Raw Captions 8/23

[Apprentice]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/01.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/02.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/03.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/04.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/05.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/06.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/07.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/08.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/09.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/10.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/11.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/12.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/13.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/14.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/15.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/16.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/17.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/18.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/19.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/20.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/21.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/22.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/23.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/24.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/25.jpg
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/26.jpg

[Xero]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/01.jpg
Coach: 1, 2, 3... Okay, we're gonna need punch and cake for 6...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/02.jpg
Rock: We are the nation... Of domination!
Fan: You aint in the nation no more dipshit!
Rock: Oh... Viva la Resistance!
Fan: :wtf:

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/03.jpg
Coach's power booger didnt exactly work well...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/04.jpg
Ric: Cootchy Cootchy Coo!
HHH: STFU Ric...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/05.jpg
FISHY FACE!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/06.jpg
Edge: Do I have something in my teeth?
Ref: Ahh... EWWW! WTF IS THAT!?
Jericho: Comeon guys! That opening segment took 25 minuits and I'll be damned if I'm gonna lose out on anymore TV time!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/07.jpg
The ref was stunned when he noticed that Edge had a stump for a hand...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/08.jpg
HHH: ... And then she says, she says "I cant take anymore" and I blow...
Batista: Uh, Hunter, wrong time, wrong place, and just no...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/09.jpg
Randy: Wh... Where are my My Little Pony action figures!?
HHH: I STOLE EM!
Randy: But... But... You said you were just gonna look at them :'(

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/10.jpg
Belty: Please god, no!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/11.jpg
Belty: Good thing Rhyno took a good look at me before Randy came out!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/12.jpg
The WWE medical crew was getting cheap when they started sewing patches where wrestlers were cut...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/13.jpg
HHH: Does my hair look like shit... DOES IT!?
Bischoff: N... No, it's a lovely shade of brown...
HHH: IT'S BLONDE!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/14.jpg
Ric didnt quite have the hang of the Rockettes kick yet...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/15.jpg
Eugene: Kshhh... Liftoff... Houston, we have liftoff!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/16.jpg
JR: BAHGAWD CHOKESLAM!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/17.jpg
Regal: Do the butt bump!
Ric: WOOO! This is fun!
Ref: Yo waitress, who's leg do I have to hump to get a dry martinee around here?

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/18.jpg
Lita botches staying awake...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/19.jpg
Vince: I shall call them... Minim...
Kane: OH SHUT UP VINCE! IT WASNT FUNNY THE FIRST 50 TIMES, AND IT'S NOT FUNNY NOW!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/20.jpg
Everything was perfectly white in the ring, except Lita and that damn WWE logo...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/21.jpg
GINGIVITIS!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/22.jpg
Kane, Lita, and the Whore, the NEW Three's Company!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/23.jpg
Where will you be when your explosive diarrhea acts up?

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/24.jpg
BAHGAWD FIGURE FOUR!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/25.jpg
Kane: Mmm... mmm... Give it to me, yeah!
Lita: Voo piss lahk Vatt!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/26.jpg
Red means he's happy!

[Innovator]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/01.jpg
Somewhere in the distance, you could hear a faint "Here Comes the Pain"

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/02.jpg
Rock, how many matches are you gonna wrestle before 2010?

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/03.jpg
Rock: God you really are a popcorn fart Coach
Coach: Oh yeah, I can still point to my knees better than you!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/04.jpg
Ric: So I said rectum? Damn near killed em!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/05.jpg
Billy Idol: Blimey! Did he really just rip me off?

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/06.jpg
Edge and the ref are debating the meaning of life, God is happy to give them the answer

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/07.jpg
This match is brought to you by the letter S

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/08.jpg
Triple H was reaching for heel heat sometimes, luckily he does the best Michael Jackson impression

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/09.jpg
Randy: Lets see, title belt, check...cocky persona, check...pants,...shit!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/10.jpg
Hogan and Nash seem a bit different...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/11.jpg
Randy was about to give HHH his share of the cream filling

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/13.jpg
Eric: Theres a crunch berry underneath your nose

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/14.jpg
Flair, never one to get upstaged, breaks out the best damn thriller dance ever seen

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/15.jpg
Ric: Wait Regal what are you doing?
Regal: Ric, its time to buzz the tower...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/16.jpg
Ric: Comas ain't so bad, I slip in and out of comas all the ti............................

