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Old 01-07-2006, 04:08 AM   #1
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SmackDOWN Captions [1-06-2006]





















































































































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Old 01-07-2006, 04:17 AM   #2
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Benoit: Randy what time is it?
Orton: 5:36 PM... time to finish the match.


Did I just hear him say three minutes?
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Old 01-07-2006, 04:41 AM   #3
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Hardy:GOD DAMMIT NOW I HAVE TO HAVE A FOOT FETISH TOO
JBL:YOU QUEER
Matt:*sigh*
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Old 01-07-2006, 04:51 AM   #4
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New at this, so i'll just try one for now, so go easy on me


Henry: You WILL eat your vegtables damn it!
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Old 01-07-2006, 05:18 AM   #5
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Matt-Okay, So if I shine your shoes, you'll talk to Vince about a push for me?

JBL-Yeah, but you have to pretend to be an 18th century english boy while you do it.

Matt-*silence*

JBL-I have a fetish. So what?


Declaring hot chicks writhing around on cars to be passe, Whitesnake's comeback video took a suprising new direction.


Oh sure, they may just look like a generic tag team, but The Gymini had a secret weapon: their unparalled mastery of the Force.


Reporters-Batista, what do you have to say about these allegations?

Dave-They're totally false. I never touched that kid. DVON was the priest. I was just a Deacon.
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Old 01-07-2006, 05:50 AM   #6
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Poor Matt Hardy, now relegated to retaping wrestlers' knees in the middle of matches.


Eventually, all that hot air around JBL coalesced into a heated dense object with its own gravitational pull. With such density, it was inevitable the universe would start collapsing around Bradshaw.


Matt Hardy's method of getting rid of the B-roll footage from John Cena's marine movie was unorthodox, to say the least.


Leave it to the retarded couple to crash the dance... and Matt Hardy.


I'm telling ya... when the WWE does morning calls, they REALLY do morning calls!


JILLIAN: "Please!!! Bite off this fake mole already!!!"
JBL: "Ixnay on the eakingbray ayfabekay!!"



MARTY WRIGHT: "Ew... what the... what the hell IS this??? That's the LAST time I play gynecologist with you, Jillian Hall!!!"

OR

The WWE Presents... XTREME FELCHING!!!111!!!


The debut of Dr. Zoidberg was met with moderate success.


No caption, but doesn't it look like Booker's face got photoshopped on?


RANDY: *SMACK* "Bad Chris! How dare you fondle Steven Richard's girlfriend???"


ORTON: "Eh.... these Canadian wrestlers never get the sound of the ocean right."


What followed immediately after Mark Henry sat down backstage was joltingly catastrophic.


Much to his dismay, Benoit's suggestion of the Six Muleriders was met with much skepticism.


Kennedy quickly cemented his face turn with a fantastic Harry Belafonte solo.


JUVI: "What the?! Snare trap???"
BOBBY LASHLEY: (backstage) "Heh heh heh... that's what you get for calling me Buckwheat Lashley! Dinner's gonna be Mexican to-niiiiiiiiight!!!"


KID KASH: "Ahhhh!!! DAMN YOU BUCKWHEAT LASHLEY!!!!"


KENNEDY: "Yeah! I love a good roping!!"


At that moment, Juvi discovered his incredible talent: it wasn't the Juice they should fear, it was the Force!


Cruiserweights were always great for fixing the glass ceiling.


Once Vince successfully tested out his Goldberg Hoss Cloning Machine, the world was doomed.


LONDON: "What the..?!"
GYMINI #1: 'Note to self: do not piss off Bobby Buckwheat. I mean Lashley.'


Even Simon Dean was confused as to what direction his career was headed.


In heart pounding fashion, Mark Henry saves a random jobber from being lifted up to the heavens as part of a sacrifice to appease Chris Benoit, God of Levitation.


MELINA: "And that's why I called up the African Predator to help protect me against big buff bodybuilders who could possibly be action film stars..."


REPORTER #1: "Mr. Batista!"
REPORTER #2: "Mr. Batista!"
REPORTER #3: "Mr. Batista!"
REPORTER #1: "Mr. Batista, what everyone wants to know is... are you, in fact, a homo?"


BATISTA: "Dude... I loved you in Planet of the Apes!"


MERCURY: "Holy crap! That's Sean O'Haire!! It's been, what... one, two years? Yep, he's dead. ....definitely dead."


What was most terrifying was when Batista forced Nitro to engage in a round of line dancing.


