Some of these are absolutely brilliant :rofl:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Sometimes real life is better than fiction. The hits just keep coming!!




Kurt Angle Helps out the Homeless

By Jesse Suchanek

Kurt Angle participated in a charity event sponsored by the Steve McAllen Radio Show in Orlando, Florida over the weekend. The event was held to help some local homeless families around Orlando. Kurt participated in "wrestling matches" with a few fans and signed some autogrpahs. Kurt said the event raised roughly 70 billion dollars, mostly through him just being there.

Kurt also mentioned how Vince was so scared of running his show against TNA this Monday that he had to go to USA and personally ask for the dog show to be put in Raw's place.

`Torch

Vince McMahon moved SmackDOWN to Fridays a year in advance because he knew he'd face direct competition with Kurt Angle on TNA sometime down the line.

:shifty:

John Cena really is black, before his debut Kurt Angle slapped the color off him.

Hurricane Katrina was a cover up. The destruction of New Orleans was actually caused by Kurt Angle exhaling a particularly deep breath.

The levees in New Orleans didn't break, Kurt Angle Angle Slammed homelessness into it.

Jack and Jill ran up the hill, Kurt Angle Angle Slammed Jack down and made sweet barbaric love to Jill, then they both went home crying.

Kurt Angle did raise 70 billion dollars for the homeless. He made it by cutting corners on the "safety" of his merchandise, Kurt doesn't believe in safety.

And just from me to you, if you own a Kurt Angle t-shirt and don't want to die in a fiery explosion...well, all I can say is March twelfth 2007. Trust me, get out of the house.

Kurt doesn't use birth control. The overwhelming force of his sperm not only shatters eggs, but often ruptures uteruses.

"King Kurt" Was a reference to the time he fought Jesus in a last man standing (on water) match for the "King of Kings" title. He has since worked out a licensing deal with Jesus, but frequently refers to his "glass jaw."

When Charlton Heston spoke out against gun control in 2000, he double checked for Kurt Angle when he reached the "from my cold dead hands" part of his speech. For he knew, oh HE knew...

BONUS!: Guns don't kill people, Kurt Angle kills people and makes their pets watch.

Some people smoke crack, Kurt Angle cracks smoke.

The only way to hurt Kurt Angle is shoot him with another Kurt Angle, fired out of a cannon.

Kurt Angle didn't "go crazy" he actually "transcended sanity"

One must promptly recognize Kurt Angle... always. One time, my buddy said, "Is that Kurt A-", and his head exploded.

Verne Troyer (AKA Mini Me) was once an up and coming college basketball star. One day, during a one on one pick up game with Kurt Angle, Verne dunked on Angle and proceeded to trash talk. Needless to say, Kurt Angle Slammed Verne directly onto his head, shrinking him from 6'10 to 3'5.

The moral: Despite what Kid Rock says, it's bragging even if you can back it up. And if Kurt Angle catches you doing it, he will drill you into the pavement head first.

Not only did Kurt have sex with Trish Stratus, he also boned the cast's of Celebrity Fit Club and Dragonball Z

Kurt Angle understood all of the ending of the second Matrix after only one viewing.

Kurt Angle could destroy all of humanity. Sadly the effort would kill him, allowing the planet to be taken over by damn dirty apes. And if there's anything Kurt hates more than homelessness(icity), it's those damn dirty apes.

Kurt Angle doesn't takes showers, he bathes in his own glory.

LO f'n L at this entire thread

Bears teach their cubs that if they ever see Kurt Angle in the woods to stop, fall on the ground, and play dead.

Kurt Angle can bullseye wamp rats in his T-16.

Kurt Angle can bullseye hot chicks from several miles away with his Penis 5000.

The reason gay men exist is because they once met Kurt Angle in person.

Kurt Angle once used a cheat code in reality. The results were awesome, but caused the loss of all saved data. Kurt does it again every new game to prevent the presidential election of Barack Obama, hoping that maybe this time, Jesse Jackson will become the first black president.

Kurt Angle once made a woman orgasim for over 40 days straight.

...WITH A BROKEN FREAKIN PENIS!

Andre the Giant's legendary drinking skills were acquired from a drop of special Kurt Angle elixir, a mixture that would kill any normal man, but fortunately for Andre, he was already a little big.

Had Kurt Angle headbutted that Italian soccer player, the entire nation of Italy would have spontaneously combusted.