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/17.jpg
Ric: Is it in commercial?
Regal: Yeah
Ric: Quick, DO THE HUSTLE, da da da dada dada da da

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/18.jpg
Lita: Oh my god I'm drowning!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/19.jpg
This was the happiest day of Stevie's life...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/20.jpg
Father: Do you Lita take Kane to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Lita: BINGO!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/22.jpg
Kane on one side, Lita on the other, Trish right in between...this could be the worst interpretation of a "Fistful of Dollars" yet

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/23.jpg
Matt proved to be the man when he pulled the best part of the wedding out of his ass...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/24.jpg
Lita: Matt are you ok?
Matt: Shut up bitch I'm on vacation!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/25.jpg
Uncle Fester finally gets some

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/26.jpg
Lita: Kane do we have to?
Kane: Triple H's wedding present, two year long honeymoon in midcard hell!

[.44 Magdalene]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/02.jpg
Surrounded by six beautiful women, the Coach hit puberty on live television.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/08.jpg
I might not have Belty around my waist...but there's one thing I WILL have. At Unforgiven...RINGY! You WILL lay down...TO THE GAME!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/09.jpg
Need...Evolution...Koolaid...powers...fading...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/13.jpg
WWE was really pushing the limits by hosting two weddings in the same night.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/14.jpg
Flair: HEEEERE COMES THE GATOR!
Regal: Nooooooo!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/15.jpg
After a round with the Atkins diet, Vader makes a shocking return.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/16.jpg
WWE Presents: How Not To Do An Orgy, Vol. III

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/18.jpg
Do you, Lita, take this door...

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/19.jpg
Shane McMahon and his stable, the McMidgets, were an immediate success.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/21.jpg
IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/23.jpg
Matt Hardy v.2 comes complete with Jet Pack Ass action.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/24.jpg
Some assembly required.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/26.jpg
Kane was ready to lead Santa's sleigh...though I doubt that's a nose...

[Gone Mad]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/01.jpg
You know you've got ratings if you have Coach and the girls re-anact scenes from the film "The Usual Suspects".

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/06.jpg
Ref: You're borin' everyone, Edge! Quit borin' everyone!

Edge: Hey. I'm in a heel turn and I'm interesting..You think you know me.. ROWR! .... like a kitty--

Jericho: Can I lose a match in horrible fashion NOW?!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/09.jpg
Randy's reaction to the Kane/Lita wedding.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/13.jpg
HHH: Warrior doesn't like it when Warrior loses everything!! Apple-pie Goombas eat pork everyday!!! WARRIOR!!! Wrestlemania '91!! E-BAY!!!

Bischoff: Ummm.. I gotta go n-- *runs away very quickly*

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/18.jpg
Lita: What did I botch to get into this botch of a botchfest?

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/20.jpg
Lita: I duh.

Kane: Ugh! I could have put my seed in Gail Kim but noOooOoo.. I had to get the Big Red Botch !

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/24.jpg
Naptime...TO THE EXTREME!!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/26.jpg
Kane: Everyone! Party at Mordecai and O'Haire 's cage!

Mordecai: Now THAT'S something I already knew that I didn't have to tell you!

O'Haire: Hey..that's partically my ..line.. FUCK THIS!.. *leaves cage for TNA*

[Nowhere Man]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/01.jpg

To commemorate the WWE Diva Search, Vince ordered a special "extra red" carpet for the ring, made out of the skins of the cruiserweight roster.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/02.jpg

After installing the telescopic fire ladder into his right shoulder, The Rock laid claim to being the only WWE Superstar to be a wrestler, movie star, and piece of life-saving emergency equipment.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/03.jpg

The Japanese Buzzsaw takes an early lead in the "King of the Lean" tournament, knowing full well his ringside bazooka man wasn't going to let Rocky or the Coach lean any further forward.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/04.jpg

Tensions flare in the ranks of Evolution as the veteran Nature Boy insinuates that their fearless leader may be, in fact, a homo.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/05.jpg

Kane gives his bride-to-be a free dental inspection.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/06.jpg

The referee does his best to keep Edge distracted while Giant Cannibal Jericho goes for the brains.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/07.jpg

Jericho finishes Edge off by pooping a photon torpedo onto his back.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/08.jpg

Hunter: Randy, there's been a big mistake. Apparently, Christian was supposed to get the spot in Evolution, and you were supposed to be about, say, here on the card. So we're all asking you very nicely to turn in your push and apologize to the fanboys.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/09.jpg

Randy had apparently been hanging around with Shawn Michaels too long, as he stopped in mid-promo to pray.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/10.jpg

Hunter was just about to get his title back for good....