BATISTA: "C'mon, Rey! It's fun!"
REY: "No! No... more... swinging..."
NITRO: "Help. Me."


BATISTA & REY: "Oh no you don't! You dared tell Vince something he already knows? You're staying here!!!"


MNM's fight to save Rey from the clutches of Lashey were valiant, but ultimately futile.


It was another five minutes before it dawned on Mark that doors swing open from the latch side, not the hinge side.


Still trapped in 1999, Mark Henry creates chaos when he takes the lyrics to Chris Jericho's theme song a little too literally.


MARK HENRY: "Watchu doin' behind dat fence??? Get over here!!!"
BATISTA: "Um... Mark... you're holding a cage door..."


MARK HENRY: "Hm... I could eat the little one. I sure do want my babyback babyback babyback babyback babyback babyback... Vincy's... babyback ribs..."
JR: (off screen) "BBQ SAUCE!!!"
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Old 01-07-2006, 06:24 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corkscrewed

The debut of Dr. Zoidberg was met with moderate success.
Zoidberg=RATINGS!!!!
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Old 01-07-2006, 11:38 AM   #8
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JBL: Hey that tickles! (big boot to the face)


In an attempt to get back at Matt Hardy for dating a much better looking girl, Lita made herself WWE table maker.


Matt attacks with the deadliest of wepons to JBL...Fahreinheit 9/11


WWE's way of telling Matt that his 15 minutes has expired.


But, Matt Hardy had a backup plan: You see, he wasn't V1 anymore, he was DARTH MAUL's evil twin, Dath Hardy!


JBL and Jillian we're indeed shocked at the return of Berzerker. HUSS!



Doesn't that guy in the blue shirt look a little too excited watching the return of Dr. Heiny?


Mmm. Great Protein. Why didn't Simon sign me for the Simon System?



We are experiencing a rest hold. Please Stand By.
UPN


Benoit makes the sign for how long it will take for him to job to Jarrett in TNA.


(singing)My Heart WILLL Go Onnnnnnn!....On.


Cole pretended not to pay attention, but Tazz got the full shot of Kennedy's erection from watching One Night in Paris.


Cole: so which one of them was Damaja?


Man if that Shane Twin can catch London for a chokeslam as he's doing a moonsault, he will forever be known as God to me.


Mark had learned a lot of new things during his 2 years at OVW, but Piggyback was not one of them.


Mark: (thinking) mmmm, Baste, Marinade, Fry, and dip in chocolate. Yeah, she'll be fine.


Reporter #1: Did you ever stop believing?
Reporter #2: how did you do it?
Josh Matthews: Does this suit make me look fat?


BATISTA: 4 years ago, you we're the world's strongest man, now, you're just...a guy...who sucks.


Scotty 2 Hotty has got nothing on Batista's Moonwalk.



Batista: Yeah, you can rip off a door, big whoop. You still suck!


Batista: Okay. okay. I take it back. Just don't injure me further.


Mark Henry: Naptime Enforcer.
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Old 01-07-2006, 05:52 AM   #9
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LODOWNM:


Henry: You WILL eat your vegtables damn it!


BLITZ:


Oh sure, they may just look like a generic tag team, but The Gymini had a secret weapon: their unparalled mastery of the Force.


Reporters-Batista, what do you have to say about these allegations?

Dave-They're totally false. I never touched that kid. DVON was the priest. I was just a Deacon.




Three very clever AND funny captions!
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Old 01-07-2006, 07:30 PM   #10
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Batista:"I never copped a feel"
Media:He never copped a feel
Batista:Or touched your little boy
Media:Or touched your little boy


Rep for Reference
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Old 01-08-2006, 01:35 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skippord

Batista:"I never copped a feel"
Media:He never copped a feel
Batista:Or touched your little boy
Media:Or touched your little boy


Rep for Reference
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/mic...ed-a-feel.html
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Old 01-08-2006, 07:35 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blitz
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Old 01-07-2006, 08:39 AM   #13
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Matt: Oh John your kneepads are so soft you must tell me where you got them
JBL: Get away homo


Boogeyman: You know i might be a freak but even The Boogeyman appreciates a nice ass


Booker is shocked to learn that the WWE hand picked his replacement for match 7...The returning Buff Bagwell


Fan: Hey Chris how many teeth do you have left


Juvi picked the wrong time to do a Mexican hat dance


The X-Pac sucking machine claims another victim....KID KASH


And now the judges decision for Paul London
10...10....10...10 PERFECT SCORE


Shane Twin On The Left: You know we used to be human dicks and now we look like Goldberg...god i hope they dont call us DickBerg


Matthews: Batista why was Rob Van Dam in your locker room earlier
Batista: Dude he was high on life as usual and now i am....Hey anybody got any cookies i've got some serious munchies
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Old 01-07-2006, 10:58 AM   #14
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JBL: And these stretches are perfect for my Quads...
Matt: Why am I helping you?
JBL: Because you don't want me reminding Vince that he was going to fire you again.
Matt: So about your quads...





