Loose Cannon
06-16-2004, 09:28 PM
Okay, I just thought this up literally 5 minutes ago. I've been thinking of something to write for Triple A for the columns. I was going to submit a top ten colum, but I thought to myself that I don't really enjoy writing those, I only really enjoy writing comedy. SO here we are. Okay, I just want to test the waters with this and see the reaction. What I'm going to do is take a bunch of wrestlers and put them into situations that has nothing to do with wrestling. (today we're at the zoo) If you guys like it, I'll write more in the future. I'm sending this to Trips anyway. Ok today's players are:
Bradshaw, Flair, Randy Orton, HHH, Benoit, JR, Chavo Classic, and Jericho.
OK, here goes nothing.
***WWE Wrestlers have just arrived in the Bronx New York and a few wrestlers had decided to venture off to the "Bronx Zoo" that afternoon. Vince okayed the idea and appointed JR to go with them and make sure the wrestlers don't get into trouble. A bus arrives at some hotel and Ric Flair, Triple H, Randy Orton, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Chavo Classic, BRADSHAW AND JR board the bus and venture off to the zoo.
Orton: Hey JR, you think I could drive the bus?
JR: Well ok, just be careful.
**Orton gets into the driver's seat.
Orton: Wow, cool, I've never driven a bus before. Here we go........
****Orton doesn't see it's in reverse and when he steps on the gas he hits Taker's rental car.
Orton: Oh sh**, NOT AGAIN!!!!!!! What did I hit?
Jericho(in the back of the bus) You hit Undertaker's car man.
**Orton pulls out his notepad and pen.
Orton: Well that's another LEGEND Killed. :yes:
**Orton puts a check mark next to Undertaker's name.
Jericho: wtf?????????
JR: OKay Randy, enough. Jericho get up here and drive the bus.
Jericho: Jim, I have a fear of driving.
JR: BAH GAWD JERICHO, DRIVE THE BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!
**Jericho walks to the driver's seat with a dismayed look on is face.
HHH: Hey Jericho, look my foot is crossing the yellow line, what you gonna do about it?
**HHH and Bradshaw both laugh and smack high five.
Benoit :nono:
JR: Hey Crippler, can you move to where Jericho was sitting, we need someone back there to make sure................
Benoit: To make sure.............
JR: HUH, Stop Complaining Champ, just move.
Flair: Benoit is a Champ? Of What?
HHH: Well he's the World Champion, but see, nobody even knows anymore, not even the fans
Bradshaw: Wait, Wait, Everyone's about as much aware as the Jews during the 40's
***HHH and BRADSHAW :lol:
Jericho: (under breath) assholes.
****WRESTLERS ARIVE AT THE ZOO and get off the bus.
***Kids recognize and appraoch the wrestlers.
Kid 1: Hey, Mr. Flair, can I have your autograph?
Flair: Sure son.
KID 1: You're one of the greatest HEELS of all-time.
****Flair looks straight into kids eyes and starts spazzing out Ric Flair_style. :naughty:
Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOO, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY KID? Did you just use that word. Listen son, that word is sacred and you're not aloud to use it EVER.
Kid 1: What word, AUTOGRAPH?
Flair: :mad: Listen, you've never worked for my business kid, so you don't know nothing about us.
Kid 1: Sure I do, I know Bradshaw only had a great match at the PPV because Eddie carried him. Well that's what my friends told me.
BRADSHAW: :mad: Tell me son, do these friends happen to use the "Internet." I bet they all sit at home eating yodels and drinking HI-C while in chat rooms discussing my life and my matches 24/7 right?
KID 1: No, they're actually kids on my basketball team, who go to school and work and are all wrestling fans. You see, when you suck so bad, for so long, and still continue sucking, it's kind of hard to accept a guy. That's what they say also.
