No no NO! It doesn't make sense if you don't edit the entire thing for Kurt. Kurt doesn't roundhouse kick. He kills.

Kurt Angle broke the sound barrier with an Ankle Lock.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Kurt Angle allows to live.

Kurt Angle invented Geometry. Why do you think they call them "Angles"?

Kurt Angle doesn't believe in Germany.


Kurt Angle CAN believe it's not butter.


Thousands of years ago, Kurt Angle came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic, and all of its descendants now have white hair.

Yeah, trying to be original here and it isn't working, so...

Kurt Angle can slam a revolving door.

When Kurt Angle was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Kurt Angle!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Kurt Angle uses 14 muscles to smile, but only 2 to destroy an orphanage.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Kurt Angle lives in Pennsylvania.

An anagram for Kurt Angle is AGENT LURK. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

The constellation 'Kurt Angle' is made up by connecting every single star of the night sky. It gives a rough iconography of Kurt's exploits throughout time, including his lesser renowned exploits on the Island of Donkey Punches.

Kurt Angle doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys tables, ring steps, and titantrons.

Kurt Angle's suplexes don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the spacetime continuum.

Helen Keller's favorite color is Kurt Angle.

If the Hebrew equivalent of Kurt Angle's name is ever spoken aloud, the sun will go dark and TNA ratings will skyrocket.

Kurt Angle did not lose a hair-vs-hair match years ago. His hair simply ran away out of sheer terror.

There is no global warming, Kurt Angle adjusts the atmosphere when he's uncomfortable.

Kurt Angle has been known to sellotape C4 to Tortoises and use them as a cheap alternative to hand grenades.

In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Kurt Angle. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

Kurt Angle once gave a woman an orgasm so intense she invented three new branches of mathemetics, discovered the first half of the true name of god and now only needs two and half hours of sleep a week. She can also now cook a damn good English Breakfast, and never breaks an eggs yolk.

Fear is not the only emotion Kurt Angle can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't tap out to Kurt Angle tonight."

Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Kurt Angle to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Kurt Angle had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.

To be the man, you've got to beat the man. Kurt Angle is the man, so just give up.

The easiest way to determine Kurt Angle's age is to cut him in half and count the rings.


ADDENDUM: Since it is physically impossible to cut him in half, it is assumed that Kurt Angle is ageless.

The name Kurt Angle is a derivative of "Kurlovit Anglaski," which is Russian for "hairless marsupial".

Kurt Angle smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Kurt Angle's personal chef.

When Kurt Angle says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.

Dammit, Terran, I was about to post that one!

eh

Kurt Angle built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Kurt met all three bullets with his teeth, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Kurt Angle has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLS**T!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Kurt ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

In a match between The Big Show and Andre the Giant, the winner would be Kurt Angle.

Kurt Angle's sperm is so badass, he had sex with Stacy Keibler, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.

If they told Kurt Angle instead of Houston, "We have a problem", he would've ankle locked it.

ROFL :rofl: :rofl:

Taking a picture of Kurt Angle's penis is the key to immortality. Take a picture of the wrong one however, and he will take yours and add it to himself. Unless you're a girl. Then he'll make you one and take yours.

When he was nine, Kurt Angle dressed as himself to go trick-or-treating. He came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of his candy.

In an attempt to end World War II, the United States government authorized the drop of Kurt Angle onto Hiroshima. However, the Japanese hired a mercenary, known today as Samoa Joe, to meet him. The ensuing fight leveled the city, killing thousands.

However, the match was so well received (Metlzer gave it ****1/2) that a rematch was immediately booked in Nagasaki.

Kurt Angle doesn't go on the Internet, he has every web site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

When Kurt Angle beats the clock, he beats it to a bloody pulp.

Kurt Angle donated 40% of his profits to Tsunami Relief out of guilt for casing the tsunami in the first place: he dipped his finger in the Pacific Ocean.

In a tag team match, Kurt Angle teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.

White people like Kurt Angle because he makes Malcolm X look like Wayne Brady.

Kurt Angle qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

The drummer for Def Leppard once looked at Kurt Angle the wrong way. He got off easy.

Kurt Angle once visited the Grim Reaper and his family at Death's summer home in Albany, NY. He punched out Death's youngest son for looking at him wrong, then stole Death Jr's tricycle to make his getaway. Kurt then with the Death's trike, proceeded to win the Indy 500, and several less than memorable NASCAR races.

Kurt Angle was present at the fail of the Berlin wall as a roadie for David Hasslehoff.

