Favorite Heenan QUOTES

[Nark Order]

So I picked up this 'WWE Best of the IC Title matches' DVD yesterday and there's a match with Bret "The Hitman" Hart vs Skinner. It was an ok match but I'd have to say that the best thing about it was Heenan. That man is hilarious.

Skinner starts choking Hart with his trademark Alligator claw.

Ross: He really should be getting disqualified right now but the referee can't see it.

Heenan: Disqualified? Where in the rule book does it say that you aren't allowed the attack people with alligator claws?

Ross: Well, I would think that it would fall under the "No foreign objects" rule.

Heenan: No, no. That's only if we don't know what the object is. We KNOW that that's an alligator claw. Perfectly legal.


I was laughing. So, what is one of your favorite Heenan quotes? He's had a billion.

[SOLE SURVIVOR]

refering to someone standing on IRS's tie.

oh my he'se standing on his tounge

Monsoon: That's not his tounge that's his tie

Heenan: Ohhh

Still for me the best two broadcasters in wrestling

[Innovator]

What a coward! He jumped through the window!

[Corkscrewed]

:lol:

Heenan's just great. Really, we need clever comical commentators again.



Bobby Heenan commenting on Hogan's entrance music
Heenan: That's my second favorite song.
Monsoon: I'm almost afraid to ask. What's your favorite?
Heenan: All the rest are tied.


Gorilla: "That was an illegal move!"
Brain: "No it wasn't."
Gorilla: "Yes it was!"
Brain: "No, it was a legal move, it was a Greco-Roman Hair Pull."


EDIT: here's the rigth version:

BH: Gorilla, what's with you naming all the body parts?
GM: I happen to have a knowledge about it. Why don't you try it?
(Heenan does. Skinner kicks a jobber in the stomach.)
BH: There's a kick to the uterus.


:rofl:

[Darkone]

There is a whole shit ton of them here:

http://www.cagematch.de/_/features/archive/funny/heenan.shtml

Sorry I'm drunk and don't feel like trying to learn how to link correctly.

[loopydate]

http://www.steveswrestling.com/info/famousquotes.html has somebody's list of the 100 greatest quotes in wrestling.

Here are Heenan's contributions:

17) "He's the only man I know of who can hide his own easter eggs." (re: Kerry Von Erich)

23) "When's the last time you went into a barber shop and saw everyone there unconscious?" (re: Brutus Beefcae)

25) Gorilla: He's quite lethargic.
Bobby: And slow. (re: Adrian Adonis)

34) "Tito Santana is like a cue-ball. The more you strike him, the more english you get out of him."

35) "Just look at the way he hangs in mid air!" (re: a photo of Typhoon)

48) "The Barbarian's shoes are Hair Jordans"

51) "Do you know Koko B. Ware's mom's first name? Tupper."

52) "You know why there were only 220 Mexicans at the Alamo? They only had one car."

53) Bobby H: Did you know Tito holds a place in Guiness' Book of World Records?
Gorilla: Yeah? For what?
Bobby H: He picked 1,600 heads of lettuce in 1/2 an hour.
Gorilla: Will you stop...

54) "Once you wrestle Rikki Atakki, an hour later you want to wrestle him again."

57) "Hey, he speaks pretty well for a guy who just ate 2 lbs of crackers." (re: Lou Ferrigno)

66) "If he was in my house, he'd be in a shake 'n' bake bag." (re: Koko B. Ware's bird Frankie)

70) "The only thing they recognize is a buffet" (re: the Rossati Sisters)

77) "I see the rodeo's in town again." (re: the Rossati Sisters)

85) "Do you have any bald ice cream?"

86) "This guy makes coffee nervous." (re: Ultimate Warrior)

88) Brain: "I looked it up. You know what Rosatti means in Italian?"
Gorilla: "Sure. It means red, rich, full..."
Brian: Nope...it means lard.


92) "He looks like something that fell out of a deck of cards!" (re: Oliver Humperdink)

93) "I once asked him what came at the end of the sentence... and he said "parole"." (re: some jobber)

100) Heenan: That's my second favorite song.
Monsoon: I'm almost afraid to ask. What's your favorite?
Heenan: All the rest are tied.

[bigpoppapump]

"Just look at the way he hangs in mid air!" -- Bobby Heenan on a freeze frame of Typhoon

Ross: Virgil is unconscious.
Bobby: When Virgil's unconscious, he's usually on his feet talking to you.

