Favourite Simpsons Quotes
 

Post your favourite simpsons quotes and lines here.

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“Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.

0:08

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"Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? "Why did I have the bowl?" - Milhouse.

"I don't recall saying good luck"

Bart: "Mom, it's hard for us to leave when you're standing in our way."
Homer: "Push her down, son."

"GO BANANA!"

I'm dying Moe
Is there anything I can do professor?
Not unless you have a cure for cancer...do you have a cure for cancer?...Coz that would be great!
I'm sorry professor...
Goodbye Moe

"To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!" - Homer Simpson

Homer: [slams the door] Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up
there.
[Marge scrapes it off into Homer's hands]
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but -- [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.
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We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

My story begins in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" because the Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles. (the children laugh) What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem! Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss how I invented the terlet...

put out an APB on a uosdwis r. dewoh...better start in Greek town

Did you know every good American is at heart an erotic American?

:heart:

Homer: Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent.
Fourteen percent of all people know that.
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Homer: What is the mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind.

throwing out the tracy ullman lines

classy

I have had it, I have HAD IT with this school, Skinner. The low test scores. Class after class of ugly, ugly children

Authorities say the phony pope can be identified by his high-top sneakers, and incredibly foul mouth.

Homer: I keep hearing this horrible irregular thumping sound.
Gas attendant: I think that's your heart... and it sounds like it's on it's last thump.
Homer: PHEW! I thought it was my transmission *drives off*
Billy: Hey where's that man going?
Gas attendant: Billy... remember that old Plymouth we just couldn't fix?
Billy: We're gonna sell him to Mr. Nikapopolous?
Gas attendant: You're a dull boy Billy.

Bart: Hey, I think I hear a dingo eating your baby.

Stupid Sexy Flanders!

My all time favourite Homer rant, from Lisa's Rival:

Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?
Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called ‘City Fathers’ who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"

And a classic Lionel Hutz exchange:
Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck! Your sexual harassment case is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice! (he produces a bottle from his desk) Care to join me in a belt of scotch?
Marge: It's 9:30 in the morning!
Lionel Hutz: Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. (he takes a generous swig) Last chance! (Homer and Marge don't respond. Hutz drains the bottle) Oh, yeah....

BURNS: You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate one million dollars to the children's orphanage... when pigs fly!

(They laugh hysterically. A pig goes flying past the window and they both slowly stop laughing.)

SMITHERS ...will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?

BURNS: Mmm... I'd still prefer not."

"It's funny 'cos it's someone else" Homer (Driving by an accident I think?)

Ralph: Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?
Lisa: Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
Ralph: My cat's name is Mittens.

Spare me your euphemisms! It's fat camp, for Daddy's chubby little secret!

We'll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing. We're gonna live like kings. Damn hell ass kings!

Lisa: That's very nice, Dad, but it's wrong for you to reward violent competitive behavior. However, I will sit up front with you if it's a fatherly gesture of love.
Homer: OK, hon... sucker! Competitive violence, that's why you're here!

Simple but always a personal favorite of mine
 

Hired goons?

Indeed. I believe that's it.

"God forgive me, I just aint that bright" - H.J Simpson

Abe "Grampa" Simpson: Latex Condo... boy i'd sure like to live in one of those!

Dental Plan, Lisa Needs Braces.

Damn I can't think of any this is terrible.

I've seen seasons 1-8 like 2903 times :(

So you've seen every episode worth watching.

Ha-ha! - Nelson