SmackDown! Captions (December 9, 2005)

[loopydate]

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[Disturbed316]

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rKo Wolfpac....in....THE....HOUSE!

[Marcyo]

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Mercury: No, YOU'RE A HOMO!

God: :mad:

[Xero]

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JBL: ...And I am suing Vince McMahon's One Eyed Snake for the loss of my right eye.

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Rey's "Mini Me" gimmick was pretty useless with the mask.

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Everybody's got a price, And everybody's gonna pay! Cause the Million Dollar Man... Always gets his way!

JBL: OH FUCK! WHEN WERE YOU REHIRED!?

OJ: VIRGIL!?

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JBL: You know, perfectly round holes in your shoes aren't realistic.

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JBL: STEPHANIE!?

Rey: Hey, get me down...

JBL: REY! WHAT DID WE DO!?

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DDB is at it again!

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Gettin' smurfy wit' it!

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Bob: Ugh...

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Randy: OH MY GOD! DAD! I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM LITA AT THIS TIME OF THE MONTH!

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Randy: Man, ever since Josh has been with his new girl friend he's been acting weird. (I bet no one will get the reference.)

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Benoit: FOOOORRRRRR....

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Benoit: ...REEEEEAAAAALLLLL!

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Cole: WHAT A STUNNER!

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Super Crazy is caught by the invisible crucifix mid-moonsault.

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Boogeyman: I'VE BOUGHT A NEW, LONGER ELEPHANT PENIS! AND I'M COMMIN' TO GETCHA!

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Lashley: And STREEEETCH... 1 2 3 4. STREEEETCH 1 2 3 4...

[Cool King]

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(8)I wanna take you to a Gay Bar! Gay Bar! Gay Bar!(8)

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The new look Father Time makes his WWE Debut.

[loopydate]

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JBL: ...and that's why I gave up a career in proctology to become a wrestler.

JILLIAN/EVERYONE: Ewwwwwwwwwww!

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Alas, old habits die hard.

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And the day that he got to play in the Big Boy Ring was the happiest day of Rey's life.

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In preparation for the 2006 Invisible Olympics, the Cabinet perfected their Synchronized Rings routine.

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Buckwheat would always remember what he was doing the day he found out that Alfalfa was murdered.

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Next time someone tells you that narcolepsy and wrestling don't mix...they're right!

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BATISTA: Nooooo!

JBL: That was a good tackle, Dave. But the "no" could use some work. Now, give me 50 laps around the arena.

BATISTA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

JBL: Better.

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REY: Hey, why is your mouth open. WHY IS YOUR MOUTH OPEN?!?

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Surprised it took this long for JBL to see that side of Jillian's face.

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Sleepboxing is always dangerous. Particularly when you're not alone.

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Dave and Rey do their impression of "WWE Rookie Initiation."

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It's rare for someone's mutant ability to emerge during a wrestling match. Perhaps this is why OJ's Optic Blasts only came out as red and blue dots.

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REY: Come on! I've got you in a headlock! Sell iiiiiiiiit! Please?

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RANDY: Dad, I hate this store. Are you sure that Hot Topic is the only place we can find it?

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While Undertaker's mind games went a bit too far when he killed Skippy, Randy's pet hamster, the burial ceremony was surprisingly moving.

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Okay, I was never a big Tori fan, but this pose was way sexier when she and X-Pac would do it.

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In the grand tradition of Men on a Mission and John Cena, WWE introduces Run-RKO!

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BOB: Okay. The good news is Big Show's toilet isn't clogged anymore...

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RANDY: Oh, hey, Josh. Josh?

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RANDY: Oh, my God! The White Witch has been here!

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BOOKER: I... I was just playin' with 'im. An'... An' his neck broke! :'(

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Chris Benoit drew the biggest pop of the night when he pulled the invisible carpet out from under Booker T.

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In yet another example of WWE Stereotype Theatre, Bobby Lashley's match comes to a grinding halt when he chokes on a chicken bone.

===

More to come later.

[Nark Order]

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Though Vince was skeptical at first, he finally decided to re-sign Brock Lesnar provided that he would agree to drop 150 pounds and be Bobby Lashley's personal bitch.

[Jaton]

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You think this is something, wait until you see what I can do with the *other* hole!

[G-wrath]

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If Flava Flave and Moses had a love child...