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/11.jpg

...until Randy promised he would 'earn' it.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/12.jpg

NM: Man, is it just me, or does Chris Benoit look different tonight?
LC: That's not Benoit. That's Randy Orton.
NM: *shoves fingers in his ears* Yeah, I think Chris got a new haircut. Looks good on him.
LC: I'm serious. Randy Orton is the World Champion.
NM: LA-LA-LAAAAAA NOT LISTENING! Chris Benoit is still Champion! NOT LISTENING! LA-LA!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/13.jpg

Furious that the Kane/Lita angle was getting more airtime than him, Hunter decides to start a romance angle of his own. Unfortunately, Eric wasn't too pleased to take part in it.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/14.jpg

Scotty 2 Hotty was pleased with how realistic his Ric Flair disguise looked. It was definitely worth the money he paid Meng for it.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/15.jpg

Nobody but nobody gives a more wicked Melvin than William Regal.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/16.jpg

Ref: Hey, what's that in your ear?
Regal: Not right now, please.
Ref: Hold on....is that.....a QUARTER? TA-DAAAA!!!!!
Regal: ....God, I hate you.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/17.jpg

Regal and Flair re-enact their favorite scenes from Requiem for a Dream

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/18.jpg

Lita botches abstinence.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/19.jpg

Vince was furious when he found out someone had 'rolled' his ring. And not only that, but vandalized his lawn gnomes, too!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/20.jpg

Kane and Lita face off in the grueling Steven-Tyler-Impersonation contest.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/21.jpg

Y'know, I wasn't too excited when I heard they were remaking Pac-Man with the DooM 3 engine, but now that I've seen the screenshot, I gotta say I'm impressed.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/22.jpg

Trish would look a whole lot sexier right now if she hadn't had that microphone grafted onto her arm.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/23.jpg

The Sensei of Mattitude saves the day, riding in on Halley's Comet to rescue Lita.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/24.jpg

Matt's fall from the upper card was harder than most.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/25.jpg

Kane has to administer CPR when Lita botches living.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/26.jpg

Kane: There it is, baby. Midcard Hell
Lita: Wow, you actually spent all that time down there?
Kane: Yep. And get used to it, because you're going to be down there for a loooooong time.

[Nowhere Man]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/14.jpg
Flair: HEEEERE COMES THE GATOR!
Regal: Nooooooo!


:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Blue Demon]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/11.jpg
Orton: My name Eugene...you my favoite wesawer.
HHH: Would you cut that out!!!

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan>Well, I’m gonna do some captions. Didn’t read them before I did them, as always… “As Always” should be my trademark line, but then once I get a face pop for it I’ll get fined. God forbid the fans react how they want to reacting… fucking management… I LIKE THE FRENCH TICKLER!!!

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/01.jpg>
In a last ditch attempt to refuel the Raw Diva Search for the fans, The Coach calls all of the remaining participants homos and gets a thunderous response from the audience.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/02.jpg>
<b>Player 1:</b> Dude, you see the trailer for the new WWE game?
<b>Player 2:</b> Yeah man, pretty sweet graphics!
<b>Player 1:</b> Hey, when is The Rock coming back?
<b>Player 2:</b> I don’t know.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/03.jpg>
<b>Rock:</b> The hell is Kane thinking attacking you!
<b>Coach:</b> Huh?
<b>Rock:</b> Didn’t he think you were me?
<b>Coach:</b> Oh, that was Maven.
<b>Rock:</b> Huh?

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/04.jpg>
<b>Batista:</b> Hey, is it kinda nippy in here, or is it just me?
<b>HHH:</b> Ric… Did Dave forget his pants again?
<b>Ric:</b> Yeah Trips, he forgot ‘em.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/05.jpg>
<b>Kane:</b> Do you know the muffin man?
<b>Lita:</b> Yes, I know the pumpkin man.
<b>Kane:</b> No, the Muffin Man.
<b>Lita:</b> Oh, the crunchin’ man.
<b>Kane:</b> NO! The MUFFIN MAN!
<b>Lita:</b> Wow, fairy tales are hard.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/06.jpg>
The ref tries to console poor Edge as he’s told that he’s the next person Matt Hardy will feud with.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/07.jpg>
Seconds later Jericho was Dqed for launching a photon-torpedo out of his ass.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/08.jpg>
<b>HHH:</b> I’ve known Max Mini since he was this tall!

