View Full Version : Inspired by Chuck Norris......
Let's do some wrestling-related Chuck Norris stuff...
IE: Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Triple H doesn't job, jobbing jobs to Triple H.
Lita doesn't get STDs, STDs get Litas.
Can't think of anymore right now but post your own.
(Yeah, I'm bored.)
Matt Hardy won't die, he lives on in missery.
Disturbed316
02-13-2006, 01:46 PM
In an attempt to end World War II, the United States government authorized the drop of Samoa Joe onto Hiroshima. However, the Japanese hired a mercenary, known today as Low Ki, to meet him. The ensuing fight leveled the city, killing thousands.
However, the match was so well received (Meltzer gave it ****1/2) that a rematch was immediately booked in Nagasaki.
Stolen from Innovators sig.
94 SVT Cobra
02-13-2006, 01:47 PM
cena doesnt suck.....o wait, yea he does
Cena doesn't suck, he blows.
Kane Knight
02-13-2006, 02:04 PM
When Kurt Angle dives into water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Angle'd.
D Mac
02-13-2006, 03:17 PM
When Viscera sits around the house, he REALLY sits AROUND the house. :shifty:
Eugene isn't retarded, he's addicted.
That's so horrible...
D Mac
02-13-2006, 03:21 PM
Eugene isn't retarded, he's just slow.
Ric Flair isn't old, he's rubber!
D Mac
02-13-2006, 03:29 PM
Shelton's mamma is so fat when she backs up she's goes BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
:shifty:
Shelton's Momma is so fat that she died.
Innovator
02-13-2006, 03:45 PM
Samoa Joe brushes his teeth with rope and washes his face with the tears of baby orphans
Stickman
02-13-2006, 04:50 PM
"I love lamp"
loopydate
02-13-2006, 04:51 PM
Stickman, do you really love lamp or are you just saying that because you see the lamp?
Butch
02-13-2006, 04:55 PM
LOUD NOISES!!!
Y2Jeremy
02-13-2006, 06:09 PM
Kevin Nash doesn't tear his quads, quads tear themselves in Kevin Nash's presence.
Skippord
02-13-2006, 06:15 PM
Chris Sabin Doesnt do jobs he simply lets people win to make them feel good about themselves
94 SVT Cobra
02-13-2006, 06:40 PM
Jeff Hardy isnt a spot fest, spot fests are a jeff hardy
Ric Flair doesn't blade, he turns a faucet.
Innovator
02-13-2006, 06:58 PM
Hulkamania was created in a lab from one of Samoa Joe's old jockstraps.
Innovator
02-13-2006, 06:59 PM
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Samoa Joe and forgot to pay him back.
Samoa Joe always eats his vegetables. Even the wheelchairs.
Samoa Joe is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Samoa Joe single handedly disemboweld the grinch for being a sack of s**t and failing to steal christmas.
Samoa Joe is the only man who made it through The Crying Game without feeling dirty.
On the Saving Private Ryan DVD, there's a deleted scene where Samoa Joe gets shot in the hand. Samoa Joe then proceeds to yell, "f**k you bullet" and the bullet worms its way out of Samoe Joe's hand out of fear. An alternate ending also shows Samoa Joe winning WWII and becoming president of the world.
Samoa Joe downs each meal with a cupful of Tide detergent. It comes out clean and he never has to wipe because of it.
MacGayver created Samoa Joe out of a dead squirrel, a piece of string, some tic-tacs, and hellfire.
Samoa Joe has never kneeled before Zod.
Samoa Joe is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Samoa Joe can actually OLE kick you yesterday.
They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Samoa Joe. He doesn't have to.
Samoa Joe lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Samoa Joe was driving he saw a sign that said, "Caution: Small Children Playing." So he slowed down, but then it occurred to him: Samoa Joe isn't afraid of small children.
Samoa Joe frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Skippord
02-13-2006, 07:03 PM
Chris Sabin Invented the C-Section when he enziguried his mothers womb
PorkSoda
02-13-2006, 07:30 PM
Shelton's mamma is so fat when she backs up she's goes BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
:shifty:
For some reason, I found that hilarious. I've heard that stupid joke a thousand times and now I'm laughing histericly about it.
