Things I Learned By Watching Wrestling
 

In no particular order:

*Its perfectly acceptable to name breasts after a common household animal.
*It doesn't matter what your name is.
*It's ok to take objects, shine them up real nice, turn them sideways, and stick them straight up another person's candy ass.
*If you sleep with the boss's daughter, you'll be set for life.
*Its Vader Time.
*The best way to resolve an argument is in a cage.
*Kai En Tai is evil.... INDEED!
*Mike Adamle doesn't know a dropkick from a legkick.
*Saying "WHAT?" every time someone finishes a thought is a great way to piss them off.
*We're all parasitic, gelatinous, hypocritical tapeworms

What have YOU learned by watching wrestling??

Is this 1997?

Are you going to post a thread about South Park wrestlers next?

Care to remind me?

Nah it's a good thread, I just wanted to make that joke.

<font color=goldenrod>Cameramen are invisible more often than not.</font>

Amazing recoveries from one week to the next.

Bruised ribs can be healed by wrapping tape around your stomach... unless your DDP then your ribs are indefinitely bruised.

Every 7 footer is a monster.

If I don't get a job, I can just invade the company, turn stuff over and beat up everyone in sight until they agree to give me the job.

Necktie choking is absolutely unacceptable.

Necktie choking is a no no, while an invasion in which the owner of the company is supposedly partly responsible for has no consequences.

...and friends can be made from people who used to beat the fuck out of you.

Not exactly wrestling exclusive.

In fact, assaulting the boss is a good way to get what you want. He'll rarely sue you, file assault charges, or call the cops. More than likely, he will meet you in the ring, give you a title shot, or hire you just so he can crush you.

I learned you can be an actor/director and win the WCW title :shifty:

I've learned that Canadians are hate-filled xenophobes, and their sense of national pride is in fact a deep-rooted insult towards our own country.

Good one, but I think he was released for two reasons 1) Chris Benoit tragedy-he hung himself, and 2) Linda's senate race. I do think Danielson will be back at some point. They better capitalize before 90 days or he'll be in TNA, while Nigel will head to WWE since TNA is screwing him over.

I learned this from experience. :cool:

I think Randy Savage would disagree!

Necrophilia with a teenage cheerleader is more than acceptable.....

that if I want some, all I have to do is come get some

that you can feel the bang.

-Don't piss on the electric fence.

-It is perfectly ok to slap another guy.

that Big Poppa Pump was my hookup

*The Iron Sheik isn't exactly a sheik.
*The Great Khali isn't exactly great.
*John Cena's orange t-shirt is specially manufactured and laced with pheromones
to attract kids and women.

*It's easy to trust your brother after he's buried you alive or tried to burn you to death.
*A square mat surrounded by ropes is no longer a square. It's a squared circle.
*Stand back if there's a hurricane comin' through.
*It's ok to love a mop.
*It's true. It's damn true.
*Bryan Danielson will kick your fucking head in.
*There is a place in the world that can't be found on a map. It's called Parts Unknown.
*Every WrestleMania is the greatest WrestleMania of all time.
*If you're angry and mean-spirited, cheating to win is bad. If you're happy and well-liked, cheating to win is vintage.
*Chris Benoit never existed. Don't say he did, because he didn't.

Every Nitro was the best Nitro ever
That every jobber is "local"
You don't piss Jeff Jarrett off

you can get the shit kicked out of out and take several punches to the face without any bruising or broken bones

that every British wrestler have the same accent
that no one is Hulk Hogan's brother even he doesn't realise it.

That sexual harassment is not a crime.
There is nothing worse than getting your head shaved.
It's all about the MON-AY.

Sid rules the world.
Sid resides "wherever he damm well pleases"

Man, I wish I could find the video where somebody took an episode of Hogan knows best and added clips of Sycho Sid

that being hit with a slegehammer rarely causes serious harm.

that when an official get striked he's KO'd for minutes as if a wrestler get striked s/he's up in seconds.
that all retirements aren't real.
that it's cool to spit an apple at someone's face.

But home invasion is perfectly fine

How to make car crash TV
How to fuck up a storyline
Its possible to give birth to a hand
How not to use an employee
Steel pipes to the skull don't hurt as much as a leg punt.