Jericho and Benoit :lol:
HHH, Flair, BRADSHAW, JR :mad:
Classic :shifty:
****The kid walks away and Bradshaw screams "FAG" at him not realizing it's "Gay Pride" day at the zoo.
Bradshaw :lol:
People at zoo :rant:
Bradshaw: WHAT?
***Orton didn't hear the conversation because he's online for "Feeding the Gorillas"
Orton: Hey guys, watch me feed the gorillas.
***Orton, oblivious to the "Don't Climb over railing" sign, hops the rail and enters the Gorilla cage with the food in his hand.
Orton to the "Boys" :wave:
The Boys: :eek:
*****Orton walks right up to the biggest Goriila in the cage and sticks out his hand with the food in it.
***Gorilla takes one look at Orton and punches him straight in the jaw.
***Orton shakes the blow off and goes for the RKO, but completely botches it and falls 5 feet down into a pool of water.
**Orton gets out of the water and figures he can get back up by using a danglng electrical wire, which he mistakes for a rope.
**Orton, soaking wet, grabs the wire and feels about 10,000 jotls of electricity go through his body. This causes a power outage in the "Jungle" section of the zoo.
Gorillas :rofl:
Parents and kids :wtf:
Jericho and Benoit: :lol:
***HHH and Flair help Orton out and Orton goes to the medical center to seek help. The wresltlers continue on.
JR: Hey, has anyone seen where Chavo Classic ran off too.
**The boys shake their heads.
JR: Well, forget it, we'll find him later.
HHH: Hey Y2J and ummmmm..... yeah, Champ, that's it... can you two go over to the snack bar and get us some food and drinks. We're pretty hungry and thirsty.
Benoit: Why don't you get it yourself, the snackbar is right behind you, you're practically on line.
**HHH moves 10 feet to his left.
HHH: Yeah, you two are the closest, so just wait on line. Thanks. Also, remember who's scripting your pushes okay.
Benoit and Jericho: (whispering) What pushes??????
JR: BAHGAWDTHATHIPPOJUSTSCREWEDTHATELEPHANTOUTOFAPEANUT.
DAMHIMDAMMITSTARIGHTTOHELLTHATSONOFABICTH
NONONONONOTAGAINPLEASENODAMMITSOMEONEGETHELPFORGOD'SSAKE.
Crowd ::-\ :
JR: BAHGAWDTHATPENGUINJUST.................
HHH: Jim, cool it. This ain't Raw, you don't have to do that now.
JR: ?????????
***Benoit and Jericho come back with the food after about 55 minutes of waiting on line.
HHH: A little quicker next time boys, I was had to take a sip of my ***HHH looks staright into the camera** YJ STINGER, to hold me off.
Bradshaw: Where's Ric now?
Jericho and Benoit: I haven't seen him.
JR: BAHGAWDRICFALIR...............
HHH: CHRIST, STOP ROSS. I think he needs a new battery guys, Champ, go see if you can find some.
***Benoit finds some batteries after looking around for twenty five minutes as the others enjouy ice cream, except Jericho, who was holding everyone else's drink.
****Benoit puts two new batteries in JR and they set off to find Flair.
HHH: You ok Jim?
Jim: Yeah, I'm fine.......Hey look, there's Ric.
****JR points to Ric Flair who's running around naked iin "Reptile Palace" gesturing at the women and reptiles.
RIC: WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOO, W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O, WHO WANTS TO TAKE A RIDE ON SPACE MOUNTAIN BABY? COME ON HUNNEY, I KNOW SLICK RIC CAN SHOW YOU A GRAND OL TIME. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
JR: Has Ric been drinking again?
HHH and Bradshaw :lol:
Benoit: I guess so.
**Flair walks over to "Big Birtha," a giant anaconda.
FLAIR: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO, COME ON BABY, YOU KNOW YOU WANT SOME OF THE NATURE BOY. WOOOOO WOOOOOO WOOOOOO.
JR: Someone go get him.
