never directly in front of it.

[Lock Jaw]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BmPesEHIIAAz5P_.jpg:large

Apparently this is Emma... looks like 10 times better here than I have ever seen.... I don't know if I even believe that it is Emma...

[Droford]

The St. Louis crowd sucks..

[ron the dial]

and why wouldn't big e be ringside to get a good look at things? why settle for a tiny ass tv?

[ron the dial]

that is definitely emma's body but the face doesn't look like her at all.

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

Dean Ambrose is now the longest reigning WWE United States Champion of all time. (3rd to Rick Rude and Lex Luger including the NWA/WCW)

[ron the dial]

yes, i am an authority on emma's body.

[road doggy dogg]

"in shape" females are so GD sexy. hot core

[Cool King]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BmPesEHIIAAz5P_.jpg:large

Apparently this is Emma... looks like 10 times better here than I have ever seen.... I don't know if I even believe that it is Emma...

I agree.

She looks much better there. I'm doubting the image a bit myself.

[dronepool]

Barrett wore diapers in 2008?

http://www.sqlsoldier.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/ITDepends.jpg

[Droford]

Emmalution goes backwards

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

Emma wears way too much makeup on TV. I bet that's the major difference we are seeing.

[Lock Jaw]

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<object width="420" height="315"><param name="movie" value="//www.youtube.com/v/hOUbc2kra1A?version=3&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="//www.youtube.com/v/hOUbc2kra1A?version=3&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>

[ClockShot]

There goes the neighborhood.

[ron the dial]

#BadNews

[Cool King]

I can see Barrett winning on Sunday.

[Lock Jaw]

YES YES YES!!!! RVD LOSES! RVD LOSES!!!

[ron the dial]

I can see Barrett winning on Sunday.
he should. they aren't doing anything with big e. the title is wasted on him ass to moment.

[ron the dial]

this should be a good triple threat.

[Lock Jaw]

#RVD'sBaldSpot

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

Triple Threat Ladder match for a contract for an IC title match at the PPV?

[road doggy dogg]

RVD's entire moveset looks like what an 8 year old would make his moveset after watching Ong Bak for the first time

[Cool King]

RVD should have just let Cesaro hit him when he was on the top rope. He would have won via DQ if he did.

But where's the fun in that.

[Poit]

Emmalution goes backwards

Emmalution is a mystery.

[dronepool]

RVD lost and still came out on top. Cool.

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

Was it just me or did you all envision Heyman saying Hunt after saying Mike in that joke?

[Cool King]

I like that blue in the background.

[ron the dial]

love dean walking to the back like that. he's so awesome.

[road doggy dogg]

I could watch Ambrose promos all day long. He should be an actor in movies n stuff.

[ron the dial]

rollins has come ridiculously far with his mic work. very impressive.

[road doggy dogg]

love just watching good characters. like most wrestlers, you watch them and it's like, "oh, that is [John Smith] playing the character of [wrestler], he plays that part well".. watching Ambrose is like A+ can really feel the character, doesn't feel phony etc

[Lock Jaw]

I like the way Reigns says "BELIE' THAT"

[road doggy dogg]

like watching any Batista promo ever is just... ghastly

[Cool King]

rollins has come ridiculously far with his mic work. very impressive.

Yeah, just last week I was saying the same thing.

[Cool King]

Did Cole just say "Deano Ambrose"?

[Fenix122]

Hey a U.S. title defense..

[Lock Jaw]

Love the Evolution theme. Classes the joint up.

[road doggy dogg]

like watching any Batista promo ever is just... ghastly

Wild GASTLY
appeared!

GASTLY used
LICK!

ROAD DOGGY DOGG is paralyzed!

[Dark One]

Flair must have gotten drunk backstage.

[road doggy dogg]

EVOLUTIONNNNNNNN IS A MYSTTERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

Yeah Flair and Harley Race are probably having a drinking contest in the back.

[Cool King]

That's a really long hashtag.

Couldn't they have just used #SvE?

[road doggy dogg]

wish Shield would join Evolution

[Tom Guycott]

rollins has come ridiculously far with his mic work. very impressive.

Honestly, he didnt have nearly as far to go as Reigns, who was fucking abysmal when this whole thing started. Still not as good as Rollins, and light years behind Mox, but worlds better than he used to be.

[road doggy dogg]

#AdaptorPerish

[Droford]

Randy better not get his ass pinned tonight..I'll be pissed

[KIRA]

Thank god Batista isn't dressed like a tool anymore

[Cool King]

Batista looks like some kind of "cool accountant" with that suit-beard-sunglasses combo.

[road doggy dogg]

#AdaptorPerish

#RaptorParish

#DinosaurChurch

[ClockShot]

Evolution is still there, Flair ain't.

[dronepool]

Oh shit

[ClockShot]

I was just kidding!

[ron the dial]

WOOOOOOOOOOOO

[road doggy dogg]

WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cool King]

Well would you look at that.

