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Old 05-12-2005, 10:47 PM   #1
M. Banana
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SmackDown Captions 05/12/05





























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Old 05-12-2005, 10:51 PM   #2
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Mid Carders surround their victims, dragging them to mid card hell.

Morgan: G-G-G-G-Imme k-k-k-kissie...
Funaki: whatcho talkin' 'bout fool?

Carlito: Smelly nuts.. das not cool.

Carlito botches feeding the Big Show.

Stevie debuts on SmackDown.

Heidenreich becomes the uber heel and goes back in time to destroy..

KIDDIE CENA!!!
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Old 05-12-2005, 10:52 PM   #3
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Meh, they were crap.
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Old 05-12-2005, 11:12 PM   #4
Gouda
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Why? Why was I programmed to feel pain?!


Chavo tried to wake up Paul from his nap on the ropes and paid for it.


Litte Johnny is finally revealed... growing out of Heidenriech's neck.


chavo tests his new magnetic boots.


Eddie: Alas poor Yorrick... if only I hadn't stole from you, you might not be poor! ODALYA ESSE VATO LOCO TACO ARRIBA VIVA LA RAZA BURRITO SUMBRARO TEQUILA!!


You don't wanna know where Paul London's head went.
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Old 05-12-2005, 11:33 PM   #5
Blue Demon
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ALIALIYAALYALAYA


Smackdown was just Hassan'd
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Old 05-12-2005, 11:44 PM   #6
Gouda
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Angle: Don't worry Booker... I'LL deliver your baby!


Cena: MILK ME!!!!!
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Old 05-12-2005, 11:56 PM   #7
V
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V puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)V puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)V puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)V puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)V puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)V puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)V puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)V puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)V puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)

What's her face is about to realize Booker T likes bukkake


I'm not even going there...
Random Priest: Thank god


Chavo: Swinging London Tornado Attack!




Bradshaw: my god Orlando, get some sleep!
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Old 05-13-2005, 12:23 AM   #8
TerranRich
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Sharmell: Why doesn't anybody realize I USED TO BE IN WCW! THAT MEANS SOMETHING!!! GAAHHH!!


Boy: You're not gunna cut a promo on me, are ya Mister?


Mercury: Gimme a hug, you big lug, you!


Chavo holds on for dear life as the X-Pac Sucking Machine claims one Paul London


The two-headed HeidenBeast was a great success on Smackdown


Holly: And THIS is for having CHARISMA!!!


Chavo: No! Leave my nipples ALONE already!!


Paul London finally realizes how much the Cruiserweight title matters to WWE


Eddie: What do you MEAN my t-shirt is a rip-off of the Grand Theft Auto: Vice City logos! DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE YOU KNOW ME, VATO LOCO!!!


Eddie: For that remark, you're sitting this one out, ese.


JBL: Hey guys! Look what I found in the garbage! Isn't this-- Hey! This is mine!


JBL: And THIS is for attacking Vince backstage!
John: I'm...not...Nailz...


Eddie: Smell my Latino Heat, ese!


Eddie: THIS is the Angry Face, homes!
Jobber: RFFLRLFLLFLFFRLRRFFRFRNMNNPH!!


Cole: Hey! You're not Rey Mysterio!
Tazz (off-screen): That's right, Cole, Rey has, uh, all those tattoos and whatnot!


Matt: I like your hair! GIMME!!


Carlito: Come on, you fat peeg! You've already have two bushels full of my apples!


Big Show, just afer being told that Randy Orton had a go at the apple barrels before the show.


Kurt: Okay, you take care of the body, I'll go off and search for the head...


Referee: The hair! It is irresistable!


Eddie attempts to do a Triple H-style promo, starting with the chair...


Chavo: I ASKED you what TIME IS IT!!!
Charlie: No! NEVER!!!


Nitro: What? WHO said I was "the homo"??


Cena: It's okay, Johnny, come rest against Papa's bosom...


Announcer: Okay! Everybody trapped in Midcard Hell, please join John Cena outside the ring!


Carlito botches The Mist.


Matt: Ssshh! Don't say a word, Funaki. It's just you and me out here in the eternal void of uselessness...


Unknown to the rest of the people in the ring, Scotty 2 Hotty delivers the Nipple Twist of Death to John Cena.
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Old 05-13-2005, 02:25 AM   #9
Xerzes
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Worst. Ventriloquist. Ever.


