Originally Posted by Rectal Pertruder

Over the past 5 years, i've pretty much lost all connection with happiness. It used to be that there were little things that perked me up and made me in a good mood. Things like Christmas trees. I put a new Chirstmas tree up in my apartment. I used to get so happy inside by looking at them. Now all i can think about is how long it will take me to tear it down after Christmas.

Long drives while smoking the stickiest of the icky made me happy all the time. Now i just want to stay home and sit on my couch.

Jerking off has become more like a job then it has a pleasurable experience. Before i talk myself into spanking it, I usually talk myself out of it by thinking about all the work i do for a split second of happiness.

I've thought about getting a dog, but i dont wanna have to walk it all the time . I also dont want to clean up poop. Smelling dog poop sends me into a Hulk like rage. Its weird. I hate dog poop. Probably ate some when i was a kid or something.

I dont want to spend time with my family on the holidays. I feel as if my time could be better spent and by better spent i mean, sitting on the couch and being high.

I dont want a girlfriend. 2 years ago when i thought about having a girlfriend, I had a very optimistic approach. I was pretty excited about the thought and really enjoyed the dating aspect. Now, I dont want anything to do with a girlfriend. I honestly, at this moment, couldnt talk myself into wanting to have sex. I have no sex drive and even if a fairly decent girl is wanting to reverse cowgirl my cock , i'd probably find a reason to talk myself out of it.

This place used to make me happy. Actually still does, but its also made me pretty self absorbed. I dont really care about other topics on the board. I dont read 70% of the topics here and honestly, when i see people talking about " That thread " or " That person said this ". I could care less. Unless anything has anything to do with my posting personality on this board, i dont pay attention. The only thing thats made me happy here, is by verbally assaulting anyone i can. I used to do this to make people laugh and be accepted by the popular folk, but now i just do it cause i dont really want to be friends with anyone here. I do it for that 10% chance that i might actually laugh my ass off to myself. I could care less what anyone thinks about me. Or if i hurt someones feelings. I'm trying to make me happy. And lately the only way i've been able to do that, is by coming here and calling people names and coming up with a zinger or two. I probably could have been friends with alot of you and do the whole " talk on MSN and AIM about really cools stuff pertaining to TPWW and calling those people by there real names like Michael Stima " thing, but thats so boring. That doesnt make me happy. These internet forums are set up to be a friends area where everyone chats and discusses opinions, but i think thats bull shit. I can do that in real life with no problem. Thats the stuff i dont want to do. I used to enjoy myself alot more when i could come on here and insult someone and not face any repercussions. Now i think about that and look back on some of my past posts. I'm proud of nothing. Not that i should be, but i dont even laugh at some of the insane shit i've said. Some things i've said have been soley to get attention. Cause i cant tolerate getting attention the right way ( being friends and junk ). That is slow and irratating. I suck basically.

I have a shitty job i dont like, 2 addictions, a dream and no major responsibility. All of this works together to totally fuck my life every year. I dont have enough balls to quit my shitty job because my dream is a financial risk. Even if i did pull the trigger on the dream, i have 2 addictions that will basically do me in. I sleep all week long sometimes. Literally waking up for 4-5 hours and going back to sleep for 9-12 hours over and over again. I have no motivation. Even when i dont want to sleep, I still go to sleep.

I'm about to be 25 years old and i've accomplished nothing. I dont even have anything to fall back on or strive towards. And if i did, in the mood i've been in for the past 2 years, I'd find away to fuck that up big time.

I've lost the game of life so far and it sucks really bad, by i have no motivation to change things right now.