Official Raw Thread (1-12-09): Kane hears voices, they tell him "YOU'RE GONNA JOB!"

[KingofOldSchool]

So tonight we have...

Orton vs. Kane
Cena vs. HBK w/ JBL in his corner
Punk vs. Regal for the IC Title, if Regal gets DQed, he drops the belt

[Lux]

Love the title.

[FourFifty]

Hey Bitches! The guy with the Kane Mask Tattoo is here!

[Xerzes]

Hey bitch.

[ClockShot]

Hey Bitches! The guy with the Kane Mask Tattoo is here!

Gonna be a bad night for ya, Moneybags.

[FourFifty]

...........at least he's getting air time.

[Xerzes]

HBM in a dew rag = hilarity

[KingofOldSchool]

Shawn looks sedated.

[Londoner]

Am watching this.

[ClockShot]

Ha ha ha. Poor man's Wrestlemania tonight.

[Lux]

LOL

[Lux]

I'M ALL GROWN UP

[KingofOldSchool]

Here comes Miss Piggy

[Londoner]

God i hate Stephs theme,though she's lookin hot tonight which makes up for it.

[FourFifty]

Ah, Steph.... I'd hit it.

[Lux]

Breast reduction? :(

[Corndad]

Jericho.

[KingofOldSchool]

Here comes Jericho to ruin the fun like always.

[Londoner]

Now this is how you start Raw!

[Lux]

Here comes Jericho to ruin the fun like always.

You're turning into Jericho.

[Corndad]

I hope Shane returns next week too.

[FourFifty]

ADAMLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Xerzes]

Fine burn, Jericho.

[ClockShot]

Whoa. Adamle's name made it in here.

[KingofOldSchool]

VINTAGE STEPH!

[ClockShot]

WHERE'S ORTON!?

[Lux]

He doesn't give a damn!

[KingofOldSchool]

YESSSS!!!

[FourFifty]

Sooooooooooooo.......... tweener Jericho?

[Lux]

LOL YOUR FIRED

[Corndad]

hahaha they fired jericho HAHAHA

[Londoner]

eh

[KingofOldSchool]

YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[ClockShot]

Yeah.....sure.

[FourFifty]

......while that was lame I want to see where this is going.

[KingofOldSchool]

NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA

HEY HEY HEY

GOODBYYYYYEE

[Gerard]

jerichos getting a pretty noticable bald spot at the crown of his head.

[Londoner]

Ok,where are they going with this shitty storyline?

[KingofOldSchool]

JBL will hire Jericho as his next employee

[ClockShot]

Now if they brought out say....one of those who got fired last week. We'd have something to laugh about.

[Londoner]

JBL will hire Jericho as his next employee

:lol:

[St. Jimmy]

Interesting....

[FourFifty]

I would have loved to see The Brooklyn Brawler escorting Jericho.

[Xerzes]

Die, Poochie, die.

[KingofOldSchool]

The Miz wrestling solo.

[Gerard]

Oh great, rey and the miz, boredom in match form.

[St. Jimmy]

lol, Miz is stealing the old Owen Hart shtick.

[St. Jimmy]

WHO BOOKED THIS.

[KingofOldSchool]

IT'S A 619 THANG

[St. Jimmy]

I WANT THEM DEAD.

[FourFifty]

Oh Fuck. Yea, The Miz is gonna job to the Mexican has been jumping bean. Yea. I'm gonna go watch that Pac video someone else posted during this match unless I hear the names "Morrison" or "Knox".

[St. Jimmy]

I love Mike Knox.

[KingofOldSchool]

Young Rey Mysterio?

Is this 1996 again?

[ClockShot]

A Knox Watch Advisory is in effect.

[Lux]

Reality Check

[St. Jimmy]

Jericho vs. Vince at Mania perhaps?

[KingofOldSchool]

VINTAGE MIZ!

[Lux]

LOL Jericho is more important then this match!

[KingofOldSchool]

SWASHBUCKLING!

[Lux]

619!!! OMG

[Londoner]

What a shock...

[KingofOldSchool]

Booooo

[Gerard]

Wow, amazing impact and selling of the double knee gimmick.

[Lux]

Mike Knox!

[Londoner]

:roll:

[Gerard]

And here comes tramp boy...

[ClockShot]

KNOX!!!!!

[KingofOldSchool]

MIKE KNOX!!!!!!!!!!!!

MONSTROUS BULLY!!!

[Lux]

Knoxout please please please

[FourFifty]

Knox beating up on Rey.... I approve!

[Lux]

Damnit

[Gerard]

GET IN THERE AND FUCK HIM YOU BEARDED WHORE

[KingofOldSchool]

Nice flip by Knox, he could easily replace Spot Monkey Bourne.

