The Official Raw is Jamaican Me Crazy Thread (6-30-08): The Coffee Kingston edition

[KingofOldSchool]

http://www.wwe.com/content/media/images/3883682/7543664

Preview:Slight of champions
June 30, 2008

After Night of Champions, where Raw Superstars suffered three prominent losses, the Monday night brand is left with no World Championship. Perhaps more important, though, is the fact that WWE is currently without its Chairman.

During last week’s Draft, WWE Champion Triple H was randomly selected to SmackDown, taking his title with him. On Sunday night, John Cena had a chance to bring the title back to Raw, but was unable to defeat The Game. Similarly, Batista attempted to win Edge’s World Heavyweight Championship, but couldn’t come out on top against the Master Manipulator.

The one World Title that Raw did hold going into Night of Champions was Kane’s ECW Championship, but in a Triple Threat Match against Mark Henry and Big Show, the Big Red Machine lost the gold to the World’s Strongest Man, who will take the championship back to Tuesday nights with him. With Cena, Batista and Kane all unable to win or hold onto gold, where will these three competitors set their focus next?

Another Raw Superstar that suffered a devastating loss at Night of Champions was Chris Jericho, defending his title against surprise opponent, Kofi Kingston. Y2J and the capacity crowd in Dallas were shocked as the Jamaican Superstar made a huge splash in his first match since joining the Raw roster. Another surprise entrance was made by Shawn Michaels, who was unable to compete due to an eye injury. HBK distracted Jericho long enough for Kingston to take control of the match, pinning Y2J. Following the match, Y2J took brutal revenge against HBK, assaulting him outside the ring. With the Intercontinental Championship acting as Raw’s main singles title, will Kingston and his unorthodox style be able to hang onto the championship? And what is in store for Chris Jericho when HBK returns to in-ring competition?

One of Night of Champions’ biggest surprises came during the World Tag Team Championship Match. For weeks, Ted DiBiase had promised to win the gold from champions Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes, along with the help of his mystery partner. On Sunday, the mystery partner was revealed to be Rhodes, who turned on Holly, and helped DiBiase make good on his promise to win a championship in his first WWE match. Why would Rhodes turn against his partner and mentor, and what steps will Hardcore Holly take to get revenge?

While multiple championships changed hands Sunday night, Mr. McMahon’s condition was still unknown following a bizarre accident last week on Raw. At the end of the evening, the stage on which the WWE Chairman stood on collapsed, followed by a ton of lighting equipment crashing down on him, incapacitating Mr. McMahon and causing Million Dollar Mania to be indefinitely suspended. When the McMahon family gives a statement this Monday on Raw, what will we learn about the Chairman’s condition, and how will the landscape of sports-entertainment be affected in Mr. McMahon’s absence?

For the answers to all these questions and more, make sure to tune into Monday Night Raw at 9/8 CT only on USA Network.

[Destor]

KOFI

[FourFifty]

Well, I gotta admit, all Benoit jokes aside this year's Night of Champions was a hell of alot better than last years.

[KingofOldSchool]

Well, I gotta admit, all Benoit jokes aside this year's Night of Champions was a hell of alot better than last years.

At least Mark Henry showed up. :shifty:

[thedamndest]

Kofi Kingston has just shattered The Mountie's record as Intercontinental Champion with the Biggest Penis by an astonishing 14 inches.

[DarKCentaur]

His elevated dick is jamacian me crazy :shifty:

[Innovator]

Someone needs to post Kofi's music, SOS

[DarKCentaur]

He really does have an awesome theme

[DarKCentaur]

Unfortunately, I am lazy and will not go searching for, nor link his theme here

[DarKCentaur]

Therefore, I have nothing to add.

[DarKCentaur]

.... Kennedy

[FourFifty]

It's time for a quick beer run before Raw.

[Innovator]

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[DarKCentaur]

Are you gonna buy 2000 6-packs?