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/09.jpg>
<b>Randy:</b> This feels kinda icky…
<b>HHH:</b> Get used to it. When you’re champion, you’re going to fuck a lot of people in the ass.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/10.jpg>
Being the McGyver of playing house, Randy uses his belt to serve Triple H and Steven Richards tea and crumpets.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/11.jpg>
<b>HHH:</b> This is shiny! Who did you hire to clean it?
<b>Randy:</b> Rhyno.
<b>HHH:</b> :mad:

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/12.jpg>
If you were gellin and using enzyte, your smile would be just as big.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/13.jpg>
<b>Triple H:</b> Who the hell did you just say is going to end the show!?!?!?

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/14.jpg>
William Regal will tell you this also; Ric Flair is one boring dancer.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/15.jpg>
<b>Ric:</b> Hey Regal, shouldn’t someone be on the ground before we do the rocket launcher?
<b>Regal:</b> Alas, the trickster has become the victim of a trick himself! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/16.jpg>
<b>Ric:</b> No Batista! Don’t bring me to the ropes unless I’m in a submission! Who taught you the art of ring psychology?
<b>Dave:</b> Lita….

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/17.jpg>
Here we see two men, moments away from the staring contest from hell!

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/18.jpg>
You know this story line is going to be bad when Lita gouges out her own eyes.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/19.jpg>
……………..
Does this pic even NEED a caption!?!?!?!

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/20.jpg>
Vince’s latest failed brainchild… Three way free style rap offs.

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/21.jpg>
“Where’s the crème filling!?!??! Vince promised me 10 gallons of crème filling if I went through this storyline!!!!!”


<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/22.jpg>
Lita botches making bride’s maid dresses.
Trish is too stupid to notice.
Everyone is happy!

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/23.jpg>
You know, mid card hell is supposed to be a metaphor…

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/24.jpg>
Another hilarious scene from “The Best Of Invisible Crucifix Bloopers”

Crap, gotta jet! I shall do more later on, hopefully.

[Quick1]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/09.jpg
Randy: Shit HHH was right this does have his name on it.
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/19.jpg
X-pac: Droz get away from chyna!
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/13.jpg
HHH: You tell LC to put Gail Kim in the game!
http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/23.jpg
Matt: Damn shouldn't of had those burritos.

[Innovator]

<img src=http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/24.jpg>
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: Look at Matt! What a coward, he just jumped through those tables!

[Corkscrewed]

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/01.jpg
The diva wannabes unleashed the swerve of the century a second later when they revealed themselves to be Fembots under the command of Sean O'Haire and started wreaking havoc on RAW.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/02.jpg
Only a superstar as big as The Rock could get away with saluting Nazis during a KKK cross burning while on his way to beat his wife.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/03.jpg
The Coach received quite a shock when he peered through the looking class and saw himself poor and out of work after being blamed for the Diva Search fiasco.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/04.jpg
Hunter and Batista weren't quite sure how to respond when Vince brought out Bob Euker as the replacement member of Evolution.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/05.jpg
Kane's Charlie Chan impression was a huge hit with the fans.
"Haw haw haw! Me so horny!"

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/06.jpg
Edge: "Better taste!"
Ref: "LESS FILLING!!!"

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/07.jpg
Test was pissed. His only appearance on RAW photos all year and he was getting shat on!

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/08.jpg
HHH: "Dammit, Benoit! You know there's NO ONE better than me at point at their knees, and YOU KNOW IT!!!"

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/09.jpg
Here we see Randy during the Diva Search segment.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/10.jpg
"I present to you this chocolate belt as proof that I'm not bitter."

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/11.jpg
"Just kidding! I ate all the chocolate!!!"

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/12.jpg
Once again, Randy Orton proved himself master of the Find the World Title Hidden in the Crowd Match.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/13.jpg
"Whaddya mean you bet on the U.S. over Lithuania????"

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/14.jpg
Flair was this close to forming the letter 'K' when he keeled over and collapsed.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/15.jpg
With his awesome extending powers, new Wrestling Stretch Armstrong was able to deliver the coolest chokeslam in WWE history.

http://raw.wwe.com/results/082304/images/16.jpg
Neither Batista nor the ref could figure out how a game of Twister could have gone this wrong.

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Like most quick fixes these days, the WWE version of Stuck on You was a huge flop.

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The sad thing here is that this was taken when Lita was getting ready to go to a funeral...

