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<b>Kurt:</b> I don’t get it Vince. I like the idea that you’re getting Chief J Strongbow and Harley Race on for Raw’s homecoming show, but shouldn’t you be more focused on guys like Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Randy Savage and Bryan Adams that were actually on Raw? Why Vince, why?
<b>Vince:</b> Because I sign your goddamn paycheck.
<b>Kurt:</b> :shifty: Good move Mr. McMahon!
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Vince and Shawn look on in horror as they realize that Kurt found Rhyno’s lip balm.
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<b>Kurt:</b> Yo, lay down a phat beat for me… yea, das right…
Yo! My name is Kurt, Olympic gold medals! I’ll step on you foo’s like ya’ll were bicycle pedals! When I come to town I’m breakin’ it down, ain’t playin’ around, This King of the Ring has been more than crowned! Like the evolution shirts I’ve been paid laid and made, and next week on Raw HBK is gonna be DOA’ed!
<b>Vince:</b> We really need a rapper on the Raw Roster! This stuff is GOLD!
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<b>HBK:</b> Well, technically speaking we already have a rapper on Raw… Cena.
<b>Vince:</b> Cena vs Kurt in an iron man freestyle rap off… By God I’m a genius… Somebody get me a Victory Twinke!
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<b>HBK:</b> Kiss me, you fool!
<b>Kurt:</b> You’re a homo!
<b>HBK:</b> You didn’t say anything about that last night.
<b>Kurt:</b> Hey, I was on top, it wasn’t gay.
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RANDOM PAC MAN! BAKABAKABAKABAKABAKA!
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<I>*At the <strike>Dudley’s</strike> Deadly’s house…*</I>
<b>Devon:</b> Hey Ray, look, a table!
<b>Ray:</b> Don’t say that! Are you trying to get us sued!
<b>Devon:</b> Come on, they can’t sue us for using the word “table” in our own house.
<b>WWE Legal Team:</b> Actually, we can.
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<b>Ref:</b> Finally…. The Ref…. HAS COME BACK…. To this ring!
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The idea of the dual bulimics to shoot some life into the tag team division was just as successful as the band-aid crew and The Heart Throbs.
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<b>Cena:</b> What’s that fisty? Do the job to Eric next week? I guess a talking fist can’t be wrong.
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Taking lessons from Triple H and Booker T, HBK no sells falling off the top through a table just to get up a do a spin-a-ronie.
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/12.jpg>
And now we see how the WWE gets it’s titles… they’re crapped out of half-credible champions.
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<b>Eric:</b> I can’t wait until I win this title. I’ll take away all this “bling” and “spinner” crap and replace it with signs of a true champion… Unicorns, rainbows, ribbons, and tinsel! My title will go down in history as the greatest title of all time selling more replica belts than any other title!
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<b>Eric:</b> Property of Triple H… but he never held this belt…
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Lita botches booking HLA.
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(insert random Steven Richards joke here)
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<b>JR:</b> BAHGAWDSTUNNER BBQ SAUCE!!!!!! OH THE INTENSITY! BAH GAWD SOMETHIN’S GONNA BLOW!!!
<b>King:</b> Puppies!
<b>Coach:</b> That’s right JR, these women wrestlers are just as tough and intense as the men.
<b>JR:</b> NO BAHGAWD ROCK BOTTM! THIS BLADDER ISN’T MADE OF CHILLI!!! BATHROOM BREAK!
<b>King:</b> Puppies!
<b>Coach:</b> …what the hell, everyone at home is using it for a bathroom break… Hey King, want a soda or something?
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And somewhere in Mexico there’s a hell of a lot of drunken lunchadors laughing at them.
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<b>Vince:</b> Extreme Acrobats! Unlike the body building thing and the XFL it’ll work! Vince, you are a fucking genius! I think I’ve earned yet another victory twinkie!
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<b>Candice:</b>YOU JUST GOT BEAT UP!
<b>Ashley:</b>Chill out... What cha yellin' for?
<b>Candice:</b> Oh great, an Avrilish punker…
<b>Ashley:</b>Lay back... It's all been done before.
<b>Candice:</b> Shut up, that song is so annoying!
