Retirement Wrestling Entertainment:

[Kane Knight]

Pick some superstars, and imagine what they'll be doing when old and senile in a retirement home. No fair picking those who are already old (Flair) or senile (Warrior).

John Cena: Uses his chain to keep his pants at his nipples.

Batista: Now has an excuse for regularly fucking up his lines.

Randy Orton: Just leaves his colostomy bag in women's purses.

Shawn Michaels: "Sweet Chin Music" refers to the sound he makes when sucking on his dentures (Technically, Michaels is old, but he's still an active wrestler and a pretty capable one, so I'm passing him).

JBL: His regularity is so legendary, he refers to himself as a "BM God."

Triple H: bores his grandkids with stories about how he held people down without his parents' help. Youth these days. SHEESH.

Jeff Hardy: Two words: Seen Keith and Mick?

Chris Masters: Finally breaking his own bones instead of someone else's. Yeah. He won't live that down.

Mordecai: ODdly enough, still living in his mom's basement playing D&D.

Booker T: 5 Time...5 Time...5 TIME STROKE SURVIVOR.

RVD: Blissfully enjoys his "medicine" for arthritis and Glaucoma.

Big Show: Still wrestles part time for the WWE, but needs his knees replaced after every show.

Jeff Jarrett: the poor bastard earned the nickname "slapnuts," alright.

Steve Austin: now mixes his beer into metamusel.