You know what Wrestling is missing?
 

It is missing a John Maddenesqe commentator. You know, a guy that tells use shit we already knew, but in such a way as if we didn't.

Here are some example of what he could say:

"You see, when Beniot makes MVP tap out, that is called a submission."
"If Matt can reach Jeff Hardy and make the tag, then Jeff become the legal man in this match."
"This match will begin as soon as the bell rings."

And so on. JR could do it, but then it wouldn't be as ironic.

Paul Steigerwald, who commentates for the Pittsburgh Penguins, has said:
"The key to winning a hockey game is to score more goals then your opponent."
and:
"You can score a goal without an assist, but you won't have any help with it."
and my personal favorite:
"Once the puck starts moving, it will continue to move until it stops."
Yeah, Fox Sports Pittsburgh has been blocking my nasty emails for a long time, methinks.

Anyways, I think Michael Cole already does this, I've heard him say:
"You have to get a three count, because just a two won't do it."
and:
"The winner of the Royal Rumble will face the champion of his choice at Wrestlemania, which means he will have a title shot at Wrestlemania."

And not necessarily the same, but I was watching Survivor Series 93(?), the Harts vs Shawn Michaels and the Knights, and this was said:
Heenan: You want me to tell you who the Blue Knight is?
Vince: Please.
Heenan: He's the guy in blue in the ring there. He just dropped an elbow on Bret Hart.

Or possibly this commentor can say shit like:

"The are called the Hardy Boys because they have the same last name, and they are brothers."
"This match with go until one of these men win or the time limit runs out, which ever happens first."

Michael Cole strikes me as just the kind of commentator BDC is talking about, because every time Cole would make an obvious remark on SmackDown! Tazz would always say (or at least, usually) "Thank You, Captain Obvious." and I believe JBL still continues in that tradition, if I'm not mistaken.

It needs to be someone more likeable that Michael Cole though, because to have that Madden-effect you have to like or at the very least tolerate it. Michael Cole just makes me say "Shut the hell up" or something along those lines.

No, we dont' need a John Madden type.

"I'm commentating, which means I'm doing commentary!"

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lol xero

Wrestling

BDC, with all due respect, that is going on the list of "Ideas I'm Going To Pretend Not To Exist"

4Fiddy, you are being a bitch.

Fo show BeeDeeSee, homy aktin a chump.

Destor, speak engrish.

que?

You heard me.

I heard nothing.

You read what he posted and don't deny it.

Yea, you're right. If I ever start anything with the phrase "with all due respect" that means I'm going to be a total ass about something. :p

I'm pretty sure Don West fills this role already.

I can't believe nobody said "cowbell" yet. I'm pleased they didn't, as the joke is lame and exhausted

You know what wrestling needs? Will Ferrell.

Oh, wait, it's already got it in the annoying cunt named Cena.

Point is, Ferrell is an annoying talentless cunt.

Get the Hot Rod in the "booth"

Don't ask me why, but I just thought of an unrelated incident entirely. Heat was rotating colour commentators for some reason, and I think it was Crash Holly doing colour. I can't remember who was in the ring, but I want to say it was Stevie Richards hitting his Stevie-T, or something.

Anyways, Crash goes: "Do you know what he calls that?"
"What?"
"The Ratings Drop."

:'(

I miss that little guy.

I always like Bill DeMott in the "booth". He called it like it was a legit sport, and even had his "DeMott's Turning Point" at the end of the match. :D