<b>Ashley:</b> And if only you could let it be you will see… uhhh…
<b>Candice</b>… So it’s true…. You are a poser!
<b>Ashley:</b> <i>*sniff*</i> It's true!!! <i>*cries*</i> I'm a poser!!!!
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/21.jpg>
<b>Ashley:</b> I’m more than just a poser with my punk look…
<b>Candice:</b> What do you mean by that and why do you have a roll of quarters in your pocket?
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As if the entire world hasn’t seen this before…
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Thing is calling Ashley a homo, and Ashley botches being offended.
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Candice finally gives up… She’ll never know the meaning of life, how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, and why did Vince fire Charlie Hass… Some questions simply have no answer.
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<b>JR:</b> Bahgawd, that bathroom break will go down in Raw history as one of the most brutal in Raw history! The carnage was left everywhere but in the ring.
<b>Coach:</b> Okay, I’m back. King, get up and help me with these sodas.
<b>King:</b> I can’t get up…
<b>Coach:</b> Why not?
<b>King:</b> It’s…. errr… the ending of that match….. I’m sorta….
<b>JR:</b> BAHGAWD PENIS! ROCK HARD BOTTOM! HE HAS A VILE ERECTION FROM HELL!!!!!
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Do you have any idea how messed up president Bush is? His approval ratings are falling at a record rate, he under funded his “no child left behind” program, he lost Osoma a number of times, and he’s pouring tax dollars into helping out other countries when our country needs it. He’s not a good person overall and—
<b>Divas:</b> SHUT UP! WE WATCH FOX NEWS AND YOU’RE WRONG! FOX NEWS SAID SO, YOU LIBERAL DO-DO HEAD!
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/27.jpg>
Is it me or does that microphone in her hand look somewhat… phallic?
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<b>Edge:</b> Lita… Why do you have a pad on your neck?
<b>Lita:</b> It’s that time of the month.
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/29.jpg>
<b>Edge:</b> You are a useless person…
<b>Matt:</b> I am a useless person…
<b>Edge:</b> Yes! I’m a real Jedi now! Jedi mind tricks totally rule!
<b>Matt:</b> Mind tricks?
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/30.jpg>
<b>Matt:</b> What are you doing up there anyways?
<b>Edge:</b> I told Sean I’d meet him up for coffee.
<b>Lita:</b> Meet up? Gee, and they say I bawtch stfuf.
<b>Matt:</b> Who’s Sean?
<b>Edge</b> :|
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/31.jpg>
And who says white boys can’t dance?
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<b>Lita:</b> Ohmigosh! It’s just like that one dream where I show up to work naked only I’m not naked and even if was I have this change of clothing in the brief case and the dancing monkey isn’t flinging poo at me!
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/33.jpg>
<b>Matt:</b> I will not FRY!
<b>Edge:</b> Will not fry? Don’t you mean die?
<b>Matt:</b> No, fry. After I do the job to you next week at Homecoming I have a job lined up at McDonalds but I don’t know how to use the deep fryer.
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/34.jpg>
<b>Snitsky:</b> It’s time to take out the trash!
<b>Vince:</b> Now hold on just a damn minute! …There is a cruiserweight in there, right?
<b>Snitsky:</b> Yes.
<b>Vince:</b> Carry on.
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/35.jpg>
I don’t care how upset he looks. When The Show is out of cookie dough do NOT try to give him a hug.
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/36.jpg>
With his… one of a kind rendition of “Mark Henry was a Steel Driving Man” Ric Flair was cut from American Idol.
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/37.jpg>
<b>Shelton:</b> Kanye West is right! Bush does hate black people! And you voted for him!
<b>Kerwin:</b> Well duh, I’m white! And just because your people have the lowest voting demographic—
<I>*Seconds later EMTS rushed down to the ring to surgically pull Kerwin’s head out of his ass before he suffocated*</I>
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<b>Nick:</b> Damn it, my stash was in here!
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<b>HBK:</b> …Hold on… Is he destroying some HBK merchandise? He’s destroying a stuffed HBK lion! HE NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON!
<b>Hunter:</b> Fine Shawn, I’ll lower the glass ceiling on him.
<img src=http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/photos/1252222/40.jpg>
“Whadya mean they’re just foil covered chocolate bars!?!?!?”