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Old 05-03-2007, 05:00 PM   #1
BigDaddyCool
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You know what Wrestling is missing?
It is missing a John Maddenesqe commentator. You know, a guy that tells use shit we already knew, but in such a way as if we didn't.

Here are some example of what he could say:

"You see, when Beniot makes MVP tap out, that is called a submission."
"If Matt can reach Jeff Hardy and make the tag, then Jeff become the legal man in this match."
"This match will begin as soon as the bell rings."

And so on. JR could do it, but then it wouldn't be as ironic.
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Old 05-03-2007, 05:07 PM   #2
Theo Dious
EATER OF HOT POCKETS
 
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Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Theo Dious got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
Paul Steigerwald, who commentates for the Pittsburgh Penguins, has said:
"The key to winning a hockey game is to score more goals then your opponent."
and:
"You can score a goal without an assist, but you won't have any help with it."
and my personal favorite:
"Once the puck starts moving, it will continue to move until it stops."
Yeah, Fox Sports Pittsburgh has been blocking my nasty emails for a long time, methinks.

Anyways, I think Michael Cole already does this, I've heard him say:
"You have to get a three count, because just a two won't do it."
and:
"The winner of the Royal Rumble will face the champion of his choice at Wrestlemania, which means he will have a title shot at Wrestlemania."

And not necessarily the same, but I was watching Survivor Series 93(?), the Harts vs Shawn Michaels and the Knights, and this was said:
Heenan: You want me to tell you who the Blue Knight is?
Vince: Please.
Heenan: He's the guy in blue in the ring there. He just dropped an elbow on Bret Hart.
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Old 05-03-2007, 05:10 PM   #3
BigDaddyCool
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Or possibly this commentor can say shit like:

"The are called the Hardy Boys because they have the same last name, and they are brothers."
"This match with go until one of these men win or the time limit runs out, which ever happens first."
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Old 05-03-2007, 05:38 PM   #4
DAMN iNATOR
RIP SABU
 
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Michael Cole strikes me as just the kind of commentator BDC is talking about, because every time Cole would make an obvious remark on SmackDown! Tazz would always say (or at least, usually) "Thank You, Captain Obvious." and I believe JBL still continues in that tradition, if I'm not mistaken.
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Old 05-03-2007, 05:51 PM   #5
Mercury Bullet
The Year of the Bullet
 
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It needs to be someone more likeable that Michael Cole though, because to have that Madden-effect you have to like or at the very least tolerate it. Michael Cole just makes me say "Shut the hell up" or something along those lines.
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Old 05-03-2007, 05:58 PM   #6
Stickman
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No, we dont' need a John Madden type.
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Old 05-03-2007, 06:11 PM   #7
Afterlife
So fucking sexy.
 
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President Gerald Ford: "Things are more like they are now than they have ever been."
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Old 05-03-2007, 06:12 PM   #8
The One
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"I'm commentating, which means I'm doing commentary!"
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Old 05-03-2007, 06:21 PM   #9
Xero
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Old 05-03-2007, 07:13 PM   #10
SammyG
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SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
lol xero
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Old 05-03-2007, 09:00 PM   #11
IC Champion
They/Them
 
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Wrestling
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Old 05-03-2007, 10:48 PM   #12
FourFifty
As over as Crystal Pepsi
 
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FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
BDC, with all due respect, that is going on the list of "Ideas I'm Going To Pretend Not To Exist"
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Old 05-03-2007, 10:58 PM   #13
BigDaddyCool
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4Fiddy, you are being a bitch.
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Old 05-04-2007, 12:02 AM   #14
FourFifty
As over as Crystal Pepsi
 
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FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigDaddyCool
4Fiddy, you are being a bitch.
Yea, you're right. If I ever start anything with the phrase "with all due respect" that means I'm going to be a total ass about something.
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Old 05-03-2007, 10:59 PM   #15
Destor
I am the cheese
 
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Fo show BeeDeeSee, homy aktin a chump.
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Old 05-03-2007, 11:01 PM   #16
BigDaddyCool
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Destor, speak engrish.
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Old 05-03-2007, 11:04 PM   #17
Destor
I am the cheese
 
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que?
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Old 05-03-2007, 11:08 PM   #18
BigDaddyCool
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You heard me.
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Old 05-03-2007, 11:12 PM   #19
Destor
I am the cheese
 
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I heard nothing.
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Old 05-03-2007, 11:34 PM   #20
Shadow
Shadow Conspircy leader
 
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You read what he posted and don't deny it.
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Old 05-04-2007, 12:48 PM   #21
Chuck Jones
The Thread Killer
 
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I'm pretty sure Don West fills this role already.
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Old 05-04-2007, 01:03 PM   #22
Jeritron
Get a poke on
 
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I can't believe nobody said "cowbell" yet. I'm pleased they didn't, as the joke is lame and exhausted
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Old 05-04-2007, 01:18 PM   #23
Xero
He's Here
 
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You know what wrestling needs? Will Ferrell.

Oh, wait, it's already got it in the annoying cunt named Cena.

Point is, Ferrell is an annoying talentless cunt.
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Old 05-04-2007, 01:39 PM   #24
Afterlife
So fucking sexy.
 
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Actually, I could see them hiring Chris Walken.

"I got a fee-vah. And the only prescription...is more Ce-na."

Or, better yet....

"Oh--hey...what's this? It looks...like Hunnah--Triple H, the H-Man...he's unda the ring, why? Oh, shoot--he's got a HAMmah! A hammah, with which to sledge, JR. Only thing, there's no sledges around, so...he must be thinkin', I dunno -- knees."
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Old 05-04-2007, 02:24 PM   #25
Stickman
Stickman
 
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Get the Hot Rod in the "booth"
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Old 05-05-2007, 07:36 AM   #26
Mr. Nerfect
 
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Don't ask me why, but I just thought of an unrelated incident entirely. Heat was rotating colour commentators for some reason, and I think it was Crash Holly doing colour. I can't remember who was in the ring, but I want to say it was Stevie Richards hitting his Stevie-T, or something.

Anyways, Crash goes: "Do you know what he calls that?"
"What?"
"The Ratings Drop."



I miss that little guy.
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Old 05-05-2007, 08:55 AM   #27
Chavo Classic
The Great Pink Hope
 
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I always like Bill DeMott in the "booth". He called it like it was a legit sport, and even had his "DeMott's Turning Point" at the end of the match.
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