The Boogeyman is the reason why Waldo is hiding because he's coming to getcha.
Nowhere Man
02-13-2006, 08:27 PM
Kurt Angle's neck isn't really broken; he is actually a human Pez dispenser. Only instead of Pez, he dispenses pain.
Kurt Angle's neck isn't really broken; he is actually a human Pez dispenser. Only instead of Pez, he dispenses pain.
LOL!
The Undertaker isn't dead, he just forgot to breath today.
Skippord
02-13-2006, 08:46 PM
Chris Sabin need not breathe breathing needs to Chris Sabin
FourFifty
02-14-2006, 01:34 AM
Vince can make a woman climax by pointing at her and saying "RING THE BELL! RING THE BELL!!! HA HA HA HA!!! YOU'RE SCREWED!!!!"
There are no such things as black holes. It's just X-Pac in space.
Dorkchop
02-14-2006, 01:41 AM
Sting's hair isn't receiding... He expanded his forehead.
Skippord
02-14-2006, 01:44 AM
Chris Sabin didnt have his hair done it did it self
Skippord
02-14-2006, 01:47 AM
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chris Sabin to die before they attack.
Skippord
02-14-2006, 02:13 AM
The force and volume of the typical Chris Sabin ejaculation has been observed to pierce the female uterus, kevlar body armor and Brawny paper towels.
Nowhere Man
02-14-2006, 02:16 AM
Chris Benoit's notorious buck-tooth is actually a bottle opener, and only one of many useful appliances hidden on his person. This is because Benoit is a result of Canada's mad attempt at genetically splicing a human with a Swiss Army Knife.
FourFifty
02-14-2006, 02:27 AM
Cactus Jack doesn't feel pain.
Pain feels Cactus Jack.
Lock Jaw
02-14-2006, 03:39 AM
It wasn't Snitsky's fault Lita had a dead baby in her uterus. The baby killed itself because it knew where it's been.
Corkscrewed
02-14-2006, 03:43 AM
In 5th grade, a friend once asked The Undertaker to help sell stuff as part of the school fundraiser. This has commonly been recorded as the biggest mistake anyone has ever made in the history of anywhere.
Corkscrewed
02-14-2006, 03:43 AM
HHH has won infinity matches.
Twice.
Corkscrewed
02-14-2006, 03:45 AM
Edge his currently suing The Rock over the legal rights to the term "jabroni," as that is what he likes to call his personal male prostitute, Matt Hardy.
Corkscrewed
02-14-2006, 03:45 AM
When Lita bathes in the Ganges River, the Ganges feels dirty.
FourFifty
02-14-2006, 03:47 AM
Lita doesn't botch anything.
Bothcing Lita's stuff.
Corkscrewed
02-14-2006, 03:48 AM
Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwartzeneggar, Steven Segal, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Wesley Snipes were all created when a drop of sweat from Hulk Hogan fell into a biological pond and created a race of supermen who were impervious to pain, although not even a combined 1/1,000,000th as impervious to pain as Hulk Hogan.
(thanks DM)
D Mac
02-14-2006, 03:56 AM
You forgot Jean Claude Van Damme
D Mac
02-14-2006, 05:00 AM
Guess I spelled it right then. :shifty:
Rob Van Dam doesn't get the munchies, the munchies come to him.
Londoner
02-14-2006, 11:48 AM
Lita isn't a slut, a slut is a Lita.(Lita is such an easy target, I ALMOST feel sorry for her)
I don't feel for Lita, Lita feels for me!
Wait, what?
D Mac
02-14-2006, 03:13 PM
Shelton's momma isn't fat, she's just big boned.
Kane eats a bowl of lava rocks for breakfast to feul his Hellfire 'n Brimstone.
D Mac
02-14-2006, 03:28 PM
John Cena isn't a rapper, he just plays one on TV.
Savio
02-14-2006, 04:06 PM
Randy Orton doesn't kill legends legends commit suicide in front of him.
Lock Jaw
02-14-2006, 04:40 PM
The Big Show once cleaned out an entire Burger King. People, napkins, straws.... EVERYTHING.
