Movie Reviews By The Parent TV Council

[Kalyx triaD]

This has been my secret, guilty pleasure for a while now. Fucking nutjobs. The tab is up on the right if you wanna read more hilarious reviews on even tame movies.

The Incredible Hulk Review (http://www.parentstv.org/ptc/publications/moviereviews/PTC/2008/IncredibleHulk.asp)

[.44 Magdalene]

You call that a guilty pleasure?


http://www.sonydefenseforce.com/

[Kalyx triaD]

"KILLZONE 2 Shatters Expectations and Hype - Xbots Left Questioning Their Existence"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLOLOLOLOLOL

That is the greatest site ever! What the fuck, man!? I swear to God I laughed at the serious-as-fuck banner. Wow. This thread wins.

[Kalyx triaD]

“Without a doubt Killzone fans, action, and shooter fans of any stripe will instantly tag this sequel as a powerful contender for the best game of 2009″

[Jeritron]

lol at the Eurotrip review. I was hoping something like Superbad or Knocked Up would be on there to read, but they weren't.

Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with society? They're probably asking the same thing, but this is insane. I think far too much concern is placed on violence/sex/language in movies. It's hardly to blame. Nothing more than a scapegoat and a leftover of puritan culture.
Now, I do think anything that appears in a movie should have some artistic merit. I feel this way due to quality though, not some self-righteous moral calling. I don't enjoy a movie solely on violence, like all the horror torture porn that comes out. It's awful. I'm not morally opposed to it though. It's whatever. I just think it should serve a story, and then the MPAA can reasonably rate things from there.

Parents have the right to raise their own children but this site is INSANE. Lol at some of these reviews. I feel bad for these people, especially their children. I really do. This is more unhealthy than any of these movies.
If you're going to loathe super-violence and keep your kids away from it, fine. If you're going to steer children away from Star Wars, Indiana Jones and Iron Man (and other comic movies)then DAMN! What assholes these people are.

They cite "heck" as language in Wall E, even though suggesting it for all audiences. They just had to point that out.
WHat makes me laugh is the sorry son of a bitch watching great movies and missing the point, because he's busy taking notes.
They make unreal stretches to point out "sexual" instances, like kissing. Behavior that is bad includes: burping, disrespect to an elder, and shit like that.

Pisses me off. Still pretty rofl.

[Kalyx triaD]

The bit where they point out Hulk "evading the law" with "cheats" is unreal.

[Jeritron]

What's funny about this is they reccomend The Simpsons Movie to 14+, and give a 15+ to Batman Begins.
Classic.

I'd let my kid watch both, but The Simpsons movie is far more offensive to these types, than Batman Begins, which is easily a family film.
I guess a lot is over their head, which should be no suprise.

[thedamndest]

PTC Summary: <table width="620" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="1"> <tbody><tr> <td style="border-style: solid; border-width: 0px;"> Production Companies: ABC Television Studio in association with Brad Grey television
Producers: Jim Belushi, Warren Bell, Suzanne Bukinik, Marc Gurvitz, John D. Beck & Ron Hart, and Judd Pillot & John Peaslee.

According to Jim revolves around Jim (Jim Belushi), Cheryl (Courtney Thorne-Smith), their three children, and Cheryl’s siblings Dana (Kimberly Williams-Paisley) and Andy (Larry Joe Campbell). Jim is a simple family man who is a big softie underneath a macho exterior. He works as a contractor in a design firm with Andy and plays in a garage blues band. Cheryl is a stay-at-home mom who enjoys her job and loves her time alone with Jim. Most episodes of According to Jim focus on family life.

The show contains frequent references to sex. Past episodes have included Cheryl and Dana participating in a Tupperware-style party in which sex toys are sold; Jim’s teenaged appearance in a sex ed film; and boasting one-upsmanship about sexual conquests between Jim, Andy and their brother-in-law. Episodes consistently contain some harsh language like “crap”, “damn”, “hell”, and occasionally “ass”. There are sporadic instances of violence, usually playful, like Cheryl smacking Jim on the arm when he makes a silly comment.
</td></tr></tbody></table>

[Kalyx triaD]

The TV stuff is just as funny, if not their modus operandi (am I saying that right?). I wonder how they felt about the Superbowl/Porn thing.

[thedamndest]

According to Jim gets a red light. I would give it a red light too, but for sucking the penis.

[Jeritron]

lol

[Jeritron]

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT ON THE RED LIGHT!

[Kalyx triaD]

There are sporadic instances of violence, usually playful, like Cheryl smacking Jim on the arm when he makes a silly comment.

:|

[Jeritron]

Does this site list overall rank?

[thedamndest]

According to Jim has the lowest possible overall rank.

[Kalyx triaD]

I guess so.

[.44 Magdalene]

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT ON THE RED LIGHT!

ROOOOOOOOXANNE

[.44 Magdalene]

You bastard.

[Jeritron]

American Gladiators got the yellow light, because you should proceed with caution and/or put on your yellow headbands when HULKAMANIA'S RUNNING WILD ON YOUR KIDS BROTHER!

[.44 Magdalene]

YELLOW FOR FREEDOM BROTHER, YELLOW FOR JUSTICE

[.44 Magdalene]

And yellow for violence, I guess

[Jeritron]

7th Heaven with the green light. Why even bother listing it? I'm pretty sure the guy who writes these reviews is head of creative over on SEEEEEEEEEEEEVENNTHHHH HEAVEN.