[Destor]

<TABLE style="BORDER-RIGHT: #cccccc 1px solid; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: #cccccc 1px solid; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; FONT-SIZE: 11px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: #cccccc 1px solid; COLOR: #ff8000; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: #cccccc 1px solid; FONT-FAMILY: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; BACKGROUND-COLOR: #000" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=4 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD align=middle><EMBED pluginspage=http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer src=http://www.esnips.com//escentral/images/widgets/flash/head_move.swf width=140 height=173 type=application/x-shockwave-flash flashvars="autoPlay=yes&theFile=http://www.esnips.com//nsdoc/44af8ba1-0764-4e26-b477-f51ef3b7384e&theName=WWE - Kofi Kingston - SOS&thePlayerURL=http://www.esnips.com//escentral/images/widgets/flash/mp3WidgetPlayer.swf" bgcolor="#000" quality="high"></EMBED></TD></TR><TR><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 11px" vAlign=bottom align=middle>WWE - Kofi Kingsto... (http://www.esnips.com/doc/44af8ba1-0764-4e26-b477-f51ef3b7384e/WWE---Kofi-Kingston---SOS/?widget=flash_player_head_move)</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

[Destor]

Thank CSLi Manning

[Innovator]

S.O.S

I HEAR THEM SHELTON

I HEAR THEM RUNYAN

[Innovator]

SOS

[Innovator]

Well we have the rematch tonight, I hope this isn't a 24 hour run

[Innovator]

And cmon, show of hands, who else marked for the Liontamer last night?

[KingofOldSchool]

*raises hand*

[KingofOldSchool]

S.O.S

I HEAR THEM SHELTON

I HEAR THEM RUNYAN

It's Brian, not Runyan. :mad:

[thedamndest]

And cmon, show of hands, who else marked for the Liontamer last night?

Marked for reading about the Liontamer. :shifty:

[ClockShot]

*raises hand*

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>*raises hand for the Liontamer*</font>

[DarKCentaur]

That was a sick Liontamer, I hope he does it more often now

[FourFifty]

I kinda came when I saw that liontamer.

[FourFifty]

I have got to feng shui my room so my I can see my computer screen and my tv for moments like this.

[ClockShot]

And good evening, everybody.

[KingofOldSchool]

VINCE IS PARALYZED

[Innovator]

VINCE IS DOWN!

WE HAVE THE BLACK VINCE DOWN

[FourFifty]

ZOMG FLASH BACK!!!!

[FourFifty]

I have a few friends who asked if it was real because Vince said "I can't feel my legs, Paul."
Silly Marks.

[FourFifty]

SHANE-O!!!

[ClockShot]

SHANE-O!

[KingofOldSchool]

SHANE O MAC

[ClockShot]

By that face, he's trying not to laugh.

[KingofOldSchool]

WWE IS IN MAJOR CRISIS


















....Triple H is now on Smackdown

[Innovator]

What will Cena bitch about tonight? No title to demand

[KingofOldSchool]

I feel like it is 1999 all over again with Mitchell Cole on commentary during Raw

[ClockShot]

Happy Trails, J.R.

[Linkbowler]

Here's to our first J.R.-less RAW in a long time.

[FourFifty]

Boomer Sooner!!!

[Innovator]

BOOOMER SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONER

[Linkbowler]

FUCK ME

[KingofOldSchool]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, GOOD OL' JR?

[Innovator]

Here's to our first J.R.-less RAW in a long time.
what?

[DarKCentaur]

What will Cena bitch about tonight? No title to demand

He'll demand to face the winner of Kofi/Jericho

[NeanderCarl]

Evening, all.

[Innovator]

Linkbowler, now say there is no way CM Punk will ever be World Champ..

[KingofOldSchool]

JBL should come out and kick JR's ass because he's from Oklahoma.

[NeanderCarl]

J.R., why the long face?

Oh, of course, Bell's Palsy, sorry.

[Innovator]

How is JR getting humiliated in his hometown this time?

[ClockShot]

Wow. They love him.

