Abyss's secret is...
 

Wow, not only does TNA take used wrestlers from WWE, but they also take used story lines.

Pathetic

LAME! I knew Mitchell was going to end up being Abyss' father as soon as he became his manager. It was disgustingly predictable. What's going to be annoying is another 3 years of shitty feuds with these two.

Next thing you know Mitchell had an affair with Abyss's mother to produce him. Also Abyss killed a girl when he was younger and then had sex with her dead body.

Wait. abyss had a new secret? What does this make? Ten?

Knowing TNA this storyline will go nowhere anyway.

How long until Abyss is forced to take of his mask, revealing....... that he's just an ugly dude

Or better yet ODB

Didn't abyss have a secret before?What makes them think we care?

Abyss's next secret: he's afraid of kittens.

DUM DUM DUMMMM.... no, just dumb.

Plus, didn't James Mitchell say he got shot 3 times in the back by Abyss' mother?

I bet abyss's next secret is that he's gay or something, with the amount of secrets he's had you never know!

His next secret is that Sting is his three-quarters brother.

Abyss is the Cloverfield Monster

Spoilers, dick! :foc:

lulce

Abyss, oh the tna kane\mankind imalgimation. :roll:

I was waiting all night for Mitchell to cut off Abyss' hand and tell him that SoCalVal was his sister.......

So now Judius and Abyss are brothers....After taking a break for about a month from impact, I turn it back to this shit. I'll never learn..

Abyss's secret is...

...that we switched his ordinary coffee with Folger's crystals! Abyss! What do you think of your coffee?

Abyss: Mm, pretty nifty, actually.

Well, what would I tell you if we switched your coffee with Folger's crystals!

Abyss: RARAAWWGWAGWHRGGWRGARGAWRGGHRARGHRGHAWRW!!!!!1111

...that the accent mark (`) isn't an apostrophe (')?

Woulda been more interesting if he had made a deal with finlay and vinnie mac to rape hornswoggle, several times. 2 storylines from different shows\companies intertwined. Then we get the eventual abyss hornswoggle sex tape leaked on the net later in the year. :nono:

Sorry about that, fixed it though. But I' ll never learn that no matter how long I take a break, I will always be extremely insulted by a storyline.

Correct. Two secrets ago was that Abyss was in jail for shooting his father. The last secret was that Abyss took the fall for his mother, who actually did the shooting.

Attention, TNA: implying that your supposedly unstoppable monster needs a gun makes him less impressive, not more.

What would make this storyline instantly great, is if Abyss says "No you're not, this is my father, he actually got a paternity test when we were on Maury on the episode entitled 'I shot the man who might not be my baby dady'. What are you trying to pull?" Then James Mitchell just gives a ":shifty:" and slinks into the background.

Maury: Father James Mitchell... you are NOT the father! Well... you are, I mean, you're a clergyman and all... in some church... aparently. But you aren't this man... this... um... this... individual's... male... parent... yeah, you know what, who writes this shit...

Abyss is secretely a lesbian

Abyss: *punches Don West in the stomach*
West: But I'm not even a writer!
Abyss: I know, but it felt good.

I'd mark out.

Of course not. Next father James Mitchel is gonna come out and say "you thought your other brother died when you burned him with acid 10 years ago but he's still alive. I introduce MORTIS!!!!! BWAAHAHAAHAHAHA" :roll: TNA is really hittin the bottom of the barrel of these washed up WWE/WCW guys. Oh well, I guess it's still better that Rikishi.

Vince Russo: Shit, I better get out of here before he starts going after people who REALLY deserve it!

Abyss: Where are you going, Vince?

Vince Russo: Um, Ed Ferrera sent me an urgent message that I should reply to...

Abyss: Don't lie to me, Vince. Why would you be scared? You're not a writer...Dixie always said it was mainly Dutch writing this stuff.

Vince Russo: :shifty: Yeah...Dutch does it all. Oh, by the way, Abyss, you're technically a member of the writing team, so shouldn't you punch yourself?

Abyss: Damn it, you're right...

Maury: Hold on, Abyss, can't you see they're trying to trick you. Now, you listen here, Vince, you can't bring this shit on my show and now have to answer for it if you are, in fact, responsible.

*20 minutes later*

Maury: Vince...you ARE the writer!

Crowd: *goes nuts*

Vince Russo: No! No! You don't know me! You don't know m...*Abyss punches Russo in the gut and then gives him a Black Hole Slam on some tacks*

So how long until Abyss and Judas Mesias are in cahoots and eventually become tag champs?

The Siblings of...Smashing stuff?

No, I'm serious. I wanna see Kennedy drive to the ring with a big microphone truck and spray the ring with treble.

I think he meant to put that in the beer or milk thread.

It'd make more sense there, at least.

Somewhat.

Lets come up with some worse ideas for what Abyss' secret could have been.

How about...

Mitchell : Abyss...YOU WERE BORN A WOMAN!

Abyss then reclaims his "womanhood" and feuds with Awesome Kong.

Abyss can't see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Abyss still hasn't found Waldo

Abyss stole the cookies from the cookie jar

Abyss put the screw in the tuna

Abyss simply walked into Mordor

Abyss expected the Spanish Inquisition

Abyss is Rick James, bitch!

I could do this all fucking day.

OMG TNA should totally rip off the "Matt Facts" and do "Abyss Secrets" (like these) each time he comes out.

Abyss likes Tom Jones.

Next Week on Impact!:

"What's new pussycat, woah, woah woah..."

That is fucking genius. That's a WWE rip-off I'd support.

They could also do a segment like Conan O'Brien's celebrity secrets. "Chris Abyss: Seeeeeecrets."

HAHAHAHA I was wondering where this post went.

Abyss's Secret of the Day is...

"Abyss loves rock & roll, and he DID put another dime in the juke box, baby."

T-N-A! T-N-A! T-N-A!

Abyss blew up Vince McMahon's Limo.

It was not, in fact, Snitsky's fault. It was Abyss.

Abyss raised the briefcase in the ladder match.

Abyss still remembers.

The Cat called Abyss' Mother

Abyss drove the hummer that ran down Stone Cold.

Abyss smelled what the Rock was cookin'.

Abyss is for kids, not Trix.

Abyss shot J.R. And by J.R., I mean Jim Ross.

Abyss did it for da rock.

Abyss was Undertaker's half brother.

Abyss was the higher power.

Abyss screwed Bret!

Abyss put the Ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong.

A bump from a spammer about cat constipation.

lol

before i opened this thread i was thinking james was coming back to tna to rejoin abyss

WTF did you just wcw this thread xero?

it would be better if "VINCE" was his father.

They should play it up like its vince mcmohan but it should end up being Russo (if the age makes sense -)

Does the age have to make sense for TNA?

He IS the Monster of the Rings.

Abyss's next secret is that he dated a girl a long time ago, before he got into wrestling. One day, he was driving her home from a date and they got into a car accident. While Abyss attained only minor scarring, his girlfriend (let's call her Katie) died.

Abyss then couldn't help himself and had sex with her dead body. :shifty:

Abyss' scarring will eventually disappear as well.

Though he will be bald when the mask comes off.

That's hilarious that a spambot about cat shit is the one bumping this thread. How fucked up is that coding?

lol

Abyss has mites.

On the next episode of Impact: Abyss finds a way to get cheap WoW gold.

Can a free Playstation 3 be far behind?

Perhaps if enough people order Underground Metal: Volume 1 (now 95% off).

I wish I didn't see this thread. I am still on the 2007 Impacts.

he has a vajayjay