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Old 02-13-2007, 11:34 AM   #1
TerranRich
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Kurt Angle invented Google after he lost his car keys. He figured he might as well search for everything else in the world, too, since he owns it.
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Old 02-13-2007, 11:41 AM   #2
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Kurt Angle can beat the Minus world in Super Mario Brothers.
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Old 02-13-2007, 12:22 PM   #3
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Kurt Angle killed 50 Cent and still had change to spare.
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Old 02-13-2007, 12:26 PM   #4
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In 1985, Kurt Angle had an assistant by the name Doctor Emmett Brown. To test his assistant's loyalty, he ordered him to retrieve a sports almanac from the year 2010. When insisting this was impossible, Angle gave Doc 3,000 continues German Suplexes into the base of a toilet, knocking him unconcious and giving him the vision of "The Flux Capacitor."
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Old 02-13-2007, 12:33 PM   #5
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Kurt Angle recieved one third of the total votes in a recent episode of "So you think you can dance". He did not appear on the show.
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Old 02-13-2007, 01:00 PM   #6
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As an infant, Kurt Angle's dirty diaper won The Pulitzer Prize...with a broken freakin' strap!
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Old 02-13-2007, 01:10 PM   #7
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A man once spent three days climbing a mountain only to discover that it was Kurt Angle's penis.
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Old 02-13-2007, 05:12 PM   #8
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Some of these are absolutely brilliant
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Old 02-13-2007, 07:37 PM   #9
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Sometimes real life is better than fiction. The hits just keep coming!!




Kurt Angle Helps out the Homeless

By Jesse Suchanek

Kurt Angle participated in a charity event sponsored by the Steve McAllen Radio Show in Orlando, Florida over the weekend. The event was held to help some local homeless families around Orlando. Kurt participated in "wrestling matches" with a few fans and signed some autogrpahs. Kurt said the event raised roughly 70 billion dollars, mostly through him just being there.

Kurt also mentioned how Vince was so scared of running his show against TNA this Monday that he had to go to USA and personally ask for the dog show to be put in Raw's place.

`Torch
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Old 02-13-2007, 08:49 PM   #10
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Vince McMahon moved SmackDOWN to Fridays a year in advance because he knew he'd face direct competition with Kurt Angle on TNA sometime down the line.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:01 PM   #11
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John Cena really is black, before his debut Kurt Angle slapped the color off him.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:12 PM   #12
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Hurricane Katrina was a cover up. The destruction of New Orleans was actually caused by Kurt Angle exhaling a particularly deep breath.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:16 PM   #13
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The levees in New Orleans didn't break, Kurt Angle Angle Slammed homelessness into it.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:46 PM   #14
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Jack and Jill ran up the hill, Kurt Angle Angle Slammed Jack down and made sweet barbaric love to Jill, then they both went home crying.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:50 PM   #15
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Kurt Angle did raise 70 billion dollars for the homeless. He made it by cutting corners on the "safety" of his merchandise, Kurt doesn't believe in safety.

And just from me to you, if you own a Kurt Angle t-shirt and don't want to die in a fiery explosion...well, all I can say is March twelfth 2007. Trust me, get out of the house.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:56 PM   #16
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Kurt doesn't use birth control. The overwhelming force of his sperm not only shatters eggs, but often ruptures uteruses.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:12 PM   #17
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One must promptly recognize Kurt Angle... always. One time, my buddy said, "Is that Kurt A-", and his head exploded.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:58 PM   #18
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"King Kurt" Was a reference to the time he fought Jesus in a last man standing (on water) match for the "King of Kings" title. He has since worked out a licensing deal with Jesus, but frequently refers to his "glass jaw."
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:02 PM   #19
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When Charlton Heston spoke out against gun control in 2000, he double checked for Kurt Angle when he reached the "from my cold dead hands" part of his speech. For he knew, oh HE knew...

BONUS!: Guns don't kill people, Kurt Angle kills people and makes their pets watch.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:03 PM   #20
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Some people smoke crack, Kurt Angle cracks smoke.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:08 PM   #21
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The only way to hurt Kurt Angle is shoot him with another Kurt Angle, fired out of a cannon.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:11 PM   #22
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Kurt Angle didn't "go crazy" he actually "transcended sanity"
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:12 PM   #23
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Verne Troyer (AKA Mini Me) was once an up and coming college basketball star. One day, during a one on one pick up game with Kurt Angle, Verne dunked on Angle and proceeded to trash talk. Needless to say, Kurt Angle Slammed Verne directly onto his head, shrinking him from 6'10 to 3'5.

The moral: Despite what Kid Rock says, it's bragging even if you can back it up. And if Kurt Angle catches you doing it, he will drill you into the pavement head first.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:15 PM   #24
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Not only did Kurt have sex with Trish Stratus, he also boned the cast's of Celebrity Fit Club and Dragonball Z
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:26 PM   #25
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Bears teach their cubs that if they ever see Kurt Angle in the woods to stop, fall on the ground, and play dead.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:17 PM   #26
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Kurt Angle understood all of the ending of the second Matrix after only one viewing.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:18 PM   #27
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Quote:
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Kurt Angle understood all of the ending of the second Matrix just by reading the back of the DVD.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:17 PM   #28
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Kurt Angle could destroy all of humanity. Sadly the effort would kill him, allowing the planet to be taken over by damn dirty apes. And if there's anything Kurt hates more than homelessness(icity), it's those damn dirty apes.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:21 PM   #29
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Kurt Angle doesn't takes showers, he bathes in his own glory.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:26 PM   #30
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LO f'n L at this entire thread
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:28 PM   #31
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Kurt Angle can bullseye wamp rats in his T-16.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:31 PM   #32
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Kurt Angle can bullseye hot chicks from several miles away with his Penis 5000.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:32 PM   #33
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The reason gay men exist is because they once met Kurt Angle in person.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:32 PM   #34
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Kurt Angle once used a cheat code in reality. The results were awesome, but caused the loss of all saved data. Kurt does it again every new game to prevent the presidential election of Barack Obama, hoping that maybe this time, Jesse Jackson will become the first black president.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:33 PM   #35
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Kurt Angle once made a woman orgasim for over 40 days straight.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:34 PM   #36
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...WITH A BROKEN FREAKIN PENIS!
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:34 PM   #37
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Andre the Giant's legendary drinking skills were acquired from a drop of special Kurt Angle elixir, a mixture that would kill any normal man, but fortunately for Andre, he was already a little big.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:35 PM   #38
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Had Kurt Angle headbutted that Italian soccer player, the entire nation of Italy would have spontaneously combusted.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:36 PM   #39
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That one time Kurt Angle broke Hardcore Holly's arm with a moonsault, not only did Kurt break Holly's arm, he also shattered his pelvis, made him impotent, and lodged Bob's femur deep up his anus.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:38 PM   #40
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Kurt Angle has never been found when playing Hide & Seek.
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