[NeanderCarl]

Go on quit on live TV!!!!

[Linkbowler]

Inno: No.

Come on Heel turn!

[KingofOldSchool]

JR's doing his weekly exercise by bowing like that.

[DaVe]

I feel like it is 1999 all over again with Mitchell Cole on commentary during Raw

YES! Austin's gonna bring the title back to Raw!

[NeanderCarl]

J.R. find your bollocks, and quit right now!!

[Johnny Vegas]

Where's JR going with this????

[Linkbowler]

OMG FAKE RAZOR

[FourFifty]

I still think Jim Ross could be a great manager. Face or heel, he'd be great.

:lol: @ booing SmackDown!

[ClockShot]

Mmmmmmmm. Drinking Mountain Dew Voltage right now. Best of the 3 flavors IMO.

[KingofOldSchool]

JR and Lawler are going to have butt sex now.

[Theo Dious]

Jesus Fucking Christ JR, if you're not here to retire, get your fat barbecue ass off the damn mic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

[NeanderCarl]

Go on Lawler, cry!

[Innovator]

Michael Cole getting the boo birds

[NeanderCarl]

Cole's practically wanking about going to Raw.

[Linkbowler]

ClockShot: It's all about Revolution.

[NeanderCarl]

Smug fucker.

[KingofOldSchool]

Mitchell Cole only works hard when being raped by Heidenreich.

[Theo Dious]

Is this punishment for his intrawebz temper tantrum?

[ClockShot]

Great. A trip down Memory Lane.

[NeanderCarl]

Go on, JR, fuck that man over.

[ClockShot]

ClockShot: It's all about Revolution.

That's not what everybody who voted on dewmocracy.com think.

[Theo Dious]

Remember that time Bischoff kicked a cinder block into Ross's fat fucking head? I wish that would happen right now.

[NeanderCarl]

Bring back D'Lo tonight, futhamuckers!

[KingofOldSchool]

CM Punk should come out and put Ross to sleep.

[Innovator]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDGE

[ClockShot]

EDGE!

[Linkbowler]

Mobile-homa has no redeeming qualities. None at all.

Turnpikes suck.

[NeanderCarl]

ClockShot: It's all about Revolution.

Revolution is a mystery.

[Theo Dious]

Never been so happy to see Edge.

[KingofOldSchool]

YES EDGE IS ON RAW!!!

[Innovator]

Who cares that he's on Smackdown, EDGE BABY!

[NeanderCarl]

Bah Gawd, another humiliation coming up in OKC?

[Innovator]

Punk...DO IT..DO IT NOW

[FourFifty]

Come on, bring out Stone Cold, Stun Edge to death, and bring out Punk to cash it in!

[NeanderCarl]

Edge and his two Edge guys in da house.

[KingofOldSchool]

Look it's Multiple Man.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>K so one week in and the draft already means nothing :y:

Watch him job to Cena tonight</font>

[KingofOldSchool]

FUCK THE SOONERS

[Innovator]

Edge is right, nobody cares about Cole

[ClockShot]

LOL!

Edge is on fire!

[FourFifty]

Edge is fucking gold!

[Theo Dious]

EDGE IS NOW MY FUCKING HERO.

[KingofOldSchool]

BBQBOY

[NeanderCarl]

Put that in your blog and post it.

[Linkbowler]

Edge FTW.

[Theo Dious]

Can I rep Edge? Like a million times?

[KingofOldSchool]

STONECOLDSTONECOLDSTONECOLDEDGEWINSBAHGAWDSPEARSPEAREDGEWINSSTONECOLD

[DaVe]

EDGE WINS! EDGE WINS! EDGE WINS!

BTW, Edge did an awesome JR impression.

[NeanderCarl]

OHHH NO HE DIDN'T!!!

[Innovator]

Even comes the beatdown

[Johnny Vegas]

Yo, Edge is murdering everyone that has cut a promo on RAW for the first half of the year

[KingofOldSchool]

Here comes Cena wanting a title match.