[ClockShot]

What..................no. Just no.

[Lux]

"as Rey stands tall" LOL

[KingofOldSchool]

What bad acting by Candice...

Hahahah Punk no sold Candice

[ClockShot]

Huh?

[Lux]

Whos the bitch?

[Gerard]

And cm punk doing the standard wrist exercises that look like he's preparing for a mega jerkathon.

[KYR]

I need a beer.

[Lux]

I like regal but this match bores me.

[thedamndest]

Burn Notice commercial> this raw so far

[Londoner]

I like regal but this match bores me.

Same here.

[KingofOldSchool]

Whos the bitch?

Meltyface

[KingofOldSchool]

Remember kiddos, Punk loves girls with brains, not random Skinamax skanks.

[Gerard]

Remember kiddos, Punk loves girls with brains, not random Skinamax skanks.

That seem to have aged 5 years in the past 2. :-\

[KingofOldSchool]

A Vince return promo!

[Corndad]

Old School Vince lol

[Lux]

EPIC

[KingofOldSchool]

IT'S CLUBBERIN TIME!!!

[ClockShot]

CM Punk vs. William Regal for the IC title. Take 2.

[Gerard]

There he goes with the wanking warmups again....

[Lux]

Punk didn't point to his invisible watch :(

[KingofOldSchool]

Granny outfit is back!!

[KingofOldSchool]

Punk didn't point to his invisible watch :(

It was stolen by Cryme Tyme.

[Lux]

Which week isn't Regal in a foul mood? Thanks King.

[Gerard]

wow, a breaking news scroller.

[ClockShot]

Wow. Even got a ticker going.

[Gerard]

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

[KingofOldSchool]

*sigh*

[Hanso Amore]

GAY

[ClockShot]

What the. I turn my back for a second and the match is over?

[steveironcity]

HAHAHA Pepsi Sucks

[Corndad]

well looks like take 3 next week.

[Gerard]

Isnt it amazing how the replays showed on the 40 foot titantron and the ref cant see he made a mistake?

[Xerzes]

That was an excellent use for the end of an entire tournament.

[Londoner]

This raw sucks.

[Hanso Amore]

Whats with all the chicks talking to people in the back? All random like.

[KingofOldSchool]

Mickie and CAWdy?

Beth better watch out.

[Corndad]

The hell with the talk of snow? lol

[Hanso Amore]

MAybe if SIm has some attire he could be ok.

[ClockShot]

Hmmmmm. DH Smith already there?

[KingofOldSchool]

Ted Jr. returns?

Or DH Smith?

[Xerzes]

Is Cody growing chest hair?

[Gerard]

Kane vs orton, THE MONSTER vs...oh wait...

[KingofOldSchool]

MAybe if SIm has some attire he could be ok.

He left it on the other side of the track.

[Corndad]

I would think be Ted Jr back.

[Gerard]

Is Cody growing chest hair?

Puberty finally kicking in. :shifty:

[ClockShot]

Maggie Grace gotta go back to Lost blonde.

[Lux]

Isnt it amazing how the replays showed on the 40 foot titantron and the ref cant see he made a mistake?

This crossed my mind as well. Oh well.

[Gerard]

This crossed my mind as well. Oh well.

His decision is final, oh wait its been reversed countless times in the past...holleeeeee shit.

[KingofOldSchool]

#1 show on cable now that Monday Night Football is over!

[ClockShot]

Ruh-roh.

[Lux]

AWWW NOT ANOTHER MATCH

[Corndad]

well called that one.

[KingofOldSchool]

No DQ next week!

[ClockShot]

Ok. Next week is the one with the countout.

[Gerard]

#1 show on cable now that Monday Night Football is over!

LONGEST running show EVAR, conveniently excluding tv shows in the uk that are in the thousands of episodes bracket.

[Corndad]

Austin... Austin... Austin...

[KingofOldSchool]

NICE video package upcoming

[DaVe]

Austin! Austin! Austin! The man.

[KingofOldSchool]

They said ass on TV!!!@!

[ClockShot]

CULT OF PERSONALITY!

[Hanso Amore]

CULT OF PERSONALITY!

[KingofOldSchool]

CM PUNK'S ROH ENTRANCE!!!

[Hanso Amore]

JINX

[Gerard]

Be nice if him and the rock could go again at mania, they seemed to be giving a nod towards that being a possibility at the last HOF. Probably changed their opinion on that literally thousands of times since then.

[Hanso Amore]

Nice Package

[ClockShot]

Sweet package. Hats off to the A/V crew.

[Gerard]

And now for the cliche hbk staring blankly into space routine. Not that its overdone or anything...

[KingofOldSchool]

JBL should sing HBK's new theme

JBL should sing his new theme

"He's just a broke boy, broke bbboooyyy"

He has no money, mmmooonnneeyy.