-how to fake your own death
-how to have a bastard leperchaun child

i learned that PIMPIN AINT EASY

I learned how to "FIRE" someone

A steel chair is the most effective weapon ever. Or, if not a steel chair, a folding table.

And on top of that, a folding table that's on fire.

Canadians would cheer one of their own even if he was a convicted pedophile.

Sports officials have the attention span of a goldfish.

A half dozen armed and trained cops or security guards are no match for one pissed off pro wrestler.

kane knight is an asshole that knows nothing about wrestling. He doesn't even watch it, he just jerks off while reading the news on the front page.

MAC is a convicted pedophile. That's why he took that so personally.

And hear with their eyes.

That every 2 weeks I should expect an announcement from TNA that will "change the future of the business/company FOREVER">

Every 4 weeks you should expect an announcement that "things are going back to the classics!" "We are going home!"

If a billionaire buries a biker, he'll come back with superpowers.

All asians know martial arts

Unstoppable psychopatic monsters never gets old

If you bang the boss's daughter, you better have a full head of hair

If you're gonna be a bad rapper and worse wrestler, you better hope the crowd is full of 12 year olds.

Brothers aren't forever. They'll eventually become "childhood friends".

"You Suck" is sometimes a complement

If you have absolutely no charisma, you'll be a legend on the internet

Rap is Crap

Women fight by trying to rip each other's clothes off and spanking each other's asses

The best way to end a fight is by running around the ring, doing a stupid dance, and hit a mundane move

Somehow, even in a PG era in a politically correct age, it's still not racist for a rich white man to have a "house boy"

a crowd of hetrosexuals will cheer when a large man rubs his ass on another mans face.

These guys only hate each other on mondays.

Punching the floor can fuck up your shoulders

That when a wrestler wears a referee shirt... he becomes so severely weakened that anything can take him out. But if he doesn't have that referee shirt on... he can take abuse.

that if you're a woman, anything over 125 lbs is fat, and will get you called a pig and all other types of insults thrown at you. then you'll be fired.

that it's ok to break kayfabe if you're related to the boss

that apparently ALL women and kids love john cena...

that in wrestling, it's bad to be sober.

You can get away with abusing and mouthing off to your boss and co-workers AND consuming copious amounts of beer all at once without suffering any consequences.

I've learned there's a place called Parts Unknown :-\

I've learned that being Straight Edge will better my life.

I've learned that Mr. McMahon is a real life zombie.

I learned that the Rock likes pie. Cherry pie mostly.

I learned that you can be fat, hairy, wear a silly brown mask and pull a sock out of your crotch can make you popular.

I learned that all kinds of Celebrities are into professional wrestling and dream of hosting RAW simply just to ruin it for me.

I learned that the phrase "What's up?" is still commonly used today and is apparently cool.


most importantly, I learned that if no body likes me, all I have to do is change my name and hair style and everyone will completely forget who I was and I can have a fresh start at life!!

it was never Snitsky's fault

Mr. Anderson - "Wrestling is real, People are fake"

I learned that in today's world, we have honest to God artifacts of legend, like an urn and a pair of dancing shoes. Having one of these artifacts in your possession gives you preternatural-- or sometimes supernatural -- endurance and recovery, if nothing else.

Any referee is easily distracted by whatever is going on away from what they are supposed to be watching. (The NFL, NBA, and sometimes MLB seems to back this up.)

The Rock seemed to spend a lot of time cooking. (Perhaps he graduated from the CIA?)

Listening to a mannequin head is a great career move, as long as your keep Wal-Mart out of the situation.

Being very good at your job and working your ass off for years still often results in you not really achieving much other than the respect and adoration of fans (or clients, or customers, or whatever). This seems to be backed up by the real world.

I learned that living a clean lifestyle ends up making you into a loser.

"Straight Edge Means I'm better than you" CM Punk. :foc:


I've learned that ECW fans can count to ten in Spanish for punches by Super Crazy, but WWE fans cannot for Rey Mysterio.

I've learned that is someone other than me shaves my head, my hair will never grow back.

I've learned Bret Hart likes his Sunny side down :|