[Sting Fan]

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Lashley: Oh you and I are gonna have fun tonight white boy.

Regal: Huh?

Lashley: Nothing...


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JBL: She was so tall but I reached up and tweaked her nipples like this and she loved it.

OJ: Well I had to ride her from behind like this, go figure.


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Bob Orton: Did anyone ever tell you Purple is your color Randy?

I know I suck, but it was worth a try.

[BlackDawn2024]

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Unfortunately, Big Dave chose the wrong time to start break-dancing. He has since apologized for decapatating OJ.



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OJ was a distraught with Dave and Rey's "In-Stereo Ultimate Warrior" impresion.

[Drakul]

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Randy: Man, ever since Josh has been with his new girl friend he's been acting weird. (I bet no one will get the reference.)
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[Drakul]

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BATISTA: Nooooo!

JBL: That was a good tackle, Dave. But the "no" could use some work. Now, give me 50 laps around the arena.

BATISTA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

JBL: Better.
Simpsons.

[Xero]

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:y:

[PorkSoda]

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Batista=Animal=Left Pose
Rey Mysterop=Cruiserweight=Right Pose
Orlando Jordan=???=Wrong Pose

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Batista Head: Ehhhh huh huh! Hey Reyvis, huh huh, dare me to go up there and shove that shovel up Undertakers butt?
Reyvis: Yeah, heh heh heh.

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Randy Orton thought of killing the legend of Pac Man, until he ate that big blue dot.

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Pacman: YO YO YO!
Randy Orton: Wow grandpa, check it out, its Pacman.
Pacman: Yo, whats up in dis shit? Wanna hit?
Bob Orton: No, Pacman, drugs are bad.
Pacman: PUSSIES! *Smokes a puff* WHOAAAAAAAAA HOLY SHIT!

[Skippord]

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Good to see a father and son who do things together

[Drakul]

:y:
lol I got it before I even finished reading it :lol:

[Kane Knight]

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"Now I know what you are all wondering...Why this sanitary napkin is on my face and not Jillian's...Mole..."


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Jillian was horrified when one of JBL's "Assets" slipped.

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"Bring your son to work" week was a hit in the WWE.


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Even the upper crust are D-X fans.

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OJ is fined for illegal use of extra fingers in a rectal exam.


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I told you nobody found your "welcome back Kotter" impression to be funny.


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"Oh yeah....Oh Monica...TEETH! TEETH!!"


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"And this is the stock market now!"


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Hasn't Katie Vick suffered enough?


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"Dancing Dave" turned out to be quite a dangerous gimmick.


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They braced for impact as an iceberg hit the ring...In Orlando's heart, he knew that the black guy would be the one to die...

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"LOOK! A penny!"


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"Daddy, JBL said we was gonna beat me up at recess!"


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Orton cringed. This could only mean one thing...

...His career was as dead as Taker's.


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How many gay cowboy jokes can I make in one week?

Bob Orton wanted to make his son feel better...The only way he knew how...


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"You sure I don't need to use lube dad?"


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"Did you have any barbeque today?"


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Bob Orton: Had some last week, why?
Randy: You got a little bit on you.
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One too many gay jokes took its toll...

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Randy: I think we hurt his feelings.
Bob: Yeah, we should really apologise.
Randy: Maybe hir him a stipper.
Bob: I hear Shelton's push is over
Randy: Close enough.

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"You make me feeeeeel like a natural woman..."


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Poor Marty McFly. His dreams of being a musician were shattered, and now here he was, jobbing to the lowest form of wrestler...The token ethnic stereotype.


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"Is testicular retrieval supposed to take this long?"


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Sharmelle attacks Stevie Richards as he high fives his running buddy, Benoit.


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Sharmelle: Oh, please, for the love of God...DON'T HULK UP!

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"If she's feuding with Trish, how long until we're on Velocity?"

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WWE rip-off #432...Queer Eye for the Latino Guy.


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"Dude, that guy's totally checking out your ass!"

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Unreleased Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood advertisement parody: Free Willy
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From Left to right: Corey Feldman, Ricardo Montalban, and Michael Jackson

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"Frankenstein...Want...TITLE..."


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"Peanuts!"


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Emillio Estevez turns against his roots and sides with MNM.


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John Cena's "Battle Rap" Partner.


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The best part is when he chews them up and then actually regurgitates them into the young jobber's mouth.