Vince: All Typhoon has to do is sit up and tag his partner.
Heenan: You're asking a lot for Typhoon to do a sit-up.

(On Junkyard Dog)
"His parents had nine months and the best they could come up with is Junkyard?!"

Alfred Hayes: "Thank you so much Bobby for that kind introduction."
Brain: "It was written down. I didn't come up with it."

[Corkscrewed]

Ross: Virgil is unconscious.
Bobby: When Virgil's unconscious, he's usually on his feet talking to you.

LOL Hilarious how all the Virgil stuff can be applied to Orlando Jordan too.

[carrythezero]

Some of those quotes actually made me laugh out loud. Quality stuff right there.

[The Ravishing One]

:y: Awesome.

[Gerard]

From rumble 91 when flair is dishing out low blows in the ring:

"Id do that to my grandmother if i had to"

:lol:

[redoneja]

From Wrestlemania VIII:

Heenan:"Hey Monsoon, do you know how Paul Bearer got that Urn?"
Monsoon:"How?"
Heenan:"The old fashioned way- he URNed it!"

From Wrestlemania XVII- "By the time the Iron Shiek gets to the it'll be Wrestlemania 37!" There's a whole bunch more from the Gimmick Battle Royal.

[Shaggy]

I think one of my favorite lines by him was back in WCW when they had that Cruiserweight Battle Royal and the winner faced Jericho for the Cruiserweight title right away.

Cinclope did it but it but it was Malenko dressed up and when he won it was just funny to hear Heenan say:

"He Did It....The Giant Pumpkin Did It"

Something along those lines...havnt seen the footage in a long while but its just something close to what I remember.

[Anybody Thrilla]

*Ciclope

[Vastardikai]

(same Royal Rumble from which we got the "I'd do that to my own Grandma if I had to." line.)

Heenan:Shawn Micheals is making Guacamole out of El Matador!

Monsoon: He is Not!

Heenan: Look at his tights, they're green!

[Anybody Thrilla]

While a lot of this stuff is hilarious in terms of wrestling, imagine if you said some of these things to people in everyday life. You'd get punched a lot and nobody would laugh.

Heenan was the man, though.

[Gone Mad]

LOL, classic stuff from Heenan. I wish I could laugh this much when listening to the commentators today, even though the only laughing now comes from how bad the commentating is.

[Hitman84]

LOL, classic stuff from Heenan. I wish I could laugh this much when listening to the commentators today, even though the only laughing now comes from how bad the commentating is.
You mean stuff like:
'That turnbuckle isn't made of barbecue sauce'?

I laughed at an episode of Nitro where Bobby Heenan asked Tony Schiavone if DQ stood for Dairy Queen.

And we seem to have forgotten WM VIII Bret Hart vs Roddy Piper
'What the hell, use the bell!'

[Altar of Helmsley]

Heenan Rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMAO

[wrestlingking]

Bret Hart Vs Yokozuna
Fans:USA! USA! USA!
Bobby:One man is from Japan and the other is from Canada but these fans are chanting USA.

Rumble 92
*piper saves Flair*
Bobby:Oh thank you Piper...its not a skirt what you wear its a kilt
*piper attacks Flair*
Bobby:You skirt wearing freak! Its not a kilt its a skirt!

Wrestlemania 8
*piper with ring bell stand over Bret Hart*
Bobby:Remember the old saying what the hell use the bell.

[Karlsberg]

"by the time iron sheik gets to the ring it will be wrestlemania 37"

[Nark Order]

Summerslam 1994 Shawn Michaels v Mr. Perfect.

(Referring to Hennig)

Heenan: Look at Mr. Perfect, everything about him is absolutely emmaculate. His wrestling style is perfect. His finishing move is perfect. His ring presence is perfect. His hair.... Well I guess he's not completely perfect, but he's close.

[Altar of Helmsley]

"The Guerrero family better hope their t.v doesn't get repossessed before this match is over"

[Karlsberg]

Heenan: How long have you been married sir?

Guy in crowd: Twenty five years

Heenan: Do you realise if you had killed her on your wedding night you'd have got out by now

[Altar of Helmsley]

Heenan: How long have you been married sir?

Guy in crowd: Twenty five years

Heenan: Do you realise if you had killed her on your wedding night you'd have got out by now



:rofl:

Classic!!