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Having practically buried Kane's career, Shane was only too happy to put the finishing touches with tonight's segment.

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Lita botches color blindness.

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"What do you mean you slept with the Six Fingered Man????"

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Of course, no WWE wedding is complete without the customary Ho of Honor.

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After this display of burnination, Trogdor knew he had nothing on Matt Hardy.

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Back at the Hardy residence, we can see that Lita has also botched bed making.

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Lita: "Are you sure this is how you check for cavities?"
Kane: "Trust me, my mouth has a special cavity detector."
Lita: "Okay."

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Kane: "Wait, I made that call to Enzyte and have been taking all natural male enhancement... why isn't Lita happy like that woman on TV?"
Lita: "...................oh shit! I'm supposed to smile??"


Blah, I blow.

[Corkscrewed]

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Randy: "I had the final bid on his belt."
HHH: "No, I had the final bid!"
Randy: "I did!"
HHH :"I DID!!"
Ref: "Um... that thing's not even blue..."

[Apprentice]

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Eric: Wow Trips, you even got the WWE logo tatooed on your nipple. Stephanie must have you whipped!

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Matt Hardy didn't know it but Gangrel was about to make his successful return as the best man.

[.44 Magdalene]

Lol...Trogdor. I wish I would have thought of that.

[FourFifty]

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"Whaddya mean you bet on the U.S. over Lithuania????"


<font color=cyan>*lol*
My family on my mom's side is from Lithuania :rofl:

[Cooler Tom Schuler]

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The newly install mood ring displays its anger.

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The Rock poses in front of a giant letter T, a hint at the soon-to-debut character Double T, or TT for short. The plan is for the character to be lacking in personality or talent, but show enough cleavage to make sure nobody notices.

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Coach and The Rock are the first two to the ring. Now they must fight over who gets to play with the new Tajiri action figure first.

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Ric: I'm wearing the shirt, Trips is wearing the shirt. Dammit, Dave, why can't you just wear one? Just once!?
Batista: Me show muscles!

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Kane: Slap me!

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Ref: Whatcha gonna d-
Edge: You're not serious, are you?
Ref: Of course I...well...I...know, I guess not.

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In a shocking turn of events, the ref is the one who taps out.

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HHH: I finished the match with a detached freakin' quadriceps!
Angle: Hey!

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Orton: Wait, where did the F go?

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Belty: Man...deja vu...

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Words can't describe Randy's emotions here. Oddly enough, neither can his face.

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Despite the loss of his eyes, Randy Orton was able to retain his title.

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HHH: No, watch! Rock-a-bye baby, in the tree-top.
Eric: I'm serious, Hunter, DON'T HAVE KIDS.

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However, his timing is a bit off, and Flair's introduction of the Crane style goes mostly unnoticed.

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Ric Flair gives a visual represention of how much older he is than the other wrestlers.

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The Eugene character is Vince's way of showing how he view the WWE audience.

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Ref: This is the last match of the night!? You must be mistaken, this is the SECOND match of the night...are you serious. Well, my job won't be lasting long.

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If you were doing this angle, you'd have to be on drugs, too.

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Please...somebody say "3 minutes".

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Kane: So, this is where I sleep!
Lita: ...

[Mayo]

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Coach: Now that I've got a good look at all of your knockers, Tracie, you are eliminated.

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The Rock just couldn't grab on to the tower properly in his new low budget action film with the fake backgrounds.

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Coach: Well I'm still dedicated to this company, and would never leave for money and fame! You're a sellout. Die Rocky Die!
Rock: I have the Diva Search hoes waiting in my limo.
Coach: Yeah, Walking Tall was great! I can't wait for Johnny Bravo :-\

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Flair: I told Vince to kick that guy out, not Randy!
HHH: Yeah well we all know about the McMahon big man fetish.
Flair: But Steph married you, didn't she?
HHH: I don't mean big in the pants :rant:

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Kane loved the roleplay before having necrophiliac sex; the worst part was holding up the victim properly to set the mood.

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Crowd reactions were poor to the debut of the new Three Tenors stable.

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Ref: Chris, who taught you that move? It's terrible!
Y2J: Vince always told me to be more like The Rock :-\

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HHH: So I go up to little Leroy and I says, 'Gimme da money now bitch or I'll bus' a cap in yo' ass'.
Batista: Word.

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Randy was shocked yet pleased that he and Hunter had finally switched roles.