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"I like it when they lie real stilll..."

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Given the history of racial gimmicks, Wayne Brady shouldn't have been too surprised when he was asked to play King Kong.

[Kane Knight]

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GAH!

[94 SVT Cobra]

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Bob:Hey what the...my hand is stuck...
Randy: What do u mean your hand is st.....damn it i thought they fired rhyno?(told you ive been coming here for a while:))

[Bo]

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"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU GUYS, I AM NOT STEVEN BALDWIN!!!!!"

[HankScorpio]

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"you did WHAT in my handba... uhh, briefcase!!"

[loopydate]

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BENOIT: How on Earth did you get the penny this far in your ear?!

BOOKER: WHAT?

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This was the night that Benoit learned that he, unfortunately, could not use the Force.

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BENOIT: Hey, weren't you a Nitro Girl?

SHARMELLE: NO! No, I swear I wasn't... Don't say anything. If Vince finds out I was in WCW, my push is GONE!

BENOIT: You're being pushed?

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JOHNNY: Yep. There's one.

MELINA: Found one up in the cheap seats. Come on, Joey, what's wrong?

JOEY: I'unno. Just don't feel like pointing at homos tonight.

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PSICOSIS: MAN, this recliner is uncomfortable!

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COLE: Johnny Nitro just slid a damned Kendo stick into the ri-- Uh-oh...

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BAH GAWD! GOD HIMSELF HAS JUST TURNED ON THE MEXICOOLS! CHOKESLAM TO HELL! ...FROM HEAVEN! WHY, DAMMIT?!?

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PSICOSIS: Wait, really?

JUVI: Yeah. He's singing showtunes!

SUPER CRAZY: Oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes we both oh yes we both...

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Psicosis may have taken the bullet, but Stevie would definitely owe him one.

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COLE: How disrespectful, Tazz! God helps MNM win the match, and Mercury has the AUDACITY to call Him a homo! (Okay, I swear, last homo joke)

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Kid Kash's audacious plan worked. Photoshop yourself into a picture with MNM, earn a Cruiserweight Title shot!

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Time to make the donuts, bitch!

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No one would ever forget the night that Boogeyman ripped the jobber's brain from his skull.

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BOOGEYMAN: Uh, dude, you got worms on your face.

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Lashley may have incredible physical gifts, but the kid needs to work on his limbo technique.

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REGAL: I take it back! The Drew Carey version was far superior to the original, funny version of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

LASHLEY: Damn your dry British wit!

[DOMINATOR!]

[Schoenauer]

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JBL and OJ: Do the hustle!!

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OJ: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

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Batista demonstrates the proper way to start up a lawnmower.

[Hired Hitman]

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It's time for the Ultraviolet Light Test!
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Bob: ... I-It's okay son, everybody does it.

[Kane Knight]

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BENOIT: Hey, weren't you a Nitro Girl?

SHARMELLE: NO! No, I swear I wasn't... Don't say anything. If Vince finds out I was in WCW, my push is GONE!

BENOIT: You're being pushed?

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JOHNNY: Yep. There's one.

MELINA: Found one up in the cheap seats. Come on, Joey, what's wrong?

JOEY: I'unno. Just don't feel like pointing at homos tonight.

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BAH GAWD! GOD HIMSELF HAS JUST TURNED ON THE MEXICOOLS! CHOKESLAM TO HELL! ...FROM HEAVEN! WHY, DAMMIT?!?

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Psicosis may have taken the bullet, but Stevie would definitely owe him one.

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COLE: How disrespectful, Tazz! God helps MNM win the match, and Mercury has the AUDACITY to call Him a homo! (Okay, I swear, last homo joke)

http://www.wwe.com/shows/smackdown/photos/1526374/17.jpg

Time to make the donuts, bitch!

http://www.wwe.com/shows/smackdown/photos/1526374/41.jpg

Lashley may have incredible physical gifts, but the kid needs to work on his limbo technique.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/smackdown/photos/1526374/38.jpg

REGAL: I take it back! The Drew Carey version was far superior to the original, funny version of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

LASHLEY: Damn your dry British wit!

[DOMINATOR!]

Especially "Time to make the donuts," but LMFAO!

[Blue Demon]

http://www.wwe.com/shows/smackdown/photos/1526374/19.jpg

Bob: :wtf: Gangrel???