He works for meeee, JBBLLLLL."

[Lux]

No more Mr. Nice Guy!

[KingofOldSchool]

LOl he fired Angle and Foley

[ClockShot]

HA HA. Foley and Angle.

[Xero]

Haven't they done promos like this for Vince before?

[Lux]

HAHAH camera man out in the cold

[KingofOldSchool]

Mysterio vs. Knox NEXT WEEK!!!

[Lux]

OMG ITS KANEE

[Xero]

Oh hi, btw.

[Gerard]

BAH GAWD ITS THE BIG RED JOBBING MACHINE

[Hanso Amore]

Wow, Orton is back to being diesel.

[KingofOldSchool]

Awww Cody gets to come out with Orton now

[ClockShot]

Anybody spot that Rosa chick yet?

[Hanso Amore]

Kane has to have the all time rumble eliminations record too.

[Gerard]

Its amazing how flabby glen jacobs has gotton, remember when he was wearing the tanktop and the mask? His arms were huge and he had a solid build.

[Xero]

So where's DH?

[Lux]

LOL @ that fan who yellled "ORTON YOU SUCK!"

[ClockShot]

Yes it is, Mr. Announcer.

[Lux]

You'd better laugh!

[Corndad]

I miss 2001 Rumble Kane.

[Lux]

To be fair I think we were all satisfied when he punted Bats in the head.

[KingofOldSchool]

"Not everyday you hear people cheering Kane"

Except during his bi-weekly face turns...

[Hanso Amore]

Orton = Horrible Drop Kick

[DaVe]

Gotta love Cole's abuse of the word 'vintage'.

[Gerard]

ummm fuck off

[Corndad]

well that was akward.

[KingofOldSchool]

IT'S THE IOWA SCREW JOB!!!!

[ClockShot]

Something ain't right?

[Hanso Amore]

Monsters shouldnt argue bad Ref calls.

He should just murder everyone.

[DaVe]

Lol, WTF.

[redoneja]

Seems a bit botched.

[Hanso Amore]

LOL, they look like such scrubs

[Hanso Amore]

Dibiase better pwn those scrubs right now

[Lux]

Business is pickin up

[Gerard]

Be shocking if dibiase double crosed manu and snuka eh

[Corndad]

Maybe Cody turn on Orton?

[ClockShot]

TED'S BACK!

I guess DH Smith is gonna back Orton and make this an even battle.

[KingofOldSchool]

And here comes Smith

[Gerard]

OMG WHAT A SHOCKER, zzzzzz

[Hanso Amore]

Horrible Swerve

[ClockShot]

YEAH!

[KingofOldSchool]

OH NOEZ A SWURVE

[Hanso Amore]

NOW THAT is a stable.

[Corndad]

Be shocking if dibiase double crosed manu and snuka eh

Nice call.

[Gerard]

Seriously who didnt see that coming from a mile off?

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>LOL may as well wish Manu and Snuka the best in their future endeavors</font>

[DaVe]

Haha, that was nice.

[KingofOldSchool]

You know, swerves don't work it the swerve is on someone no one cares about.

[Hanso Amore]

I think Sim was Legit out, And now Cody is using the test drive, so he is number 30 in the last 5 years

[ClockShot]

*claps hands*

[Hanso Amore]

Man, I hope no racial activists were watching that.

[Gerard]

Wonder what dibiases reason is gonna be for aligning with orton? "yeah i know he kicked my teeth in but he gives great massages".

[Lux]

The swerve doesn't work when you see it coming a mile away

[Vietnamese Crippler]

Wonder what dibiases reason is gonna be for aligning with orton? "yeah i know he kicked my teeth in but he gives great massages".

Obviously he forgot what happened because he got booted in the head :roll:

[Hanso Amore]

They are really homoerotic,

He is goin to say that when orton kicked him in the head, he knew that it was better to be with him than against him or some shit. Like Orton will teach him what it takes to be the best.

[Hanso Amore]

I would like to See Jericho end up on Smackdown.

[Gerard]

Jericho taking time out to get some hair implantation possibly?

[Hanso Amore]

And also, on the DH Smith Front, He can be the 4th and the Muscle/Enforcer. Then Pricless will be a tag team, and Orton the Main Eventer.

[KingofOldSchool]

I love the picture on Cena's shirt where he is sodomizing a poor soul

[Gerard]

They are really homoerotic,

He is goin to say that when orton kicked him in the head, he knew that it was better to be with him than against him or some shit. Like Orton will teach him what it takes to be the best.

The best at what though? Giving head? :naughty:

[KingofOldSchool]

Team JBL?

Is that the new Team Pacman?

[Corndad]

Havent Cena and HBK had their Wrestlemania already?

