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Old 04-30-2005, 02:29 AM   #1
Kane Knight
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Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
Retirement Wrestling Entertainment:
Pick some superstars, and imagine what they'll be doing when old and senile in a retirement home. No fair picking those who are already old (Flair) or senile (Warrior).

John Cena: Uses his chain to keep his pants at his nipples.

Batista: Now has an excuse for regularly fucking up his lines.

Randy Orton: Just leaves his colostomy bag in women's purses.

Shawn Michaels: "Sweet Chin Music" refers to the sound he makes when sucking on his dentures (Technically, Michaels is old, but he's still an active wrestler and a pretty capable one, so I'm passing him).

JBL: His regularity is so legendary, he refers to himself as a "BM God."

Triple H: bores his grandkids with stories about how he held people down without his parents' help. Youth these days. SHEESH.

Jeff Hardy: Two words: Seen Keith and Mick?

Chris Masters: Finally breaking his own bones instead of someone else's. Yeah. He won't live that down.

Mordecai: ODdly enough, still living in his mom's basement playing D&D.

Booker T: 5 Time...5 Time...5 TIME STROKE SURVIVOR.

RVD: Blissfully enjoys his "medicine" for arthritis and Glaucoma.

Big Show: Still wrestles part time for the WWE, but needs his knees replaced after every show.

Jeff Jarrett: the poor bastard earned the nickname "slapnuts," alright.

Steve Austin: now mixes his beer into metamusel.

“There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”

--John Rogers
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Old 04-30-2005, 02:31 AM   #2
M. Banana
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Vince: pulls a Nash trying to...

No wait..
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Old 04-30-2005, 02:46 AM   #3
Kane Knight
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Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
Mark Henry: Is finally shagging people his own age.
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Old 04-30-2005, 02:49 AM   #4
Nervous Ferret
love yourself
 
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Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Nervous Ferret makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
Rey Mysterio: 619 is the local hospital on speed dial
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Old 04-30-2005, 02:57 AM   #5
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Old 04-30-2005, 02:58 AM   #6
Kane Knight
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Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nervous Ferret
Rey Mysterio: 619 is the local hospital on speed dial
And his blood pressure.
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:08 AM   #7
Londoner
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Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)
Steve Austin: Still beating up his wife.
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:09 AM   #8
M. Banana
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:09 AM   #9
KingofOldSchool
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KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)
Lita: The Retirement Home Slut
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:11 AM   #10
M. Banana
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:12 AM   #11
KingofOldSchool
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KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)KingofOldSchool has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)
Eddie Guerrero: Stealing people's walkers
John Cena: Says "You Can't See Me" because mmost of the people really can't see Cena, because they are blind.
Jim Ross: Will be feed BBQ Ribs through a feeding tube.
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:14 AM   #12
James Steele
TPWW's HHH Mark Since '04
 
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James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
Jerry Lawler: Helping pick up women's puppies off the floor.
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:16 AM   #13
KingofOldSchool
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Snitsky: Will witness fellow oldies die, each time he will say that "it wasn't my fault."

Heindenreich: Will lead the retirement home in poetry readings.
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:17 AM   #14
M. Banana
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Best.Thread.Evar.
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:17 AM   #15
M. Banana
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Not really.. but close.
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:20 AM   #16
James Steele
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James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
MB, I am this close ( [---] ) to saying it...
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:21 AM   #17
Londoner
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Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)Londoner puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)
Triple H: Still-uh can't-uh speak-uh proper-uh English-uh.
Lita: Old guys are too scared too kiss her as she is known for literally being the kiss of death.
Edge: Is now dead, thanks to Lita.
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:23 AM   #18
M. Banana
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I've only gotten it once.

Go ahead and say it.
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:45 AM   #19
James Steele
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James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)James Steele makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
No, I am not going to whore my catchphrase for you. I only whip it out when needed.


However, you can click here for a free sample.
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Old 04-30-2005, 03:57 AM   #20
El Santo
One Man Horror Show
 
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El Santo has a good deal of rep (10,000+)El Santo has a good deal of rep (10,000+)El Santo has a good deal of rep (10,000+)El Santo has a good deal of rep (10,000+)El Santo has a good deal of rep (10,000+)El Santo has a good deal of rep (10,000+)
The Rock: Finally gets his long awaited accolades for his impassioned portrayal of Rooster Cogburn in the remake of "True Grit" --- on a stage in Branson, Missouri

The Undertaker: Keeps telling stories of how we kicked Germany's ass and saved Ireland's bacon in Dubya Dubya Two, tough everyone within hearing distance is too polite to remind him that he wasn't there

The Dudleys: get kicked out of a local Denny's for attempting to 3-D waitstaff through the continental breakfast table.

Eddie Guerrero: still is into custom cars, but drives them at only, like, one mile per hour on the freeway

Rey Mysterio: is in the passenger's seat screaming "You're driving like a BAT OUT OF HELL!!!!"

Carlito: Now chews and spits out a flavorless apple mush that the retirement staff passes off as apple sauce

Mick Foley: Has by now lost both his ears and all of his teeth, but still knows how to take a dive off the roof of the retirement home like it was nobody's business

Brock Lesnar: chases those damn kids off his lawn, screaming all the while that they're homos, while shaking his fist comically in the air
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Old 04-30-2005, 09:52 AM   #21
Kane Knight
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Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
Quote:
Originally Posted by El Santo
The Dudleys: get kicked out of a local Denny's for attempting to 3-D waitstaff through the continental breakfast table.
To be fair, they still had five minutes to order the Early Bird Special, and were refused service.
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Old 04-30-2005, 10:08 AM   #22
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stacey keibler won't have to worry about having saggy tits
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Old 04-30-2005, 11:14 AM   #23
Xero
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X Pac: Still getting his ass beaten up by Chyna.

Chyna: Releases a new sex tape every week.

Triple H: Finally realizes that he has to back away from the main event now that he had his legs amputated.

Kevin Nash: Cannot leave his bed or move because he runs the risk of tearing his quad.

Hulk Hogan: Chases all those 'damn foreigners' out of the retirement home.
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Old 04-30-2005, 11:16 AM   #24
Nark Order
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Mick Foley: Has "This is Your Life" segments for different doctors every other week.
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Old 04-30-2005, 11:19 AM   #25
Kane Knight
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Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Kane Knight makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
Quote:
Originally Posted by deadlyheaven
Mick Foley: Has "This is Your Life" segments for different doctors every other week.
And due to his alzheimers, believes it to be a fresh bit each time.
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Old 04-30-2005, 11:29 AM   #26
Evil Vito
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Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)Evil Vito makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
Chris Jericho: Attempts to host weekly Highlight Reel segments, interviewing a different old fart each week.

Edge: Dead, 3 words: Matt Hardy's revenge.

Tyson Tomko: Seriously regretting getting all of those tattoos at this point.
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Old 04-30-2005, 01:18 PM   #27
KingofOldSchool
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Chris Masters: Will literally bore fellow old folks into a coma.
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