That one time Kurt Angle broke Hardcore Holly's arm with a moonsault, not only did Kurt break Holly's arm, he also shattered his pelvis, made him impotent, and lodged Bob's femur deep up his anus.

Kurt Angle has never been found when playing Hide & Seek.

Ostriches and emus used to be able to fly, but Kurt Angle told them nothing that big was going over him, and they'd better remember that, if they knew what was good for them.

Don't worry, when global warming gets out of control Kurt will just put it in the ankle lock, make it tap out and break it's freakin' ankle, becoming the new NWA World Heavyweight champion.

You're not real good at this Inadequacy...

Kurt Angle killed Superman AND Doomsday.

Hence the name, duh!

Kurt Angle always remembers the exact spot he parked his car.

If a tree falls in the forest, and there's nobody there to hear it, it is assumed that Kurt Angle accidentally cut it down by leaning on it.




Kurt Angle can indeed be in two places at once, and he does so everytime he's bored.

Pi was invented when scientists tried desperately to appease Kurt Angle's request. Little did they know he was really just hungry. None of those scientists were heard from since.

The Guinness Book of World Records 2008 is reported to simply be a piece of paper with "Kurt Angle" written on it.

Kurt Angle does not own a washing machine or a dryer; he simply glares at his clothes with Intensity and the dirt falls off out of sheer terror.

LOL, this reminds me too much of when they used to have Matt Hardy facts when he would always enter.

I miss those so bad. :(

Kurt Angle gave Mickie James to Ken Doane as a hand-me-down birthday present one year because Kurt had gotten bored with her.

Barry Bonds doesn't use steroids. He merely drinks Kurt Angle Milk.

Babe Ruth once saw Kurt Angle sitting in the outfield stands watching the Yankee game. The Sultan of Swat immediately paid homage to Kurt by pointing him out with his bat, an action which pleased Kurt so much he made the next pitch hang over the middle of the plate so that Ruth could smack the ball straight toward him.

Witnesses saw it differently, of course, and it marked the defining moment of Babe Ruth's career.

Kurt Angle can dunk a ball from midcourt without even leaving the ground.






...all with a broken frickin' neck.

Nate Robinson gained his hops early in life, when he was often startled by Kurt Angle sneaking up on him from behind.

Kurt Angles knows exactly what the Great Khali is saying.

Kurt Angle screwed Bret. He had every damn right to, and no one questions him or else.

Kurt Angle eats more hot dogs in a day than Takeru Kobayashi eats in a year. However, he stays out of contests because he respects the Japanese greatly.

Kurt Angle is responsible for 98% of all Wikipedia articles in existence. The other 2% are blatantly not credible and obviously not the result of his genius.

In geometry, the Kurt angle is known as the most perfect angle in the universe.

Kurt Angle never loses a game of Clue despite the fact everyone knows he's the murderer and used his wrestling moves to do it

There were actually two Ronald McDonalds'. The first one was beaten to a bloody pulp after giving Kurt Angle Diet Coke instead of Regular Coke. He can still be seen in McDonalds' ads as Grimace.

James Bond is 007 because Kurt Angle killed the first five and we all know what happened to six

Kurt Angle once broke a mirror on a black cat under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. That was the day he won the lottery.

Oneday Kurt Angle ate too much cereal and vomited................. He created the Milky Way

Kurt Angle Angle Slammed the blackness out of Michael Jackson. The obsession with young boys came later, as a side effect.

Kurt Angle actually won a Bronze at the Olympic games, but due to his godly powers he shouted at the medal until it changed.

Just after the worst performance of His career Kurt Angle was being interviewed and was being given a hard time by grisham .


Grisham: Kurt this may hands down be your worst match ever !

Kurt: At least Its not X-Pac

Grisham: good point

When Kurt Angle wishes on a star and it doesn't come true...DAMN TRUE...he lasso's the star, smashes it into the streets of Hollwyood and carves in the names of all the celebrities he's killed.

Donald Trump once fired Kurt Angle. Kurt Angle responded by saying, "While I disagree with your firing of me, I will defend to the death your right to do it." Kurt Angle then German Suplexed Donald Trump through a wall.

At the "Express Aisle" Kurt Angle can bring all the FREAKIN' items he wants!

At 12:01 am today, Kurt Angle had already received 70 Billion Valentines.

