Things I Learned By Watching Wrestling
 

In no particular order:

*Its perfectly acceptable to name breasts after a common household animal.
*It doesn't matter what your name is.
*It's ok to take objects, shine them up real nice, turn them sideways, and stick them straight up another person's candy ass.
*If you sleep with the boss's daughter, you'll be set for life.
*Its Vader Time.
*The best way to resolve an argument is in a cage.
*Kai En Tai is evil.... INDEED!
*Mike Adamle doesn't know a dropkick from a legkick.
*Saying "WHAT?" every time someone finishes a thought is a great way to piss them off.
*We're all parasitic, gelatinous, hypocritical tapeworms

What have YOU learned by watching wrestling??

Is this 1997?

Are you going to post a thread about South Park wrestlers next?

Care to remind me?

Nah it's a good thread, I just wanted to make that joke.

<font color=goldenrod>Cameramen are invisible more often than not.</font>

Amazing recoveries from one week to the next.

Bruised ribs can be healed by wrapping tape around your stomach... unless your DDP then your ribs are indefinitely bruised.

Every 7 footer is a monster.

If I don't get a job, I can just invade the company, turn stuff over and beat up everyone in sight until they agree to give me the job.

Necktie choking is absolutely unacceptable.

Necktie choking is a no no, while an invasion in which the owner of the company is supposedly partly responsible for has no consequences.

...and friends can be made from people who used to beat the fuck out of you.

Not exactly wrestling exclusive.

In fact, assaulting the boss is a good way to get what you want. He'll rarely sue you, file assault charges, or call the cops. More than likely, he will meet you in the ring, give you a title shot, or hire you just so he can crush you.

I learned you can be an actor/director and win the WCW title :shifty:

I've learned that Canadians are hate-filled xenophobes, and their sense of national pride is in fact a deep-rooted insult towards our own country.

Good one, but I think he was released for two reasons 1) Chris Benoit tragedy-he hung himself, and 2) Linda's senate race. I do think Danielson will be back at some point. They better capitalize before 90 days or he'll be in TNA, while Nigel will head to WWE since TNA is screwing him over.

I learned this from experience. :cool:

I think Randy Savage would disagree!

Necrophilia with a teenage cheerleader is more than acceptable.....

that if I want some, all I have to do is come get some

that you can feel the bang.

-Don't piss on the electric fence.

-It is perfectly ok to slap another guy.

that Big Poppa Pump was my hookup

*The Iron Sheik isn't exactly a sheik.
*The Great Khali isn't exactly great.
*John Cena's orange t-shirt is specially manufactured and laced with pheromones
to attract kids and women.

*It's easy to trust your brother after he's buried you alive or tried to burn you to death.
*A square mat surrounded by ropes is no longer a square. It's a squared circle.
*Stand back if there's a hurricane comin' through.
*It's ok to love a mop.
*It's true. It's damn true.
*Bryan Danielson will kick your fucking head in.
*There is a place in the world that can't be found on a map. It's called Parts Unknown.
*Every WrestleMania is the greatest WrestleMania of all time.
*If you're angry and mean-spirited, cheating to win is bad. If you're happy and well-liked, cheating to win is vintage.
*Chris Benoit never existed. Don't say he did, because he didn't.

Every Nitro was the best Nitro ever
That every jobber is "local"
You don't piss Jeff Jarrett off

you can get the shit kicked out of out and take several punches to the face without any bruising or broken bones

that every British wrestler have the same accent
that no one is Hulk Hogan's brother even he doesn't realise it.

That sexual harassment is not a crime.
There is nothing worse than getting your head shaved.
It's all about the MON-AY.

Sid rules the world.
Sid resides "wherever he damm well pleases"

Man, I wish I could find the video where somebody took an episode of Hogan knows best and added clips of Sycho Sid

that being hit with a slegehammer rarely causes serious harm.

that when an official get striked he's KO'd for minutes as if a wrestler get striked s/he's up in seconds.
that all retirements aren't real.
that it's cool to spit an apple at someone's face.

But home invasion is perfectly fine

How to make car crash TV
How to fuck up a storyline
Its possible to give birth to a hand
How not to use an employee
Steel pipes to the skull don't hurt as much as a leg punt.

-how to fake your own death
-how to have a bastard leperchaun child

i learned that PIMPIN AINT EASY

I learned how to "FIRE" someone