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Randy: A brand new replica belt signed by yours truly!
HHH: *grinding teeth*I hope this belt hits as hard as the real one.
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Randy: What was that Hunter? No imitation belt for you!
HHH: Please man, I'll do anything! The withdrawal symptoms are terrible now that I've finally lost the belt. I can't eat, can't sleep, I just pace around the room frantically!
Randy: You need the belt for roleplay with Steph right?
HHH: :$

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Randy: Get used to the abstinence, Trips!

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HHH: I need that belt Eric, or else Steph won't put out. Wait a minute, the black hair, masculine features, you look a lot like her...
Eric: Be gentle!

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Although Flair was in his 50's, he could still Flashdance with the best of them.

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JR: Regal with a modified groin pull from the top rope.
King: :wtf:

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Batista: Ric, I told you not to try that Kama Sutra stuff, you are past your prime man!
Flair: ...Space Mountain... WOOO..........

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The Evil WWE Demogoblin used its forked tail to impale Flair while the Ref wasn't looking.

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Lita: *to mirror* Congratulations on your wedding day! You look so pretty in that dress! Hey, wait a sec... you look awfully familiar. Mom, is that you? Oh my God, I've been sent 30 years back, like that movie 'Back to the Past'.

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JR: Standing next to Kane makes his opponents look like little kids, King.
King: Jesus, you're terribl- PUPPIES!!!

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The alternate ending to Total Recall shows what happened to Arnie's face after being deprived of oxygen. He still got to marry the three-tittied bitch on Mars though.

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Kane: I said not to use your teeth so much, Lita!
Lita: But how else am I supposed to eat your smoked weiner, Kane?
Kane: :mad:

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Tammy Lynn Sytch makes her dramatic return after 35 liposuction operations.

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Lita: But Matt, its really starting to get hot in here!
Matt: Ever heard of blue balls, bitch? Just finish up quickly!

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Matt decided to take a page from his high flying brother's book after seeing his career head to midcard hell.

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Lita: Officer, your gun is digging into my hip.
Kane: No you idiot, it's your gun that is digging into my hip- wait, you don't have a gun! :eek:

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Lita: That's my house burning down! How could this happen?
Kane: Lita, I devised the perfect plan. I burnt down your house so that you can get tons of insurance money to pay for our honeymoon, and the cops won't suspect a thing. Man, I'm a genius!
Lita: My mom was staying over for the week :'(
Kane: :) :-\ :| :shifty:

[FourFifty]

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<b>Coach:</b> Well, it seems that this contest has been going on for too long according to our poll results at WWE.com… The majority of the fans believe that this has been going on for three minutes too long… Wait a second… Did I just hear myself say “Three Minutes”?
<b>Girls:</b> Like, yeah… what does three minutes have to do with wrestling?

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And now he’s holding down Steven Richards…

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<b>HHH:</b> Why are you trying to kiss me?
<b>Randy:</b> It’s not half as bad as what you made me do to get this title.

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Proof that midgets can save any angle!

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Kane was happy when he got the permit to burn his excess baggage, while Lita botched running away from the fire.

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“Sha na na na! Sha na na na! Hey-ey-ey, Good-bye!”
And thus any hope of anyone but Kane being entertaining in this storyline left the building.

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The Rock all but announced that he sold out when he said “Finally, The Rock, HAS COME BACK, to Anaheim, with his new Right Guard Deodorant!”

[BlackDawn2024]

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Triple H: So I say to Randy, "give me the damn belt, or Steph won't give me any." He says, "No.". So I say, "I'm not pointing at my knees for nothing here, biznatch!!".

Batista: Yeah!

Triple H: And so I finally say...

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Triple H: Give me the belt or I'll tell Vince what you're doing!

Randy: Please, Triple H! Please don't stomp all over my push!!!

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This has been Super Happy Fun Story Time with Triple H and Eric Bischoff.


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William Regal litterally died laughing at Ric Flair's dancing technique.


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It truly was a sight to see when Eugene used his magical Powers Of Love And Peace to form William Regal and Ric Flair together into one man--Ric RegalFlair! The referee, however, was disgusted and had to turn away.


Hey, I tried, and if they don't show up, no skin off my sack.

[Cool King]

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BOOOORIIIIIIIING!!!
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It's Mini Test and Mini Victoria!

[Nark Order]

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The contreversial 'WWE Diva Holocaust' gimmick was officially underway. The women were told to strip as Coach started to adjust the automatic oven timer.

[PorkSoda]

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Preacher: RD Reynolds....this ones for you!