Kurt Angle once won the gold, silver, and bronze in the Women's Bobsled event. No one questioned how or why.

In 1977, Kurt Angle stumbled upon a 12 year old boy crying in the streets of Pasadena, California. The boy told Kurt he was upset because his older brother kept playing his drum set while he was out delivering newspapers and had become better than him. Kurt then patted the boy on his head, wiped away his tears and peed on his hands. That boy was Edward Lodewijk Van Halen.

The Star Wars trilogies were based on Kurt Angle's childhood and teen years.

I liked this one.

Unlike Donald Trump, Angle doesn't give fans cash to give them value for money, Angle would give himself.

Kurt Angle doesn't fear fear, fear fears Kurt Angle.

Mariah Carey, Aretha Franklin and Whitney Houston were all mutes until Kurt Angle shish-ka-bobbed their vocal chords with his dick.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall because Kurt Angle wanted an omlette.

FDR originally said "We have nothing to fear, but Kurt Angle himself." Angle later let him change the speech so as not to make Angle sound too egomaniacal.

Kurt Angle is such a humanitarian that he dresses his dick like Abe Lincoln and lets women "free the slaves."

Kurt Angle taught UFC Champion Chuck Liddell everything he knows. He then erased his memories of their training lessons so that Liddell wouldn't credit Angle directly for his success. Kurt Angle knew that if the fans knew Liddell was trained by him, then Liddell's successes would only be attibuted to Angle's already overflowing pool of greatness.


Kurt Angle stopped the fifth hijacked jet on 9/11. It was headed for LA, but Angle German Suplexed it into the ocean.

You may wonder, with such power, why did Kurt allow Katrina to happen? Kurt didn't "allow" Katrina to happen. He farted, and MADE Katrina happen.

Kurt angle would destroy anyone bar me.

....what, bitch?

There's 10 pages of Angle-gasming, and you think you can just show and be all "oh yeah, blah blah blah, I can kick Angle's ass."

Read the thread again. Kurt's greatness > You.

Kurt Angle ate 12 cans of Alphabet Soup and crapped out what we now call "The Dictionary."

After Kurt Angle was circumsized as a baby, they used the severed foreskin to make cowboy boots for all of Texas.

Kurt Angle was only in a wheel chair once in his life... so he could take down Steven Hawking fairly.

Kurt Angle did not invent the Atom Bomb. He did, however, invent atoms

Now on a serious note.

I just listened to Angle's interview with BTR and I gotta say he knows his MMA.

Like all of you I thought Angle was crazy and was talking out of his ass in the other interviews, but knew a lot about MMA and I am shocked. He even said that he might not be able to beat Chuck Liddell or Tito, but he would put up a good fight with them. Angle even knew stuff about Pride and Fedor.

So you know what I don't think Angle is crazy.

However...

The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Kurt Angle and forgot to pay him back.

Kurt Angle doesn't let Wookies win. Wookies let Kurt Angle win.

Everytime you masturbate, Kurt Angle German Suplexes a kitten.

Rome wasn't built in a day. Rather, Kurt Angle came along and built it in about ten minutes, had a streetfight with Chris Benoit that destroyed anything, then decided to put two twin babies in charge of reconstruction.

The New York Police Department once considered using Kurt Angle to take down King Kong from the top of the Empire State Building, but realized that would have been rather inhumane.

Kurt Angle can beat Godzilla in a belching contest.

Kurt Angle does vector calculus just for fun. He doesn't have a gat but he's got a soldering gun.

Kurt Angle went into the Bermuda Triangle and rescued every single person that was ever lost in there.

Unlike Flair Woo, Kurt Angle doesn't need to say how great he is.

Kurt Angle personally approved this fact.

Kurt Angle turned down the lead role in "Superman Returns," stating "Superman? I don't sweat freakin' Superman. It took him forever to turn back time in Superman: The Movie. I did that twice this morning. I bet you didn't notice."

Kurt Angle walked down the street with an erection......there were no survivors.

Kurt Angle vetoed the Law of Gravity.

You were warned about the sig.

BAM

Funky Fly has a Banhammer. Kurt Angle has a ban hammer, screwdriver, wrench, fist, foot and head.

Funky Fly has a Banhammer. Kurt Angle once banned hammers and all other tools on site and built an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition house all by himself with his bare hands in seven minutes.

























....with a broken frickin' neck!!