**HHH LOOKS AT the two Chris's.
**Benoit goes to get Flair and brings him to the medical office where Orton still is.
JR: Well guys, it's getting late, you have anything else you want to do today.
HHH: Yeah Jim, I think it's TIME TO PLAY THE GAME.
***OUT of nowhere HHH's music hits, which totally confuses everyone in the zoo, and HHH walks right into a Lion's den, which only has one Lion in it.
***HHH signals he's going to get the best of the Lion.
***HHH and the Lion sqaure off and the Lion beats the living sh** out of HHH. Just as the Lion goes for the kill a kid accidently drops a smoke bomb, which blinds the entire crowd from seeing what's happening.
**Benoit and Jericho see what's happening though and go to rescue HHH.
***Jericho nails the Lion with a running kick and Benoit hits the diving headbut on the Lion.
***HHH then gets up as the smoke clears.
**Crowd never saw Benoit and Jericho help.
***HHH stands up, poses to the crowd, picks up the Lion AND HITS A PEDIGREE on the Lion.
***HHH poses again for the fans and makes Benoit count the three.
***HHH music again hits out of nowhere and the crowd cheers.
JR: (suddenly has a microphone) What a show of heart folks, THE GAME has done it yet again.
Benoit and Jericho :nono:
JR: Okay guys, let's go get Orton and Flair and get out of here.
Jericho: What about Chavo Classic
JR: WHO?
Bradshaw and HHH :lol:
****The gang gets Orton and Flair and leaves the zoo.
****On the way back to the bus, Orton tries to drink and walk at the same time, but botches it and spills his drink all over his pants, looking like he just wet himself.
***Superstars Board the Bus and Leave the ZOO.
Meanwhile.............Some five hours later.
****Chavo Classic is locked inside a Porter Potty.
Classic (screaming) HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FK YOU TRIPLE H, FK YOU.
**Back at a house show in NY.
Vince: Hey, where's Chavo Classic.
JR: WHO?
Vince: You know, our crusierweight champion.
JR: OH that guy. Well he came to the zoo with us and just ran off and never came back.
Vince: That's pretty unprofessional of him.
JR; Should I fire him?
Vince: Yeah he's gone.
Triple H (under Vince's desk) :lol:
JR: Just another day in the WWE, huh Vince?
Vince: You bet Jim, you bet.
THE END
Bradshaw, Flair, Randy Orton, HHH, Benoit, JR, Chavo Classic, and Jericho.
OK, here goes nothing.
***WWE Wrestlers have just arrived in the Bronx New York and a few wrestlers had decided to venture off to the "Bronx Zoo" that afternoon. Vince okayed the idea and appointed JR to go with them and make sure the wrestlers don't get into trouble. A bus arrives at some hotel and Ric Flair, Triple H, Randy Orton, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Chavo Classic, BRADSHAW AND JR board the bus and venture off to the zoo.
Orton: Hey JR, you think I could drive the bus?
JR: Well ok, just be careful.
**Orton gets into the driver's seat.
Orton: Wow, cool, I've never driven a bus before. Here we go........
****Orton doesn't see it's in reverse and when he steps on the gas he hits Taker's rental car.
Orton: Oh sh**, NOT AGAIN!!!!!!! What did I hit?
Jericho(in the back of the bus) You hit Undertaker's car man.
**Orton pulls out his notepad and pen.
Orton: Well that's another LEGEND Killed. :yes:
**Orton puts a check mark next to Undertaker's name.
Jericho: wtf?????????
JR: OKay Randy, enough. Jericho get up here and drive the bus.
Jericho: Jim, I have a fear of driving.
JR: BAH GAWD JERICHO, DRIVE THE BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!
**Jericho walks to the driver's seat with a dismayed look on is face.
HHH: Hey Jericho, look my foot is crossing the yellow line, what you gonna do about it?
**HHH and Bradshaw both laugh and smack high five.
Benoit :nono:
JR: Hey Crippler, can you move to where Jericho was sitting, we need someone back there to make sure................