[FourFifty]

Yo, Edge is murdering everyone that has cut a promo on RAW for the first half of the year

Not a big statement.....

[Innovator]

dammit

[Innovator]

Cena: me want title match

[Theo Dious]

God, Edge is losing the title tonight, isn't he?

[ClockShot]

RAW is missing the Undertaker. Edge just give away future plans?

[Linkbowler]

WWE Universe?

EDGE JUST WON $100,000!

[ClockShot]

Batista got the controller in his hand right now.

[Innovator]

PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNK

[NeanderCarl]

Gonna be Punk huh?

[Innovator]

CMOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

[Theo Dious]

Yeah... here comes Punk.

[Linkbowler]

Punk. Briefcase.

[Innovator]

fuck

[Theo Dious]

I hope at least that Punk does the cash-in at a PPV and not tonight.

[KingofOldSchool]

Punk's not coming out, deal.

[Theo Dious]

Thank God, if Punk comes out tonight I AM going to vomit.

[NeanderCarl]

This feud not done yet?? :roll:

[ClockShot]

Yup. Called that one.

[KingofOldSchool]

Oh golly.

[FourFifty]

....I'd rather have both titles on SmackDown than see Dancin' Dave as the champion on Raw.....

[Theo Dious]

I recant my earlier statement. I'd rather have Punk.

[Innovator]

OH GOD DAMIT FUCK YOU DANCING DAVE

[Theo Dious]

So, Punk is going to swoop in after this?

[FourFifty]

Okay, have Dancin' Dave throw Edge in a blender, and then have Punk come out to cash it in. I'd go with that.

[Innovator]

They could have given a big rub to Punk right there, just having him come down to the ring and stare down Edge...fuck

[NeanderCarl]

WWE needs to quit dragging feuds across 5 PPVs . It's not that drawn out feuds aren't a good thing, but when guys face each other 12 times in three months and you're expected to pay to watch it four times, they're taking the piss.

[Xerzes]

Well, this is pointless.

[NeanderCarl]

So, Batista kills Edge now, and then Punk comes out??

[FourFifty]

That powerbomb looks so much better when it's not a sit out powerbomb.

[NeanderCarl]

Nah, too much sense in that.

[Theo Dious]

Good Lord. I demand a commercial.

[KingofOldSchool]

PUNK IS NOT COMING OUT

[Innovator]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

[FourFifty]

PUNK!!!!!!!

[NeanderCarl]

Hehe.

[DarKCentaur]

HAHAHAHAHA YES

[Theo Dious]

I shall now cry.

[Linkbowler]

BRIEF. FUCKING. CASE.

[Innovator]

DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[FourFifty]

THERE IS A GOD!!!!!!!!

[ClockShot]

OH SHIT! HE'S GONNA DO IT!

[St. Jimmy]

lol, irony.

[Innovator]

PUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[NeanderCarl]

Punk's about to become the first guy ever to cash in Money In The Bank and lose??

[FourFifty]

CM PUNK!!!!!!!!! THERE IS A GOD!!!!!!!!

[NeanderCarl]

Fuckin' hell.

[Innovator]

NO

[St. Jimmy]

INNO JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK.

[DaVe]

Wow...

[Innovator]

NO FUCKING WAY

[Theo Dious]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Linkbowler]

Rematch clause. Edge'll have it back by the end of the night.

[KingofOldSchool]

holy shit

[Johnny Vegas]

OMFG!! LOL

That shit was pretty fucking tight tbh. This reminds me of Jericho back in 2000 against HHH

[FourFifty]

GOD I NEED A CIG RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and I don't even smoke)

[Theo Dious]

FUCKING BLOODY CHRIST NO.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>*MARKS THE FUCK OUT*</font>

[Xerzes]

...also kinda pointless. Surreal as it is to see Punk with the big gold belt, they're gonna shit allover this and he's gonna lose his first defense.