[road doggy dogg]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Tom Guycott]

Hmm... now Sting comes out on behalf of The Shield...

[Droford]

Ruc Flair turns on evolution and is revealed as the guy behind the Shield

[Mercenary]

go away Flair!

[road doggy dogg]

Evolution should do backstage segments where they're all just drinking scotch and smoking cigars

[KIRA]

flair starting to sport hogan hair

[el bobbo]

Hmm... now Sting comes out on behalf of The Shield...

I would regret not going for the rest of my life.

[road doggy dogg]

Is this St. Louis, Missouri?

[Poit]

Holy shit, how drunk is he?

[Dark One]

Is this St. Louis, Missouri?

No seriously, he's lost.

[Cool King]

Flair gets the mic and my stream begins to freeze on me. Typical.

[KIRA]

Subtitles

[el bobbo]

Holy shit, how drunk is he?

He's St. Louis drunk! That's a special kind of drunk.

[slik]

Wooooooooooooooooo

[road doggy dogg]

lmao this is so fantastic omg

[Cool King]

Is Flair actually drunk?

He sounds like he is.

[road doggy dogg]

you were at home eating a rib-eye!

[ClockShot]

I think whoever said Flair being drunk, might not be far off.

A lot of head bobbin' and word slurrin'.

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

WHOOOOOOOOO

[el bobbo]

http://www.millerparkdrunk.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/cardinals-fan-loves-bud1.jpg

[Droford]

I sort of called it

[ron the dial]

lol flair you ridiculously glorious bastard

[Poit]

Did someone in the crowd say "back up, Old Spice"?

[Cool King]

Did someone in the crowd say "back up, Old Spice"?

I heard that too.

I think maybe it was Rollins warning Triple H to back off from Reigns.

[Droford]

Flair killed the crowd

[Emperor Smeat]

Was expecting Flair to cheap shot a Shield member from the smirk he had on the whole time.

[ron the dial]

ambrose brawling with hhh. love it.

[slik]

where did Flair go?

[Dark One]

where did Flair go?

Lost, wandering through the streets of St. Louis and shouting "WOOOOOOO!" at random.

[Droford]

where did Flair go?

Back to the bar where he came from

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

He winked to Triple H and left.

[Corndad]

Didn't we just see this beatdown 2 weeks ago oh ok just as I'm typing

[Cool King]

Well, that was a good Raw.

[Tom Guycott]

It was a'ight. Got a new avatar out of it at least, thanks to Bray, Corndad, and the kid sitting on Wyatt's lap.

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

What the fuck have to rewind on the App Flair had an interview with Renee.

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

Flair just contradicted what he said on Raw. He said Evolution is the man.

[road doggy dogg]

lol what, do post

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

Flair said "forget what I said out there. To be the man you have to beat the man and Evolution is the man" paraphrased.

[SlickyTrickyDamon]

Triple Threat Elimination Match between Rob Van Dam, Cesaro and Swagger at Extreme Rules an old school ECW THREE WAY DANCE!

[FourFifty]

I just watched to opening of Raw... All I have to say is I'm a 30 year old man who found that choir of children deeply emotionally disturbing on multiple levels.

[Vastardikai]

*reads the thread title*

I think I know 2 kids, David and Charlotte, who would disagree with you.

[VSG]

i wish I had a banging hot wife that wore a hoodie that said YES on the back so I could have doggy style intercourse with her in closed captioning

Sigged.

[Savio]

Leave it to Cena to go from being utterly depressed and shaken in the opening segment to simply laughing it off a couple hours later. If he's not happy go lucky, he's not really Cena.I absolutely hated his second promo.

[road doggy dogg]

I thought it was great, to quote road doggy dogg from April 28, 2014, I feel like he was channeling some vintage The Rock there

[XL]

Hey a U.S. title defense..

Honestly thought they'd quietly phased it out.

[XL]

Actually groaned when they showed that clip of Jackman and Ziggler from last year and they'd gone out of their way to not show Ryder. Was that entirely necessary?

[Bad News Gertner]

3MB BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!
MasterSlaters unite!!!!

[DAMN iNATOR]

the kid sitting on his lap. jesus.

I know, right? The whole segment was creepy enough and was just fine as it was except for that one detail. Felt very uncomfortable the whole time they had Bray sitting there with the child on his lap, like, “Just please end this segment now... :wtf::(”

[DAMN iNATOR]

Awesome to see Flair back, though. Was kind of hoping the whole endorsement of The Shield would turn into some kind of swerve where Flair led Trips and Batista into the ring and starting a brawl with them to cause the DQ, followed by Orton/Bats/Trips getting the early upper hand on the Shield while Flair watches on, then gets speared by Reigns and the whole thing wrapped up with the 3× Powerbomb to Orton, Batista and Triple H each individually and have a close-up of The Shield doing their “outstretched fists to signify unity” pose to end the show.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it was a bad ending, far from it, just a little scenario that I thought up during that match last night.

[Jura]

Jinder Mahalics