JBL: ...And the suction will creat bloodflow to my groin, making it harder ot inju...Are you paying attention?





"You're right, Matt. I really do have a lot of blackheads. Jillian! Where's my facial scrub?"





JBL, distracted by reruns of Hee-Haw, didn't notice the ref choking his "personal trainer" out.






Driver: I've had enough. How can I get anywhere if you keep sticking your hand in the way?




Jillian was appauled to see her man on the Titantron with a hooker, a 12 year old boy, a water buffalo...AND CIRCUS MIDGETS!!!?





Boogeyman was never surprised at the things he found moonlighting as a gynecologist.





"I am the walrus...."





"For the last time, Shelton's Mama is NOT my wife!"





"Honey, look at all the tension you have up here. This is gonna take a lot of work."





Tired of losing to the Undertaker, Orton tosses Benoit in his way.




"This jar's stuck TIGHT!"





Benoit, master of the "Cripller Crossface" Is now required by the WWE to bring crutches, a first aid kit, a neckbrace, and a clumsy negro with him at all times.






Benoit gives Vince a stern reminder of how many days before he goes to TNA.





Note: We apologise for the black and white image. The guy doing the editing is a little slow. We told him to switch from color at the sight of blood, and have since explained to him that Benoit wasn't really cutting his throat. Thank you for your patience, WWE Management.





Mister Kennedy was, in fact, "Turning Japanese."





"you're just jealous you can't reach."





"Vince is gonna be pissed...BOTH feet through?"




"Down, towards, Down-Towards, B...Can we start over? I fucked up."





"It was bad enough you farted, Ken, but do you really have to gloat?"





Here we see Shannon Moore's re-debut against the "Mean Drag Queen," Donna Sheen.





Vince's attempts to clone Goldberg had mixed results.





Offscreen, the ref consults the rulebook: Is telekinesis a foreign object?





"We're gonna make you squeal like a pig."





Mark Henry vs the Albino Machine.





Melina: And then he forced me...To have sex with him...
Mark: You smell purdy.



(Part 1)

"I did not...Have sexual relations...With that woman..."

(Part 2)

"Your loss, Dave."



Dead men walking.





Fortunately, the cage obscures the fact that all but 10 people left.






In a Mysterio Heel Turn, Rey proceeds to kick the ass of a man with no legs.




Dave had no problems reeling his catch back in, but Rey would be hopelessly dragged along like dog who actually caught the car...



Dave: And I'm the sexual predator?





Nitro: 1, 2...Yep, they've both dropped. He's legal!"




In a cruel joke, Ric Flair told Mark that there was a sandwich in the cage.





"Did you eat my sandwich?"





While the glass ceiling is out for repairs, we hope you enjoy our complementary chain-link ceiling.





"If you call me a homo, I swear I'll tell Mark you've got his sandwich."
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Old 01-08-2006, 08:38 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kane Knight


In a cruel joke, Ric Flair told Mark that there was a sandwich in the cage.
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Old 01-07-2006, 11:50 AM   #16
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Melina: I regret to inform all that I am in debt

Mark: You should have diversified your bonds nigga.


Gimme that cheese burger!


Cole never did his homework on time.
Last edited by Savio; 08-20-2012 at 06:36 PM.
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Old 01-07-2006, 02:40 PM   #17
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Haven't readanyso.. if repeated.... yeah.


Matt: Please, allow me to fix your kneepads, sir.
JBL: Ew. Matt Hardy! Get it away!


Charles Robinson: I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it!


Hardy got depushed so far he was now acting as a hood ornament for JBL's limo.


Who am I? I'm Spiderman. ................................. AND I'M COMING TO GET YOU!!


O RLY Boogeyman?


Bentoit started taking the "Wolverine" part of his nickname the wrong way.


Kennedy: I'VE GOT A BONER!!! .............. boner.