[Johnny Vegas]

Wonder what dibiases reason is gonna be for aligning with orton? "yeah i know he kicked my teeth in but he gives great massages".

lol

[Hanso Amore]

I think Orton has to be the RR lock. He is the only big name besides Edge to Never win it, and Edge is champ.

HHH could win, but I doubt they book him a 3rd time. Taker/HBK dont need the rumble win.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>I wouldn't be surprised to see Snuka and Manu challenge the Legacy to a 6 man tag next week...and they bring out DH Smith as their partner, yet another 2nd generation star.

But...much like tonight, Smith ends up turning and joining in as well. Then you have a 4-strong Legacy stable while Snuka/Manu are either used as a jobber tag team or wished the best in their future endeavors.</font>

[Gerard]

OK wheres this crazy bitch in the crowd?

[ClockShot]

How Jillian survived the lastest batch of cuts is beyond me.

[Hanso Amore]

Or they just use a fued with manu/Snuka as a way to keep the Legacy busy for a few weeks until a real feud comes along.

[Hanso Amore]

Does Kelly Kelly buy her ring attire at Hot Topic?

[KingofOldSchool]

How Jillian survived the lastest batch of cuts is beyond me.

Because she gets better reactions than most of the Divas.

[Gerard]

question answered

[KingofOldSchool]

IT'S VINTAGE ROSE!

[ClockShot]

Smooth move.

[Gerard]

Kelly needs to stop smiling, all you can see is mascara..her eyes fucking disappear.

[Hanso Amore]

And Does Jillian buy hers at Macy's?

[ClockShot]

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. That was quick.

[redoneja]

I like how this is the third stalker angle in the women's division in exactly 10 years.

[Gerard]

I like how this is the third stalker angle in the women's division in exactly 10 years.

Who said originality was dead? This episode seems to be more advertising the fact that vince is coming back. Fuck the content, a 63 year old man returns next week!!

[Lux]

Rosa, I would I would.

[Lux]

And Does Jillian buy hers at Macy's?

Jillian = :drool:

[Gerard]

Jillian = :drool:

Have you actually seen her without makeup and pre shoulder boulders? Its like a miracle on par with moses parting the red sea that she looks how she does now.

[Xerzes]

I like how this is the third stalker angle in the women's division in exactly 10 years.

Tori, Victoria, Mickie..did Beth count in her first run?

[redoneja]

Tori, Victoria, Mickie..did Beth count in her first run?

I guess you could. She was kind of stalking the stalker. Or something like that.

[Xerzes]

I guess you could. She was kind of stalking the stalker. Or something like that.

So it's actually the fourth or fifth. Not third.

[KingofOldSchool]

The only hit and run Hardy was involved in was the last bong hit he took before he left for the airport.

[Gerard]

Ortons working the shoulders, HAWTT

[Gerard]

Also..wtf is it with semi nude men backstage not being able to keep their hands off each other?

[ClockShot]

ZIGGY!

[KingofOldSchool]

SANTINO'S IN THE RUMBLE!

[ClockShot]

POOR MAN'S WRESTLEMANIA! UP NEXT!!!!!!

[Johnny Vegas]

lol all you could hear at the end of the Legacy promo has snorting and gay-sounding breathing

lol @ Ziggler..God, he is going to be so big in like 1-2 years.

[redoneja]

So it's actually the fourth or fifth. Not third.


Ok

[Lux]

The only hit and run Hardy was involved in was the last bong hit he took before he left for the airport.

LOL

[ClockShot]

:rofl:

[KingofOldSchool]

HBK isn't even happy for his entrance.

[Gerard]

HBK isn't even happy for his entrance.

Toss him a few razor blades, he'll have a ball.

[ClockShot]

LOL

"Cena's Ruining my Marriage" sign.

[Gerard]

Fucking commercials already,

[Johnny Vegas]

Cena finally got that handshake he was missing at WM 23

[KingofOldSchool]

Toss him a few razor blades, he'll have a line.

[Gerard]

The match hasnt even started? Wtf were they doing during the break? Extended handshake?

[KingofOldSchool]

Long time friends, now opponents!

[KingofOldSchool]

The match hasnt even started? Wtf were they doing during the break? Extended handshake?

Ziggler came out.

[Gerard]

Ziggler came out.

:lol:

[Lux]

Hi, I'm Dolph Ziggler *offers hand*

[KingofOldSchool]

Zen must be in attendance, someone just yelled "You Screwed Bret!"

[KingofOldSchool]

VINTAGE MICHAELS!

[Gerard]

VINTAGE MICHAELS!

Yeah, for a neck snap off the rope of all things. :wtf:

[Lux]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[KingofOldSchool]

VINTAGE FLAIR