Worst. Attack by Cthulhu. Ever.


Worst. Descent into Hell. Ever.


Worst. Public erection. Ever.


Worst. Man's hand and another man's head phased inside a third man's body. Ever.
Last edited by Xerzes; 05-13-2005 at 04:50 PM. Reason: Most were not, in fact, funny.
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Old 05-13-2005, 12:19 PM   #10
What Would Kevin Do?
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Much like the XFL, the Xtreme Shakespeare Troupe bombed horribly.
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Old 05-13-2005, 03:04 PM   #11
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the floating mask is a reference to the simpsons when Ned tries to open the amusement park
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Old 05-13-2005, 05:39 AM   #12
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http://www.wwe.com/shows/smackdown/smackdown/photos/051205/images/01.jpg[/img]
I TO CAN ACT


The writers have gone to far with heidenrape


SUPER HIGH FIVE


CRAZY HORIZONTAL WALK


HEIDENRAPE


hardcore was as surprised as everyone else when chavo got stuck on top of the glass ceiling


Chavo guerrero stars in "the nutcracker"............. sorry couldn't help myself


eddie finally found a way to know where stevie was


Eddie was not ammused when he discovered rey had been replaced in his fued with a inatimate pole wearing his mask


Nobody wears orange shirts in this neighbourhood


man my armpit does stink


REY, YOU'VE GOT HAIR
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Old 05-13-2005, 10:34 AM   #13
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"WHO WANTS TO SMELL MY HANDS?"


In an attempt to cash in on the controversy of the Jackson trial, WWE has Heidenreich propose to a ten year old boy.


Mercury passes his arm under his lovely assistant to show that no wires were supporting him. The crowd went "oooh"


Chavo insisted on a closer inspection of the Lovely Assistant, but just before he doscovered the thick blue supporting rope, London's lamb vindaloo from last night repeated on him.


Heidenreich broght out his new weapon, the Attack Preteen.


Holly's attempt to repeat Mercury's magic trick failed after Chavo let go of the hidden support beam.


Chavo misunderstands the mechanics of the Hokey Pokey and puts his right foot in with disasterous consequences


COLE: London may not have won the match, but by golly those are a lovely set of pearly whites!


"What's that, floating mask? You want me to KILL everyone?"


"Just kidding, folks. It's a miracle."

(rep to the first person to get the reference)


Sometimes, you look at a super violent man like Matt Morgan and you know that deep inside all he really needs is a hug.


"In my bonus chapter for the paperback edition I discuss the best ways to use the threat of sodomy as a hazing exercise!"


The angry expression, the increase in muscle mass, the sudden eruption of orange skin...

good god, Cena was Hulking Up!


"It's 9:00, esse, do you know where my deodorant is?"


"I think I left it with my Listerine."


WWE's contraversial "racial profiling on the ass of your tights" program broke down after they had to make a pair for Nunzio that said "Italian. Wait, Italian American. Wait, his cousin's a redneck, how does that work?"


Morgan modelled the stylish new Funaki Kneepads


Intrepid reporter Carlito was going to interview the boil on Big Show's neck even if it cost him his life.


*dreadful Scotish accent* Ah think that fifth baby disagreed with me!


No matter what else happened, Booker T wouldn't say that Hawk The Slayer was rubbish again

(rep for reference)


Although he was not a qualified doctor, Carlito felt sure that he would be able to help Show with the terrible growths on his back.


No matter what else happened, Kurt Angle wouldn't say that Babylon 5 was a big pile of shit again.


"Ladies, please. I know I'm irresistible, but don't throw your underwear at me. All right, silk and lace only."


CHARLIE: AEROPLAAAAAAAANE!


ANNOUNCER: Approaching the ring at a combined weight of 435 pounds, EDGE AND CHR- Wait, wrong decade. MNM!


Cena didn't care what anyone thought. He was going to breastfeed JBL whether he liked it or not!


"Yeah, I breastfed the former WWE champ, AND I'D DO IT AGAIN!"


"You call this Sauce Bernaise? You're the worst wrestler-turned-cordon-bleu-chef EVER!"


"Give me some sugar, baby!"