Benoit: To make sure.............
JR: HUH, Stop Complaining Champ, just move.
Flair: Benoit is a Champ? Of What?
HHH: Well he's the World Champion, but see, nobody even knows anymore, not even the fans
Bradshaw: Wait, Wait, Everyone's about as much aware as the Jews during the 40's
***HHH and BRADSHAW :lol:
Jericho: (under breath) assholes.
****WRESTLERS ARIVE AT THE ZOO and get off the bus.
***Kids recognize and appraoch the wrestlers.
Kid 1: Hey, Mr. Flair, can I have your autograph?
Flair: Sure son.
KID 1: You're one of the greatest HEELS of all-time.
****Flair looks straight into kids eyes and starts spazzing out Ric Flair_style. :naughty:
Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOO, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY KID? Did you just use that word. Listen son, that word is sacred and you're not aloud to use it EVER.
Kid 1: What word, AUTOGRAPH?
Flair: :mad: Listen, you've never worked for my business kid, so you don't know nothing about us.
Kid 1: Sure I do, I know Bradshaw only had a great match at the PPV because Eddie carried him. Well that's what my friends told me.
BRADSHAW: :mad: Tell me son, do these friends happen to use the "Internet." I bet they all sit at home eating yodels and drinking HI-C while in chat rooms discussing my life and my matches 24/7 right?
KID 1: No, they're actually kids on my basketball team, who go to school and work and are all wrestling fans. You see, when you suck so bad, for so long, and still continue sucking, it's kind of hard to accept a guy. That's what they say also.
Jericho and Benoit :lol:
HHH, Flair, BRADSHAW, JR :mad:
Classic :shifty:
****The kid walks away and Bradshaw screams "FAG" at him not realizing it's "Gay Pride" day at the zoo.
Bradshaw :lol:
People at zoo :rant:
Bradshaw: WHAT?
***Orton didn't hear the conversation because he's online for "Feeding the Gorillas"
Orton: Hey guys, watch me feed the gorillas.
***Orton, oblivious to the "Don't Climb over railing" sign, hops the rail and enters the Gorilla cage with the food in his hand.
Orton to the "Boys" :wave:
The Boys: :eek:
*****Orton walks right up to the biggest Goriila in the cage and sticks out his hand with the food in it.
***Gorilla takes one look at Orton and punches him straight in the jaw.
***Orton shakes the blow off and goes for the RKO, but completely botches it and falls 5 feet down into a pool of water.
**Orton gets out of the water and figures he can get back up by using a danglng electrical wire, which he mistakes for a rope.
**Orton, soaking wet, grabs the wire and feels about 10,000 jotls of electricity go through his body. This causes a power outage in the "Jungle" section of the zoo.
Gorillas :rofl:
Parents and kids :wtf:
Jericho and Benoit: :lol:
***HHH and Flair help Orton out and Orton goes to the medical center to seek help. The wresltlers continue on.
JR: Hey, has anyone seen where Chavo Classic ran off too.
**The boys shake their heads.
JR: Well, forget it, we'll find him later.
HHH: Hey Y2J and ummmmm..... yeah, Champ, that's it... can you two go over to the snack bar and get us some food and drinks. We're pretty hungry and thirsty.
Benoit: Why don't you get it yourself, the snackbar is right behind you, you're practically on line.
**HHH moves 10 feet to his left.
HHH: Yeah, you two are the closest, so just wait on line. Thanks. Also, remember who's scripting your pushes okay.
Benoit and Jericho: (whispering) What pushes??????
JR: BAHGAWDTHATHIPPOJUSTSCREWEDTHATELEPHANTOUTOFAPEANUT.
DAMHIMDAMMITSTARIGHTTOHELLTHATSONOFABICTH
NONONONONOTAGAINPLEASENODAMMITSOMEONEGETHELPFORGOD'SSAKE.
Crowd ::-\ :
JR: BAHGAWDTHATPENGUINJUST.................