Innovator
02-14-2006, 05:38 PM
Kurt Angle impregnated an entire convent of nuns back in 1971. One year later they all gave birth to the group known as the '72 Dolphins.
Lock Jaw
02-14-2006, 05:56 PM
When Obi-Wan Kenobi sliced Darth Maul in half and he fell down a large shaft, he landed in a pile of worms which became a part of his being, changing him into The Boogeyman. He has to eat at least two scoops of worms a day or his body will come apart again.
Nowhere Man
02-14-2006, 06:00 PM
Mr. T may pity the fool, but Chris Benoit pities Mr. T
Chris Benoit is faster than a speeding bullet spit out by Superman through a straw.
If Val Venis was clothing, he would be Trish Stratus' thong.
PorkSoda
02-14-2006, 07:20 PM
Death is afraid of no man. Except Tim White....
Skippord
02-14-2006, 07:48 PM
Chris Sabin Doesnt hail taxi's Taxi's HAIL SABIN
Angle didn't win an olympic gold medal with a broken freakin neck, the broken freakin neck won a gold medal for Angle.
Lock Jaw
02-14-2006, 07:58 PM
An old lady asked Josh Matthews if he could help her carry her bags. He ran off to get some.
Tim White doesn't die, death Tim White'd
Josh Matthews doesn't help, he waits. Then calls for help.
Josh Matthews needs help.
Y2Jeremy
02-14-2006, 09:23 PM
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Samoa Joe and forgot to pay him back.
Samoa Joe always eats his vegetables. Even the wheelchairs.
Samoa Joe is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Samoa Joe single handedly disemboweld the grinch for being a sack of s**t and failing to steal christmas.
Samoa Joe is the only man who made it through The Crying Game without feeling dirty.
On the Saving Private Ryan DVD, there's a deleted scene where Samoa Joe gets shot in the hand. Samoa Joe then proceeds to yell, "f**k you bullet" and the bullet worms its way out of Samoe Joe's hand out of fear. An alternate ending also shows Samoa Joe winning WWII and becoming president of the world.
Samoa Joe downs each meal with a cupful of Tide detergent. It comes out clean and he never has to wipe because of it.
MacGayver created Samoa Joe out of a dead squirrel, a piece of string, some tic-tacs, and hellfire.
Samoa Joe has never kneeled before Zod.
Samoa Joe is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Samoa Joe can actually OLE kick you yesterday.
They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Samoa Joe. He doesn't have to.
Samoa Joe lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Samoa Joe was driving he saw a sign that said, "Caution: Small Children Playing." So he slowed down, but then it occurred to him: Samoa Joe isn't afraid of small children.
Samoa Joe frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Those Are great, but clearly taken from the almighty Chuck Norris...
If Kurt Angle was Chuck Norris, he'd beat himself up with his own little toe.
FourFifty
02-14-2006, 11:00 PM
Goldust doesn't watch porn. Porn watches Goldust.
Blitz
02-14-2006, 11:05 PM
Chris Sabin Doesnt hail taxi's Taxi's HAIL SABIN
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Skippord again.
FourFifty
02-14-2006, 11:07 PM
Sean O'Haire won't tell you anything that you don't already know.
FourFifty
02-14-2006, 11:09 PM
In the movie "The Passion Of the Christ" The Undertaker was set up to play the role of Jesus Christ. He would have gotten the spot but he refused to flinch during the whipping scenes.
FourFifty
02-14-2006, 11:11 PM
The writers don't avoid logic. Logic avoids the writers.
Eugene is the life story of five of the writers.
D Mac
02-15-2006, 01:18 AM
Stephanie McMahon doesn't have fake tits, she just stuffs her bra.
D Mac
02-15-2006, 02:11 AM
Viscera did'nt fuck Lillian Garcia, I did.
FourFifty
02-15-2006, 02:15 AM
Elvis didn't do no drugs!
Viscera did'nt fuck Lillian Garcia, I did.In a related story, Viscera is gay.
