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#1 |
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Herp a derp, and so on
Posts: 8,830
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Kurt Angle invented Google after he lost his car keys. He figured he might as well search for everything else in the world, too, since he owns it.
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#2 |
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He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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Kurt Angle can beat the Minus world in Super Mario Brothers.
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#3 |
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I believe in Joe Hendry
Posts: 22,351
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Kurt Angle killed 50 Cent and still had change to spare.
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#4 |
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Terminator Daddy!
Posts: 2,428
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In 1985, Kurt Angle had an assistant by the name Doctor Emmett Brown. To test his assistant's loyalty, he ordered him to retrieve a sports almanac from the year 2010. When insisting this was impossible, Angle gave Doc 3,000 continues German Suplexes into the base of a toilet, knocking him unconcious and giving him the vision of "The Flux Capacitor."
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#5 |
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I believe in Joe Hendry
Posts: 22,351
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Kurt Angle recieved one third of the total votes in a recent episode of "So you think you can dance". He did not appear on the show.
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#6 |
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Terminator Daddy!
Posts: 2,428
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As an infant, Kurt Angle's dirty diaper won The Pulitzer Prize...with a broken freakin' strap!
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#7 |
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I believe in Joe Hendry
Posts: 22,351
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A man once spent three days climbing a mountain only to discover that it was Kurt Angle's penis.
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#8 |
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Herp a derp, and so on
Posts: 8,830
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Some of these are absolutely brilliant
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#9 |
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Terminator Daddy!
Posts: 2,428
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Sometimes real life is better than fiction. The hits just keep coming!! Kurt Angle Helps out the Homeless By Jesse Suchanek Kurt Angle participated in a charity event sponsored by the Steve McAllen Radio Show in Orlando, Florida over the weekend. The event was held to help some local homeless families around Orlando. Kurt participated in "wrestling matches" with a few fans and signed some autogrpahs. Kurt said the event raised roughly 70 billion dollars, mostly through him just being there. Kurt also mentioned how Vince was so scared of running his show against TNA this Monday that he had to go to USA and personally ask for the dog show to be put in Raw's place. `Torch |
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#10 |
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Posts: 18,357
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Vince McMahon moved SmackDOWN to Fridays a year in advance because he knew he'd face direct competition with Kurt Angle on TNA sometime down the line.
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#11 |
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He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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John Cena really is black, before his debut Kurt Angle slapped the color off him.
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#12 |
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Angel Headed Hipster
Posts: 37,942
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Hurricane Katrina was a cover up. The destruction of New Orleans was actually caused by Kurt Angle exhaling a particularly deep breath.
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#13 |
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He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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The levees in New Orleans didn't break, Kurt Angle Angle Slammed homelessness into it.
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#14 |
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I believe in Joe Hendry
Posts: 22,351
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Jack and Jill ran up the hill, Kurt Angle Angle Slammed Jack down and made sweet barbaric love to Jill, then they both went home crying.
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#15 |
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I'm nauseous
Posts: 1,994
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Kurt Angle did raise 70 billion dollars for the homeless. He made it by cutting corners on the "safety" of his merchandise, Kurt doesn't believe in safety.
And just from me to you, if you own a Kurt Angle t-shirt and don't want to die in a fiery explosion...well, all I can say is March twelfth 2007. Trust me, get out of the house. |
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#16 |
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Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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Kurt doesn't use birth control. The overwhelming force of his sperm not only shatters eggs, but often ruptures uteruses.
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#17 |
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I believe in Joe Hendry
Posts: 22,351
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One must promptly recognize Kurt Angle... always. One time, my buddy said, "Is that Kurt A-", and his head exploded.
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#18 |
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Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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"King Kurt" Was a reference to the time he fought Jesus in a last man standing (on water) match for the "King of Kings" title. He has since worked out a licensing deal with Jesus, but frequently refers to his "glass jaw."
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#19 |
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I'm nauseous
Posts: 1,994
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When Charlton Heston spoke out against gun control in 2000, he double checked for Kurt Angle when he reached the "from my cold dead hands" part of his speech. For he knew, oh HE knew...
BONUS!: Guns don't kill people, Kurt Angle kills people and makes their pets watch. |
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#20 |
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I'm nauseous
Posts: 1,994
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Some people smoke crack, Kurt Angle cracks smoke.
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#21 |
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The Satanic Mechanic
Posts: 52,521
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The only way to hurt Kurt Angle is shoot him with another Kurt Angle, fired out of a cannon.
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#22 |
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I'm nauseous
Posts: 1,994
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Kurt Angle didn't "go crazy" he actually "transcended sanity"
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#23 |
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The Satanic Mechanic
Posts: 52,521
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Verne Troyer (AKA Mini Me) was once an up and coming college basketball star. One day, during a one on one pick up game with Kurt Angle, Verne dunked on Angle and proceeded to trash talk. Needless to say, Kurt Angle Slammed Verne directly onto his head, shrinking him from 6'10 to 3'5.
The moral: Despite what Kid Rock says, it's bragging even if you can back it up. And if Kurt Angle catches you doing it, he will drill you into the pavement head first. |
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#24 |
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I'm nauseous
Posts: 1,994
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Not only did Kurt have sex with Trish Stratus, he also boned the cast's of Celebrity Fit Club and Dragonball Z
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#25 |
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I believe in Joe Hendry
Posts: 22,351
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Bears teach their cubs that if they ever see Kurt Angle in the woods to stop, fall on the ground, and play dead.
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#26 |
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Boss
Posts: 17,611
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Kurt Angle understood all of the ending of the second Matrix after only one viewing.
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#27 | |
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I'm nauseous
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
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#28 |
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I'm nauseous
Posts: 1,994
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Kurt Angle could destroy all of humanity. Sadly the effort would kill him, allowing the planet to be taken over by damn dirty apes. And if there's anything Kurt hates more than homelessness(icity), it's those damn dirty apes.
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#29 |
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Boss
Posts: 17,611
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Kurt Angle doesn't takes showers, he bathes in his own glory.
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#30 |
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Posts: 4,834
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LO f'n L at this entire thread
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#31 |
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Boss
Posts: 17,611
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Kurt Angle can bullseye wamp rats in his T-16.
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#32 |
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Posts: 18,357
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Kurt Angle can bullseye hot chicks from several miles away with his Penis 5000.
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#33 |
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Posts: 18,357
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The reason gay men exist is because they once met Kurt Angle in person.
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#34 |
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I'm nauseous
Posts: 1,994
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Kurt Angle once used a cheat code in reality. The results were awesome, but caused the loss of all saved data. Kurt does it again every new game to prevent the presidential election of Barack Obama, hoping that maybe this time, Jesse Jackson will become the first black president.
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#35 |
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Boss
Posts: 17,611
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Kurt Angle once made a woman orgasim for over 40 days straight.
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#36 |
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Boss
Posts: 17,611
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...WITH A BROKEN FREAKIN PENIS!
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#37 |
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Posts: 18,357
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Andre the Giant's legendary drinking skills were acquired from a drop of special Kurt Angle elixir, a mixture that would kill any normal man, but fortunately for Andre, he was already a little big.
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#38 |
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Posts: 18,357
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Had Kurt Angle headbutted that Italian soccer player, the entire nation of Italy would have spontaneously combusted.
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#39 |
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Posts: 18,357
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That one time Kurt Angle broke Hardcore Holly's arm with a moonsault, not only did Kurt break Holly's arm, he also shattered his pelvis, made him impotent, and lodged Bob's femur deep up his anus.
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#40 |
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Boss
Posts: 17,611
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Kurt Angle has never been found when playing Hide & Seek.
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