[thedamndest]

Season Three of Alf has earned the PTC Seal of Approval.

[Jeritron]

Conversely, I think Se7en would get the red light. Just a hunch

[.44 Magdalene]

WALK THE STREETS FOR MONEY
YOU DON'T CARE IF IT'S WRONG
OR IF IT IS RIGHT



ROOOOOOXANNE

[Jeritron]

Season Three of Alf has earned the PTC Seal of Approval.

First one I read. It's also in the movie reviews, and not the TV shows. Do they know something we don't?

[.44 Magdalene]

Season Three of Alf: The Movie

[Jeritron]

I guess eating domestic cats isn't cause for concern in a world that brands "heck" and "kissing" as unacceptable behavior.

[thedamndest]

Beverly Hills Chuhuahua has also earned that award, but in the violence category it lists "dogs chasing one another."

[.44 Magdalene]

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SELL YOUR BODY TO THE NIGHT

[Jeritron]

I wonder if they'd put on the red light for Jessica Biel's kaboose nowadays

[Jeritron]

http://www.parentstv.org/donatebanner.png (https://www.parentstv.org/ptc/joinus/secure.asp?sc=P01000MMDN001)

[thedamndest]

I was hoping you could buy a PTC t-shirt in the products section and get a bunch of people to go as Right To Censor members. No such luck.

[Jeritron]

http://www.parentstv.org/images/nav/TEMPLATE_09.jpg (http://www.parentstv.org/)

My parents won't let me watch Star Wars, Iron Man, Batman, Indiana Jones, or The Hulk. 7th Heaven sucks, so I'm going to torture pets.

[thedamndest]

They seem to only offer products that reduce sex on tv, not real life.

[Jeritron]

Red light for The Mentalist. I don't even think he saw that coming.

[Jeritron]

Yellow light for America's Funniest Home Video. Reason listed: "Needs more Bob Saget."

[Kalyx triaD]

I wonder what Dexter would get...

[.44 Magdalene]

Yellow light for America's Funniest Home Video. Reason listed: "Needs more Bob Saget."

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0HW4mPZmKPM&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0HW4mPZmKPM&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Give it a little while.

[Jeritron]

The Biggest Loser is a yellow light. So maybe it's okay for your kids to watch fat people humiliated on network tv, but keep them away from that Lost show.

[thedamndest]

What's the difference? A script?

[Jeritron]

The difference is these fatties never won the lotto, and aren't humorously put in charge of the food stash.

[Kane Knight]

CAPalert is better. LOL Christians.

Anyway, their review on Get Smart makes me think that they have absolutely no grip on reality. Before, I just thought they were losing it.

[Xero]

lol PTC.

Someone should make the exact opposite of that site. It'd be hilarious.

[Kane Knight]

And make the acronym dirty. Like CUNT.

[Kane Knight]

Citizens for UNcensored Television.

[Vastardikai]

Evangelists
Against
Television,
Music, and
Entertainment

[Vastardikai]

On House:

There are often scenes containing medical violence, such as depictions of surgeries and medical procedures.

A. Was this reviewed by a Scientologist?
B. I am trying to picture a conversation involving the phrase "Medical Violence."

Dr: I need to give you a CAT scan.
PTCer: Don't perform any medical violence on me!
Dr: Excuse me?
PTCer: I will not have you perform any medical violence on me! I have standards for my children, you know.
Dr: Well, Darn...
PTCer: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

[Skippord]

lol the review for bolt:

Behavior Mild bullying, very mild scatological and animal humor

[Kalyx triaD]

"Medical violence."

[Kalyx triaD]

Cheetah Girls 2: When in Spain offers a bubbly image of teens growing up and going through transitions. Some of the scenes portray more mature teen themes, like boy-girl relationships, responsible choices, loyalty, and values. These themes are portrayed effectively and in a wholesome light. Messages throughout the movie also center on the importance of hard work and treating others respectfully. Further the soundtrack provides clean, meaningful lyrics for all ages with songs like Cheetah Sisters: "Because we are sisters, we stand together. We make up one big family. Though we don't look the same, our spots are different, different colors we make stronger." Cheetah Girls 2: When in Spain is sure to please kids of all ages. Parents may even catch themselves saying, "Cheetah-licious!"

[Kane Knight]

Medical violence: Maybe he means when House strikes a patient or otherwise assaults someone in the practice of medicine?

I'm not saying the PTC aren't morons, but....

[My Final Heaven]

http://img264.imageshack.us/img264/4059/95367582vq1.png

[Kalyx triaD]

Ha!

[Vastardikai]

Medical violence: Maybe he means when House strikes a patient or otherwise assaults someone in the practice of medicine?

I'm not saying the PTC aren't morons, but....

That would make sense, but... they give examples like "Surgeries" and "Medical Procedures." Sorry, I just don't see "Surgeries" and "Medical Procedures" as being violent, unless they're replacing a scalpel with a Chainsaw. Or maybe they're beating the guy in the head with a bedpan while drawing blood?

[Sting Fan]

Can we add to the PTC site, there could be some fun to be had here.

[Kalyx triaD]

I think they have a set team or something.

[Sting Fan]

I could be James Uppington...

A North virginia native who enjoys 7th heaven, Alf, long walks on the beach with his family and the odd bondage session with the neighbours.

TIme to apply me thinks.

[Xero]

Maybe the PTC doesn't distinguish between gore and violence.