Retirement Wrestling Entertainment:
 

Pick some superstars, and imagine what they'll be doing when old and senile in a retirement home. No fair picking those who are already old (Flair) or senile (Warrior).

John Cena: Uses his chain to keep his pants at his nipples.

Batista: Now has an excuse for regularly fucking up his lines.

Randy Orton: Just leaves his colostomy bag in women's purses.

Shawn Michaels: "Sweet Chin Music" refers to the sound he makes when sucking on his dentures (Technically, Michaels is old, but he's still an active wrestler and a pretty capable one, so I'm passing him).

JBL: His regularity is so legendary, he refers to himself as a "BM God."

Triple H: bores his grandkids with stories about how he held people down without his parents' help. Youth these days. SHEESH.

Jeff Hardy: Two words: Seen Keith and Mick?

Chris Masters: Finally breaking his own bones instead of someone else's. Yeah. He won't live that down.

Mordecai: ODdly enough, still living in his mom's basement playing D&D.

Booker T: 5 Time...5 Time...5 TIME STROKE SURVIVOR.

RVD: Blissfully enjoys his "medicine" for arthritis and Glaucoma.

Big Show: Still wrestles part time for the WWE, but needs his knees replaced after every show.

Jeff Jarrett: the poor bastard earned the nickname "slapnuts," alright.

Steve Austin: now mixes his beer into metamusel.

Vince: pulls a Nash trying to...

No wait..

Mark Henry: Is finally shagging people his own age.

Rey Mysterio: 619 is the local hospital on speed dial

:n:

And his blood pressure.

Steve Austin: Still beating up his wife.

:rofl:

Lita: The Retirement Home Slut

:y:

Eddie Guerrero: Stealing people's walkers
John Cena: Says "You Can't See Me" because mmost of the people really can't see Cena, because they are blind.
Jim Ross: Will be feed BBQ Ribs through a feeding tube.

Jerry Lawler: Helping pick up women's puppies off the floor.

Snitsky: Will witness fellow oldies die, each time he will say that "it wasn't my fault."

Heindenreich: Will lead the retirement home in poetry readings.

Best.Thread.Evar.

Not really.. but close.

MB, I am this close ( [---] ) to saying it...

Triple H: Still-uh can't-uh speak-uh proper-uh English-uh.
Lita: Old guys are too scared too kiss her as she is known for literally being the kiss of death.
Edge: Is now dead, thanks to Lita.

I've only gotten it once.

Go ahead and say it.

No, I am not going to whore my catchphrase for you. I only whip it out when needed.


However, you can click here for a free sample.

The Rock: Finally gets his long awaited accolades for his impassioned portrayal of Rooster Cogburn in the remake of "True Grit" --- on a stage in Branson, Missouri

The Undertaker: Keeps telling stories of how we kicked Germany's ass and saved Ireland's bacon in Dubya Dubya Two, tough everyone within hearing distance is too polite to remind him that he wasn't there

The Dudleys: get kicked out of a local Denny's for attempting to 3-D waitstaff through the continental breakfast table.

Eddie Guerrero: still is into custom cars, but drives them at only, like, one mile per hour on the freeway

Rey Mysterio: is in the passenger's seat screaming "You're driving like a BAT OUT OF HELL!!!!"

Carlito: Now chews and spits out a flavorless apple mush that the retirement staff passes off as apple sauce

Mick Foley: Has by now lost both his ears and all of his teeth, but still knows how to take a dive off the roof of the retirement home like it was nobody's business

Brock Lesnar: chases those damn kids off his lawn, screaming all the while that they're homos, while shaking his fist comically in the air

To be fair, they still had five minutes to order the Early Bird Special, and were refused service.

stacey keibler won't have to worry about having saggy tits

X Pac: Still getting his ass beaten up by Chyna.

Chyna: Releases a new sex tape every week.

Triple H: Finally realizes that he has to back away from the main event now that he had his legs amputated.

Kevin Nash: Cannot leave his bed or move because he runs the risk of tearing his quad.

Hulk Hogan: Chases all those 'damn foreigners' out of the retirement home.

Mick Foley: Has "This is Your Life" segments for different doctors every other week.

And due to his alzheimers, believes it to be a fresh bit each time.

<font color=goldenrod>Chris Jericho: Attempts to host weekly Highlight Reel segments, interviewing a different old fart each week.

Edge: Dead, 3 words: Matt Hardy's revenge.

Tyson Tomko: Seriously regretting getting all of those tattoos at this point.</font>

Chris Masters: Will literally bore fellow old folks into a coma.