HHH: Jim, cool it. This ain't Raw, you don't have to do that now.
JR: ?????????
***Benoit and Jericho come back with the food after about 55 minutes of waiting on line.
HHH: A little quicker next time boys, I was had to take a sip of my ***HHH looks staright into the camera** YJ STINGER, to hold me off.
Bradshaw: Where's Ric now?
Jericho and Benoit: I haven't seen him.
JR: BAHGAWDRICFALIR...............
HHH: CHRIST, STOP ROSS. I think he needs a new battery guys, Champ, go see if you can find some.
***Benoit finds some batteries after looking around for twenty five minutes as the others enjouy ice cream, except Jericho, who was holding everyone else's drink.
****Benoit puts two new batteries in JR and they set off to find Flair.
HHH: You ok Jim?
Jim: Yeah, I'm fine.......Hey look, there's Ric.
****JR points to Ric Flair who's running around naked iin "Reptile Palace" gesturing at the women and reptiles.
RIC: WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOO, W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O, WHO WANTS TO TAKE A RIDE ON SPACE MOUNTAIN BABY? COME ON HUNNEY, I KNOW SLICK RIC CAN SHOW YOU A GRAND OL TIME. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
JR: Has Ric been drinking again?
HHH and Bradshaw :lol:
Benoit: I guess so.
**Flair walks over to "Big Birtha," a giant anaconda.
FLAIR: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO, COME ON BABY, YOU KNOW YOU WANT SOME OF THE NATURE BOY. WOOOOO WOOOOOO WOOOOOO.
JR: Someone go get him.
**HHH LOOKS AT the two Chris's.
**Benoit goes to get Flair and brings him to the medical office where Orton still is.
JR: Well guys, it's getting late, you have anything else you want to do today.
HHH: Yeah Jim, I think it's TIME TO PLAY THE GAME.
***OUT of nowhere HHH's music hits, which totally confuses everyone in the zoo, and HHH walks right into a Lion's den, which only has one Lion in it.
***HHH signals he's going to get the best of the Lion.
***HHH and the Lion sqaure off and the Lion beats the living sh** out of HHH. Just as the Lion goes for the kill a kid accidently drops a smoke bomb, which blinds the entire crowd from seeing what's happening.
**Benoit and Jericho see what's happening though and go to rescue HHH.
***Jericho nails the Lion with a running kick and Benoit hits the diving headbut on the Lion.
***HHH then gets up as the smoke clears.
**Crowd never saw Benoit and Jericho help.
***HHH stands up, poses to the crowd, picks up the Lion AND HITS A PEDIGREE on the Lion.
***HHH poses again for the fans and makes Benoit count the three.
***HHH music again hits out of nowhere and the crowd cheers.
JR: (suddenly has a microphone) What a show of heart folks, THE GAME has done it yet again.
Benoit and Jericho :nono:
JR: Okay guys, let's go get Orton and Flair and get out of here.
Jericho: What about Chavo Classic
JR: WHO?
Bradshaw and HHH :lol:
****The gang gets Orton and Flair and leaves the zoo.
****On the way back to the bus, Orton tries to drink and walk at the same time, but botches it and spills his drink all over his pants, looking like he just wet himself.
***Superstars Board the Bus and Leave the ZOO.
Meanwhile.............Some five hours later.
****Chavo Classic is locked inside a Porter Potty.
Classic (screaming) HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FK YOU TRIPLE H, FK YOU.
**Back at a house show in NY.
Vince: Hey, where's Chavo Classic.
JR: WHO?
Vince: You know, our crusierweight champion.
JR: OH that guy. Well he came to the zoo with us and just ran off and never came back.
Vince: That's pretty unprofessional of him.
JR; Should I fire him?
Vince: Yeah he's gone.
Triple H (under Vince's desk) :lol:
JR: Just another day in the WWE, huh Vince?
Vince: You bet Jim, you bet.
THE END