In the beginning, Vince McMahon created a safe-haven for people away from Kurt Angle. We know this today as the late WCW.

Kurt Angle once Olympic Slammed a telemarketer. Over the phone.

Germans love David Hasselhoff. David Hasselhoff loves Kurt Angle.

Kurt Angle is actually the one singing during Ashlee Simpson's concerts.

After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Kurt Angle with a handshake. The rest is history.

Kurt Angle blacked out once. when he woke up, women were naked, ankles were snapped, and a goat was wearing a Kurt Angle t-shirt.

Kurt Angle is not bald, his hair doesn't grow out of sheer terror.

Kurt Angle once bred a pug and a monkey. The result was Taz

Kenny G is allowed to live because Kurt Angle doesn't kill women.

When Kurt Angle goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.

Kurt Angle was originally cast as the main character of "24", but was replaced by the producers when the managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Hulk Hogan isn't Immortal, Kurt Angle just breathed on him.

Xero, you stole my Kurt Angle bald fact. :rant:

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Kurt Angle didn't kill you in your sleep.

Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Kurt Angle wanted his nickname back.

Kurt Angle has held the World Championship in every wrestling company at the same time.

The Three Stages of Hell match type was invented after Vince McMahon visited Kurt Angle's three-floor home in Pennsylvania.

There is no Dana, only Kurt Angle.

'Kurt Angle' is not only a noun, but a transitive verb. And an adjective in British English.

Kurt Angle's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Kurt Angle.

The Apollo program didn't become successful until Kurt Angle allowed NASA to harness a small amount of his testosterone as rocket fuel.

If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Kurt Angle having sex with your girlfriend and her slightly more attractive sister.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Kurt Angle's PC will crash. Kurt Angle, of course, uses Linux. He just likes seeing Bill Gates sweat.

The reasons dragons don't exist is because one time, one of them thought he was hotter than Kurt Angle. Kurt wiped out the entire species out of retribution.

Kurt Angle once finished "The Song That Never Ends".

Gandalf came back to life because Kurt Angle was sad he died.

Shelton Benjamin once defeated Kurt Angle in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Kurt Angle invented racism.



Kurt Angle and Shelton Benjamin walked into a bar. The building then exploded, because that much awesomeness cannot be contained in one place.

When making love to his wife, Kurt Angle uses another woman as a condom.

The Jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in heaven. The best they can do now is 73 women who have already had sex with Kurt Angle.

Kurt Angle doesn't work for TNA, TNA works for Kurt Angle.

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Kurt Angle IS.

Everytime TPWW crashes, it's because Kurt Angle read about a Burt Angle joke on here.

BEST ONE YET! :rofl:

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Kurt Angle.

Kurt Angle is the reason that Steven Richards keeps vanishing.

Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Kurt Angle during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

9/11 happened because those planes got in Angle's way.

Most kids wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Kurt Angle pajamas.

Kurt Angle once obliterated Michael Jordan in a game of HORSESHOESAREMETALHALFRINGCONTRAPTIONSATTACHEDTOTHEHOOFSOFHORSESSOTHEYCANWALKBETTER.

Death once had a near-Kurt-Angle experience.

Kurt Angle can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who Kurt Angle is.

Jim Ross once insulted Kurt Angle's mother. His face has never been the same since.

The O RLY owl died because Kurt Angle thought it was looking at him funny.

When an episode of TNA was aired in France, the French surrendered to Kurt Angle just to be on the safe side.

Kurt Angle did it... for The Rock. And The Rock was eternally grateful.

Kurt Angle can never be Hassan'd. Ever.

The Romans conquered the entire known Western World simply by having a crest of Kurt Angle on the lead man of their armies. Entire kingdoms surrendered immediately upon sight.

The reason the Great Khali's chop is so annihilating is because he once got 1/100th-chopped by Kurt Angle, and the energy transfer after Great Khali recovered from being in a coma for 38 days enabled the Great Khali to grow 24 inches and have super palm strength.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Kurt Angle can go up Niagara Falls just by walking on it.

Pluto isn't a planet. Kurt Angle just flicked one of his boogers upward.

The only reason Wilt Chamberlain ever slept with 10,000 women is because those were Kurt Angle's rejects.

Kurt's Mother tried to have an abortion, but he made the wire coat hanger tap out.

Black holes are simply places where Kurt Angle got mad and punched the universe.

El Nino is caused whenever Kurt Angle decides to sneeze.