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- - RAW Captions - 02/26/07 (https://www.tpwwforums.com/showthread.php?t=59002)

RAW Captions - 02/26/07

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Edge: WASSUP WIT DAT!?

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Orton: Oh my God! He just kind of... EXPLODED!
Shawn: ... Dammit, there goes my main event...

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Carlito is the first person ever to catch the elusive Spirit Squid out of it's natural camouflage.

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They say rape by a green hoss isn't funny. In this case, maybe it is.

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Khali: Kane, darling, how DO you get your lighting so CRIMSON!?

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Wayne Brady has finally choked a bitch.

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The giant Donald wasn't about to take that "eye booger" crack lightly.

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In case anyone didn't know that Umaga was SAMOAN, Vince made Umaga get a new tattoo.

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Jeff Hardy - Puffin' the Hard Stuff

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Cena: OH NO HE DI-INT!

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Lashley: LET ME AT THEM BUNNIES!

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"Da Beanie Baby Big Debate" was off to a roaring start.

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Jeff Hardy got points for accuracy, but the winner of the Swanton Contest was Kenny for his style.

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Kane: Anything you can do I can do better...

-Or-

Kane: I have no idea what you just said...

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Lashley: UMAGA!
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Umaga: LASHLEY!
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Lashley: WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU!?
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Umaga: WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU!?
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Lashley: I'LL NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU!

Didn't those 5 pics just scream Brokeback Mountain to anyone but me?

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Security Guy: Dynamite Areolas!!
Hogan Look-a-like in the back: Yeah brother!

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Security Guy 1: Time for your shot Lashley.
Franklin Roberto Lashley: Nooooo!!
Security Guy 2: Whoa nice ass!

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Cena: Damn it, I forgot which one was chocolate and which one was decon!

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Although the Glass ceiling is unbreakable, it doesn't mean you can't slide it off its supports.

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*Jeff Hardy bungee's down off the roof*

Hardy: BOOOOOOGY

Shelton: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

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Cena's "Gold Belt Puppet Theater" was a smash hit with the fans....

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....so naturally, it had to be interrupted by another lame D-X segment.

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In the WWE's first 'hold a stupid look on your face longest' triple threat, the referee took a commanding lead....

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...only to be usurped by a stupid look from Edge...

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...who ended up on the business of a stupid-look double team from Orton and HBK.

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Randy Orton found himself no match for John Cena and his invisible tire swing.

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The Legend Killer never missed an opportunity to hit on the cameramen, blowing them kisses and making them vaguely uncomfortable at every chance.

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Ric Flair: sixteen-time World Heavyweight Champion, founder of the Four Horsemen, and can do the hand-farting sound effect like you've never heard.

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Carlito turned just in time to see his snare trap in action.

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Khali was prepared to swoop in on his pantomime hang-glider, but Kane never would've noticed. He was too busy parting the Red Sea.

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Unfortunately, none of the contestants had any idea that the Terminator was watching at ringside.

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Khali was so happy that his potty-training had finally paid off. Masters just didn't have the heart to tell him that he's not supposed to go with his pants on.

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Adam Savage: Jerry Lawler, after over a decade of commentating Divas matches, does NOT have hairy palms!

Jamie Hyneman: MYTH BUSTED!!!

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Bobby Lashley feels a strange reaction when he realizes he's on a show that people are actually watching.

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The security official gawks in amazement when his partner suddenly catches Lashley with a devastating German suplex.

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Unfortunately for Jeff, Carlito forgot to take his snare trap down after his match.

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Two belts, and his pants still hang halfway down his ass.

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Cena: Hey, gimme that.

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Cena: Do you have "Jesus Rules" tattoed on your forehead?

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Edge: I know that contact lens is around here somewhere!

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Orton: But I need it to cover up my package!

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We all know about the glass ceiling, but Cena shows us what few have witnessed: the glass toilet.

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"Tell me I don't wash my hands after I pee..."

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Raw goes sour as Dykstra is flung into the upper deck by Carlito. Now that's cool.

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Kane: Ha! I didn't say Simon Says!
Khali: ARGHARFARGASHARNARGAHAH!
Kane: Oh shit.

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All hell breaks loose as Raw is invaded by aliens from above.

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Masters: Good God, man, don't they have deodorant in India?
Khali: ARGHARFARGASHARNARGAHAH!
Masters: Oh shit.

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"I'm not smiling, I had to have my face stapled back to keep it from sliding off."

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"I don't care if he's the boss, I'm still going to get him for calling Cena "my nigga" that one time!

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Why the hell is Kendrick working security?!

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Lashley injures himself trying to "rock out."

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A vicious battle ensues over whose title has less credibility.

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Worst battle royal ever.

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Vince: Estrada, could you PLEASE make him put on some REAL pants???

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Breaking News: Fan sued for unauthorized use of Vince McMahon's image.

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"Heh heh, hey watch me pee on the logo."

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Nitro: Damn homeless people!

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Cena: I'm starting to think it might not be the best thing for the product to have the tag team champions fight over the WWE title at Wrestlemania.
Shawn: If you think like that you'll go crazy in another year.
Cena: But isn't that kind of novelty better for a lesser kind of Pay Per-
Shawn: I'm telling you man, don't think about it.

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WWE risks provoking Bret Hart's ire by lowering Hardy from the rafters.