With a trememdous roar of pain, John Cena turned into a centaur.
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Old 05-13-2005, 11:11 AM   #14
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Val Venis Returns To The Porn Industry With His Lastest Film Exxxtreme Fantasies With Sweet Brown Sugar Starring Sharmell
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Old 05-13-2005, 11:35 AM   #15
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Rey: I'd sell my soul for a new mask!
Eddie (appering out of nowhere):That can be arranged.
Rey: Nah! Changed my mind!
Cole (dressed as marge): Rey,stop pestering satan!


The benifits of waxing A-Train


Big Show: ARGH! Vitaman A! Get it off! Get it off!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
*more later,if your unlucky enough*
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Old 05-13-2005, 06:38 PM   #16
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"AHHH! I forgot to tape this week's 'O.C' !!! "


Kid: Hey! You're not the guy from Rocky 4 !


Holly: STOP JUMPING ON THE BED, DAMN IT!


london: OOOOoohh, sweet fabric...
Chavo: Don't stop.


Eddie (reading mask): Who the hell is this Ultimo guy ??


JBL: Can someone put a spinner on this ?


RANDOM PAC-MAN APPLE!


Show: Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have eaten all that coffee, tea, watermelon, and motor oil...


Angle: Oh yeah. That's hot. Now touch her real soft...
Booker: Are you still here?!


Big Show, killed by still life.


MNM: This isn't TNA ???


Cena: Hi, I'm John and I like to request the new Britney Spears because she's so hot! WHOOO!!! TRL, BABY!


So that's what happen to the Duckie kid from Full House.


IT'S RAININ' MEN! HALLEUYAH, IT'S RAININ' MEN, HEY HEY!

**end**
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Old 05-13-2005, 06:58 PM   #17
darkpower
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Don't worry. Sharmell just had to watch the Triple H promo that never ended. It just went on and on, my friend.


Heidenrich felt it was going to be a bit too early to introduce his new Michael Jackson gimmick, but then he thought, "What the hell?"



You DON'T want to know why Chavo was blinded when Paul London did this. It wasn't pretty.




When Chavo saw how many times he had been Cruiserweight Champion, 120 times, he started to celebrate....only he partied a bit too hard and caught Paul London right in the Sandra Bullocks.


"WHAT!! Vince really DOESN'T give a shit about us Crusierweights? THAT CAN'T BE!!!"




Since Chris Masters wasn't on RAW, they decided to disguise him as Matt Morgan and let him do SmackDown that week. Too bad everyone caught on too quickly and STILL used this time as a piss break.


"Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the reissue of my book is out. And it's got everything in it...only thing that they forgot was the swatika....oh shit, did I just say that outloud?"



"SAY HELLO TO MY LIL FRIEND!!"



Michael Cole was pissed when the jobber all of a sudden said that JR was a better commentator than he was. Cole later kicked the jobber's ass...AND JR's...and Triple H's. (OFFNOTE: Anyone that can get that Triple H reference gets a rep).





Big Show swallowed...and paid for it.


That's what you get for telling Vince McMahon you were sick of Chris Masters.


The WWE was trying a new "Batman" approach of putting the word "Smack" on the screen as Carlito "Smack"ed Show with his apples.


Hey, you would have a big buldge in YOUR pants if you got to stand next to Melina, would you?



"Bite me...no, really...BITE ME, NOW, DAMMIT!!"


So this is what John Cena got for being TOO much of a Bad, Bad Man?




Scotty got scared that John Cena was giving birth to Paul London, and decided to debut his brand new finishing manuver, the titti-twister.
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Old 05-13-2005, 07:42 PM   #18
M. Banana
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Would the reference be when Christian said "Maybe he can go beat Michael Cole" ?
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Old 05-13-2005, 08:04 PM   #19
Altar of Helmsley
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"Hawk the slayer was rubbish" is a reference to Spaced.

I got some f*cking jaffa cakes in my coat pocket!
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Old 05-13-2005, 09:05 PM   #20
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Sharmell: WHY WON'T THEY GIVE ME AN EMMY?! WHY IS MY ACTING EVEN WORSE THAN STAPHANIE'S?Q WHYYYYYY?!


JBL: And the coolest part is the nude layout.


Big Show couldn't believe it. Did he really suck that bad?


DON'T call me tiny!


Matt Hardy's return was less than stellar.
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