Pinnacle Charisma
02-15-2006, 02:56 AM
If Kurt Angle was gay his name would be Chuck Norris
Xerzes
02-15-2006, 03:13 AM
Kronik doesn't suck. Suck Kroniks.
D Mac
02-15-2006, 03:16 AM
Trish did'nt get fake tits to make them look better, she got them to break her fall in the ring.
Corkscrewed
02-15-2006, 03:24 AM
The writers don't avoid logic. Logic avoids the writers.
OK! We get it! You can make jokes by flip flopping statements around!
FourFifty
02-15-2006, 03:25 AM
Jim Ross created "god" the moment he said "BAH GAWD" for the first time.
Skippord
02-15-2006, 03:26 AM
Chris Sabin Hasnt held all of the titles in TNA because They're slobbering over AJ's dick...Oh Wait
D Mac
02-15-2006, 03:28 AM
Vince's genetic jackhammer has'nt been used in so long it needs a good dose of WD 40.
FourFifty
02-15-2006, 03:28 AM
A-Train won his hair in a "hair VS hair" match when he fought a rabid wolf when he was five years old. He keeps it on his chest and back as a trophy.
D Mac
02-15-2006, 04:41 AM
It's not "Time To Play The Game", because I'm all out of quarters.
Pinnacle Charisma
02-15-2006, 05:56 AM
I think some people dont really get the meaning of this thread
What Would Kevin Do?
02-15-2006, 06:14 AM
Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Viscera ate 12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Viscera won.
Yeah, it's stolen, but still hilarious.
Londoner
02-15-2006, 07:24 AM
According to Vince, the saying isn't 'If it ain't broken, don't fix it'..it's.... 'if it's fixed, then brake it'.
Kane Knight
02-15-2006, 04:46 PM
Kurt Angle's neck isn't really broken; he is actually a human Pez dispenser. Only instead of Pez, he dispenses pain.
The story of Jesus is loosely based upon Kurt Angle's life, which found its way back in time when he slapped the Angle lock on God at Wrestlemania XXV.
Kane Knight
02-15-2006, 04:51 PM
Gilberg has counted to infinity--Twice.
Gilberg's hair isn't receeding, his hair fears being seen by him.
Gilberg invented the C-Section when he jobbed to his mom's uterus.
Nowhere Man
02-15-2006, 05:42 PM
If you cut Hulk Hogan, he bleeds pure HGH
Oranges were derived from three different things. Lemons for the citrus, Hulk Hogan for the orange, and Triple H for that sting that happens if it goes into your eye.
D Mac
02-16-2006, 01:32 AM
If Rikishi's ass was any bigger, it would have it's own zip code.
FourFifty
02-16-2006, 01:49 AM
During a trip to New York RVD made a 1,000 dollar bet with Superman. The deal was that he can break the earth's pull before Superman can. After RVD won the bet he went out and bought some killer weed because nobody gets higher than Rob Van Dam.
Corkscrewed
02-16-2006, 02:15 AM
A-Train won his hair in a "hair VS hair" match when he fought a rabid wolf when he was five years old. He keeps it on his chest and back as a trophy.
There we go, that's a better one.
Corkscrewed
02-16-2006, 02:17 AM
Brock Lesnar once F-5'ed a kid from New York all the way to Ohio--all through his computer!
Skippord
02-16-2006, 02:59 AM
Chris Sabin Eats thunder and craps lightning
D Mac
02-16-2006, 03:07 AM
Tatanka speared Goldberg with a spear before Goldberg could spear Tatanka.
FourFifty
02-16-2006, 01:57 PM
Tim White isn't trying to kill himself. He's just calling death a pussy.
Anybody Thrilla
02-16-2006, 02:27 PM
Shawn Michaels and Captain Charisma were slated to have a blockbuster feud that would have revitalized wrestling as we know it. In the end, however, Michaels refused to go through with the program. When asked why, he simply said "I don't hit Christians".
Lock Jaw
02-16-2006, 04:03 PM
The Big Show and Jim Ross once ate the entire nation of China. They were hungry again in an hour. True story.
Y2Jeremy
02-16-2006, 04:07 PM
HHH is suing God, claiming that He stole the "Almighty" gimmick from his finisher, The Pedigree.