[NeanderCarl]

Crazy shit right there.

Lots of people predicted it, myself included, but who REALLY thought WWE would go through with it?

[Innovator]

C






















M















































PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNK

[Jura]

OMgoose.

[Linkbowler]

I'd like to see this continue as much as any of you, but that would mean WWE writers have some sort of sense. It can't happen.

[St. Jimmy]

Every smark in the world just wet themselves.

[ClockShot]

Damn. Hell of a start.

[NeanderCarl]

The epitome of a transitional champion right there.

[KingofOldSchool]

wow

[Theo Dious]

Just to clarify, that was a great 20 minutes of programming and a great angle... but god CM Punk is the World Champion and that makes my soul hurt.

[Rob]

Horrible, horrible, horrible booking right there.

Punk is gonna have one short reign.

Raw is officially the "C" show now.

[FourFifty]

I'd like to see this continue as much as any of you, but that would mean WWE writers have some sort of sense. It can't happen.

And giving Dancin' Dave 8 title shots in a row made sense?
The writers don't use logic. Sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn't.

[Lux]

DAMIT CM PUNK IS WORLD CHAMPION

[Innovator]

CM PUNK CM PUNK CM PUNK CM PUNK

[Heros Welcome]

C M FUCKING PUNK!!!

FUCK THE HATERS!!

[McLegend]

That was awsome.

[NeanderCarl]

CM Spunk is now the top dog in the company. Poor old Koko B. Kingston, that was short lived.

[Innovator]

CM PUNK: WORLD CHAMPION

[DarKCentaur]

The best part of that was CM Punk rushing Lillian and the ref to start the match before Edge recovered

[Innovator]

1ST EVER ROH AND WORLD CHAMPION!!!!!!!

[Lux]

MY LIFE IS OVER

[St. Jimmy]

This means we get Edge vs. Hunter on SmackDown. FANTASTIC.

[Innovator]

um.......YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

[BigDaddyCool]

Holy ass. Punk is a champion?

[NeanderCarl]

Just to highlight how much faith WWE really has in Spunk, they had to have Edge get destroyed by Batista first in order to give him the strap.

[DaVe]

I'd say Punk is only '2nd-to-top dog', Carl. Triple H is now the clear #1.

[Innovator]

FUCK YOU BATISTA, PUNK DID WHAT YOU COULDNT

[Innovator]

He'll lose it at the Bash, but YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

[KingofOldSchool]

WE GO FROM PUNK TO MICKIE, I CREAMED MY PANTS

[Johnny Vegas]

This RAW has been kicking ass so far :y:

[Innovator]

Dude...last week Kofi and Punk were on ECW

now...

Kofi is the IC Champ

CM Punk is the World Heavyweight Champion

[ClockShot]

Jillian.................WHERE'S LAYLA!?

[FourFifty]

Gotta love the look on Mickie's face during this.

[NeanderCarl]

:lol: Jillian. Yeah, boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

Not attractive but her terrible singing gimmick has its moments, thanks to her enthusiasm.

[Linkbowler]

And giving Dancin' Dave 8 title shots in a row made sense?
The writers don't use logic. Sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn't.

Read it again. That was my point.

This whole thing makes too much sense for it to have come from that staff.

[Theo Dious]

Incidentally, Cole/Lawler is the best commentary team in WWE.

[BigDaddyCool]

So does Punk have the richest prize in the game now?

[Rob]

I can't believe how anyone can think this is good booking. The guy has lost like every match since he won the fucking briefcase.

Jeff Hardy has to be kicking himself right now.

[Innovator]

Gotta love Mickie

[Theo Dious]

And this is a great chick match.

[NeanderCarl]

I'd say Punk is only '2nd-to-top dog', Carl. Triple H is now the clear #1.

I'm going by the brands. Raw has historically been presented as the clear cut flagship, top brand (and remains so, until SmackDown is presented as superior, which in my view won't happen unless/until it starts airing live). Therefore, the top titlist on the top brand is, on paper, the number one fella in the company.

