RAW Captions [1/26/04]

[loopydate]

RIC: Okay, okay, I'll admit it. You CAN kick my ass so hard the WWE logo falls off my tights.



After taking advantage of her, Quasimodo took Esmerelda up to his clock tower.



........UH-OH!



Randy Orton: Master Impressionist strikes again, this time doing his "Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade" bit.



The Midcard Revolution had begun. The first hostage had been taken. Now it was time for the leader to call out the oppressor.



Y2J: I was just...uh...reading your shirt.



Teddy was being helpful, counting off the reps Jazz did with her invisible barbells.



LITA: Uh...two! *Looks at hand* Dammit! I was gonna guess four!



Everyone who knew her said that Molly was sweet. Victoria had to find out for herself.



Steven reappeared long enough to tell Victoria "I TOLD you eating too many sweets would give you a toothache!"



HBK: Ever since I got this flesh-eating virus...well...I've lost my smile.



AUSTIN: Pointternees!
JR: BAH GAWD!
KING: They need to stop stocking his dressing room with beer.



CHRIS: Okay. Which one of you do I get to beat?
*Long pause. HHH and HBK then break out laughing.*



This seemed an inappropriate time and an inappropriate pair, but that didn't stop Cupid from firing his Radioactive Purple Arrow.



KANE: Have you done THIS one yet, Hunter?



His question was answered by yet another Invisible Crucifixion.



CONWAY (reading): "Frich sippathighzurs suk?" Ah...the American educational system.



CONWAY: And THAT's for stealing the bathing suit from a 1930s movie star!



The latest round of move restrictions limited all wrestlers not named Hunter, Shawn (NOT including "Sean"), or McMahon to rear chinlocks. Rico tapped out of sheer boredom.



Rico does his "Vince McMahon watching a hoss match" impression.



Even God had to sneak a peek at Jackie's...revelation.



STACY: You know, with my face and legs, and your chest and abs, we could really put something together.
LOOPYDATE: Could I borrow it?



The ensuing bulge in Rico's tights revealed the shocking truth. It wasn't Triple H holding down talent because they made him look bad...it was LANCE STORM holding down talent with bigger endowments!



The ref acted as a translator. No one else in the locker room could understand both gorilla and retard.



REF: I think he said "I want to eat your face."
GOLDBERG: Wuh?
REF: Um..."Uh wuh ee yuh fay!"
GOLDBERG: Buhstuh!



COACH: No, Bull! I swear, it was Booker T who said he didn't like "Night Court!" I loved it! Harry Anderson, John Larroquette... Ah! Put me down!



FAN: Hey, Bill! What's the square root of 121?



MICK: What do you MEAN, my mascara's running?



MICK: What's that, Chairy? Randy said the secret word?