Triple H is what God would be if he were dog food. He's been inside every dog at least once.
Y2Jeremy
02-17-2006, 12:48 PM
Stone Cold doesn't beat women, he teaches them to fight through examples.
On the 7th day, God didn't rest, he created Stacy Keibler's legs.
D Mac
02-17-2006, 01:33 PM
When God created Goldust he did'nt just break the mold, it "shattered".
Kane Knight
02-17-2006, 04:07 PM
When God created Goldust he did'nt just break the mold, it "shattered".
And only because it feared the Bizzarre one.
A-Train enjoies long walks in the woods. He also claims to be very photogenic, but only from the side.
Kane Knight
02-17-2006, 05:03 PM
Geroge Bush sat for 7 minutes after he was informed of an attack on 9-11 only because he feared Muhammed Hassan was coming for him.
Skippord
02-17-2006, 05:11 PM
A-Train enjoies long walks in the woods. He also claims to be very photogenic, but only from the side.
Also he is very blurry
Kane Knight
02-17-2006, 05:23 PM
The Big Bang occurred when Bret Hart and Kurt Angle decided the Universe wasn't big enough for the two of them.
FourFifty
02-17-2006, 05:28 PM
Unknown to most wrestling fans Barry Horwitz was once a boxer. The legendary jobber made it a point to put Glass Joe over.
Kane Knight
02-17-2006, 05:41 PM
Ben Stein stole his monotone gimmick from Lance Storm.
FourFifty
02-17-2006, 06:03 PM
Doesn't deal with wrestling, but I read this and thought of this thread.
"Prince Charming has played with bands such as The Strokes...Alien Ant Farm...Trick Turner..The Yeah Yeah Yeahs...Lit and many more...he is a singer,drummer,guitarist,bassist,piano player,song writer,and lover.an inspiration to man kind.u can check p.c out on the playboy video game.....1 million copies sold...mo fo Prince Charming Bio Finally a true role model... Raised by wolves in the frozen tundra, it was evident at a young age Prince Charming was given to us by the gods of rock. Growing up, PC was put through a strict training program which included swimming in chummed waters through schools of great white sharks, crawling on all fours through hot coals and holding a plugged in microphone in a hot tub. When he misbehaved, he was whipped with bass guitar strings. At age 12, he was left on a deserted island 5,000 miles from civilization. PC created drums out of hollow trees and guitars out of bamboo and vines. After perfecting the play of each instrument, PC used the drums as a raft and the guitar as a paddle and he traveled the seven seas to get back to the USA. After graduating from FRU (Fairly Ridiculous University) he signed a long-term deal with the devil. In exchange for teaching the devil how to party, Prince Charming will remain on earth to jam like Mozart, joke like Seinfeld, look like Brad Pitt, and charm like Houdini. When PC is not at one of his palaces around the world, he can be found in NYC. Lock up your daughters"
Http://www.myspace.com/princecharmingrob
Lock Jaw
02-17-2006, 10:46 PM
Eugene wasn't always retarded. Then he met Chuck Norris.
Savio
02-17-2006, 11:01 PM
I think <S>some people</S> 80% of the people dont really get the meaning of this thread
Jesus walked on water. Kurt Angle walked on Jesus.
FourFifty
02-22-2006, 04:27 AM
Jesus walked on water. Kurt Angle walked on Jesus with a broken freakin' neck!
Fixed
PureHatred
02-22-2006, 02:23 PM
Steve Austin sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.
Kurt Angle doesn't cut his grass, he stares at it and dares it to grow.
Taco Bell used to close at midnight, until Samoa Joe decided he wanted to have burritos at 2 am.
Superman has Kurt Angle pajamas.
Kurt Angle once elbowed God in the face. God apologized for the damage he had caused to Kurt's elbow.
In the year 2008, Kurt Angle decided to go back in time and train a wrestler to be almost as good as him, but not quite so he could say that he's the best ever. During the trek, however, he got stuck in 1955. There, he moved to Canada, changed his name to Stu Hart, and went on to father and train the entire Hart family.
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