Not always the case, of course, but technically it's true.

[KingofOldSchool]

MICKIE

[Destor]

Punk's not coming out, deal.lol

[ClockShot]

Rey. Please lose the fucking zombie contacts.

[St. Jimmy]

Can we trade Rey for someone good? Like... uh... A Diva?

[KingofOldSchool]

We go from awesome to awesome to meh. Well it was a good run.

[Innovator]

I can't believe how anyone can think this is good booking. The guy has lost like every match since he won the fucking briefcase.

Jeff Hardy has to be kicking himself right now.
.....he beat Matt once and Jericho once.....I think

[Lux]

Ok, my reaction earlier was a bit hasty, i've had a few minutes to think and this is now my current mood....










































































































:mad:

[Innovator]

Samoa Joe is the TNA Champ

Punk is the WHC Champ

pretty tits moment for ROH fans

[FourFifty]

So does Punk have the richest prize in the game now?

On paper, yes.
Raw is the A show, and he holds the major title on the A show.

While his title reign, to be totally honest, might be as forgettable as Kahli's, is a shocker, and got a huge reaction from the fans.
The live crowd, the people who love him, and the people who don't are all talking about this. Love it or hate it, on paper, yes.

[KingofOldSchool]

lol

What can I say? I set my standards low.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Fuck, that might very well be the best opening 30 minutes in Raw history for me</font>

[KingofOldSchool]

Rey's not jumping out the sky anymore?

[St. Jimmy]

OH AWESOME. WE GET TO HEAR MORE FUCKING BUTCHERED SPANISH FROM LILLIAN.

Please kill Rey.

[Innovator]

Who is jobbing to the midget tonight?

[NeanderCarl]

Gay Mysterio, where did that gut come from?

[KingofOldSchool]

Who is jobbing to the midget tonight?

Snitsky?

[Lux]

Rey's not jumping out the sky anymore?

On the bright side he now gets more pyro... kinda like Kofi

[St. Jimmy]

No, no mic time. STFU and job.

[ClockShot]

:rofl: at Milton Bradley just now.

[NeanderCarl]

Turn heel, Gey.

[Lux]

*snore*

[Lux]

SANTINO

[BigDaddyCool]

Rey sucks, he can't cut a promo worth a shit.

[St. Jimmy]

SANTINO! YES!

[KingofOldSchool]

SANTINO JUST SAVED THE SEGMENT

[NeanderCarl]

Who is jobbing to the midget tonight?

Duh!

[Lux]

WTF is up with the facial hair

[FourFifty]

Santino and Rey.....

"This one goes out to all the people who believed that CM Punk going over Edge for the world title could be the worst thing to happen on Raw!"

[Innovator]

Santaco?

[NeanderCarl]

Nice moustache, Santino. The Al Snow trailer park scum look just never goes out of style.

[Xerzes]

Well, I guess jobbing to Mysterio is better than jobbing to the guy Jimmy Kimmel put his ass on.

[St. Jimmy]

YOU'RE NOT THE BAT MAN!

[KingofOldSchool]

No, Rey just looks like he 8.

[Lux]

HAHAHA NOW SHUT UP YOUR FACE

[BigDaddyCool]

He isn't the batman, lol.

[NeanderCarl]

Yeah, Gey, shuddupa yo face.

Whassa the matter with you? Have-a you no respect?

[Lux]

I love Santino

[Innovator]

I LIKE COOKIES BOOYAKA BOOYAKA

[St. Jimmy]

Rae Mastero.

[Xerzes]

...unsettling.

Hey, 1100 posts. Go me.

[KingofOldSchool]

SEXY

[Lux]

This man is saving the show single handedly

[BigDaddyCool]

Ray Masterio

[Johnny Vegas]

LOLOL

[Rob]

They should have put the belt on Santino. This man is golden!

[BigDaddyCool]

Ray Masterio is more talk than Hornswoggle.