Henry: You going to eat that?
Melina: ...... Eat what?
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Old 01-07-2006, 03:57 PM   #18
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Benoit's distinct lack of numerate skills made the return promo of the Four Horsemen something of an anti-climax



Booker: Hey give me back my hair
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Old 01-07-2006, 04:14 PM   #19
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Dude with glasses in front row: BOOBIES!
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Old 01-07-2006, 05:22 PM   #20
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JBL: And if you look really close at the sweat stains on my kneepad, you can see Edge's face.
Matt: REALLY?!?
*WHAP*


Matt: Now, how does that figure 4-thing work again?


JBL: To the victor go the spoils.


Boogey: And this one was given to me by Flava Flav!


I've heard of ladies with crabs before, but ladies with WORMS??


Fan: Hey Boogey, you got something stuck in your teeth!


Both Randy Orton and Nick Patrick wondered what Chris had for lunch.


Orton: I heard you were doing ads for Beano, but at least you could've spelled it right on your tights.


No, Chris. There were 4 Horsemen...


...


...


Kid Kash: Hey, Vince. Why do I have to catch this guy since you're only gonna fire him anyway?



... Horsemen.


Man, did the Bashams gain weight.


Jedi FLIP!!


Mark Henry: where's the buffet you promised me?
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Old 01-07-2006, 07:28 PM   #21
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Boogeyman: Okay now we just insert these in the rectum and that mole should be gone within three to ten days.
Funny looking fan with glasses: Finally



Fan: How many cruisers has Vince buried since last week?



Kennedy: IT WAS MEEEEEEEE!!!



Melina: I want you to go and find Batista and tell him last week was the best night of my life.

Henry: BAAA-TIS-TAAA, Last week was the best night of my life.
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Old 01-08-2006, 08:41 PM   #22
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They made it too easy.
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Old 01-09-2006, 02:04 AM   #23
FourFifty
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FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)FourFifty got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
Just one, real quick, sorry if it's already been done.


Mark: Damn it Dave, you better like it! Do you have any idea how long it took me to get this for you?
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Old 01-09-2006, 04:11 PM   #24
loopydate
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Thanks for picking this up while I was out of town, Corky.



JBL: Oh, wait, I forgot something.

MATT: What?

[Kicks him in the nuts.]

MATT: OW! Stupid "Grandma's Boy" trailer...



Lost amidst the confusion, Charles Robinson's Alex Wright impression was still a sight to behold.



MATT: You WILL do your Oscar The Grouch impression!



JBL: The best part was when he said "No, wait, I'm not a deer! DON'T SHOOOOOOOOOT!"

JILLIAN: Heh. Stupid deer. Like you'd fall for that.



BOOGEYMAN: I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it throoooough... I'M THE BOOGEYMAN! AND I'VE RUN OUT OF NURSERY RHYMES!



JBL: Okay, I'm sorry, I just thought you'd feel left out if I didn't invite you to the pants party.



BOOGEYMAN: How did you get these up there?



BOOGEYMAN [thinking]: Wait... These aren't gummi!



BOOKER: Man, this pogo stick is defective!



BENOIT: RANDOM LIBERACE!



Looking for a change in style, Benoit experimented with various alternate nicknames. Here we see an early attempt: "The Dyslexic Bone."



ORTON: TAP!

BENOIT: OW! AAAA--wait. If someone calls me on my cell phone, why should I pay?



Okay, so maybe SmackDown: Live From The San Andreas Fault wasn't such a hot idea.



After a particularly brutal crutch shot, Benoit became convinced that he was BG James.



Benoit's Kane impression would have been hilarious if this was 1998.



KENNEDY: Grappling hook awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!



KENNEDY: What, you thought I was going to say "...away?"



God kicks out...WITH AUTHORITY!



Worst. Crucifix. Ever.



KENNEDY: ...away!

COLE/TAZZ:



That was the moment that Kash learned he had the translation wrong. "Juventud" didn't mean "Mexican salamander." It meant "He who controls the Glass Wall."



...I've got nothing.



The twins who played Baby Herman are all grown up now.



Worst. Hiptoss. Ever.



GYMINI ON RIGHT: ...which one's his real face?



All the neighborhood kids loved it when Mister Henry would give out free airplane rides.



MELINA: ...insurance policy.

HENRY: Hey, wait, she ain't hot.



They both knew that they were supposed to be interviewing Batista on his sexual harassment suit, but as their eyes met across the room, they knew. It was love at first sight for Josh Mathews and Girl-With-Too-Much-Eyeshadow.



HENRY: Man, ain't nobody gonna believe this is a vase.



JOEY: Yep. It's gimmicked, all right.

===

I'll finish (and start archiving) later.
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Old 01-09-2006, 04:21 PM   #25
Savio
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WOOO Archive!
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